"Hi..," I could barely even talk. It was hard enough earlier being on the phone when they told me some idiot had run into him, that he had barely made it. I almost dropped the phone. Actually, I did. I almost broke it, I should say. Atleast he's alive. Yes, he's here. Alive. Breathing. Sitting in front of me breathing, focus on that. Oh, yes. He's in front of me staring at me waiting for me to talk to him. Duh. Answer him.
"Hey." he said simply and slowly, I could tell he was hurting, and it was probably even harder for him to talk, and move to face me. I make him lean back down, slowly, I could tell he saw the hurt in my eyes of seeing him like this, so he did as I told him to. He leaned back down onto the bed and closed his eyes while I talked to him. It did make me feel sick to just see him hurt and almost dead. No. Don't say that word. He will never die. I wont let him. I need him. I cant live without him. No.. no.. and thats when the tears came again.
He reached for my hand, and I gladly took it. I felt like I was cutting off his circulation. But of course I wasn't, and I knew it, but I dropped his hand back onto the bed anyways, and pulled a chair up to the side of his bed and leaned onto his shoulder and started crying and crying over again. I could tell he didn't mind, since he just let me. Damnit. I should stop crying. This chair is not very comfy.. hmm.. should I get another one? No. I will never leave his side. I won't lose him. I can't.. I would never survive without him. I know its probably not true, but it sure feels like it. I look at him. He has cuts all down him. His left arm is in a sling, the right in a cast just like Rory had when she fractured HER wrist. Rory! Oh my god. I have to call Rory. And the diner, and everyone else. I have to call Sookie. Tell her I'm not coming in tomorrow. Oh my god. So much to do. I can't do this alone. I can't do it alone, Luke. I'm not strong enough. Not without you.
"I love you," I stated, just making sure he knows. I needed him to know that. I wouldn't let him not know that I loved him when he was like this. He's not gonna die though. Right? The people on the phone who called me said he was in a severe accident.. they never said he would. He would. Die. No. He wont. He cant. I love him.
I knew that he heard me, though I wasn't all that sure at first, when he grabbed my hand and smiled, and said "I love you too." and then he slowly drifted off to sleep as I sat next to him. Oh, great. The tears again.
He still had a quite tight grip on my hand. I never wanted to let go. He loved me. It did make me feel a bit better. Actually alot. Now knowing that he loved me, and would never leave me alone again, I felt safer and more secure, and with that, I slowly let go of his hand, and kissed him on his lips softly, and stood up and walked to the door. Looking back at him lying there, feeling like I couldn't help him at all. But, really, I could. My love would keep him going. Or atleast I hope so. It would. I know it. I slowly left the room after a few more seconds of hesitation, not wanting to leave his side, in case he woke up. But. What if he didnt wake up. No. No, I would NOT think about that. It's not a possibility. He couldnt die. He couldnt. Ok. I have to get that thought out of my head. Its bad. Bad, bad thought. Never, ever will that happen. No. Plus, theres nurses and doctors all over this place, Luke's least favorite place in the world. Gah. I need to talk to someone. Reaching down into my purse, I pulled out my cellphone, and walked out of the building. Sitting on a bench about 10 feet from the Hartford Hospital. After a few seconds of just gathering myself together, I called the person I could always talk to. My best friend.
"Hey, do you think I should order takeout from Al's, or to go to Lukes. Hmm. I cant pick. Help.."
"Rory..?" I could barely make out, I could tell by her sudden silence that she could tell by my tone and the way i was talking to her, that something had happened. Also her saying Luke's name killed me. Him sitting in that room all alone. Hurting. Without me. I should go back in there. No! I can't. Not yet. You have to talk to someone. Get your mind off of him. It will help. I hope. Yes, help. It will. Help. Help. Rory. Phone! Talk damnit! Gah. This is getting really hard.
"Mom, whats wrong? Where are you?" she asked, I could just hear the concern in her voice, which made me smile, knowing that someone else loved me too. But soon, the realization of the night came back to me, making me almost cry again. It was hard holding them back, but I made it through. Hardly.
"Luke." Damnit. It's hard forming complete sentences tonight.
Rory's eyes grew wide just hearing the way she said his name, which sent chills running down her back. "What about Luke? Did something happen!" She asked with a mix of concern and worry in her voice, which made me burst out into tears once again.
"Mom? Mom! Are you still there? What happened!" she asked frantically, which made me realize that I had to tell her where to go so she could actually be here. I quickly explained to her where to go, not sure if it made a whole lot of sense or not, but that didnt matter, she said she would be here in less then 15 minutes, she would hurry.
