Chapter Four
Haley cringed as she peeled off her shirt, disgusted at how she felt at having to go so long without showering, at how much of her coffee ended up in her lap.
She turned away from the mirror as she discarded her shirt on the floor, grabbing a new one to change in to.
Breathing deeply, Haley paused as the air from the vents hit her smooth, exposed skin. If she closed her eyes tightly, blocked out the rocking of the train, she could almost believe she was outside. At the river court, maybe. Or on the roof of Karen's Café. Or maybe even on the balcony of her and Nathan's apartment.
This last image made her snap her eyes open. Shaking her head to clear it, and replacing the faded memory with a more recent one, she unhooked her black, strapless Victoria Secret bra and let it fall to the floor.
A gasp escaped her lips as the bathroom door slid open. Her wild eyes met shocked brown ones. Eyes she'd seen all her life: Lucas'.
Haley made no move to cover herself up, and his eyes slid inevitably down to her exposed breasts. He swiftly and silently admired their size, their fullness.
In his mind, two Haley's crashed together. The Haley he'd always known: quirky, supportive, innocent, naïve, virginal Haley. And the one before him was a woman. A woman who'd experienced heartbreak, loss and defeat beyond all reason. A woman who was most certainly not innocent, naïve or remotely virginal.
The two Haley's struggled within him, until at last the latter broke free and claimed her place: the woman. Silently and immediately he accepted that Haley was a human, like all other, had faults like all others.
Slowly she moved her hands to cover herself up, and they snapped back into reality.
"I forgot to lock the door," she said simply. He nodded, admiring the blonde hair flowing over her naked shoulders. Suddenly and inexplicably, he hardened.
"I should have knocked," he said. Haley noted again that they were like strangers, but thought for the first time that it could be a good thing: they could get to know each other again, without the failed expectations of the past.
"Most people don't have to, because most other people can figure out how to lock a door," said Haley. Lucas stared for a moment before breaking into an appreciative glance.
"Especially when it turns on the light. See?" he asked, clicking the lock shut. As he'd said, the lights above the mirror flamed as brightly as her cheeks.
"Aren't you the smart one. Now turn around," she said firmly, clicking closed a different bra, and pulling on a shirt over top.
The two of them walked back down the alley, back to their chairs. Lucas hesitated for only a moment before shutting down his I-pod and turning slightly in his chair to face her.
"So, mom and Keith are together," he said. Haley girlishly clapped her hands. Luke knew that if she had been able, she could have hoped.
"Oh, they always had to. That's great. And what about Dan and Deb?" she asked. She appreciated Deb, knowing that she'd tried to some degree to make her son happy.
"They split for good. Dan's off in Florida somewhere living the life, and Deb's still at the Café with Mom. Everyone once in a while I go back there and hang out. It's still the same," said Lucas fondly.
"Yeah, I'd imagine. And Whitey?" asked Haley, dreading the answer.
"He's about seventy-five now. He's doing okay, considering," said Lucas. "Now tell me about your life."
Haley smiled, glad that despite what they'd had to go through to get there, their relationship was slowly drifting back.
"As you've probably heard, or perhaps blocked out, I'm not so much into my career anymore. I've been doing a lot of volunteer work. Like at the foster care centre, like I did when we were kids. And I perform for them sometimes," said Haley.
"That's pretty neat. Ever taken one in?" he asked.
"I actually applied fairly recently, and I'm pretty much certain that I'll pass, so I'll probably start soon," said Haley. Lucas smiled, proud for the first time in years of how she'd turned out.
"So financially you're..?"
"Much like you, I'd think. Yeah, I live in this huge penthouse. Great view of the city and the park. It's great," said Haley.
"Sounds great. You have a roof?" he asked.
"Yeah, but no water balloons. Frowned upon if they fall over the edge," said Haley, shrugging innocently.
"And are you… seeing anyone?" asked Lucas awkwardly.
"No, not right now. Just broke up with someone. So seeing as Peyton's married and Brooke is clearly in the just friend's zone, where are you?" asked Haley.
"Not in high school for one. We don't all end up with our high schools loves, Hales," he said, looking deeply into her eyes for a moment. Haley immediately got two messages from him, both extremely positive ones: that acknowledging that everyone didn't end up with who they'd started out with said that Luke understood that Haley was sorry, and it was a million years ago, and he forgave her.
By calling her Hales, he seemed to be telling her that he was there for her, like he always was. That he loved her like he always did.
"Yeah," she whispered. She too understood, as she hadn't in high school (as no had in high school) that high school was a prelude to the real world in which you had real heartbreak, real loss, and real love.
But Haley wasn't inclined to believe that last theory. She knew that despite their age, their differences and everything that had torn them apart, what Nathan and her had had had been real. Was still real? Haley was determined to find out.
"Do you ever think about him?" asked Lucas suddenly. Haley looked up slowly, lazily raising her eyes to his.
"All the time. We always think about the great loves of our lives, and he was the first," said Haley.
"And not the only?" asked Lucas, searching for answers to questions he'd asked almost a decade previously.
"I hope not. I don't want to be lonely anymore," she said, protectively tucking her arms around herself.
"Hey. You don't have to be. You have me. You have us," said Lucas, lifting up her chin with one finger.
"I don't. This is just a weird twist of fate, we both know that. And people who I broke the hearts of won't accept me again. I blew it," said Haley.
"Hey, what happened to you? Since when do you give up so easy?" asked Lucas gently, pushing a strand of hair away from the face that was beginning to be disturbed by tears.
"Since I grew up, I guess. There's a cushion blocking out the real world in Tree Hill, but sooner or later you have to step out," said Haley.
"Doesn't mean you can never step back," he said. Throwing away his resolve, he reached forward and took the petite woman in his arms, the armrest between them. His body immediately recognized hers, once such a frequent fixture in his life. He squeezed her tightly, recalling suddenly the childhood they'd had together, what all their time apart had done to him. How it had changed him.
Haley sobbed into Lucas' shoulder, sobbing ten years away. She cried for all the time she hadn't cried. She cried for Nathan, for Peyton, for Brooke, for all the foster children she wanted to take care of. For Karen who'd been her mother, for Lucas who'd been her brother, for her career which had never truly made her happy. She cried for the life she could have had, and had lost.
She was silenced ten minutes later, drained yet feeling pure, and oddly uncontaminated.
He reluctantly released her, afraid it was for the last time. He remembered all the hugs they'd had, the platonomy of them: the time in the graveyard, when he'd told her he was leaving, that time in her hotel room, when they'd parted for good, all those congratulatory hugs on the rooftop. They'd been nothing back then, just arms about each other, love and good wishes packed into a gesture.
"Cheer up Haley-bub," he said, affectionately dropping her childhood nickname.
"Oh, you made me think of Taylor. Haven't talked to her in years. However, I'm pretty sure that that's one relationship I can change," said Haley thoughtfully.
Lucas couldn't help staring at her for a moment. When he'd meet her, she'd been a tomboy, brown locks restrained into pigtail braids, topped by a backward baseball cap, completing the tough talking six year old. She'd always been his best friend but it had never occurred to him that she'd set the world on fire, or someone's heart.