Contemplating

Disclaimer: I don't own Crescent Moon.

Summary: "He cleared his throat, tried again. 'Mahiru, will you marry me?' After a pause, he stood and nearly threw the ring at the wall in frustration. That didn't sound right either."

A/N: Takes place about 8 years after book 6 ends. Enjoy!

This was stupid.

He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be thinking about doing this. Hell, he shouldn't even be thinking about not thinking about doing this.

And now he had a headache.

He groaned and closed the tiny box he'd been holding with a small snap. Leaning against the chair back, he tried to think. But he began fidgeting. And not just fidgeting, fidgeting with the small box in his hands which brought his thoughts back full circle.

This was stupid.

He had no idea what made him buy it. One of those impulsive decisions. Yeah, that's what it was. An impulsive decision.

"Completely ignore that tiny voice in the back of your mind, saying that you've been thinking about this for months ever since you saw Mahiru looking through a wedding gown magazine at the grocery store," he mumbled to himself. But even when said aloud, he couldn't believe it.

Impulsive. Heh, yeah right. He wishes. Walking into that store last week, he knew exactly what he was doing. He had looked at what seemed like every ring in the store and hadn't been impressed. Then he saw it. Sitting between a gold banded ruby and a simple heart cut diamond was the ring.

He opened the box again and stared at the object inside. Sunlight bounced off the two round diamonds and created miniature rainbows on the wall. Set between the two diamonds was an oval sapphire, glimmering and winking at him. It reminded him of her eyes, which was the main reason why he'd bought it. He took it out, running his thumb along the white gold band.

This was stupid.

It wasn't as if he didn't think she'd say yes. The majority was on his side, but there was always the dreaded, but possible, what if. What if she did say no? What if she didn't want to marry him? What if he read the signs wrong? Not that flipping through wedding magazines and lingering in front of wedding gown stores wasn't obvious enough, but there are those two words again. What if.

Maybe if he practiced, then he'd feel more confident. Prepared his words so that his heart wouldn't be racing a mile a minute when he actually did ask.

He kneeled in front of the mirror, held the box up with his left hand and opened it with his right. Taking a deep breath, he let out an almost whisper of, "Mahiru, will you marry me?" It took him less then a second to realize how pathetic that sounded. A whispered proposal? What was he, an overly emotional pansy who could barely keep himself from crying his little heart out?

This was stupid.

Taking a deep breath, he looked at the mirror again. "Mahiru, will you marry me?" It came out as a croak and he winced at his own voice.

Why was this so hard? It was just a question. One question. He'd asked Mahiru a billion questions before. Why was this one simple question so hard?

Because this wasn't just any question. It was the question. The question that would change both of their lives, but mostly his if she said no.

This was stupid.

He cleared his throat, tried again. "Mahiru, will you marry me?" After a pause, he stood and nearly threw the ring at the wall in frustration. That didn't sound right either.

Maybe if he reworded it. "Will you marry me Mahiru?" No. "Marry me, Mahiru." That sounded more like a demand or a request. "Marry me Mahiru will you?" Okay, now that sounded just plain silly.

This was stupid.

He was seriously starting to regret that he ever thought of doing this. But he could always 'forget' the ring at home and just continue the date as planned. Minus the proposal of course. It wasn't as if he had dropped any hints of it.

At least, he didn't think he did. Girls usually read too much into the simplest of things. Oh hell, his unusually weird and nervous behavior lately could've easily given him away. Mahiru might already think he was proposing to her and if he didn't, then she'd be seriously disappointed and heartbroken.

This was st—

A knock interrupted his thoughts. Quickly, he put the ring back in the box and tossed it under a pillow just in time to turn and see Mahiru enter.

"Mitsuru, you wouldn't have happened to see my blue shawl would you?" She looked around, checking if the item of clothing was in his room.

He remained as cool as a cucumber. Or at least tried. "Nope, haven't seen it. Did you check the downstairs closet?" he suggested a bit too quickly. He mentally slapped himself.

"Looked already, wasn't there." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Maybe Katsura still has it from when she borrowed it a couple of weeks ago." She was about to exit when she turned back and smiled at him. "I can't wait for tonight. What time are we leaving again?"

"Seven," he answered automatically, but his mind was elsewhere.

That was it. That smile; that was it. That was all it took to make all his fears and doubts wash away. Her smile was absolutely brilliant. Even when she was only clad in her worn white robe and fuzzy pink slippers, hair still wet and clingy from her shower, she was gorgeous. Especially with that smile on her face.

He was going to marry her. It was no longer a question of what ifs or maybes. He was going to marry her. If she didn't say yes tonight, then he'd ask tomorrow. And the next day and the next day and the next until she eventually caved in. Because he could not live without her in his life.

He was going to marry her.

Nothing was stupid about that.

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed it! Don't forget to review!

"I love him because he's the kind of guy who gets drunk on a glass of buttermilk, and I love the way he blushes right up over his ears. I love him because he doesn't know how to kiss, the jerk!"

-Sugarpuss O'Shea, Ball of Fire