Poor Aiden
A South of Nowhere Fan Fiction.
Please read, and then send a review! I'll write more that way! Thanks!
"Poor Aiden. I don't think he'll ever understand that we aren't going to get back together," Ashley sighed, staring into the sky as if she actually felt bad for him.
Spencer glanced over at Ashley who was smiling to herself. They were walking down her block to the ice cream parlor. It was nearing sunset, but it was humid and warm anyway. The sky above them was surreal; painted vivid pinks and oranges, with wispy clouds lying low near the horizon and the orange sun stagnated somewhere along the sky. It was times like this that made Spencer incredibly lucid with her new home.
"So, tell me what happened with you guys. Did you just wake up one morning and decide to like girls?" Spencer asked, feeling Ashley's fingers weave between her own.
Ashley laughed at Spencer as if her ignorance was amusing. "No, I didn't realize it until…well, I found out so I had to dump Aiden."
Spencer nodded slowly, tightening her grip on Ashley's hand. "You're not telling me something." She glanced up at her. Her dark eyes were cast downwards as if in thought.
Ashley suddenly veered off the sidewalk and pulled Spencer behind a house into a forgotten clump of trees. They walked for at least five minutes in silence, holding hands, until they came to a small clearing. A weathered oversized tire swing hung pathetically from a tree. It was big enough for two.
Ashley clambered in, and Spencer followed suit, setting herself comfortably in the swing so she was across from Ashley.
"I'll tell you," Ashley stated, shifting her body into the tire more comfortably, "If you swear never to tell anyone else."
"I won't," said Spencer stretching out her bare legs so they lay entwined amidst Ashley's.
"Okay, well it started with this party last year. Then, me and Aiden were dating, and I don't know if you know this, but me and Madison Duarte were pretty good friends."
"No way," Spencer said with disbelief, leaning forward in amusement.
"Well, it's not like we were incredibly close, but we got to know each other pretty well when I met Aiden. Anyway, the party was huge. I went with Madison, and Aiden of course, and we ended up drinking a lot."
Spencer noticed that Ashley had begun nervously fiddling with a piece of rubber hanging off the swing. Usually, Ashley never acted this serious and she never caught her displaying signs of uneasiness like she was now. Spencer felt the sudden urge to comfort Ashley somehow – hold her even. She brushed the thought off as Ashley continued.
"We drank way too much. And I just remember being so drunk, and I couldn't walk, or stand or anything. Everything was a blur, and before I knew it, I was kissing Madison, and Madison was kissing me, and it seemed like we made out forever on that couch. It just all happened so fast, and I couldn't really put a handle on it."
"So she's a lesbian too?" Spencer said with hilarity, leaning forward slightly.
Ashley shook her head. "No, and that's the reason we don't talk to each other anymore."
Spencer frowned. She was mulling Ashley's words over and over again in her head, but they weren't becoming any clearer.
"The next weekend I was at her house, and we started talking about the party."
"And the kissing?"
"See, when I kissed her, I'd never experienced anything like it. It was so exhilarating, so passionate – "
"Did you tell Madison that?" Spencer asked with rapt attention.
"Yeah. She freaked out on me, called me a dyke, and kicked me out of her house. And it turned out she told everyone in school the next day so I was an instant outcast."
"Oh my god...How did Aiden react?"
"Well I had to tell him the truth, didn't I?" Ashley glanced up at Spencer as she said this, smirking slightly.
Spencer silently agreed.
Ashley tossed the piece of rubber aside and scoffed. "Who cares anyway. I don't care if they think it's wrong. I don't care if they think its 'immoral' or something."
"You shouldn't."
Ashley smiled and cocked her head at Spencer. "You're sweet."
Spencer dropped her gaze and blushed. "But how do you know if you're a lesbian? I mean, how did you know it wasn't just a phase or something?"
"You just know," Ashley answered curtly with all sincerity. "It's like I've always had this thing for girls, but I would just push it to the back of my mind and forget about it. I mean, the last thing you think of is the possibility that you might be a lesbian, you know?"
Ashley leant her head back, sighed and closed her eyes, her chest rising and falling with the rhythmic motions of her slow breaths. Spencer let her eyelids drop too.
"Was it hard to come to terms with it?"
Ashley kept her eyes closed as she spoke, "Incredibly hard."
Spencer opened her eyes and cocked her head up, "But you seem so cool with it."
Ashley laughed ironically. "It seems. Nothing's ever what it seems now, is it?"
Spencer frowned, waiting for Ashley to keep talking.
"But there are always those people. Those people who look at you different. Who treat you different. That person who looks at you funny because of what you are."
Spencer opened an eye. Ashley was still lying there, eyes closed as if off in some distant dream world.
"Being gay; it's so glamourized in the media. But they don't know. They don't know what it's really like."
"But you said everyone was cool with you…liking girls now."
Ashley opened her eyes and turned her head to look into the dying sun. "Not everyone. And there's always something there, reminding you of what you really are."
Spencer was taken aback at how solemn and calm Ashley was being. It was almost unsettling to see her staring off into the distance so wistfully like she was.
She dared to ask another question. "Does it bother you at all to know who you are?"
Ashley tore her gaze from the sunset to look at Spencer. "Everyday," she replied; simply and solemnly.
Spencer watched Ashley return to looking at the sunset, but this time, a single tear had found its way down her cheek.
Spencer wished more than anything to be able to hold her right about now, but the shape of the tire was restraining her from doing so. Instead, she closed her eyes, the swing rocking gently with the warm Californian wind. It was incredibly soothing and they both just ended up lying there for a long time, soaking in the sounds of the dying day; the rumble of the nearby ocean, and the cry of a lazy sea gull.
It seemed like forever until one of them moved. Ashley had decided to quickly hop out of the tire swing, which caused it to rock back and forth unsteadily. Spencer shrieked. Ashley laughed and held out her hands so Spencer could get out and fall into them.
She smiled as she climbed out of the swing and into Ashley's loving embrace. They continued to hold on to each other, vaguely noticing that it had gotten considerably darker. The outlines of the swing and trees were no longer as conspicuous as they had been.
Normally, Spencer would have pulled out of another person's loose embrace like this, but her mind told her that maybe that wasn't necessary. Besides, it was getting cold. Perhaps she'd just hold on to Ashley a bit longer to warm up.
"Do your parents know?" Spencer asked softly as the question sprang into her mind.
Ashley smirked. "Never told 'em. Probably never will." She leaned in until the tips of their noses were touching. "Why, afraid you're a lesbian?" She smiled. Of course, she was just joking around.
Spencer emitted a nervous laugh, but it fell short because of the hard block that had formed in her throat.
Ashley grinned. Spencer could feel her hot breath on her lips and those dark eyes boring into her own. She wanted to pull away, but couldn't. Instead she turned her head and leant it on Ashley's shoulder so that they were now standing in silence, holding each other in a warm embrace. Ashley shivered and touched her cheek against Spencer's, and sighed.
"So beautiful," Ashley whispered lazily.
But Spencer wasn't paying attention to what Ashley thought was beautiful. Instead, she was listening to the echo of something else in her mind.
Why, afraid you're a lesbian?
And that's when that undeniable feeling arose in her stomach, causing her skin to clam up, and her forehead to feel unusually warm. That feeling. That instinct. Realization.