A/N: Okay, this chapter was extremely hard to write…WARNING! This chapter contains lovin' of a male/male relationship. It also contains violence, gore, and general pissiness. If you choose to read, you do so at your own risk!

Some reference points for the upcoming chapter:

Nightmare: A jet back horse, powered by the forces of Hell. Breath of brimstone and hooves of fire.

Behemoth: A HUGE carnivorous hairy beast with claws the size of man, and teeth the size of…well, let's just say they're bigger than a man.

Titan: A god-like warrior, draw's its weapon (a lightning bolt) from the heavens.

Chapter 4

4 years ago

Voldemort's End

During those turbulent times, the Auror Program was accelerated into a two year course, as opposed to the normal three. So much was crammed into every waking moment, and many in my group could not handle the intensity. We had started with a group of 60 witches and wizards, now we were down to only nine.

The precious few.

Those of our original group that did not last continued by teaching what they did know to Order members. Training sessions held deep within bowels of my alma mater prepared others for the upcoming war. Ex DA members assisted in these efforts as well.

Would I have been better prepared to face what was coming if I had the full three years training? I doubt it, as so much was preordained. Funny that it did not work out that way.

It's funny how you are never ready to just deal.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

The nine of us, so few, were incredibly close to one another. Draco and I were the only students that had come from Hogwarts. We had 3 students from Beauxbaton's and even one from Durmstrang. The other three were from the American Academy of Alchemy. Mandy, Robert, and Kate were by far the most entertaining of the group. So outspoken and vulgar, they could really put things into perspective.

We had to depend on each other for our lives and trust each other without hesitation. I could only bring myself to do that for one person.

Draco…my universe.

The summer we shared was the most complicated whirlwind of every emotion the human mind can conjure.

And I want to be safe

Not to hurt, or long, or need

To have no physicalabilitybodymindsoultype anything.

You would think that would be enough for one person, but not me…and not Draco. Our obsession was fire, burning, consuming over everything. And our greed for it just gave it more life.

Our lust seemed tangible. We could grasp it, cling to it, scream for it. His breath against my skin, his intrusion as he thrust into me, the burning passion, and the release. All this bliss recognized for the briefest of moments before we rolled over and started again. We were selfish, and we didn't care.

Confessions of love became a frequent topic, yet each time those words were spoken, I felt like I could die.

But I had to finish school.

Each passing month brought more anxiety and anxiousness. I really wanted this whole thing over with.

I wanted to be back with my friends. Ron and Hermione were engaged, kindly waiting for me to become an Auror before they married. I personally thought they were waiting for the war to be over, but whatever excuse they gave, I accepted. I could live in denial too. Hermione was still with the Ministry, working as an Unmentionable and damn that girl for not telling me what that actually meant! Ron enjoyed a brief career as a strategist for a professional Quidditch team, until Death Eaters began taking advantage of the large crowds and started slaughtering at random. Professional Quidditch was placed on hiatus until times became friendly again. Luna used her journalistic skills to propagate support for the Order.

I never knew them as much as I wanted to, and I yearned for this entire mess to be over and done with.

What's the saying? Be careful what you wish for? Even though I don't recall ever wishing for it, I got it anyway.

Spies within the Death Eaters brought intelligence to the Order informing them of an upcoming attack. Forces for the Light mobilized at the location of the battle, the hallowed sacred grounds of Hogwarts.

My home.

Because the battle was expected to be "The One", us Auror wanna-be's were summoned as "support" only.

Yeah, right.

We all knew why I was going.

The worried faces around me paled in comparison to the look of sheer terror on Draco's. He was scared, so was I. But every emotion can be turned into anger, just one of the many lessons we learn in our brief education. If turned out to be true.

We apparated just outside of the gates and blended into the masses that were headed towards the castle that had already been emptied of student. Many were there to fight, many were there for safety and many were there for both reasons. We made our way through the front doors and into the Great Hall that was already filled with thousands of people. It was there that I was reunited with old friends.

For a minute moment, we ignored the reason that brought us all together and basked in the glory of each other. How can people change so much in such a short amount of time? I sat amazed at my friends, so adult, so different. It was almost sad, all of us forced to forgo youth for the bigger picture.

I watched as Ron cheerfully greeted Neville. The two had become extremely close, as they were the only two Gryffindor men from our class. Dean Thomas had been killed on our sixth year, and Seamus had become a Death Eater.

We chatted for the lifetime we may not have after that night until an uncomfortable silence surrounded us, reminding us why we were there.

The sound of a wand striking a goblet notified us that it was time.

Time to go to work.

We had been separated into squads, which were then gathered into platoons, which were then grouped into companies, which the formed battalions.

We were legion.

I could only hope that it would be enough.

The days setting sun cast an ominous red hue over the majestically grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Deep within the bowels of the Forbidden Forest, Aragog and his family of thousands were willing to join the fight. They remained there, in the forest, waiting for their moment.

