Chapter 10

The Gift

It was six o'clock in the morning and Harry paced up and down the Gryffindor common room floor, his mother's book still clutched to his chest. He had managed a couple of restless hours sleep but then came back downstairs to think. He desperately wanted to go and wake up Ron and Hermione but he knew it was still too early. Just half an hour more; they'd understand. It was as Harry was pacing, however, that he realised he had a problem. There was no way he or Ron could get up the staircase to the girl's dormitories, so if he wanted to talk to Hermione he would have to wait until she got up herself.

Harry walked over to the bottom of the staircase to try and figure out a way up but there were no statues to tap or paintings to question. Not wanting to set off any alarms Harry decided not to try and climb up around the hand rail. If everyone got woken up, they wouldn't be very happy and it would also mean he wouldn't be able to talk to Ron and Hermione privately. Dispirited Harry had one last glance around the stairwell and was about to turn away when Crookshanks appeared on the corner step. He purred loudly and thumped his way down the rest of the stone steps, brushing and winding himself between Harry's legs, nearly knocking him over because of his size. Harry got down on his knees and stroked the cat's head. "Crookshank's go get Hermione for me. Please!" Harry said pleadingly, willing the cat to understand him. Head tilted looking at Harry curiously, Crookshanks stood still for a few seconds then turned and bounded up the stairs.

Harry rose and listened carefully for any sign of movement. A few minutes later shrieks erupted and Harry heard running feet and a door being swung open. Hermione was whispering continuous apologies to someone and then came stomping down the stairs. She came round the corner with Crookshanks clutched in her arms; her curly hair sticking up in all directions and a look of thunder on her face. She jumped as she saw Harry, surprised to see someone else up. "Oh please tell me he didn't wake you up as well!" she whispered crossly.

"Uh … no" Harry said hesitantly, now wondering whether it had been such a good idea. But then it wasn't the cats fault so he owned up. "Actually I asked Crookshanks to go and get you … I didn't know what else to do. Why? What happened?"

"This stupid cat is going to get me kicked out of my dormitory, that's what happened! You could have stuck a note on him or something" Hermione replied irritably. "I thought he just wanted to play so I kept pushing him off and tried to go back to sleep".

"Well what was the screeching about then?"

"Well as he couldn't get me up he decided to get my attention by jumping up on Parvarti's bed and sitting on her face! As if she hasn't got enough to deal with at the moment. Lavender's back too; poor thing looked like she was going to have a heart attack".

Harry tried not to laugh as he pictured Parvarti running round the dormitory flailing her arms as Crookshanks clung to her head. "Oh god I'm sorry Hermione … I just needed to see you … and Ron. I'd better run up and get him".

"Well hurry up; I'll put Crookshanks out".

Harry ran up to the boy's dormitory to get Ron as Hermione opened the portrait of the Fat Lady so that Crookshanks could go for a walk. As she sat back down by the fire Harry came back followed by a disgruntled looking Ron.

"All right, what's happened now?" Ron yawned sinking in to the chair next to Hermione.

"This" Harry said simply, dropping the green leather library book on to the small table in front of them. Hermione leaned forward and pulled it closer, both she and Ron said nothing as they read the front cover.

"Did you know?" Harry asked edgily, impatient for an answer.

"No" Ron replied as Hermione turned to the contents page. "I didn't either Harry and I've been all through the library and I've never seen this before. Are you sure it's your mother? When did she write it?"

"She wrote it when she was working here, as the Defence against the Dark Arts Teacher nineteen years ago. There's a biography and a picture at the back". Hermione flipped the book over, turning straight to the back page and started to read out the short biography to Ron.

"Are you sure?" Ron asked. "Someone would have said and surely there would have been a record of it somewhere, or a portrait. All the teachers have portraits".

"So you really didn't know?" Harry said disappointed sinking in to the armchair opposite them.

"Blimey Harry, we'd never keep something like this from you" Ron replied still staring at the waving image of Harry's mother.

"Where was this?" Hermione asked closing the book to stop Ron staring at the picture.

"In the Restricted section of the library. I found it last night" Harry answered numbly. He had waited hours to speak to them and he still didn't have any answers. Sirius had never really said much about his mother; he'd always told Harry stories of what he had gotten up to with James, and Harry had always been glad to hear them.

"What were you doing in the library last night?" Hermione interrupted his thoughts. "What happened to your occlumency lesson?"

