Title: . . .That Gets On Everybodyís Nerves . . .
Author: P.L.S.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are property of Stargate (II) productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are property of the author.
Summery: AU- SG-15 returns from P4X884 with baggage. Part 2 of the set.
Warnings: Uh, Jackís a general (which to me is scary even if is canon.) Really, you just need to worry about the severe AU factor. And dead slash relationships- I canít write a completely straight Daniel. So, he has ex's in the forms of Davis, Raynor, and Gardener (which is canon het.) For this episode- ton of spoilers for a number of shows from S1 through S3 especially Urgo.
Author's Notes: Sorry this took so long to get out, but I kinda just forgot. I owe this chapter to the Cranberries and Queen... The bands... geez, if you don't know who those two groups are you are in a pitiful state of knowledge about rock.
ooOooOoo
"We ran all the tests we could think of." Daniel was half listening as Dr. Fraiser gave her report on their problems that the trip to P4X884 caused. They had just pulled themselves out of their junk food binge, sort of. Jennifer was sucking on a Tootsie Pop, Martouf was trying to open a 5th Avenue bar, and he was still drinking his coffee, which for some reason tasted heavenly instead of like sludge. Government issue coffee was never this good, so there had to be something wrong.
"What did you find, Doctor?" asked Paul.
"At first it was nothing but look at your MRI scans." She directed their attention to the light box where five sort of identical brain scans were hanging. Martouf-Lantesh's was weird looking, but now everyone was starting to get used to it, "All six of your brains have this anomaly. I'm not sure what to make of it, but still, this is the only unusual result we could find in all six of you." She sighed and frowned. Daniel knew that she was slightly envious of the fact that coffee tasted good for him but not her, it was a lament that they had shared before.
"So can you remove it?" asked Jennifer around her sucker, "I feel like all my self-control has gone on vacation."
"Not without major risks. This is planted deep in your cerebral cortex." Dr. Fraiser said and Daniel nodded.
"Then we'll go back and get whomever put this in us to get it out." he said and was surprised to hear a resounding shout.
"NO!"
"Ow." muttered Martouf who hit Paul, "Why did you yell?"
"I didn't." Paul said with a confused look.
"Did all of you hear a yell?" asked Fraiser with a curious look. All of SG-15 nodded.
"It shouted 'no.'" said Bra'tac, "Whomever shouted does not wish us to go back to P4X884."
"Then we must go." said Lantesh, "Obviously, it must be whatever is making us crave sweets and snack foods."
"No, don't. You don't wanna get rid of me."
"Are you sure that going back to the planet will get rid of this influence?" asked Fraiser.
"No, but we must if we wish to stay a first-contact/exploration team. It's talking to us now and between that and the way it keeps pushing at us, we'd be a liability in the field." said Paul and Bra'tac nodded.
"What is it saying?" asked Fraiser.
"Just that we don't want to get rid of whatever it is, which we do." Daniel said the last bit to the alien thing.
"No you don't, you secretly love the way I make your coffee taste." said the voice.
"No! I want my coffee to taste like coffee!" Daniel stopped when it hit him, he was sounding like a three year old, "Just what are you, anyway?"
"I am Urgo." came the voice.
"Urgo?" Bra'tac repeated, "I have never heard of such a being."
"Neither have we." said Martouf with a scowl. Of all the members of SG-15, Martouf-Lantesh was making the biggest changes in their life as they became true explorers. Tok'ra were infiltrators and mimics by nature and to purposely go into places with no prior knowledge of the situation was almost scary for the man and symbiote. But both felt it was a small price to pay to be closer to Samantha Carter and to ensure that the Council would stop treating the Tau'ri like tools. Even dealing with the strange Paul was not too great a price to pay for a real chance at being with Samantha.
"Ooo, so Martouf-Lantesh has a cru-ah-sh." sing songed the voice that was driving them all bananas even before it started to talk. Paul glared at Martouf, he knew that the Tok'ra only wanted to steal Daniel away. Ever since that night that the two made that treaty Paul knew that his beautiful, oblivious, saintly Dan was that Tok'ra's next conquest. Paul saw the evidence written all over that blushing smug face.
"Oh good heavens, not everyone is out to jump the boy's bones!" cried the voice, "They don't even look at any guys, let alone Daniel, that way!" Now Jennifer was laughing.
"This is better than watching bad talk shows!" she crowed and the voice joined her in laughing. Bra'tac just looked puzzled.
"Dr. Fraiser, could you just sedate us and send us back to P4X884. This thing seems to delight in letting everyone know our secrets." Bra'tac said and then he winced, "I do want to get rid of him by any means. I do!"
"I see. I'm just going to go brief the general. I'll put the four of you into separate rooms until a decision is made." she said and quickly the five bodies were ushered into five small isolation rooms.
---
Jack had thought he had seen it all. Really, after blowing up two mother ships, seeing an entire planet exterminated to kill the Tau'ri, finding out that Thor was really a Roswell Grey, and watching Teal'c almost turn into about ten giant bugs, he thought that nothing would surprise him.
But here he was, watching one of his best teams sing children's songs in round from five very separate rooms. Good thing it was being recorded for future use. Now the tech had a list going, they had already gone through Row, Row, Row, Your Boat, Hot Cross Buns, It's A Small World, Alloutte, and Greasy Gopher Guts. Now the five or was the six were on their seventh verse of The Song That Never Ends. Actually, it wasn't that bad. It didn't hurt that Daniel was a singer by trade, Haley and Davis once choir boy and girl. Martouf-Lantesh was weird, Bra'tac was just scary, but that scariness was probably because Jaffa didn't seem like the singer type of people, especially not tough guy Jaffa who were bad enough to become 'old'.
"So what do you recommend, Doc?" Jack asked Dr. Fraiser who was looking very weird-ed out.
"Uh, well, Bra'tac requested that they be sedated and it makes sense. This thing has a lot of control over the six of them, it was, I guess, delving into their secrets at the time of the request." Jack sighed at her words.
"Great." Jack really didn't want to have five vegetables for an exploration team, "Maybe we can contact the Asgard or who knows, maybe the Tok'ra can develop something."
"Sir, what do you want to do right now? They aren't an immediate danger as far as I can tell. The thing seems to be mostly for exploration by the inhabitants of P4X884, or at least that is what both Lt. Haley and Dr. Jackson theorised then confirmed by asking Urgo."
"Bring 'em all up to the briefing room. I don't think they know that they're all singing like this, and I want to get some more input from them and Urgo before I tell you to turn them into veggies until one of the aliens who say they owe us one actually return a favour." Jack said and left. He really did not want to think about sedating his friends.