Brady Jeopardy!
A/N: This is loosely based on Celebrity Jeopardy, but I don't intend to copy every gag that Saturday Night Live had, as I don't want to get in trouble, and also, it would be boring to read the same, exact gags that Saturday Night Live used. I have spiced it up a bit more. I do not own Jeopardy!, Saturday Night Live, The Wizard of Odds, or The Brady Bunch. Thanks.
Chapter 3: The Girls
On Tuesday morning, the Bradys returned to the Jeopardy! studio so that the girls could participate. They entered the studio in a single file line. Trebek groaned as he saw them. Johnny Gilbert happened to be standing nearby. "What's wrong, Alex?" he asked.
"It's the Bradys. They're back," groaned Trebek.
"Oh, you mean that family that did the singing yesterday? Who could forget?" Johnny said.
"Tell me about it," Trebek said.
Then, Greg stepped forward. "Uh…Mr. Trebek…I've got a check from my college education fund. I'm giving it to you to pay off my debt from yesterday," he said.
"I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT YOU DON'T OWE ME ANY MONEY!" roared Trebek. "IT IS JUST A GOT DAMNED GAME SHOW!" Trebek instantly reworded his sentence when he realized that the Bradys were shocked at his language. "I mean…uh…I told you that since this is just a game show, then you don't have to worry about paying me. End of discussion," Trebek said.
"But sir, I was still in debt," started Greg.
"Not another word!" Trebek said ominously. "I'll have security take you out if you bother me with that crap again!"
"Yes, sir," Greg said meekly.
"Now, girls, take your positions at the podiums and write your name," Trebek said. Marcia, Jan, and Cindy walked to the podiums and did just that. The Bradys went to sit with the audience.
A few minutes later, the show was on the air. "This…is Jeopardy!" announced Johnny Gilbert. "Today, our contestants are from the same family we had yesterday. Contestant #1 is Marcia Brady. Contestant #2 is Jan Brady. And Contestant #3 is Cindy Brady. And now, here's the host of Jeopardy!, Alex Trebek!"
"Hi, everyone, and welcome back to this week's round of Jeopardy! Gosh, I can't wait until we get these Bradys out of here. Okie dokie, now the categories are 'music', 'cliques', 'members of the family', 'super stars', 'school', and lastly, 'history'. Marcia, we'll start with you," Trebek said.
"I'll choose skyewl for $800," she said.
"Uh…that's pronounced school," said Trebek.
"That's what I said, skyewl," Marcia said.
"Whatever," said Trebek. "Anyway, the answer is…" The message appeared on the screen, and Trebek read it. "You receive these for completing assignments," he said. Marcia buzzed in. "Marcia," Trebek said.
"What are grades?" she said.
"Correct," Trebek said. "Choose again."
"Skyewl for $1,000," she said.
"Will you please stop saying that?" Trebek grumbled.
"Saying what?" asked Marcia.
"Never mind," Trebek said. He then read the answer. "Cafeteria food is often regarded as being this type of quality," Trebek said.
Suddenly, Cindy buzzed in. "What is bad?" she said.
"Good. Cindy is in the lead with $1,000," said Trebek. "Cindy, choose a category and a dollar value."
"Thuper Thars for $200," Cindy said.
"What is with you people?" demanded Trebek. "Get rid of that lisp. That says 'super stars'!" Trebek said. He sighed. "Anyway, the answer is…" He waited for the answer to appear on the screen, and then, he read it. "This star played Tom Hagen in The Godfather," said Trebek. Jan started to ring in, but Marcia beat her to it. "Marcia?" Trebek said.
"Who is Robert Duvall?" she said.
"Correct!" declared Trebek.
"Hey, I was going to answer that!" Jan yelled.
"Tough luck," Trebek said. "If you want to answer, you'll have to buzz in faster."
"But I did reach for the buzzer. Why does Marcia get everything she wants?" she complained.
Trebek completely ignored her. "Let's go to music for $400," Trebek said. "This Christian singer, born in 1960, released an album called 'Age to Age' in 1982." All three girls did not respond. The beeping noise emitted, which indicated that the time was up. "Who is Amy Grant?" Trebek said. "Marcia, pick," he continued.
"Um…cliques for $1,000," she said.
Then, the loud ricochet noise sounded, and the words "Daily Double" appeared on the screen. "Daily Double!" Trebek said.
"Yea!" Marcia said.
"Okay, how much would you like to wager?" Trebek asked.
"$500," she said.
"Okay, this clique is stereotyped for wearing glasses taped together and having calculators and pocket protectors," Trebek said. Marcia buzzed in. "Marcia?" Trebek asked.
"What is a nerd?" she said.
"Correct!" Trebek said. "That's what Jan is," he continued, pointing at Jan, who had her head resting on the podium.
"Hey!" she snapped. "I am not a nerd!"
"You've got glasses taped together," Trebek pointed out.
"I don't need these stupid glasses!" Jan said, ripping them off and throwing them on the floor. "I'll show you," she said, starting to leave the podium. "Hey…where am I?" she asked. She spun around and fell backwards. That instantly knocked over her podium, which exploded and caught on fire. Jan got up and quickly ran around awkwardly looking for her glasses. Suddenly, she crunched on something thin and small. Sadly, it was her glasses. She bent down and cried.
"Not a nerd, huh?" Trebek joked. He walked over and lifted the podium back up. He took a fire extinguisher, which was conveniently located in his pocket, and he sprayed the podium. Then, he dropped it on the ground. "Anyway, it's now time for Final Jeopardy! The category is colors. And all you have to do is look at the screen and tell me what color is on the screen," Trebek said. "Go."
On the screens, a light green color appeared. The Jeopardy! "think music" played. Cindy had her head down on her podium, but Jan and Marcia were writing. Then, the "think" music halted, and Trebek went to Marcia's podium to see what she wrote.
"Okay, let's see what you've got," said Trebek. "Light green" appeared on the screen. "Great," Trebek said. "And you wagered $1,800. Well done, you've got the money." Marcia smiled as Trebek went to Jan's podium. "Let's see what Jan put," he said. An illegible "green" appeared on the screen. "I'll get back to you," he said. He walked over to Cindy and tapped her on the head. She slowly woke up. "Did you answer the Final Jeopardy question?" he asked.
"Nope," Cindy said.
"Why not? Did you not know the answer?" he asked.
"No, I just fell asleep," Cindy said.
Trebek waved his hand in frustration and walked back to Jan. "Well, we were really looking for 'light green'," he said. Jan gasped. "So therefore, you lose points. How much did you wager?" Trebek asked. On the screen, "$25,000,000" appeared. "I'm sorry, Jan, but it looks like you're today's loser, and Marcia is today's winner!" The audience cheered.
"What?" Jan shouted. "This had to be bugged! Why does Marcia win everything, and why do I always lose? It's not fair! MARCIA, MARCIA, MAR-" she started.
"Shut up, Jan," Trebek said. "Anyway, that's all the time we've got on Jeopardy! I'm Alex Trebek, and in a few minutes, I'm going to crush my head with a brick. Good night," he said.