"Uh … I went after" Harry didn't want to have to explain about everything that had happened with Snape. But sensing Harry's unease at the question Hermione didn't ask anything else about it.

"You should ask one of the teachers" Ron suggested, completely oblivious to Harry's twitchiness.

"You could see Dumbledore after breakfast" Hermione added.

"Uh … maybe". Harry had been hoping to put off his meeting with Dumbledore as long as possible. He wanted to find out about his mother, not be chastised about attacking Professor Snape. He had been thinking about it all night and was now fairly sure that there was no way Snape would miss out on Harry being told off. He was bound to be there to make sure Harry got all the blame, and Harry didn't want to ask about his mother in front of Snape as Dumbledore might not want to answer.

"Or Hagrid" Ron continued. "We've got him first lesson, he must know something. Or you could try writing to Lupin".

"That would take too long" Harry replied grumpily.

"Look" Hermione said "We had better go back upstairs and get dressed; everyone will be getting up soon. Put the book away somewhere safe Harry and we'll try and think of something over breakfast".

An hour later they were sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall listening to Seamus recount Neville's encounter with the Whomping Willow the day before and his attempt to get a bark sample for his homework.

"They set you all homework to get a chunk out of the Whomping Willow?" Hermione asked disbelievingly.

"Well not exactly" Neville responded. "It could have been any full grown tree …"

"So you thought you'd hack at the one that hits back?" laughed Ron.

"I figured I'd get more marks if it was an unusual tree".

"We nearly got expelled for damaging that tree" Ron replied.

"Yes well, you did drive a car in to it" Hermione pointed out sarcastically. "There's a slight difference!"

There was a loud whooshing sound as dozens of owls flew in to the hall bringing the morning post. Harry was surprised to find Hedwig land in front of him with a letter attached to her leg. He hadn't written to anyone and the only other person that usually sent him mail was Sirius.

Harry untied the string and gave Hedwig a few pieces of bacon rind. Picking up the scroll Harry saw the Hogwarts seal and realised instantly that it was from Dumbledore. He looked up at the teachers table but Dumbledore was deep in conversation with Professor Mcgonagall. Harry sighed and opened the scroll. In emerald green ink, Dumbledore had written

Harry

Please come to my office directly after breakfast. You have

Been excused from your first lesson.

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft

and Wizardry

Harry looked back up at the teachers table but Dumbledore was still talking. Harry did catch Hagrid's eye though and knew something had already been said as Hagrid gave him a weak, sympathetic smile.

"Oh dear" Hermione said having read the letter that Harry had let drop on to the table. "He must have found out that you took the book from the library without booking it out. At least you'll get your answers now".

Harry just shrugged guiltily.

"It is about the book isn't it? What did happen in your occlumency lesson? Why did you go to the library?" Hermione questioned. But Harry didn't have to answer as the doors to the Great Hall swung open and Professor Snape strode in, supporting himself on a walking stick.

"Okay maybe not now then" Hermione whispered as Snape passed them, glaring evilly at Harry.

"Bloody hell" Ron whispered. "What's happened to him?" But noticing Harry's guilty expression he stopped and Hermione gestured to the letter.

Half an hour later Harry stood at the base of the stone gargoyle that guarded the entrance to Dumbledores office, having left Ron and Hermione in the Entrance Hall. Professor Dumbledore had made no eye contact with Harry throughout breakfast; not even on his way out of the Hall. Ron and Hermione had accepted Harry's rushed explanation of an accident and hadn't asked why it had happened when Harry didn't explain it any further. They did however, promise to try and ask Hagrid about Lily's time at Hogwarts if Harry wasn't there by second lesson, just in case Dumbledore wouldn't discuss it.

Harry now stood at the statue reciting the names of as many sweets as he could remember, as Dumbledore's password was always some variety of confectionary. He had just called out strawberry sugar quills when the statue groaned and started to move aside. Thinking he had guessed correctly, Harry was taken aback to come face to face with Professor Snape on the stone staircase. Snape, however, didn't utter a word to Harry; he just gave his usual contemptuous glare and continued hobbling down the last few stone steps. Harry continued up the staircase but hesitated outside the polished oak door. But he wasn't there long as the door swung wide open and Dumbledore stood in front of his large desk waiting for him.

"Come in Harry" Dumbledore called and gestured to the large purple armchairs next to the unlit fireplace.

