Title: Remember
Rating: PG
Summary: We make a lot of mistakes in our lives. This is about doing what is right at the end of all things. Anakin/Obi-Wan slash, m/m
Obi-Wan was setting the coordinates to Tantive IV while Anakin sat close to Padmé's resting body. Anakin could feel the life force fading from Padmé's body as if it was leaking from unknown wound that Anakin was completely helpless to stop. Anakin gritted his teeth. He hated feeling helpless and weak. Fear gripped his heart in an iron fist.
Hero Without Fear – that was what he was supposed to be. What a joke. It was façade – a completely made up façade by the far too imaginative Holonet and exaggerated story tellers. He was filled with fear – absolutely consumed by it. He feared losing the things he most cared about simply because of silly reasons like he was not strong enough or fast enough or pushed himself far enough. It was fear that drove him to make impossible merely difficult. Anakin was a hero with many fears and it was the fears that had made him fallen.
"Captain Antilles, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi," said Obi-Wan through the communication device. "This is an emergency situation. A passenger on board is severely injured. I repeat, Senator Padmé Amidala is severely injured."
There was a brief moment of silence that seemed to last for millennia.
"General, I copy that. You have immediate clearance to the docking bay. The medical droids are standing by to escort Senator Amidala to the medical bay immediately."
Obi-Wan winced slightly at the title. He had never liked the title and he liked it even less for now, he was a general of a non-existent army. He had not wanted to become a general and had begrudgingly accepted only after the members of the Council and Anakin had literally forced him to the post. They claimed that there were just too few Jedi to lead the army and needed every one they could lay their hands on.
Until today, he was amazed at the amount of trust people put in him and his abilities. Everyone seemed to believe that he would be able to negotiate near impossible treaties and lead a fully equipped army that depended on his decision. Well, everyone that was, except himself.
That was probably his greatest fault.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was modest to the point of being doubtful of himself. He was easily among the best Jedi – often spoken well of by other Jedi including Yoda and Mace who both respected him. He never considered himself superior to other and never bragged about his missions and always – always – doubted his abilities.
This was what Obi-Wan feared he might have passed on to his former Padawan. Obi-Wan dealt with it by releasing it into the Force but Anakin…Anakin simply pushed himself beyond the limits of possibilities because Anakin feared. Obi-Wan knew Anakin feared many things. He had seen the rare glimpses of terror during Anakin's moments of weaknesses that rendered him incapable of doing even the most simplest of tasks.
Maybe Obi-Wan could have done something to stop this from happening.
But, he did not.
Instead, he let Anakin become who he was – a traitor and a murderer. The deaths of the younglings were as much as his fault as it was Anakin's. And now, he could not make himself, force himself – delude himself – into carrying out what every Jedi Knight was sworn to do.
Except that the Jedi Order was no more.
Did that make the Jedi Code empty?
It had been one of those lazy, unimportant days one could tick off from the calendar. Obi-Wan had been sitting quietly in one couch, facing his Padawan with his mind completely blank.
"Master, I don't understand one line of the code."
Anakin had been sixteen then – a troublesome, ambitious and rather rash sixteen year old with an insatiable appetite for challenging everything. Obi-Wan knew what line Anakin was referring to and for a lack of a better thing to do (Obi-Wan did not like meditation that much but he kept that a secret), he decided to participate.
"And what line might that be, Anakin?" asked Obi-Wan, feigning innocence.
"It's funny how the Jedi wants us to be compassionate but not allow us to have emotions. It's contradictory. I mean, isn't being compassionate meaning to have emotions?"
"The Code is trying to set a guideline, Anakin," said Obi-Wan methodically. "To be compassionate is to be merciful, kind and fair. The Code prevents us from forming attachments due to emotions. Emotions cloud our minds. They prevent us from making clear judgments. To be controlled by emotions is to neglect higher reasoning."
"It's not wrong to love, Master!" exclaimed Anakin, jumping to his feet and crossing the space between them quickly. "It's not wrong to care for someone – to have affections for someone – to be concerned about that person! It's a natural process. To have emotions is to be alive!"
"Anakin, you have been taught this already! Attachments are a privilege we cannot have. Attachments breed feelings of greed and jealousy. They make us vulnerable to temptations and false promises. Anakin – for Force's sake – listen to me! These are sacrifices we have to make!"
Anakin knelt down before Obi-Wan, a disbelieving look on his face. "Have you ever been tempted before?"
