1Hurting and Recovery
House was in his office hiding out. Not wanting to see Cameron knowing that once he saw her face his emotions would be every were. And when his emotions went haywire all others could see would be pure hurtful sarcasm. And he didn't want to do anything more to hurt Cameron. Even though he thought that he had done the worst already.
"House" Wilson entered the office. Knowing that house was hiding on the floor. He walked around House's desk and saw House with head phone in his ears and eyes shut. Wilson bent down disconnected the ear phones from his ipod and watched as House opened his eyes with a cold blues gaze.
"What hell was that for!" He responded, looking at Wilson for and explanation. He picked himself up from the floor taking his time so that he wouldn't increase the pain in his leg. If it was anybody else, and not Wilson, he would have done it quickly to show that he was no cripple. But with Wilson he didn't care. Wilson knew him inside and out no matter what he did.
Ignoring House's response Wilson began to talk. "What are you doing hiding? Wait, either you're hiding from cuddy or you screwed something up with Cameron, as always. What is it?" Wilson took a seat in the chair across from House's desk while House took the seat behind his desk facing Wilson. They stared at each other. Wilson trying to break what House was holding in.
"Why are you always asking questions?" House asked. He knew Wilson was on to something, but how did he always suspect it was a problem with women. Probably because it was always a problem with women.
" Because you always have answers. Come on House tell me!" Wilson leaned back waiting for house to crack. He knew it would be any minute. And all he had to do was wait. They sat in silence for about five minutes just starring at each other. Wilson winning, House finally broke.
"It's Cameron" House finale told his best friend. House told Wilson everything that had happened, not leaving out any details. Wilson was very surprised that House had did all the things he mentioned. He thought he knew House, he was so predictable. But apparently not when it came to Cameron.
"Why the hell would you just leave like that House. The poor girl probably think you just wanted to get in to her pants and just that." Wilson didn't know how to react, Cameron was also a close friend to him. And knowing how much she like House he knew that she must have been devastated to the core. "You could have waited until she awoke and talked about it. Wait, you never talk about your feelings, so it wouldn't have worked that way."Wilson said in his on sarcastic manner imitating the usual House. "You've hurt her House and your going to clean it up on your own. You know she loves you and there's no doubt that you have feelings for her, or Friday would not have happened." Wilson said in a low sorrow voice. "If you don't fix this she'll leave. We all will be losing something close, because of your dumb feelings." and with that Wilson walked out of House's office. Shaking his head, not knowing how his friend could be so dumb.
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Cameron spent her day in clinic, helping colds, and other minor aches and pains. Nothing that was significant. And all she could do was think about House. She was angry, she was confused. Did House want her at all? Did he just want sex from her? Was she just a toy to him? These question went over and over in her head, and the more she thought about them the more she thought they were true. She finally wanted to give her brain a rest, and the only way she could do that was by talking to House and giving him a piece of her mind. She didn't know how the conversation would play out. She just knew that it had to happen sooner than later.
As Cameron made her way to House's office thousands of reasons why she should do this ran through her head. Thousands of reasons that she pushed through as she opened the glass door to his office and saw him sitting at his desk twirling his cane in the air. Very apparent that he was in deep thought about something. Cameron hoped that he was thinking about her, scolding himself about what he had done. He looked up when she entered expression unknown, He just starred at her with no intention of speaking, so she started the first words of the conversation.
"House? We need to..tell me.." She didn't know how to talk all of a sudden, every thing was run crazy in her head that she couldn't get a grasp of the right words. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath then started over, more calm this time. " What happened House?" she said, with a very depressing emotion in her voice which also showed greatly on her face. House stopped twirling his cane and berried his face in his hands, elbows on his knees. She really thought that he wasn't going to answer her, "House" she raved, wanting an answer, wanting to know why he had left, why he had put her through what he did.
"Cameron..." House said in a deep voice, it was stricken with a tinge of sadness which Cameron thought she had imagined until he spoke again. "I'm... I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just... I... I'm to damn old for you!" and there it was, he was back to his old sarcastic self. The sadness gone as if it never had been there.
"I see, get into my pants when you see the right time, huh?" Cameron was totally cold when she said this. Every feeling of love for House was gone, nothing about him was attractive any longer. Just an evil old man sitting at his desk before her. "You know you're right, you are too damn old for me." and with that she left his office, not sure if she would be coming back.
House sat in his chair watching Cameron leave, he let her go. She was too good for him, and she knew it. He knew there was a possibility that she wouldn't be back, and at that time House thought it was for the best. Cameron had opened up a space inside him that had been closed for years. And he hated when that space was open, because once it was open pain was guaranteed to follow at some point. And now like he had always known would happen. He was left hurting.
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Cameron sat in her comfy chair with a glass fo Morlett watching "An Affair to Remember" her favorite love story of all time, Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr at their best. She sat there crying in both happiness and sadness. Not paying attention to the screen but going through the memories in her mind of House. Tears running from her red eyes down her red cheeks. Why couldn't she be one of those strong women she always saw on televison. The ones that made you hate them. Why couldn't she be like that. Instead she was a wreck, the Titanic sinking to the bottom. Never being able to surface again, even if she was able to recover she would never be the same.