Harry staggered forward in to the large circular room, his legs stiff, not wanting to carry him in. Harry sat in the nearest chair, facing Dumbledore who merely walked around to the other side of his desk and stared absently out of the large arched window in to the sunny grounds.

"I owe you an apology Harry" Dumbledore said quietly, his back still to Harry. "But not for what you are probably thinking. We both know you and Professor Snape have a rather … contemptuous relationship, even if you both don't see that it need not be. And I realise that you don't like him teaching you, but it is necessary and it is important that he teaches you what he knows. I explained last term why I could not teach you myself and for the most part that reason still stands. If Lord Voldemort were to discover that our relationship is more than student and head master then he might try and use you to spy on me. You are at your weakest when your mind is being probed, which is why it is important that I am not doing the probing. I don't want to put you at risk Harry, or at least anymore than you already are. This is why Professor Snape has to help with your lessons".

"But he's not helping me" Harry interrupted. "I still can't do it!"

Professor Dumbledore turned and looked grimly at Harry before walking over to the fireplace and sitting in the armchair opposite him.

"Occlumency is a very hard skill to master Harry. You are not going to be able to do it instantly, and I am not expecting you to. It has taken even some of the most intelligent wizards in the past years to conquer it. It is not like a normal spell that you can practice a few times and then perform it. There is a lot more too it than that". Dumbledore turned to look at Harry over the top of his purple half moon spectacles. "It's just unfortunate however, that we haven't got years to teach you. I'm not expecting you to master it completely Harry; just to be able to put up some resistance and protect yourself".

Harry looked glumly at the floor. This wasn't getting him anywhere. He knew why he had to learn it; he just couldn't do it.

"Professor Snape has shown you the basic principles of what to do; has he not?" Dumbledore asked questioningly, gazing more intently at Harry, and Harry brought his attention back to his headmaster and nodded. "Maybe it will help to explain more about how memories are used".

Dumbledore pulled his wand out of his robe pocket and waved it gently in the air. A rectangular wooden table appeared on the rug between the two armchairs; with a tray of cakes, a small plate of marshmallows and two large round steaming mugs.

"I hope drinking chocolate is okay Harry. At my age I'm starting to tire of tea". Harry smiled as Dumbledore leant forward, picked up his mug and began dipping marshmallows in to it.

"Memories are past thoughts and experiences. Even the simple act of dipping a marshmallow in to my chocolate now, will become a memory as soon as it has happened. Everything a person says or does make up a memory no matter how small or insignificant a thing it was. Even these are kept; stored in your head. You just don't remember them until something triggers them. Imagine all your thoughts and experiences being put away in to millions of little boxes with labels on. If you trigger the label; then you can open the box". Dumbledore paused and put his mug back on the table.

"Now with every memory there are emotions; sometimes one, sometimes many. It is the emotions attached to the memory that make some memories more prominent than others. Which is where we come to my apology … Professor Snape did what he did last night because I asked him too".

"What!" shouted Harry sitting forward suddenly in his chair and spilling hot chocolate over himself. "No … you can't … you don't understand, you don't know what he did … what he saw!" Harry stuttered trying to reach forward to put his mug on the table without spilling anymore but his hands were shaking too much.

"I have heard and I have seen; Severus has shown me".

Harry looked at Dumbledore with utter disbelief.

"Let me explain" Dumbledore continued. "You know from personal experience the strength of pleasure that Lord Voldemort gets from using hatred, pain and fear; you have felt it! He doesn't feel love or happiness; good emotions, he doesn't understand them but he feeds off the bad ones. He can manipulate people by using them and by manipulating emotions you can manipulate memories. You can change a memory by changing the emotion. It's like convincing someone that they've misinterpreted a situation and that while they thought someone was being nice; they were actually doing something bad. It's how he has turned a lot of witches and wizards in to death eaters; by convincing them that their thoughts and memories and values are wrong or misguided and that he can make it right. Their loyalty is all the more powerful because they have made the choice to follow him, not realising they have been manipulated. Sometimes it's an influence that even the strongest of wizards cannot break. It's how he could possibly get in to your head and convince you to let your defences down so that he can take over your body. While you still have some degree of control you can still fight him. I had to see whether you had that control which is why I asked Professor Snape to do as he did. Now certain memories can be manipulated more than others, highly emotional moments and upsetting memories will always surface to the top first as you get older. Things have been happening so fast lately; I had to know whether yours could be changed".

