Covet
It was his little sister's eighth birthday. It was also Momiji's sixteenth birthday. The only difference was, Momo-chan was having a Wonderland Tea Party and he was not.
Momiji stood partially obscured from view and drank in the sight before him. This year was more extravagant than all the years before.
The table was draped in a pink and white argyle tablecloth, with high-backed chairs of mismatched colours along each side and one at each end. Each place setting had a little green top hat, with a name tacked into the trim. Little English cakes sat on three tiered platters along side western style teapots and cups filled with juice. And right in the middle was a cake, vanilla with jam, covered in pink icing, with little icing mice sitting on top.
His papa sat at one end of the table, an oversized top hat upon his head and presided over the party, always asking the children to 'pass the tea' in English to a shrill chorus of laughter. Momo-chan sat at the opposite end, propped up on a red cushion, in a blue gingham dress and a white pinafore.
His mama sat beside Momo, her long fingers absently touching the ends of Momo's hair. If he hadn't been cursed, it would be him sitting beside his mama.
'I thought I might find you here.' Haru briefly lent into him with a gentle push.
'You came,' he replied not drawing his gaze away from the party.
'I always do,' Haru replied settling down onto the hillside.
Momiji smiled softly. Haru always came, every year. He'd been worried that he would forget this year, things had been tough since Rin.
' You were gone for awhile this time.' Momiji frowned and glanced over at his cousin. 'You're all scratched up.'
'I got lost.' Haru replied with a grin. 'Then caught a glimpse of your pants… like a beacon'
Momiji slapped him in jest. 'These are cute,' he objected, smoothing out his pink tartan clots.
'It's a nice party this year. I like the hats…'
'It's always nice… do you think my parties would've been this nice?' he asked, sitting down alongside his cousin.
Haru shrugged off his coat and spread it over the ground, Momiji shuffled in closer to him. His cousin looked over the party and sighed. 'It wouldn't have been like this, Momiji. It couldn't have been. She was crazy.'
Crazy. He hated the word. His mama wasn't crazy. 'Don't Haru.'
'She wouldn't have recovered, she would've just gotten worse—'
His hand strung with the force of his slap, the sound reverberating through the air. Haru's cheek slightly reddened by the strike. His hand was shaking, his whole body shaking. Haru grasped him by the wrist and slowly pulled him forward.
'I-I'm s-s—'
Haru only smiled gently. 'Everyone has a black side, Momitchi, even you.'
He only nodded and rested against Haru's chest, grateful that forgiveness came so easily. 'I am sorry.'
'I think that your mama misses you. Only she doesn't know that it's you she's missing. So she's overprotective of Momo-chan. I think that's true.' Haru pulled his jacket around them both, as he settled between his cousin's legs.
He wished for Haru's words to be true. He needed them to be true. 'They just seem so happy without me,' he whispered, chest tight.
'They're not happy without you.'
'Papa hasn't come to see me today.'
'Day's not over yet. He might still come.' Haru didn't sound very convinced.
Momiji shook his head sadly. 'I don't think so. He caught me hanging around yesterday, he was upset.'
'He's scared of losing them.'
His papa loved him. Inside his heart he knew it was true. Sometimes it seemed unfair. That this was the only way for everyone to be happy. And sometimes he just wanted to be with her so much, that it was a physical pain in his chest.
Papa had promised him. Promised to love him enough to make up for losing her. But he didn't know, couldn't have known at the time that no love, no matter how big could make up for the loss of a mother's love.
When she had been sick, he wasn't allowed to see her, but he'd sneak in when she was asleep. Curl up on the bed beside her and stroke her golden hair. Ich liebe dich, Mutti, he would whisper to her in German. I love you. Now he couldn't even call her mama.
'I don't regret it,' he whispered harshly to himself. 'I don't.'
He pressed his face into Haru's chest, his breath catching on choked sobs, strong arms wrapped around him comforting in their strength. Haru's murmured comforting word's into his ears as he'd done every year for sometime. 'It's okay to regret it sometimes.'
Momiji shook his head, 'it's selfish.'
'I think selfish things all time,' the other boy confessed.
Momiji leant back into his arms. 'Really?'
'Of course.'
'Like what?' he asked curiously.
Haru smiled. 'I wish I was a fuzzy zodiac, it would really pull in the girls…'
Momiji laughed in surprise. 'No you don't,' he snorted.
'Yes, I do. Cute animals make all the girls go doe-eyed.'
Sometimes it was hard to if Haru was being serious or not. But he was laughing and it felt really good to be doing it with Haru. Momiji sniffed and wiped away the last of his tears.
And when he opened his eyes again he was starting at a little pair of white shoes with frilly pink ankle socks. 'Ano, why were you crying?' she asked in fumbling Japanese. His little sister was crouched down beside them, with a slice of cake on a napkin in each hand. 'I brought you cake. It's my birthday,' she said thrusting the cake towards them. 'So don't cry, okay?'
Momiji dumbly nodded as he reached out to take the proffered cake. Her little hand ever so briefly touched with his. 'Happy Birthday, Momo-chan,' he said.
She smiled sweetly and cocked her head to the side. 'I see you a lot. At daddy's work. At the big house. Do you live there?'
'Yes,' he replied.
'There are so many children there, it must be nice for you to have so many people to play with.'
Haru nudged him to reply. 'Yes, it's pretty nice…'
'Do you have any brothers or sisters?' she asked.
'No…'
'Neither do I… I wish I had a sister to play with. You could be my sister.'
Haru's laugh was cut short by her scowl.
His heart was beating quickly. 'I could be your brother,' he replied breathlessly.
Momo-chan frowned in thought. 'I really wanted a sister, but I suppose it's okay… I should go, mama will be looking for me.'
'Ok.'
Momo-chan stood and trotted off down the hillside, she waved and called back to him.
'Bye-bye, Oniisan.'
Oniisan. Brother. Momiji smiled widely. 'I could be a good brother.'
'You would be a great brother. Lend her your clothes and stuff…' Haru teased.
'Maybe,' he smiled. 'Thanks for always being here, Haru… like a brother.'
Haru nodded. 'We make our own families…. Yours will be a great one.'