The phone rang, she ignored it, it rang again, she cursed it. Then the machine picked up. It was House. She had no intention of picking the phone up, she wanted him to pour his heart out and know that he was hurting.
"Cameron, I know your there. And I know you have no intention of picking up the phone. But we need to talk about what happened and I didn't do a good job of that today, with you, in the office. Um... well I kinda thought you would have picked up by now so... well that's it. We'll have the talk later I guess...like in a few seconds... because I'm right out side your door" Cameron jumped at this. Then came a knock at the door which started another jump. What was he doing here. Then DUH popped in her head. He was here to talk, but why? Why now. Another knock came and this one sounded impatient, She was still sitting on the couch trying to figure out what to do. She finally got up fixed her hair on the way to the door. Stopping and checking it in the mirror next to the door. It was alright for the current occasion. She open the door to see House in his usually attire. Jeans, old t-shirt and a black blazer to complete his look. He was heavily leaning on his cane, you could see the pain in his face. Cameron didn't know whether the pain was from his leg or the pain in which their present situation ha d caused. She hoped that it was a little of both.
No words were spoken as House walk himself into her apartment, she moved to the side to allow him room to enter. He mad himself at home in the chair she was occupying just moments before. She didn't want to be the first one to start the conversation, so she walked over to were he was and settled herself on the couch. That was positioned next to the chair house was occupying. She laid down on the couch and covered herself with the blanket the lay there. It had suddenly felt colder for some reason. Once she finally found her comfort spot House began to talk.
" Cameron, I know what I did was wrong and I hurt you badly" Cameron had made a gesture to talk, but House signaled a hand for her not to interrupt "No, I want to say this. It's not that I don't want you. I did want you, I didn't intend on leaving and making you feel like I just used you." House really didn't know how to say what he wanted this was a first for him. " I can't be with you, because it's...I would be holding you back, you have aa very promising life ahead and you shouldn't be sticking around because of someone man, who will probably kick it any day." And with that he gestured he was done.
"Don't you think that's my decision, to decide if I'm making the right choice for myself?" Cameron moved her self upright on her couch facing House. He was looking into his lap, not letting his blue eyes grace her tear filled face. "I don't need you to make my decisions for me House. I'm a big girl, I handle my life, you don't." she was at the edge of the couch now. So close to House that their knees were seconds away from touching. " And you think that having sex with me is a good way to help that theory of yours. How are you going to justify that? Or unless you planed this, sleep with Cameron then leave and hey she won't be a problem any more. Then I won't have to deal with that school girl crush of hers any more " she was standing now. Looking down at House who still hadn't moved his gaze from his lap. Looking like a child who was being punished. "Is that how you want it? Because that's all I see right now House, and let me tell you it hurts, bad." She had finished and couldn't stand the sight of him anymore, she turned so he back was facing him. What had he come for, if he was just going to sit there like a child.
Then a hand grabbed her wrist turning her around, House had stood up, finally looking into her eyes. He pulled her close, eyes burning holes into her mind. He kissed her softly and she returned it. House then felt it was the right time to speak.
"I'm Sorry" he said, with all his heart it seemed. It had been hurting him to say that but now that it was out, there was a great relief. He leaned in for another kiss when Cameron's hand on his chest stopped him.
"No!" she said her eyes burning now into his. "I'm leaving, I've decided it's for the best. I can't go on with this, me and you, it's just not something I can deal with right now. As you said I can't be held back. I would have considered staying but this past weekend has really given me a lot of thought. I'm sorry to House, but I can no longer live with your actions and wonder why you are the way you are and continuing to love you and not being able to get the same love back. It's always going to be the same with you." She was now backing away from him. His hold on her wrist was no longer there. " You'll let me in, then as soon as I'm in I'm out again. Feeling the pain that I feel now, that's a pain that I don't want to keep feeling House. And if I'm going about this right, once I heal, this will be the last time." she walked to her door then opened it, "Good bye House, I'll have must stuffed cleaned out of the office by Friday" she stood at the door waiting for him to leave.
"Cameron" House said in a pleading voice, this was the last thing that he wanted.
"Good bye" she said and move her gaze to the carpet, to show that she was done talking. He moved to the door and once he was right in the opening he stopped and looked at her,
"This is what you want?" He asked, she nodded still not looking at him, and he walked out of her apartment, head down. Cameron closed the door behind him, and pressed her back against the closed door. Feeling overwhelmed with pain she slid down the door onto the floor where she curled up and cried. She letting every thing out, everything that she had wanted to cry about, not just House, but everything. Her dead husband, past mistakes, and anything that she had felt sadness for. She laid curled there until she had nothing to cry about, then she lifted herself. The start of her healing process, was now in progress. The was no longer a emotional attachment to Dr. Gregory House, at least there won't be in due time.