"How do you mean changed?" Harry asked confused. "He didn't change it, he just watched it".

"Ah but he did Harry" Dumbledore sighed. "Normally in an occlumency reading memories will flash by as images and the receiver has to read them quickly, to sort them in their own head. But by manipulating the memory you slow them down and play out the entire event, not just seeing flashes. This makes the person being read feel all the same emotions they first felt at the time, over again. I should have realised when I asked Professor Snape to do this, that he would be more inclined to pick a memory of Sirius to try and alter. I should have told him not too but I was wrong and I am truly sorry. I realised what might happen, what memory would probably surface first but I got to you too late. You are not to blame Harry and neither is Professor Snape".

"But he stood there, watching and smiling" Harry said angrily. "He didn't have to do that. He enjoyed watching Sirius be murdered!"

"Professor Snape did exactly what he was supposed too, as Lord Voldemort would do" Dumbledore answered calmly. "He implanted himself in to a memory now giving you two versions of the same event in your head. The only thing he didn't alter was the emotions you felt; the sadness and anger that you felt over Sirius' loss. If he had wanted too he could have Harry". Dumbledore paused and gazed at Harry for a few moments. "I trust Severus, Harry and it is about time you started too as well. There may come a time in the future when I can't be there and you may need his help".

Harry glared angrily over Dumbledore's shoulder and watched Fawkes on his golden perch in the corner. He flapped his wings restlessly, ruffling his scarlet and gold feathers.

"You have to let go of your anger Harry and remember the most important tool that will help you defeat Lord Voldemort is your heart. You have to cling to your happy memories; pick the strongest ones so that if he does try to get in and manipulate them, then he won't be able to bear it".

"But you'd know if he had taken over me wouldn't you?" Harry asked.

"As I said before I can not always be around, especially with the number of things happening at the Ministry at the moment. Besides, sometimes a few minutes are all it takes".

"A few minutes to what?"

"To search your mind, look for our conversations, plans of the Order, members names, find out who you care about the most and people who you would be lost or broken without … even to alter a memory or plant an instruction or doubt".

"Unless I do this, everyone I care about is at risk" Harry mumbled grimly.

"Your love for these people will help you fight him in the end, Harry and you must not forget that. We will help you learn to empty your head and control what memories arise but there are other ways too".

Dumbledore rose from his chair and went to the black cabinet that stood besides Fawkes' perch. He opened the catch and took out a shallow stone basin, carved with stone runes around the edges. Dumbledores walked back and carefully placed the empty Pensieve on the table. Harry looked closely at it as Dumbledore sat back down; it was different from the last one he had seen. It was smaller and there was no silver liquid in it and the symbols looked different also.

"You remember what this is?" Dumbledore smiled gently.

"It's a Pensieve".

"This one is yours Harry. I have had it made especially for you. You will be taught how to use it and it will be kept for your occlumency lessons to begin with. BUT there are a number of things you must remember. Memories are what make us the people that we are. By removing a memory from your head and placing it in to the Pensieve you are, in effect, removing an entire event from your mind leaving a vague single image, sort of like a muggle photograph, but you won't remember any emotions or words that go with it".

"But if it's gone, then how do you know that there was something?"

"Because of that one image, Harry. You can come to your Pensieve and check what's in there. Memories are private images though, and the most important thing you MUST remember is to keep it safe. When you get to my age, you have so many jumbled memories that using a Pensieve can stop you forgetting things. But what if someone were to find it and steal it? It would be like you putting your memories of Sirius in to the Pensieve, and then if it was taken you might forget certain things about him. You could lose your closeness and it could, in effect, change the very person that you are".

Harry eyed the Pensieve warily. "It would be like manipulating them".

"Exactly" sighed Dumbledore taking another sip of his drinking chocolate. "Losing your memories could alter your whole perception of the world, or even a person. Which is why you should NEVER tell anyone that you are using one Harry. It is very important. Which is why we will keep it here in my office for now". Dumbledore leaned forward and placed his mug back on the table and looked at Harry, smiling reassuringly. "Now I believe you have something else that you wish to ask me. For that, I am afraid I must apologise too. As someone who knew your parents particularly well, I am afraid I tend to forget that there may be things that you don't know about them. You must not think for one minute, however, that we are trying to keep things from you; it's just human nature to assume everyone knows the same things".

