With the help of the force and a few medpacs Ellsia was feeling better, she wasn't completely healed but it couldn't be helped at the moment, even with it running through her stronger then before it was still draining to call upon it. Jerosh had stayed with her and she found that she liked him, he kept her company while she recuperated.

"So what is our situation?" she asked as they seemed steaming cups of Onderonian tea,

"Well there were substantial loses from the unexpected attack but we managed to beat them off, at the moment everyone is gathering together. Revan wants us to head for a far off planet call Malachor V."

"Revan..." The young jedi missed her friend and mentor, it seemed like years since she had seen her. Suddenly it jolted her that it had been years.

"Why did you abandon me to this Revan?" she asked silently, "I would do anything for you but I always thought we would be in this together..."

Suddenly she began to sob uncontrollably, years of pain and suffering pouring out as it never had before, Jerosh seemed alarmed that such a strong and composed jedi was breaking down.

"What's wrong?" he asked as she put her face in her hands, she looked at him, the tears making her eyes stand out strangely.

"I am a jedi, I should be out protecting people, yet here I am unable to protect even myself." She wiped her eyes though it didn't stop the tears, "I am still only a woman, a human, I cannot cut it all off, I am not worthy of being a jedi!" she whispered fiercely.

The young soldier took her hands and looked at her earnestly, "Anyone else would never have lasted this long, I have only known you a short time yet I see your strength and willingness to help others." he smiled wryly, "I saw the iridonian you were with, if it weren't for you i'm sure he wouldn't be alive right now and i'm sure the other people you've saved could say the same. You are a jedi it's true and it is your duty to help others, I believe you would not be here if you couldn't handle it."

He had echoed Revan's words almost to a tee, without thinking she put her arms around his neck and embraced him. He seemed surprised at first but slowly his arms went around her to. She closed her eyes, it had been a while since she had embraced anyone and she just wanted to feel the warmth of another body, to know she wasnt alone... but she found it was not this virtual stranger that she wanted it to be. She pulled back and did not look at him and within seconds he was kissing her, without thinking she responded, something in the back of her mind told her it was wrong, the code...

But this ecstasy, she had never before kissed anyone and found she quite liked it, her body was responding to his and the new feelings and sensations almost overwhelmed her. Jerosh turned away to remove his shirt and as he broke contact Ellsia opened her eyes, he was quite handsome it was true but he wasn't...

He leaned in to kiss he again and she stopped him shaking her head, he seemed confused.

"What's wrong?"

"I cannot, it is against the jedi code."

"Who is going to know?" he asked slyly, she smiled slightly but shook her head.

"I am sorry Jerosh but I can't, I-I don't love you."

He frowned and scrutinised her before nodding in resignation.

"Whoever he is, he's a lucky guy."

Ellsia blushed, it was strange but when they were kissing it was not Jerosh she was thinking of. It was time to find Bao-Dur.

Ellsia was brought out of her meditation by Caitlyn's voice, she had returned. Atton, Kreia and herself as well as an unconscious Bao-Dur had been put it holding cells while the exile had been taken away, she was relieved she was ok. They were released from the holding cells and Ellsia approached the iridonian just as he was coming round.

"Sorry I wasn't much help General," he said sheepishly as he stood.

"Think nothing of it Bao-Dur, if it wasn't for you we would never have found the ship."

He nodded then noticed Ellsia standing next to him, his eyes questioned her but she only smiled.

"Everyone return to the ship, I need to find T3 before we leave."

"I say we leave him, we don't need him anyway," muttered Atton but Caitlyn still heard it,

"As I recall the navicomputer is voice locked so we do need him, only he can navigate for us."

He only glowered but followed her as she headed in search of the droid, Kreia was not far behind. Bao-Dur and Ellsia were left alone to find the ship. They began to walk, neither of them saying anything, both just glad to be in the others company. Bao-Dur's remote wizzed around their heads bleeping and beeping and the young woman remembered the droid fondly. They found the ship and Ellsia wasn't impressed, it didn't look like much was keeping it together, it had obviously seen many battles.

As have we... she thought and regarded her friend.

"I- missed you Bao-Dur, it has been a while."

nearly 5 years to be exact added silently.

"I missed you too Ell, I never thought i'd see you again after-"

He didn't finish but looked at her closely as if searching for something, "You look the worse for wear."

She smiled shyly quite aware that she must look a state, her appearance had not bothered her before now. She had most definately not been looking after herself these last few years.

"Yes, well I haven't really had much time for myself lately..." she replied.

Liar

There was an awkward silence as neither could think of anything to say, the Iridonian was concerned and the woman flustered.

"Why can't I say it?" she asked herself as she looked at him, "Why I can't I say that without him I made the wrong choices?"

That was an understatement.

Why couldn't she tell him that if it hadn't been for memories and thoughts of him she would not have kept going this long?

The hope that seeing him again one day had kept her going?

And now here he was and all the words unsaid were still left that way.

Without thinking she closed her eyes and stepped into his arms, clearly he had not been expecting this and had to move his left away to keep from shocking her. Her heart beat rapidly against his chest and she could feel his doing the same, this was enough that the words stay unsaid for now.

The others appeared just as she stepped out of the embrace, they smiled shyly at one another and boarded the ship.

"Where to?" asked Atton when they were all assembled.

Caitlyn looked at Ellsia, "I think we should go find the jedi masters on the holorecord in T3's memory, if we can gather them all together then maybe we can do something about the sith."

"Wait, let me get this straight," Atton looked at her, "You want to go find the jedi who cast you out and would have killed you if it hadn't been for their precious code to ask them for help?"

Caitlyn nodded, "Pretty much."

"Jedi," he muttered shaking his head.

"So what were the locations?" asked Ellsia.

"Dantooine, Narr Shadarr, Korriban and Onderon."

They looked at each other,

"Dantooine."

Author note: yes this is a long one and i'm hoping to write more long ones so bare with me. I was listening to one of my favourite bands 'The Used' and one of their songs "Hard to Say" inspired most of this chapter, listen to it and you'll know what I mean. More chapters up soon!