Rory knew she had too, because it sounded like her mom was about to fall apart. Even though she didnt know what to expect, but she did have to expect her mom breaking down in her arms, which infact, is exactly what Lorelai did when she saw her daughters Prius pull up to the hospital, she nearly feel down the steps, and feel against Rory the minute she got out of the car. Actually, she wasnt exactly sure if she was actually all the way out of the car before she wrapped her into a huge hug, with tears streaming freely down her face. They stayed like this for a few minutes, until finally Rory spoke up.
"Mom? Mom.. can I ask.. why we're here? What happened?" she asked, and I saw that in her eyes that she really needed to know what happened so she could better understand, and comfort her more. And do anything that she could do to help. After a few more seconds I finally got the words to come out of my mouth. I didnt need to say much before I was back in my daughters arms crying again.
"Luke.. he got in accident.. he should be fine. Should be. I cant tell. You should see him. He's almost.." and thats when Rory pulled me back, tears now forming in her eyes, and soon, we were both standing in each other's embrace, crying. After about 5 minutes in her comfort, I asked her something very important.
"Do you want to go see him? I'm gonna make.. some calls. I dont know, unless you want me to go back in there and just be with him. I miss him already, and if you'll make the calls. I cant even think straight right now, my head is.. just spinning. I need coffee. Luke's.. coffee." Yes! I finally formed a sentence. God. Took long enough. Now I'm frantically just waving my hands around. I'm gonna hit Rory. Put them down.. PUT THEM DOWN. There. God. I need coffee, really.. badly. Damnit I'm way to stressed. And I cant think about coffee without thinking about Luke. Luke is in there. Right now. I.. gah! Look at Rory. Focus on her. She is the one you need to talk to right now. Focus, Lorelai. Focus.
"No, mom, I can take care of the calls, you go see him. You should sleep too. Who do I need to call?" Wow. She really is willing to do anything for me in my time in need. Just like Luke. God! This is hard. I need him here. I need to talk to him.. look at him.. see him by my side. Ok, Lorelai, seriously, this is getting seriously annoying. Stop. Focus on daughter. Person with pretty hair, blue eyes, that's standing right in front of you. Come on. Rory. Rory. Look.
"Uh.. need to call Sookie, tell her I won't be in work, tell her what happened, but she has the baby! Oh my god! We can't disturb her when she has her own kid to take care of!" God, every second, new things come into my mind.
"Mom, seriously, calm down. She'll do it for us. There's Jackson, too, remember? Now, who else do I need to call?" Man shes good at this comforting thing.
"Luke's, tell Ceaser Luke won't be in for quite awhile.. ah.. I don't know, I can't think right now. Can you get me coffee? I wonder if they have any here.. probably not that good. And he would probably think it was poison or something. Luke. I need to see him. I'm gonna go crazy. Coffee.." I could rant forever, or so it seemed like it, until Rory put her hand over my mouth shutting me up immediately. She could see the panic in my eyes, so she quickly told me she would call everyone that she thought I would want her to, and told me that she wouldnt tell Patty because in about 2 hours the whole town would know. Of course, in 2 hours, the whole town would be asleep. Except Taylor. He goes to bed in half an hour. The old crank. Ok, stop thinking about Taylor. Nasty. Wrong. Think of Luke. The love of your life. Oh.. that has a nice ring to it. After I told Rory goodbye and told her to come back in the morning, since I would not be coming home most likely.
After watching her drive off, I slowly walked inside the building again. I now realize why Luke hates these places. They are just so full of.. memories, living pain. Reminding you what happened here. At that moment she slowly walked into his room again. His room. I hate the sound of that.. it makes it sound like this would always be the place where all the bad memories would come back to her.
I walked over to his bedside and took his hand once more. Only this time, it was a much softer hold. I wasn't nearly as afraid of losing him as much now. One of the nurses had told me on my way in that he was doing better, and they had control over his condition and he would, indeed survive the night. Thank god. I cant even think about what would've.. ok, see? I'm doing it again. I seriously need to go find coffee.
After about ten or fifteen minutes, I walk back into his room, coffee in hand. I see that is stirring in his bed, clearly uncomfortable. Of course, these beds must not be the best. He wasn't all the way awake, just slightly, trying to get comfortable, while trying not to move his leg or arms. God that must be really hard for him. I walk over to his side, wanting to never leave. I grab his hand and start rubbing it, slowly he wakes up again and smiles up at me. I smile back, knowing that he is still here with me. God this man is amazing.
"Hey.." I say softly, trying not to wake him up all the way. He really should get some sleep. I should too.
"Hey," he said slowly and sleepily, "how are you?" he added with a smirk.
"How am I? Huh. Shouldn't I be the one asking you?" I say playfully, the old Luke. My Luke, he's back.
"Hmm," he said trying to laugh but coughing in the end. They said he had slammed pretty hard into the steering wheel, hurting his ribs, even though he was buckled in. "Maybe. Just.. maybe." he finally said. Wow. I really do love him.