Anakin placed his hands on Obi-Wan's knees and Obi-Wan drew his breath sharply. The simple touch had an instantaneous effect. It was as if a thermofurnace had just blazed to life in front of him. Force…every single emotion pulsed – pain, anger, hope, despair, desire and…
He closed his eyes.
"Anakin." The name came out rasped and unsteady. "I have been tempted before but this…what you ask is something I cannot give. Anakin, I'm sorry."
There was a moment of deafening silence, a sudden lost of warmth from his knees and the sound of fading footsteps as a door slid closed. Obi-Wan opened his eyes and let out a breath he had no idea he had been holding.
There was only one feeling left.
It took a while before Obi-Wan realized it was regret.
Obi-Wan found Anakin sitting diligently beside Padmé's resting body after leaving the ship's system in control of docking. Anakin looked pale and ill. He did not look as if he had much sleep lately and worry lines had begun to crease his forehead as he held Padmé's slender hand in his as he ran his mechanical hands through Padmé's soft hair.
"The medical droids are prepared to take Padmé to the medical bay once the ship is docked," informed Obi-Wan. "We'll do everything we can to help you."
At Anakin's silence, Obi-Wan turned around to walk away but Anakin's voice froze him in his tracks.
"I loved her."
There was a slight stinging pain in his heart Obi-Wan tried to ignore. He did not turn around because he could almost feel Anakin's eyes trained on his back. There was no more strength to meet his gaze.
"She made me happy," continued Anakin. "She cared for me. She wanted me. I loved her for that. She means a lot to me."
"I understand." Obi-Wan did not think he really did.
"No you don't." Anakin's voice was harsh and rather cold. "You never did! You can't have because…" you never accepted me…
Obi-Wan could guess what Anakin was trying to say and walked away. He felt tears gathering in his eyes and hollowness in his heart. There was no place he could turn to – not even the Force that had betrayed the lives of so many Jedi, except, perhaps…
Obi-Wan placed his hand beneath the collar of his robes and fingered the object hidden behind.
Perhaps, he could do something to change this.
Suddenly, Obi-Wan felt very tired.
"All organic damage has been repaired. Subject is still dying."
"What do you mean?" roared Anakin angrily, looking ready to strike the droid through. "Why is she still dying?"
"Systemic failure cannot be explained." The droid was oblivious to Anakin's current unstable state.
"Look, you stupid factory by-product, I'll tear you apart from circuit to circuit…" he began menacingly, taking a threatening step to the medical droid.
"Anakin, please," pleaded Obi-Wan gently.
Anakin turned to face him, feeling a sudden urge to flare up at his old Master and the grave expression on his Master's face.
"You promised to me to help Padmé!" he shouted bitterly, feeling a haze of redness settle over his mind. "You promised me that Padmé would live! What are you going to do now, huh, great Jedi Master? My real Master has been right all along. All you Jedi are a bunch of liars! All of you are a bunch of hypocrites! All of you are just jokes!"
"Anakin, I promised you that I would do all I can to save her. I will, trust me."
"Trust? Trust?" Anakin snorted. "Why should I have ever trusted you?"
Obi-Wan drew back and a flash of emotion passed through his grayish-blue eyes. Anakin saw the barest hint of hurt that was quickly replaced by the look of quiet resignation.
"I'm not asking for your friendship or your understanding anymore, Anakin, because I know we can't repair the damage that's already done," said Obi-Wan softly. "I'm not asking you to forgive me for anything. I'm asking you to give me a chance – nothing more."
Obi-Wan exited the room the moment he finished to meet with Master Yoda and Bail Organa who waited outside. Anakin watched as there was a brief exchange of words between the two Jedi Masters that seemed to have left both Yoda and the Alderaan Senator shaken. Yoda tapped the floor angrily with his gimer stick and Bail Organa looked perplexed. Yet, on Obi-Wan's face there was a hint of defiance not normally seen. He spoke shortly to Yoda and walked away.
Through the transparent glass walls of the medical bay, Anakin saw an unreadable expression on Yoda's face as the Jedi Master turned to look at him. Anakin turned away and tried focusing his attention on his dying wife but his mind was filled with Obi-Wan's words that echoed and stayed with him better than a hundred of his lectures.
I'm not asking you for your friendship or your understanding…
I'm asking you to give me a chance…
The words sounded sad, resigned and grave,
A chance – Obi-Wan wanted a chance.
Anakin gripped the side of the operating table tightly, almost bending the metal with his robotic arm. He gritted his teeth and tried to steel his resolve.
Obi-Wan…one more chance…
Anakin prayed.