Neglecting Reality
The spiral staircase leading to Albus Dumbledore's office moved slowly upward, carrying a black figure with it.
Severus Snape was at his wits end. Having just finished an urgent conversation with Lucius Malfoy's brat, all he wanted to do was bash his skull mercilessly against the wall. The younger Malfoy obviously did not realize the mistake he was making by not allowing anyone to help him or Severus would be working out the finer points of the Dark Lord's mission properly.
He had always told Lucius he was too hard on the child. Egging one's son to be the mirror image of one's self would accomplish nothing. And now the boy was a deatheater. Why were purebloods always so unintelligent? Lucius, Black, Bellatrix… the whole lot of them! And now young Draco has taken after his father.
Severus knew the boy's setback – unoriginality. He was always depending upon Lucius to set things right. What will become of him now that his dear mentor is locked up in Azkaban?
"Ah, Severus," came a hoarse voice. The realization struck that Snape was now standing stupidly in Dumbledore's office.
"Headmaster." He nodded once in recognition.
"Please sit down," commanded Dumbledore weakly.
As Snape seated himself in the cozy armchair in front of the headmaster's desk, he caught site of a black, withered hand, concealed by purple robes. The old man must have noticed Severus examining it, though, for he withdrew the limb inside the folds of his cloak once again. The new Defense teacher decided to ignore the fact that the injury hadn't gotten any better since the start of term.
"What has become of Draco, Severus?" asked the headmaster quietly.
"He still refuses my help, sir," replied Snape in monotone. "The little baboon takes after his retched father. I fail to foresee when he will ever cease to be so bloody naïve."
"Now, now, dear boy, no need to be temperamental," said Dumbledore calmly. "We'll discover a way to convince Mr. Malfoy that he actually needs your help. It can't be that difficult after—"
"Can't be that difficult!" interrupted Severus angrily. "Can't be that difficult…I wonder, headmaster, if you've ever noticed that there is not one component of my life that is not difficult!"
"Severus, I understand that your life is not undemanding. I was merely –"
"Oh, but it has to be hazardously close to undemanding, doesn't it? Or at least, my life isn't half as dangerous as yours! Is that what I should think, Albus? Is that it? In case you haven't become aware of it, I risk the lives of every student in this castle every time I am summoned to one of his horrible gatherings. Is that difficult enough, Albus? Kneeling in front of the Dark Lord and kissing the hem of his robes, waiting for him to rake my mind- leaving nothing undiscovered; do you know how it feels to recognize that making one mistake – even the minutest of slips –would allow him to ascertain the happenings here?" Dumbledore held up his good hand in an attempt to silence the livid man, but it was ignored completely. "Do you have any idea, Albus, what that experience is comparable to? Hell, that's what!
"I'm not going to mess this up; I will not mess this up! You're the only family of sorts I have left, and you know I would do anything to help you after how you helped me…allowed me to make things right. But I'm sick of this! Albus, I'm sick of it – the whole lot of it!" Severus finished, distraught.
Dumbledore looked intently at the weary man in front of him. The spy had closed his eyes in an attempt to steady his breathing and didn't notice this.
"You can suspend anytime, Severus," spoke Dumbledore finally. "It would make no difference to me."
Snape sighed jadedly and looked up. "Don't lie, Albus," he said. "You're a terrible liar."
Periwinkle eyes dueled momentarily with obsidian.
"I'm not forfeiting," said Snape finally. Smirking slightly, he said, "Where would the wizarding world be now if everyone just quit when they got in the middle of something?" He closed his eyes again, and all was quiet. The two men listened to the crackling of the logs in the fireplace for a while longer.
"Severus, whatever it is that you're so reluctant to tell me, I can assure you: I've heard much worse."
Snape sighed even more resignedly, propped his left elbow on the armrest of his chair, and rested his forehead in his hand.
"He wants you dead."
"Who? Tom?" replied Dumbledore, amused. "That's no surprise."
"No, no," reiterated Snape, waving an impatient hand, "he wants you dead soon. Very soon."
Dumbledore looked indifferent.
"Albus, you can't be so unconcerned about your own death! Especially when he's ordered Draco to kill you." Severus looked up merely to chart the various expressions crossing Dumbledore's face. Surprisingly, the ending feature was lack of concern yet again.
"I can't believe this," said Dumbledore. "Is it a test?"
"I don't know about a test, but I do know that Draco will not go through with it. He acts dangerous, but he's harmless as a lacewing. The Dark Lord will kill him when he realizes those many weaknesses." Snape relaxed his head into his hand once more.
"You have to do it for him," said Dumbledore after a pause.
"Excuse me?" questioned Snape, looking up sharply.
"You have to kill me, Severus," repeated the headmaster patiently.
Snape stared at him disbelievingly.
"I most certainly will not," replied Snape acidly.
"But you must," insisted Dumbledore.
"Absolutely not," said Snape, standing up, "it was the Dark Lord's assignment to Draco, not me."
"I do not want Mr. Malfoy to live with the guilt of having committed murder," replied Dumbledore calmly.
"Then save us both the trouble, and execute yourself, Albus, I don't care!"
"What good would that do, Severus?"
"None! None whatsoever," spat Snape angrily. "And having me do it for you wouldn't be any healthier."
"We are not doing what is healthy, Severus," said Dumbledore quietly, "we are doing what is right."
"Clearly," growled Snape as he opened the door with force, "we have very contradictory ideas of what is right."
"Please, Severus," whispered Dumbledore.
"I will not be murdering you anytime soon, headmaster," said Snape with angry finality as he slammed the door.
Severus Snape did not comprehend that he would be doing just that in less than twenty-four hours.
A/N: So, what do you think? Please Read & Review!