A Second Helping
The Xbox 360 TV Spot
The urban setting was complete with the usually overused basketball court. The asphalt was a faded, cracked grey. Apartment buildings surrounded the fenced off court and in the distance massive sky scrapers kissed the sky. Right in the center of the court stood the strangest bunch of individuals ever on the planet. It was a strange troop of Covenant individuals. A few Elites, a Grunt, a Brute, and a Hunter stood listening. The Microsoft representative and director of this little commercial beamed brightly as he finished off his offer.
"So…" the red Elite said raising waving his hand.
"Allow me to shed doubts on our purpose here… we do this "jump rope" and you give us large amounts of monetary material?"
"Of course!" The Microsoft representative smiled happily excited that he would be working with the characters of one of the most popular games in existence.
"I'm down with that!" The Grunt chirped slightly.
"So what exactly are we advertising again?"
"This!" The representative gleefully held up a finished Xbox 360, a sexy machine infinitely better than any other console product… like say the Dreamcast. It was so good it made anything before it look stupid and archaic with the exception of that other console Microsoft made. The Xbox 360 should simply be bought over anything else. There is nothing worth buying that's better, not food, not water, not the DVD version of Serenity, NOTHING! This author would like to take this time to lay out his piles of money and finish relaxing in his 24 karat gold plated Jacuzzi in the shape of a giant M and a dollar sign.
The Covenant stared.
"So we're advertising a urinal puck?" The red Elite commented.
"No, no! It's the latest videogame entertainment system from Microsoft!"
"The hell is a videogame?" The red Elite asked.
"Uh… you mean you don't know?"
"Know what? I spent my years fighting for the Covenant. Next you're going to tell me my whole life is a lie, and I've been living in an artificial reality… because then I would be force to enact wrath-filled, blood-spewing revenge on those who created such a cowardly lie," the red Elite commented innocently.
"Hehehe…. All right! Let's get started. I'll have the two blue elites handle the jump rope. The message we are trying to get out is 'Jump in.' So do any impressive fancy maneuvers, jump the rope a few times, and then walk off."
The TV spot music began playing in the background. The blue Elites shrugged and began. The Grunt, eager to prove himself, was the first to jump in.
"Wee!" The grunt yelled as he successful jumped the rope for five seconds.
The red Elite not to be outdone by a pathetic Grunt gave a running start catapulted himself over the back of a blue Elite, flipped in the air twice, and landed jumping the rope all the way. Ecstatic that he completed his maneuver impressively, he failed to notice he had landed onto the grunt.
"AUGH!"
The grunt gave a screech of pain as the massive hooves of the Elite pounded into his back leveling him into the ground. The veteran then pushed himself off of the grunt and proceeded to do a break dance pounding the floored grunt with his hooves. He promptly flipped out of the way allowing another one to get in.
A Brute not to be outdone by a god damn Elite also dove in. The Grunt pushed himself off the asphalt only to crushed back into it as the massive weight of the Brute fell onto his spine.
"AUGH!" The grunt gave a series of yelp for each time the Brute jumped on him. And The Brute made sure his spectacle was far better than the Elites as he maneuvered between the spinning ropes in a series of impossibly graceful maneuvers. All of which landed straight back onto the Grunt with greater force.
The Grunt rolled around on the ground in pain. A sudden parade of jackals stampeded through the jump ropes drawing a trail of smoke and dust and leaving behind a dirty, broken Grunt in their wake.
"Ow! Ow! Pleasseee… help… me…" The Grunt shakingly held up a hand pleading. His sobs and crying puppy dog eyes could break anyone's heart.
"Heeeeellllllppppp… mmmmmeeeee…"
The red Elite pissed he had been outdone by the Brute drove through the twirling ropes with a ghost… right over the Grunt.
SCWACK!
"Wah haha!" The grunt began openly sobbing from agony in a tangled mass of limbs, "Someone… please… kill me… "
The whole court began shaking as the Hunter ran up to join the fun.
The screen instantly showed the Xbox 360 logo. The phrase "Jump In" appeared on the screen as the music began to fade.
STOMP!
"AAAAAAUUUGGGGGHHHH!"
Author's Note: View the TV Spot here: http/