"I found one of her books in the library" Harry stated just to make sure Dumbledore did know what Harry had found out.

"Your mother was one of the cleverest witches I have ever met. Even though her life was cut short she touched so many people, Harry. Everyone who knew her loved her very much; she had such a big heart. If there was something she wanted to change, she made everyone else want to change it too. She cared about everyone Harry, and that is so very rare! Miss Granger reminds me of her a lot; both of them having a keen interest in house elves!" Dumbledore chuckled to himself. "When your mother first came to Hogwarts she made it her first priority to find out absolutely everything about the wizarding world. She wanted to know everything at once. That's one of the characteristics your mother shared with your father … and with you. You are all impatient and do not like to think that you are missing out on something. Your mother could not understand why house elves could be so content; just like Miss Granger".

Harry smiled to himself, thinking. "Why has no one ever said that she worked here?"

"Sometimes it is just too hard to talk about the people we have loved and lost; even after many years".

Harry thought about Sirius and understood this.

"No one has deliberately kept this from you Harry; it's just that as time passes so many things happen. You get new things to dwell and ponder on. Your mother had a real zest for life; she wanted to experience everything, throughout school and after she was married. Lily and James travelled for a month after they finished their OWLs; poor Sirius was beside himself when he was left behind!" Dumbledore laughed. "Then they came back and did their auror training".

"What did Sirius do?" Harry asked realising he didn't know.

"Sirius rented a little house around the corner from James parents and set up a workshop. Remus stayed with him for a while and they'd lock themselves in Sirius' workshop and invent things. Sirius loved to make things; I've still got a very nice hat straightener upstairs that he gave me. It is very good at coordinating and tells you if your outfit doesn't look right!"

Harry laughed as Dumbledore smiled and then continued. "Your parents married and your mother started her first book. They both took their auror duties very seriously; your mother was outraged, as we all were, at how muggle-borns were being treated. They fought tirelessly against Voldemort for many years. But then the attacks on muggle-borns rocketed. I was desperately looking for a new teacher and it seemed like the perfect solution. She came here to help me with the school and the Order and your father knew that she would be safer. And for your mother, she knew she was still making a difference by being able to teach young witches and wizards how to defend themselves. Your mother, Harry, was the last proper Defence Against the dark Arts teacher that this school has had in many, many years. She worked here for four years and after she died a lot of people have said that the position is jinxed. She risked so much for the order; both of your parents did".

"Was she still working here when she was killed?"

"No" Dumbledore replied sadly. "I sent her away with your father soon after the Prophecy was revealed and the rest you know … Your mother was a very intelligent woman Harry, you could learn a lot by reading her books. The chapter on myself, I found particularly informative if not maybe a little exaggerated. Between you and me … it wasn't that big a battle!" Dumbledore smiled slyly and winked at Harry. "Now I realise you are eager to learn more about your parents but I think Madam Pince will be wanting her books back. I have taken the liberty of ordering you two new copies of your mother's books to read at your leisure. They should arrive in a couple of days. I have also ordered a third one, I'll keep the title a surprise for you but it was your mother's favourite book. If you read the book you will understand how she felt about life". Fawkes hooted in the corner and after Dumbledore had glanced at the bird briefly he turned back to Harry. "It is nearly time for your potions lesson; if you hurry you should just make it".

Harry rose out of his chair then stopped. "Thank you" he said but was unsure what else to say. Then as he was about to leave he realised something. "How did you know I had the book?"

"Ah well, I realised you would probably be too upset to sleep so I was keeping an eye on you. There are ways that you can be watched that even your fathers' invisibility cloak cannot fool. It is for your own safety though; I am not just spying on you! I saw that you were in the library and after you had been in there for a while I sent Mr Filch to have a look around in the hope that you might return to your dormitory and get some sleep".

"You were there, in the library?"

"No, I have other ways Harry. You'll learn them soon but for now you had better get going". Harry smiled, still feeling confused he slung his bag on to his back and headed to the door. He was just reaching for the large brass door handle when Dumbledore called him.

"Oh, and Harry…" Harry turned around to find Dumbledore had also risen and was looking at him over the top of his half moon spectacles. "I think it might be a good idea to apologise to Professor Snape for breaking his ankle. It might help in future lessons!" Harry smiled guiltily and made his way back down the staircase.