The Endless Secret

By Butcherkid

Chapter Two: Just Stop!

Harry stared at the letter in disbelief. The disbelief abruptly turned into undeniable frustration. Tearing it into diminutive pieces, he threw the letter into his fireplace. As the young man had learned years ago, life was unpleasant, as were the people in it. Why would anyone torture his soul to that atrocious extent? He had never been anything except pleasant to most wizards and witches he had ever came in contact with.

Everyone knew Hermione meant the world, the stars, and the heavens to him. But someone evidently didn't care about his suffering. Some anonymous coward who wouldn't face him.

Feeling an enormous amount of annoyance, Harry moved toward his liquor cabinet and grabbed a glass of Firewhiskey. In no way was Harry Potter an alcoholic, he just had some around to unwind occasionally. That morning was one of those occasions.

Settling down upon the couch, he slowly sipped the intoxicating liquid. When another knock came to his front door, Harry didn't bother moving. If it was Ron, he'd let himself in.

"Harry?" The former Gryffindor was surprised to hear a feminine voice. Ginny Weasley strolled into the room, looking flustered. "Didn't you hear me knocking?" Her face lightened up slightly seeing Harry sitting in the couch.

"My previous visitor decided to leave before I answered. I figured if someone really needed to see me, they'd have enough common sense to simply enter." Harry's low tolerance to alcohol was already evident, even with the few sips of Firewhiskey.

Harry noticed the hesitation in Ginny's eyes. She knew he'd never tell her anything. Ginny despised this, but couldn't break Harry away from this "stage" as everyone called it.

"Mum wanted me to invite you to dinner. She says you're becoming too skinny."

Harry sighed, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Ginny gave him a look of exasperation. "Stop doing this! You're not the only one that cared about her. Stop shunning everyone out because you're not the only one. Hundreds of people perished, Harry. Hermione wasn't the only person to die."

Harry bore an evil glance into Ginny's eyes. "You're acting like Hermione can easily be forgotten. She was an important piece of our efforts. When Remus was captured by the Death Eater werewolves, she helped discover his location and helped with his injuries. When Ron got injured, Hermione took his place, beside me, on the front lines. When—" He stopped abruptly, staring at her deeply. "When she found us fooling around, she forgave us both. Hermione was always there, no matter what happened. I'll never forget her and I won't live until I'm dead, as she is." The last sentence panged in his stomach. The words of the letter reverberated into his mind. 'I know she's not dead.'

"You're acting ridiculous! You've fought for freedom since Voldemort's first fall. You've always been buried underneath the title, 'The Boy Who Lived'. Now, that you're able to live normally, you're going to give everything up because you lost someone you cared about. You've lost plenty of people before her, and you've seemed to forgotten that. Stop living in the past and stop pretending! Hermione's gone, we both understand that! But that doesn't give you permission to be an idiotic fool and quit living your life." The two stared daggers at each other. It was several minutes before either uttered an audible breath, let alone, speak.

Ginny sat down next to him, "All I'm trying to say is everyone cares about you, Harry. We hate seeing you constantly living with the mistakes of the war and living in constant pain. You act as if no one else cares about you. My family members have always considered you as another sibling and son, and it'll always remain like that. Stop shutting us out. Stop shutting me out. Just promise to think everything out before closing everyone out completely."

Harry sighed deeply, "You'll never understand it. I feel completely responsible for Hermione's death. I always will. I could've prevented her from going. I could've told her more warnings and precautions." He rambled on endlessly, unable to control the words flowing from his mouth. "Trying to continuously tell myself it isn't my fault, doesn't help."

"I have to get going, but really consider coming over tonight. You need someone to talk to, even if you don't want to admit that." Ginny walked out of the living room and then out the door. Harry cursed; he hated having anyone see him weakened. Especially Ginny for reasons he hadn't admitted since that night.

As much as it pained Harry to remember the night he cheated on Hermione; he'd never be able to completely void that thought from his mind or soul.

It had been four weeks before her death and the end of the war. Harry and Ginny had been drunk beyond belief, for reasons still unknown to everyone, including the two parties involved. Considering that Order Members were all living together at a different location than the one at Grimmauld Place, it was easy to explain why Harry and Ginny had encountered each other.

Harry and Ginny had been sitting on Ginny's bed, talking about things that Harry could barely remember. He remembering talking about Quidditch, Fred and George's joke shop, and having families of their own one day. And without warning, Harry had leaned in and planted a kiss on Ginny's lips. She didn't protest, but instead, threw him down on her bed and got on top of him. They kissed passionately, deepening it with a fierce tongue-dueling session. Harry had torn off Ginny's shirt, massaging her full breasts. They would have gone all the way, if Hermione hadn't walked in.

The intoxication had disappeared at that moment. Hermione's ear-piercing shriek and disheartening look upon her face had destroyed Harry's soul. He couldn't believe that he could ever wound anyone as much as he did that moment.

One week later, Hermione and Harry were a couple again. Hermione had forgiven both Harry and Ginny after they had explained their stories hundreds of times.

And when Hermione had died, that event had only deepened the grieving process. He had cheated on her with her best friend, only a few weeks before she died. It made him feel horrible. He didn't think anyone could feel so terrible about anything.

Shuddering, Harry thought about the dinner at the Weasleys'. The black-haired man didn't want to feel obligated to make an appearance at the Weasley household, but the things Ginny had uttered with the utmost passion, had slightly deterred his mindset. His biggest problem was he didn't want to care about anything anymore. He found emotions silly and childish.

However, that letter had invoked many.

The possibility of Hermione being alive made Harry feel slightly alive as well. Being able to see her, touch her, love her almost seemed too much.

Harry moved into his bedroom and laid down upon the mattress. He would try to get some sleep before going over to the Weasleys' house.

A/N: Here's the next installment of this story. Thanks to everyone that has read it and who reviewed! I appreciate the feedback.

Next chapter shall come out when it gets finished. It's about Harry going to the Weasleys' and what happens after that affair.

Please review!