The dragons, brought by Order member Charlie Weasley, hovered on the horizon like a thunderous cloud. Their vast wings reverberated through the air, whispering "victory" with every beat.

From the large rocky outcroppings of the Sahara Desert, Behemoths were recruited following the failure to recruit the Giants. They currently stood on the western edge of the grounds.

All of these magical creatures were their artillery. The dragons, Behemoths, Titans, Griffins, Thunderbirds and Giant Spiders were there to counterbalance the hordes of monsters that the Death Eaters were sure to bring.

It was almost time.

Headmistress McGonagall concentrated the wards to protect the school itself. So many people were still in that compound ready to lend medical aid or brewing potions. Everyone that had taken refuge within those walls were assisting in their efforts, and it was important to keep them as safe as possible.

They saw the Dementors first, followed by the earthquake sound of the Giants. Death Eater's started apparating all around the grounds, and the Manitcore's Nightmare's, and Cyclops appeared shortly thereafter.

The epitome of good and evil faced each other across the landscape. There was no doubt that the Order was outnumbered, but each of them had an independence the other did not. Death Eater's were there because they feared the repercussions of their master. The Order was there because they wanted to be.

And the battle began.

He was separated from his friends. Draco, Hermione and Ron with other squads and he did not know where they were. He was still in the school as there was no need for the Boy-Who-Lived at this time. He could hear the sounds of the massacre outside and he imagined every one of them was coming from Draco. He positively itched to get outside.

He didn't have to wait long.

He wasn't prepared for what he saw as he crossed the threshold from the Main Hall...into Hell.

The ground was already littered with so many bodies. Like the Death Eater's, the Order members did not hesitate to use the killing curse, although other spells were used to benefit any situation one might find oneself in. The dark November sky was illuminated from the sheer power of raw magic.

Behemoth's battled Giants. These two mammoth creatures towered over all others as they ripped each other apart. The ones that had already fallen were hardly recognizable and body part carpeted their arena.

Titan's battled Cyclops, and while the Titan's gathered their weapon from the Heavens, the Cyclops threw meteor size boulders to crush them. The Titan's would retaliate by incinerating the offenders with their newly formed bolt of lightning.

And so it was. Griffin's fought the Manticore's, Thunderbirds fought the Nightmares, and the Giant Spiders were assassinating the Death Eater's that were trying to hex the Order members casting their patronus to get rid of the Dementor's.

It wasn't time for the Dragons yet, they would need them more when Voldemort made his presence known.

He watched as the Weasley twins fought in perfect unison until one became the bull's-eye of a Death Eater spell. At least it was not green. He saw Luna mauled by a Manticore as Millicent had just missed with her wand and a cry of "Impendimenta". Lavender and Gregory Goyle were dead, trapped beneath a boulder. And there was so much more.

He ran into the battle, jumping over Ex-Gryffindor Seamus Finnegan, and began hurling spells faster then bullets from a gun. He saw that Remus was about to be overcome and he headed in that direction to save the solitary link to his existence. He concentrated fiercely to remove that threat, and succeeded. But when he turned around to make sure his friend was alright, he discovered he was alone. Remus had been swept up by a Giant and ripped in half.

He was becoming desperate, wanting to scour the remains to see who else had been taken from him, but he was terrified to do so.

Hours passed and the battle did not wan, but something was wrong with the Death Eater's.

They seemed distracted, almost waiting for something that was running late. The remaining Order members took this moment of confusion and quickly gained the upper hand. By this time, most of the Death Eaters had surrendered or disapparated out of the battle.

And Voldemort never showed up.

The aftermath of the battle defiled the earth, and a few of the surviving Death Eaters were sobbing about their master that had abandoned them. The Order discovered that the moment that distracted the Death Eaters was the moment that Voldemort was to appear, and he never did.

Teams were dispatched into the Forbidden Forest to determine if any Death Eaters were hiding, and it was there that he got the surprise of his young life.

The outcry from the discovering team is what caught the attention of everyone, bringing them to a small clearing within the forest. As he stepped forward and was gifted the full view of the commotion, he passed out.

For there, drawn and quartered to a group of trees, decapitated, gutted and bound by his own entrails...was Voldemort

And he wasn't the one who killed him.

He awoke in the Hospital Wing, which had been expanded to accommodate the injured, some time later. It was there that he saw his beloved.

Draco had been burned by a Nightmare and had suffered from many cuts and broken bones. But he was alive.

He didn't think his own injuries had been severe enough to warrant the look of concern that burned deep within his lover's eyes, but then again he had not seen himself yet.

Glancing around the cavernous room, his eyes granted him continued relief as he saw Ron and Hermione on a bed not to far from his own. Ron was in the bed itself while Hermione was draped over him, planting small kisses all over his face. It was only when Ron moved to hug Hermione that it was revealed that Ron had lost an arm.

Wincing slightly, he got out of bed, took Draco's hand and made his way over to his best friends.

