Title: Remember
Rating: PG
Summary: We make a lot of mistakes in our lives. This is about doing what is right at the end of all things. Anakin/Obi-Wan slash, m/m
Disclaimer: I don't own this at all. All the characters and the wonderful universe belong to their respective owners.
A/N: I appreciate all your comments and criticisms. Don't worry; I'm immune to a lot of criticisms. First of all, I want to apologize in advance for this last chapter because I know some of you wanted a happy ending. However, I'm reluctant to give it an alternative ending as I've already written this story before. So, well, don't kill me.
The first thing that hit Anakin by the sudden revelation was pain.
It was a pain so intense that for a moment Anakin was completely consumed by it. He sank to the ground, moaning as all sorts of emotions flooded his senses – pain, disbelief, confusion, despair, desperation…
I would do all I can to save her…
'No, no, no, not Obi-Wan…not Obi-Wan, please no…' Anakin held his head in his hands, groaning in pain.
Trust me…
Anakin could not lose Obi-Wan like this – not like this.
Give me a chance…
Obi-Wan was going to die for Anakin's happiness in selfless sacrifice. Anakin's heart burned in pain – screaming through his senses. He could have dealt with Obi-Wan's death if he had killed him because of betrayal. He could have dealt with it if Obi-Wan had accidentally stepped off a cliff but this…
'Not this way – never this way.' Anakin was shaken with disbelief.
For Obi-Wan to give up his life to save Padmé and Anakin's insanity was something Anakin could not bear. In the end, Obi-Wan had not betrayed him.
In the end, he had kept his promise.
Anakin wished he had not.
Anakin lurched forward suddenly with renewed strength tripled by sheer desperation. He made about several meters forward before being held back by soldiers. He struggled against their grip.
"No! Obi-Wan! No! Don't! Please! Please, Obi-Wan! Stop it!"
Anakin could feel Padmé through the Force. Her life force was pulsing stronger and stronger as Obi-Wan fed him with his own. He could not feel Obi-Wan through the Force – their broken, walled bond made sure of that.
"No, no, no…Obi-Wan please, don't…Obi-Wan…no…"
Anakin battered against the walls of their bonds helplessly, throwing every ounce of strength he had.
'Stop, don't do this…' he cried desperately even though he knew Obi-Wan could not hear him through their bond. 'I can't lose you…'
There was no answer only emptiness.
And it hurt more than getting skewered by a lightsaber.
Changing his tactics, he sought for that one forgotten thread in their bond – a thread Anakin knew could never ever die. It was something they pushed away and tried to bury. It was also the only thing that could save their bond.
Anakin felt echoes of forbidden love course through him – the sensations of those gentle and comforting touches that lingered a moment too long; a word or phrase that carried some deeper, hidden meaning or a gaze that burned with unquenchable desire they both pretended they were blind to. Through that bond, Anakin spoke four words – four words that had defined and shaped him. They were four words Anakin had never said before.
'Obi-Wan, I love you.'
And the world blazed to life around him.
For a moment, Anakin could not feel Obi-Wan's presence in the Force and nearly wanted to cry but he soon realized that it was not Obi-Wan's shields that held him back.
Obi-Wan's presence was but a mere flicker in the Force not the blinding light Anakin expected him to be. His life force was fading. The darkness was eating the light away.
Obi-Wan was dying.
The truth hit him so hard that he collapsed to the floor when the soldiers were finally given orders to release him. It was a reality, not a dream – not some made-up story. Anakin could feel him dying. He could feel every bit of life force ebbing away into the darkness.
Obi-Wan would not even survive the hour.
Anakin scrambled forward to Obi-Wan's side, almost crying out in despair at how pale the Jedi Master's face was. Touching his face gently with his human hand, he was shocked at how cold the skin was. Obi-Wan opened his eyes weakly, body shaking and shivering and his breathing coming unsteadily. He looked at Anakin with glazed eyes, frowning.
"Anakin?" he rasped out.
"Why, Obi-Wan? Why?" Anakin asked, feeling tears gather in his eyes. "After all I did – after all the people I killed – I don't understand…"
Obi-Wan smiled slightly. Reaching out a hand with apparent difficulty, he lightly touched Anakin's face, wiping away a tear that had managed to slip out. He relished in the feeling of Anakin's tender flesh beneath his touch.
"I grew attached to you, I guess…" Obi-Wan was interrupted by a hacking cough. "Couldn't see you lose your happiness…couldn't see you slip into darkness…didn't want to…have to keep my promise…"
'Damn promises.' Anakin could not care about them right now. He wrapped his real hand around Obi-Wan's, careful not to squeeze too tightly. In his mind, he could recall the times when Obi-Wan would touch his shoulder lightly to draw him back from his nightmares. These were the hands that taught Anakin everything he could know about life.
"You didn't have to do this…didn't have to at all," Anakin repeated again and again softly.
When Obi-Wan made a move to close his eyes, Anakin's voice was raised in anger and desperation.
