Rating: NC-17 for language and content Author's notes: Thanks for the reviews. I will be ending this shortly.
Saints and Angels
Chapter 7
The waiting room was eerily quiet. It was the middle of the night, and the team, along with Brass and Sophia were the only ones there. They were still waiting to hear from the doctor about Sara's condition. She had been taken into surgery several hours ago, and a couple of nurses had been in and out to tell them that she was doing fine, and that she was stable.
When the waiting door opened and the doctor came in, nobody said anything.
"I'm Dr. Simpson. As you know, Ms. Sidle's condition was rather serious when she came in. We got the bullets out of her shoulder without any incident. She's a tough one, your friend. She's resting now, but assuming that she won't have a reaction to the anesthetic, she should wake up shortly."
"Can we see her?"
"I will allow a couple of you in, since you've waited all night. However, I want her to get as much rest as possible, okay?"
Everybody nodded their understanding. There wouldn't be any question as to who would go first. Grissom was having a mental breakdown before their very eyes. Catherine wasn't very far behind. The rest of the team was willing to wait.
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He was staring at her again.
"I can feel your eyes on me, Grissom," Sara whispered without opening her eyes.
"I'm just worried, Sara. How are you feeling?"
"Sore, tired, completely bitchy. How long have I been out?"
"A few hours. The surgeon said everything went well. He removed two bullets from your shoulder. Bobby had already matched them-"
"I figured you would be right on top of things-"
"We will get these guys, Sara."
"Are they still looking for Tate? I know Mike died at the scene. Have they found Tate, though?"
"Not yet. Brass is confident, though. Don't worry about that, though. I shouldn't have brought it up. You scared us, Sara."
"Them or YOU?"
"Both," Grissom answered, taking a much needed breath, and reaching for Sara's hand.
"How's Catherine?"
"She's fine. She was completely rattled when we saw her for the first time. She walked right into the lab like nothing had happened. I don't think I ever saw her like that."
"She was like that when Eddie died."
"I didn't think it was that bad, though."
"It was. She stayed very strong for both of us in that warehouse."
"She says the same thing about you, Sara."
"What did she tell you?"
"Everything. From you trying to get them to leave her behind, and you sacrificing yourself so she could go."
"It was all or nothing," Sara said, looking at him for the first time. "I just knew that she had a lot more to live for-"
"Don't say that."
"Say what, Grissom? You and I know it's the truth."
"You have plenty to live for."
"Oh yes, Grissom. I live for you treating me like shit day in and day out. I live for take-out and magazines. Don't forget about the alcohol-"
"Sara, stop. I know that I haven't been pleasant-"
"Pleasant? Are you kidding? Of course you aren't. Grissom doesn't make jokes."
She was crying out of mere frustration.
"Even if things were different, Grissom, and I'm not saying things are, I'll never be worth the risk, will I?"
Grissom turned away from her now, releasing her hand. His mind went back to the Debbie Marlin case again, for the second time since Sara's disappearance.
"You knew-"
"Don't give me that bullshit, Grissom. If you can feel my presence even HALF as much as I feel yours, you knew that I was behind that glass. I just hope that show was for Dr. Lurie as much as it was for me."
"Sara-"
"When's the last time YOU went without a rationalization, Grissom?"
"I don't know," he answered sadly.
"Look at me," she said softly. "Grissom, look at me."
He looked up at her, truly feeling the emotions of her words.
"How did you feel when you found out that I was missing?"
"I was-"
Sara waited. He needed to do this on his own.
"I was scared. I was angry. I was a lot of things at once."
"That's all I need to know, then. I know how you feel, Grissom. None of it matters though, unless you are willing to take the risk-"
"I am."
"You say it with certainty, and it makes me want to believe you, but actions speak louder than words. I'm not saying that you waited too long, or that it can't possibly happen. I'm not saying one thing or the other. I just don't know-"
"Sara. No decisions have to be made right this instant. I just want you to be better. Just get better, and everything else will start to fall into place."
