Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot and the song
"Is he ok" I asked.
"He should be fine but he hit his head pretty hard I'd be surprised if he didn't have..."
"Amnesia" I finished for him.
The doctor nodded. I sat in the chair by his bed. I grabbed his hand and kissed it. He didn't even move.
"He's officially comatose" the doctor said.
"What?"
"We don't think he'll be in a coma for long though" the doctor said I knew it was true he never sugar coated things with me.
"He's strong" I said simply "he's got to be."
He has to be OK. He will be. I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't pull through.
"Tommy has been in a coma for 3 months" the doctor said.
"I know" I said weakly.
"Tommy got shot about five years ago and was on life support for awhile but he said after that he didn't want life support again and that after 3 months ..."
"No!"
"Jude you really don't..."
"NO!"
"I'm really sorry Jude but it's already been done" the doctor said.
"You mean Tommy's..."
"I'm sorry for your loss" he said unconvincingly.
I broke down I fell to my knees and started sobbing. Jamie found me about fifteen minutes later and picked me up.
"What happened" he asked.
"He's dead" I cried louder and buried my head in is chest.
"Jude I'm so sorry" he said much more convincingly then the doctor.
Jamie took me home.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you" he asked.
"No I really need to be alone" I said He nodded and closed the door.
I ran into my room. I grabbed my guitar and started playing. It didn't help much I couldn't come up with a new song and all my old ones just made me think of him. I tried to take a shower.
While shaving I cut myself. At first it stung but then I realized it felt good. To feel real pain. I turned off the shower and got out. I put on a black cami and plaid pajama bottoms. I took one razor blade and pressed it gently against my wrist.
I pushed a little harder until a drop of blood formed. It felt so good to feel something other than sadness. I ran the blade against my wrist. My wrist was bleeding profusely now. I kept cutting until I reached 15 I don't know why I stopped there but that number it was just burning in my head. That was the year I had met him. I washed off my arm. I went into my room and picked up my guitar again. My wrist didn't stop bleeding and it fell on my white carpet.
"The white floor turns red
Blood seeps into the carpet
Witness's hearts fill with dread
Blood fills the lungs of all
Screams are heard for miles
Everyone who stands will fall
You'll be pushed to the ground
By the harsh reality
No doubt you'll never be found
Red tears fall from eyes
The end is closer than you think
Falling down a well of lies
Blood fills the lungs of all
Screams are heard for miles
Everyone who stands will fall
You'll be pushed to the ground
By the harsh reality
No doubt you'll never be found
Feeling pain is a sign of life
Falling to the floor at the speed of light
Need to feel the blade of the knife
Blood fills the lungs of all
Screams are heard for miles
Everyone who stands will fall
You'll be pushed to the ground
By the harsh reality
No doubt you'll never be found"
Sadie ran into my room.
"Jude" she yelled. She saw that I was still bleeding she ran into my bathroom and came back out with tissues and band aids. She wiped the blood off my arm and put the band aids over my cuts. I was too weak to protest.
I started to cry again. Sadie pulled me closer and hugged me.
"Shh it's OK."
"But it's not OK Sadie he's dead and there's nothing I can do about it" I cried harder.
Jamie stood in the door way. When he saw me crying he sat down and wrapped his arm around me also.
"Shh I know it's hard but he would have wanted you to move on and be happy not spend your whole life moping cutting and writing really depressing songs" Jamie said.
"Guess that wasn't gimmicky cooperate crap" I threw at him even though he didn't deserve it "I'm sorry I didn't mean that you've been great and..." I started to cry again.
"I loved him I still do I'll always love him and I don't know if I'll ever love anyone as much as I love him."
"No ones asking you to" Sadie said.