"Stay here, damn it!" he shouted. "Don't leave me here! I need you! Don't leave me! Stay here!"
Obi-Wan did not close his eyes but looked at Anakin with regret shining through them.
"I don't think I'll be able to keep that promise."
It had been right after Zenoma Sekot. The events that happened before had marked an important change in Anakin Skywalker's life. So many different things happened that left Anakin in a state of utter confusion. It was in this state that Obi-Wan found him.
Anakin was still reeling from the effects of the severed bond he had with the ship that had been grown for him. It was like losing part of his soul and it left him empty. He had imagined having this bond for as long as he lived and the shock of it being severed left him half-blinded with disbelief.
"Anakin."
Anakin looked up to see Obi-Wan standing there looking worriedly at him. Obi-Wan looked far too young but Anakin knew that appearances were often deceptive. He often dreamt of growing up to be a perfect Jedi just like Obi-Wan.
He was slightly surprised when Obi-Wan sat on the ground beside him. He felt the warmth radiating off the Jedi Knight – a contrast to the chill of the atmosphere. Closing his eyes when he felt the gentle hand of his Master touching his face and his touch was soothing. It was a comforting touch.
"Anakin."
Anakin loved the way his name was uttered from Obi-Wan's lips. It sounded beautiful with the hint of familiarity. Obi-Wan's voice was velvety smooth – perfect for singing and enamoring even the most hard-hearted of creatures. Obi-Wan used to sing lullabies when Anakin was younger and fearful of life on another planet to lull him to sleep. Anakin wanted to hear Obi-Wan again if it meant knowing he was still there and would always be there to support him.
"Anakin."
Anakin realized he was crying silently.
"Anakin, open your eyes."
Anakin obeyed. His sight was greeted by the understanding and kind face of Obi-Wan Kenobi. If Anakin had said that Padmé was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, Obi-Wan was the most beautiful thing he had ever sensed. In the Force, Obi-Wan was a blinding presence of light – brighter than even the brightest star in the galaxy.
He clung to Obi-Wan who accepted his embrace with silence. Anakin sobbed against Obi-Wan's chest, feeling Obi-Wan's presence as if Obi-Wan was the most important thing.
"Promise me that you will always be there."
"Anakin, people pass with time. Only the Force is constant."
"Promise me that you will never leave me." Anakin did not care.
"Anakin…"
"Promise me!"
"Anakin, attachments are forbidden…"
Anakin looked up, fixing Obi-Wan with an unrelenting gaze. "Promise me that you will never leave. Promise me that you will always be there. Promise me that you will always stay. Promise me."
Obi-Wan's expression was one of surprise and perhaps, with a hint of pain.
"I promise."
Angry, helpless tears fell freely down his face, trailing a cool path to drip onto Obi-Wan's tunic. Anakin had no idea how long it has been since he last cried but right now, he could not have stopped even if the galaxy's survival was at stake.
"Damn you! You can't leave me like this!" protested Anakin. "What about the promise, Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan, stay!"
He knew he was being selfish but at this point; he was beyond caring because he was breaking and helpless to stop it. He closed his eyes. This had to be some sort of nightmare he wished he could crush in his fists. He felt the darkness sing at his intentions. Perhaps, with enough power he could crush this nightmare out of existence. Perhaps, he could change it to where Padmé was alive and Obi-Wan did not have to sacrifice himself to save her. Yes, maybe he could, maybe…
"Anakin." Obi-Wan's voice was soft and gentle, pulling him back into reality.
Anakin's eyes refocused on Obi-Wan's and they were not tinged with redness.
Anakin Skywalker – not Darth Vader the monstrous Jedi slayer – looked at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan's gaze did not waver even when Anakin felt a probing presence reaching out gingerly through their Force-bond. Suddenly, there was a cascade of emotions flowing through him, leaving him breathless.
There was joy – happiness singing from Obi-Wan's heart. There was, perhaps, just a tinge of regret but Anakin was not so sure when another stronger, clearer emotion replaced it.
Love.
Pure, clear love - uncomplicated by the destroyed Jedi Order or the risen Galactic Empire – pulsed from Obi-Wan, honest in every degree. Anakin felt it enveloping him in a warm, affectionate embrace that chased away the darkness.
"Anakin."
It was a while before Anakin realized where he was. His face hovered close to Obi-Wan and his hands had cupped his face. Obi-Wan looked up at him, a small sad smile on his face, acceptance shining from his eyes. Anakin could still feel life leaking out of him.
"Don't leave me, Obi-Wan…please don't," he begged, tears falling. "You can't leave me like this…I love you…I love you…I love you…"
'I'm so sorry, Anakin,' whispered Obi-Wan through their shared bond as his eyes. 'I'm so sorry…I love you…"
Obi-Wan's lips were soft and pliant beneath his. He heard gasps of shock and surprise around him but he did not care because the person he was kissing was Obi-Wan and nothing could have prevented him from kissing Obi-Wan for the first time. Desire burned from every corner of his heart.