"It's so hard to just stop, though, Grissom. How do you just put your feelings on hold?"
"I don't put it on hold, Sara. I just keep my mouth shut. If I told you that I cared about you or that I loved you, does it really mean anything when I haven't shown you? You said it yourself- actions speak louder than words. "
"But it would make a difference, because even when you did all of those things, I still knew that you felt-"
"Sara…I love you. Now will you go to sleep?"
"Show me, Grissom."
"Show you?"
He searched her face, not really knowing what she meant. Then it dawned on him- a kiss. She wanted him to kiss her. 'Is that a good idea?' he thought.
"The hell with it," he whispered softly, leaning forward.
His lips met hers softly at first. He meant to keep it light. He meant to pull away as quickly as he leaned forward. As soon as their lips touched, though, he lost his mind. 20 hours of fear and anger and love caught up with him, as he kissed her thoroughly. He only pulled away from her when he thought his lungs were going to burst. He looked at her, and couldn't help but smile.
Her eyes were still closed, and cheeks were flushed. She was beautiful.
"Now will you go to sleep?"
"Oh yeah, only to dream about-"
"I think I came in at the wrong time," Catherine said from behind them.
Grissom turned to look at her, there was still evidence of a smile.
"You came at the right time," Sara said for him. "Grissom was just going home."
"I'm not going home."
"Oh yes you are. You're only the boss at work, Gil. You need to rest…and take a shower."
"Are you implying that I don't smell good?"
"I was meaning to say something about that…" Catherine joked.
"I'll go home when they move you to your own room," Grissom stated, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead.
"Fine."
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After Grissom had left the room, Catherine took the seat next to the bed.
"How are you?"
"A little tired."
"Do you want me to come back-"
"No, you're fine. I wanted to talk to you."
"I never thought I would hear those words from you."
"Well, considering the past 24 hours, I owe you."
"You don't owe me anything, Sara." Catherine said excitingly.
"Oh yes I do. If you hadn't been there with me…I don't know what I would have done."
"What!"
"Just hear me out. I know that I'm a pain in the ass-"
"Sara-"
"Catherine, let me finish!"
"Okay, my mouth is shut. Go."
"I know that I have the tendency to bring out the worst in people. I just don't know when to stop sometimes. If you hadn't been there, I'm not sure I would have kept fighting. I wasn't just fighting for me, Cath. You kept me going. Even after you left…I survived."
For a few moments neither women said anything. Catherine sat thinking about what probably happened to her after she left. One look at Sara told her she was probably thinking about the same thing.
"You told me that it had happened before. I never should have put you in that position again, Sara. I'm so sorry."
"I lied, Catherine. I only told you that so you wouldn't feel as bad. I see that it only made it worst for you. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize for Christ's sake, Sara. I should be the one apologizing."
"It could have been either one of us, Catherine. Please don't beat yourself up over it."
"I can't help it. I don't know if I will ever be able to. You saved my life, Sara. What can I say that will ever be able to make up for that? I owe you-"
"When you leave here today, Catherine, and go home to your daughter- we are completely even. If you can leave here, and try to change the things that have become issues outside of work, we will be even. If we can act like survivors instead of victims, then we'll be completely even. You don't owe me, and I don't owe you."
"I was so sure that neither of us would make it out-"
"But we did. That's all that matters now."
"You're right. Absolutely right."
Sara yawned and Catherine stood up.
"You need to rest. The guys will come in and see you tomorrow."
"Okay."
"Need anything?"
"Just try to get Grissom to go home and get some rest. Do the same, Catherine. I'm not going anywhere."
"You may be here for a while. Want a change of clothes or anything?"
"Yes. If you don't mind dropping by my place. A change of clothes and some toiletries would be great."
"I know Nicky has a spare key to your apartment. I'll get it before I leave."
"Thanks Catherine."
"No, Sara. Thank you. For everything."
Catherine reached for her hand, and squeezed it reassuringly. Sometimes things aren't always what they seemed. The situation had started off as a bad ending, and it was ending as a beautiful beginning.