A/N: Sorry for the delay, but doing anything on the weekends is near impossible for me.

I've been avoiding him again.

Staying away from Sirius Black, especially after he kissed me like that, is the hardest thing I have ever done. However, I have somehow managed it over the last few weeks and, though we see each other (it's difficult not to), we don't say anything. Classes have started once more and at least they distract me from thinking about him; there are so many assignments to complete and tests to study for. The N.E.W.T.s are a whole year away, yet the teachers act as if they're right around the corner.

I don't know how I would explain my reaction to my friend. He doesn't understand. I get the sense that he believes I'm just another one of the girls that wants him one night and one night alone. After that, I can tell he needs us to go back to being best mates and nothing more… nothing deeper. So I wonder why I bother loving him. I wonder why I can't shake him from my mind or why he haunts my dreams. I know it is useless. I know that his promise is an empty one, as James had tried to tell me.

Yet, I can't stop seeing Sirius like I do.

How can something that feels so right be wrong? That's what I ask myself and that's why I continue to pursue him, though give him distance at the same time. I know it hurts me and I think Sirius has figured that out too, but it's something I can't help. This is who I am and changing doesn't seem to be an option. I've tried to date, but never got farther than a sloppy half-hearted kiss. With him, it's different even though we've barely reached that point. I can just sense it.

Maybe, it's because I'm a werewolf. Whatever the reason, I'm unable to control these emotions – just like Moony. They take over, as he does, and direct me to a fork in the road. I could take the easy one; oh, I could forget about Sirius and still have a friendship with him. There could be nothing missing from that and I would be happy because I'm very thankful to the Marauders. They've helped me in times when no one else has and they embraced me when they found out what I was.

But, things aren't always so easy. I chose the path that had lots of roots to trip me. I chose the one with the barbs and branches that can tear at my flesh and make it bleed. I knew it would be more challenging and yet I still walked down it. I'm not about to turn back now. So despite the fact that these feelings of mine rip at my body and soul, I carry them all the same. They are a burden – just like Moony.

I spend most of my time in the Library (where Sirius doesn't go too often, unless he's looking for me) or out on the grounds in the bitter cold of winter. I wake up before all my friends and eat breakfast in the Great Hall while they are still sleeping. I skip lunch and sneak out late to the Kitchens for dinner. This is how I've managed to avoid him for so long.

I realize that I'm breaking some rules that Hogwarts has, but luckily I'm a Prefect. In my mind, I come up with the excuse that I'm 'patrolling' the halls and looking for students out of bed, though I doubt I would do anything to them. I'm lenient, even when it doesn't concern the Marauders or people that I know. However, Sirius and I share the same Dormitory room and I have to look at his figure. Sometimes it is peaceful; other times, I can see him twist and turn in torment.

And I wonder if he is having a nightmare; I wonder if it involves me. Finally, I can't stand it and I decide to write him a letter, which seems rather silly considering we are so close. This is the only way that I can tell him my feelings though because I falter over my words; making a note of them in ink is a lot easier for me. It takes me hours to write it – I scratched out a lot of things – and then I copied it to a new piece of parchment.

For something small and trivial like this, it's hard to believe that it had taken me that long. Even on parchment, finding the words for my explanation was difficult. Just as I'm about to seal it up and leave it on the night table beside Sirius's four-poster, I quickly scribbled a P.S. to tell him to meet me in that empty classroom again.

I want to apologize to him in person no matter what he thinks of this note. I feel wrong for slapping him and I had cried (though I can't be sure if it was because of that or because of what he said). He needs to do more than just try; otherwise, I can never truly be with him like how I planned. Werewolves – like real wolves – are picky creatures; they choose a mate for life, not for a one-night stand.

However, I suppose that Sirius could do what the Icy Seducer from Slytherin did. Only when I have sex with someone does the bond come into complete play. I don't know what I would do if Sirius decided to… rape me.

It would kill me. Not literally, of course. Inside. I would be broken into a thousand more pieces, never hoping to be put back together again. I've decided that emotional suffering, such as this one, is worse than the painful transformations I have to go through. I can heal after I change into Moony without much help. I only go to the Hospital Wing because the Marauders are worried about me and at least I can get permission to miss a few subjects.

Emotional damage is harder. You can't just slap a band-aid over it and say that it's better; it needs time and the right consoling to forget the incident. I had never gotten any when Evan Rosier raped me. I never even told anyone – not even the Marauders. Perhaps, that's why it is so awkward.

Sighing, pushing these thoughts from my head, I lay the note down on the nightstand next to where Sirius is sleeping. I can see his eyes darting underneath the lids and, once again, I wonder what he dreams about. In a few hours, I can't believe that the morn will come and I will be waking up to avoid him… waking up to hide from him. I will see him again though to tell him that I'm sorry.