Obi-Wan tasted different from Padmé – very different. He tasted fresh, alluring and absolutely wonderful. It was different from kissing Padmé. Whereas Anakin would kiss Padmé with absolute care and concern as if she was made out of glass, this kiss was harsh, demanding, desperate as if they were trying to prolong the few minutes into endless eternity. Anakin took everything Obi-Wan was readily giving to him.
He pulled back when air became an absolute fundamental necessity. Obi-Wan's eyes were clouded with love, lust and longing.
Stay with me…stay with me…
You know I can't…
I don't want to lose you, not after this…
I'll wait for you when you're ready…
Obi-Wan, I…
A shudder ran through Obi-Wan's body as his mouth opened to release the last breath. Anakin pressed his lips in a slow, bittersweet kiss – tasting Obi-Wan for one last time.
Anakin, remember my love…then silence.
And Anakin was kissing only air.
Obi-Wan was gone – all that was left was his robes still warm to touch and a half-polished blue stone streaked with gold and patterned with tiny chips of gems. It hung from a thin leather strap. Anakin reached out his hand unsteadily as he felt fresh tears flowing. The stone was slightly warm in his left hand and Anakin could sense the tiny traces of love that had seeped into the stone.
Remember my love.
Anakin remembered.
Anakin Skywalker was rushing through the halls of the Jedi Temple in a desperate attempt to reach the canteen area before classes started. He knew Obi-Wan would reprimand him later about rushing through the hallways in an un-Jedi like manner like a krayt dragon was snapping at his heels but he did not really care about it right now because he had to give Obi-Wan something and if he was late for classes, well, he could handle that.
"Master Kenobi!" Anakin cried, delighted that he was able to find Obi-Wan. He rushed to meet him.
"Anakin, how many times have I told you not to…" Obi-Wan began a frown on his face when Anakin interrupted his conversation with Shaak Ti and Mace Windu.
"I'm sorry that I'm so disrespectful," Anakin hastily apologized. "But I wanted to give you something before you leave for Nar Shaddaa, seeing that I'm not going to see you for a week."
The expression on Obi-Wan's face softened into a quizzical expression and for a moment Anakin was unsure if giving the thing in front of two other Jedi was such a good idea but Obi-Wan was waiting for him with an expectant look.
Anakin produced it from the folds of his robes and the small, half-polished stone twinkled like a blue star. It pulsed and burned with its own inner light. Just the exact shade of Obi-Wan's eyes, every time Anakin looked at it, he remembered Obi-Wan and his presence in the Force.
"I wanted to give you something as a token of my appreciation for taking me as your Padawan." Anakin held it out and hoped desperately that Obi-Wan would accept it even though he knew there was a high possibility he might not.
Much to Anakin's relief, Obi-Wan took it and immediately tied it around his neck. Anakin stared at it. It lay on Obi-Wan's chest as if its entire destiny was to do so.
"Thank you, Anakin."
Anakin stood there awkwardly for a moment before bowing and leaving. Before he turned the corner, he heard Mace Windu speak loud enough for him to catch.
"Love surrounds the stone."
Anakin did not hear Obi-Wan reply.
Anakin fell to his knees, unable to stop the tears. His entire body shook as he gripped the stone tightly – a little harder and he might be able to crush it to dust.
Obi-Wan had never taken it off.
Oh Force, he should have known – he should have known. He should have known from those light touches Obi-Wan gave that always hinted at a feeling deeper than friendship. If only he had been a bit more forceful – if he had broken down the walls sooner – perhaps, he could have stopped this from happening.
Obi-Wan had always loved him.
It was the simple, actual truth. Anakin crumpled.
"Love you, he did," said Yoda as he hobbled in. "Keep this from the Council, he could not."
Anakin was in disbelief. How could the Council come to learn of this when he himself was too blind to see it?
"Blinded you were by hurt and distrust," answered Yoda. "Out of love, Obi-Wan had sacrificed himself. Only by selfless sacrifice can another life be saved."
Anger rose in him like a tidal wave – unstoppable and ferocious.
Palpatine had lied to him – no – Darth Sidious had lied o him. The knowledge burned through his heart. Anakin would tear him apart from limb to limb in a slow, torturous death for everything he had done. He would kill Sidious for lying to him – for indirectly causing Obi-Wan's death.
He stood up, the tears clearing from his eyes. Clutching the stone for a moment, he tied it around his neck, feeling the soft murmurs of Obi-Wan's love. If he concentrated hard enough, he could almost feel Obi-Wan's lips brushing his in a chaste kiss.
Without turning to Yoda, he spoke.
"I will kill Sidious. Take care of Padmé and the children for me. Tell them I love them and that I'm sorry. I don't know if I will return."
"May the Force be with you, Skywalker."
I will wait for you when you're ready…
'I won't be long, Master,' Anakin thought, hoping that Obi-Wan would be able to listen. 'I promise. I love you.'
Anakin left.
The End