The trio had survived...plus one.

Recovery had been slow. Those assisting with the medical necessities informed me that I had almost died. I had several deep cuts and life-threatening gashes. A few of my ribs had been shattered with bone fragments precariously close to my heart. I underwent surgery to remove those pieces.

But that was all physical recovery...it was the mental recovery that lasted forever.

Sneaking out of the Hospital Wing, I made my way to the Great Hall. It was that room that housed all the people killed in the war. I entered the room and accepted the somber vision that greeted me.

Bodies, each covered by a white sheet, covered almost every inch of the floor. I began to walk by these empty vessels and looked at the name plates that hovered 4 feet above them. There was some that I did not recognize, some that I recognized by name only. But the others...

"Bill Weasley"...defeated by the killing curse.

"Nymphadora Tonks"...killed by a spell that caused her heart to explode in her chest.

"Alaster Moody"...received the Dementor's Kiss and then trampled by a Giant.

"Neville Longbottom"...pushed Hermione out of the way and absorbed the full impact of another killing curse.

So many...

Luna Lovegood, Gregory Goyle, Justin Finch-Fletchey, Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, Katie Bell, Oliver Wood, Anthony Goldstein, Parvati Patil, Lavender Brown.

And there were so many more that were not here because they had been so ravished, there was nothing left.

I could feel my soul pounding within me, trying to escape all that anguish.

I pull out my soul, open the cage door, and set it free

And I, am not I

Alone, my soul floats up and looks down on me

Laughs at it all

And promises to be back by dawn.

Something left me in that moment...and I don't think it ever came back.

Once we had healed enough, Draco and I were allowed to Floo home. Just the comfort of home did wonders for both of us, and Draco and I were anxious to console ourselves with each other.

We didn't even make it to the bedroom. As soon as we tumbled out of the fireplace, he grabbed my shirt and pulled me to him. Our lips collided with a sort of desperation to ensure ourselves we were both really there.

Clothes were torn off as we made our way to the couch. I pushed Draco down and laid on top of him, relishing the feeling of his body heat against me. I attacked with another passionate kiss and shifted slightly so I could run my hand over his chest while my other hand held the back of his neck, locking him into the kiss.

I grabbed his hair, yanking back so I could run my tongue along his neck. At the same time, my other hand had found his hardness and I swirled my thumb around the head.

He was making the most erotic sounds which spurred me on. By this time, Draco was trying furiously to return the pleasure I was giving him, but I stilled his hand and held it above his head. Watching him moan and writhe was enough foreplay for me, but I wanted him to tremble.

I moved my mouth down his chest, licking a nipple and pausing only to offer a flick of the tongue or a small bite. I was still teasing him slowly, but rough enough to understand the urgency. I shifted again, resting between his legs and leaned over to run my tongue up his length. I sucked him slowly, cupping his balls and using my other hand, already wet with pre-cum and saliva, to prepare him.

Draco was covered with a thin sheen of arousal. His whimpering and begging almost sent me over the edge, but I held on. I slipped another finger in while continuing my ministrations to his cock. Timing my finger fucking with my tongue, I slipped one more finger in before I sat up on my knees. I removed my hand, positioned myself at his entrance, and slid in without preamble.

Our knowledge of each other made me able to hit his pleasure point immediately. I was so close, not able to control myself any longer and I plowed into him while I grabbed his shaft and stroked him in unison with my thrusts. We soon exploded. I collapsed on him and as he kissed my forehead, I soon fell asleep.

After months of reconstruction and remodeling, Hogwarts reopened its doors to students. It was decided that those who perished in the war would forever rest at the one place that they wanted to protect. So a cemetery was consecrated on those magical grounds. The Grand Reopening of the school marked the day that the memorial could be viewed by the public. I, as well as many of my friends, had already visited but I never missed an opportunity to visit it again.

The Auror Program resumed again, but we were now down to only 6. Two of the Beauxbaton students and the one Durmstrang student had died in the war.

There was only two months of the program left and we had already performed beyond any expectation, so we spent one more month wrapping things up before we officially graduated. We would begin our new careers after the summer holidays.

And in all this time, I don't think I spoke more that two words to anybody. They could never understand how confused I was. Why Voldemort was dead when I wasn't the one who killed him. I felt so empty, yet anger filled me.

So I read a book in my mind, turning each page

But all I find are footnotes of rage.

The only good news was that it all seemed to be over. Sure, there were still Death Eaters to capture, but the world was quiet. That was, until Diagon Alley exploded, killing everyone...including the Weasley twins.

Looking back, I realize that I just couldn't handle it...and I snapped.

And Draco received the worst of it.

I've too much to lose, but I refuse

To accept

Myself

A/N" Ta-da! All those monsters came from my obsession with Hero's of Might and Magic. I would also like to thank Joela for letting me use her "Academy of Alchemy" and my brother who is so generous with his old poetry. Please let me know what you thought? Review?