Bomb Problems

"Our duty to the Covenant calls for acts of courage that will be remembered."

The Covenant boarding craft flew unheeded straight to the nearest MAC orbital platform. The orbital weapon platforms sent a fury of unyielding fire at the surprised Covenant ships. There was not supposed to be humans here according to the Prophet Regret! Shocked, the Elites hastily enacted a desperate plan. They would literally dive onto the immense human weapons and arm a powerful bomb. Although a few Covenant would die, the majority would make it out alive.

The Elite covered in a silver white armor stood proudly at the front of the boarding craft spearheading the lesser red and blue Elites directly into battle. A strange purple egg like device covered in massive spikes Today would be his day of victory! The Elite continued with his hastily prepared speech.

"We may sacrifice our lives today! But remember the promises of the Covenant! Take courage from the despair of our enemies! Give vengeance when they retreat! Grant mercy to none but our own!"

The boarding craft seared a perfect hole directly through armored plating. The Ultra waited and watched. No human came. Excellent, they were too busy fending off the others. The plan would be executed with absolute precision.

"ONWARD WARRIORS!" The Ultra grabbed the spiked parts of the bomb with both hands, "ONWARD TO VICTORY!"

With a great thrust the Ultra pushed the bomb with all his might. It moved an inch.

"HRRN!" The Ultra grunted and pushed the bomb another inch. The other elites stared.

"Stop staring! Our victory is at hand! HRRRN!"

This time the bomb moved a good foot.

SCREEEEECCCHHH!

The other Elites winced at the high pitched squeal of metal spikes on the metal floor.

"HRRN!" The Ultra stopped and braced himself on his upper knees with his hands panting.

"Do you need hel-"

"Huff NO! Huff I'm fine!" The Ultra pulled himself to his feet and took a running start. Lapping around the bomb with enormous speed, the ultra threw himself into the bomb grabbing the spikes with his hands and putting his full weight and force into moving it forward.

The bomb stood perfectly still as the ultra slipped on the smooth metal floor, lost his grip on the spikes, and landed unceremoniously on his head.

"On… huff …ward huff," the sprawled Elite pointed to the ceiling in a daze. A few moments later, the other Elites awkwardly helped the Ultra to his feet. He recovered immediately and wrenched himself away from their grasp. His confident demeanor was none the worse for war.

"Well? What are you waiting for! Let's pick this up and move it."

Several Minutes Later

"Slowly!"

The Ultra lead a pack of Elites slowly through the hallway trying to desperately move the heavy bomb. As leader, the Ultra was enjoying his supervising position with no heavy lifting. An Elite began loosing his grip on the bomb. The deadly instrument began leaning heavily to one side.

"SACRED RING! IT HAS SPIKES ON THE BOTTOM YOU IMBECILE! SET IT DOWN SLOWLY!" The Ultra roared his distaste a good ten feet away.

The bomb slammed right into the ground. The Ultra jumped back a foot in surprise.

"AH! CAREFUL! THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

With the perpetual "guidance" of the Ultra, the Elites took a bit of a rest and tried to start again.

"Okay… okay… let's lift. Slowly…" the bomb dropped again as an elite fell in exhaustion.

"My back!" The blue elite was sprawled on the ground his voice weakening.

"You alright… you pulled a muscle." The Ultra came up and kneeled by his fallen comrade.

"Tell… tell my children I loved them…"

"Don't worry, we'll just put a salve on it and…"

"Tell them… tell them I lived a good life… TELL THEM!" The fallen elite began sobbing, "TELL THEM I LIVED A GOOD LIFE! I may not be the best parent! But I was there when they needed me! I was there… gasp it's so cold now..."

"You just pulled a muscle; now get up you're fine!"

"BLEARGH!" With that the fallen Elite died.

"Blasted Oracle! This is ridiculous! There is got to be some easier way to move this large, heavy bomb." The Ultra stated while sitting on a large wheeled crate moving equipment of some sort. It was a primitive human construct. The Ultra had the fleeting thought that it was probably used to move large heavy materials.

"If only if there was some way to move the bomb easier." The Ultra got up and walked in front of the bomb. He stared directly at the ground where the bomb lay and then looked at the wheeled contraption he was sitting on.

"Hmm…"

The Ultra turned back to the bomb and then turned back to the human equipment. A minute passed.

"Damn! I got nothing. All we got is this large heavy bomb and this human contraption used to move large heavy things. What do we do now?"

The Jeopardy song began playing as all the Elites sat down in deep thought. Some fiddled and wrote math equations on the walls. Others grouped together wearing glasses and white laboratory coats holding flasks filled with a transparent green bubbling liquid.

"I GOT AN IDEA!" An Elite in the back yelled as he was hit by a enormous revelation.

Several Minutes Later

The cart used to move large heavy materials was moved out of the way as the Ultra smeared the ground with the fallen Elite's blood. The now slippery floor made it much easier to push the bomb.

"Excellent! We have accomplished a minor victory!"

"Yeah," grunted a blue Elite, "who says we're not innovative!"

"All right, we'll just set it down here right next to the reloading machinery." The Ultra laughed triumphantly as activated the bomb that had been place right next to a bunch of crates. There was a large window here perfect for watching the space battle. The holographic display showed a countdown timer set to five minutes in Covenant script.

"We did it! Ha ha!" The Ultra laughed.

"My only regret is that I never did get to test my skills against the infamous demon!"

The elevator located out of the way directly behind the Ultra slid open casting a enormous beacon of pure white light. Silhouetted in death defying glory, the Master Chief armed a grenade and threw it into the fray. The grenade rolled right between the legs of the Ultra.

"Ah, shit."

The massive explosion was a ten on the agony chart.

The End.

Author's Notes: Take this story with a grain of salt. It's not really true to the game's reality as the Master Chief can move the bomb by himself without sweat. Even with the new fangled armor, a couple Elites could probably match and overpower the Chief in pure power. According The Fall of Reach, the Master Chief with Halo 1 armor is equal in strength to a Elite.