I don't know what will happen after that. I'm not sure what his reaction will be once he reads that letter, but our meeting this evening will make or break everything. The relationship I so desperately want could come crashing down around me… or actually happen. I hope for the best, of course, but I'm also optimistic.

I know Sirius Black. I know him better than the rest of the Marauders. I know him better than anyone.

Ooo0ooO

This empty classroom is the same one I had told him that I liked – maybe even loved – him. He was shocked, to say the least. And now, I'm back again, waiting for him to arrive once more. I grow nervous, as I did then, and shift my feet while biting into the bottom portion of my lip. I begin to pace, not realizing that I'm doing so because I'm worried; Sirius Black is late. I'm not sure if I should take this to mean something, but I'll stay in this room until I know for certain.

A slight clearing of a throat interrupts my train of thought and I stop moving to look at the figure standing in the doorframe. He has arrived. It looks as though he is surrounded by a white light and it makes him all the more charming and handsome. His gray orbs have a curious, yet strangely mischievous glint in them and I cock a brow as I notice this.

"Well… you've been avoiding me, again." Sirius says.

"I know. I'm sorry… I didn't mean to slap you…"

"It's fine," He smiles, "I think I deserved it."

That shocks me. I don't know what he's talking about, but half of me agrees with him at the same time. He did have it coming, though I felt odd since I was the one doing it; I have never snapped like that before with my friends (unless it's the full moon). He has moved closer to me; however, it's still a friendly distance away. I sense the butterflies squirming in my gut and I fight them down, trying to control them. This is the moment. All my hopes could be dashed or my dreams could come true in this single moment. I feel both excited and frightened by what my friend might say next.

He continues, "Your letter was profound. I think I understand now; more than I did before, I mean. And I'm ready. I don't want to just try anymore. I can commit to you, Remus, if you would just let me. I'm not saying that I'm gay. I've never liked a guy this way before… I didn't even consider it until you told me that secret."

"What are you trying to say, Sirius?" I ask.

"Before, I was confused. James tried to explain it to me, but it just made it worse. But I see it now and I know what to do. I like you… I suppose I was always fond of you more than the other Marauders. I thought it was because of your lycanthropy; I saw you weak and I wanted to be there for you as a friend. Then, you told me that you wanted more and I couldn't give it to you then. Now… I can."

I am silent. I study Sirius as he studies me. His face is blank, but I can tell that he's waiting expectantly for me to reply. I can see that he's worried about what I might say to him; after all, I turned him down before. He sounded honest when he spoke and he didn't use that word; he really was ready for the next step. But was I? I wanted to be with him more than anything else in the world.

I didn't know what to say though; I didn't know how to respond. I didn't want to break his heart as he had shattered mine so I would agree. Finally, the prankster was living up to his promise. We could be together, but I wasn't sure if that would make things easier for me or not…

"All right… If you're certain."

"I am. Remus, I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. I'll make it up… I promise." Sirius says and smiles.

He comes closer to me, the distance no longer friendly between us and slightly uncomfortable; however, this was what I wanted… He puts his arms around my body and draws me to him, hugging me and rubbing my back. The touch still has the same reaction – it feels like lightning is crackling in my blood. I'm blushing, but he doesn't seem to mind this too much; in fact, he's laughing. And then, he kisses me on the forehead.

He repeats, "I promise."

We part and it's like a section of myself is missing when he's not near enough. I don't say anything as he takes my hand and leads me out of the empty classroom. I have no idea where he's taking me and I could really care less. I'm happy that he has finally agreed, though I think things for us will just get harder. Wizards understand same sex relationships better than Muggles, but it's still not looked lightly upon.

If Sirius were a member of the Black family (if he hadn't gotten disowned), then there would be more trouble. As it is, I'm a werewolf and I'm uncertain about how far I should take it… I love him; however, my 'kind' mates for life. We walk through the corridors together and he holds my hand, guiding me like I'm blind. But I don't mind this because I'm too caught up in everything that has happened these last few moments.

Finally, when we get inside the Gryffindor Common Room, he lets me go and grins boyishly. I smile back at him and we kiss – on the lips this time. The one under the Christmas tree felt uncertain and curious. This new kiss is sure and just… Sirius truly understanding what he's getting himself into. It's pleasant and it makes me happy. In a way, I can't believe that it's happening because it seems like a wonderful dream.

But it's real... Very much real.

So many things will change between us now, but I'm ready for them and so is he. For the first time, I feel like nothing else in the world matters. I'm not thinking about the pop quiz tomorrow in Charms or how close my next transformation is. All of my attention is focused on Sirius and on the kiss that we share.