Thank you to all who read and to everyone who has reviewed Vaughn is hot, Nakita (welcome newbie! thanks and keep reading xx) freelancer-babe, Caroline, alias-sydney93001, daisyduke947, katejones2005, sydofthesea, srrr, Tine, Ancient Galaxy, mila-uri113, b, vaughnbear, moni, jamie, syd-mike-4ever, Raina Elizibeth, Sarah, agent boucle d'or (and your friends too!) Kyyra, sa, meow, kniki, luiza, maggieann452, princess box, T, a, piglet, fay, sydney anne derevko bristow vaughn (project s.a.d.b.v. 47) b.a.d. v.s.???, aly, mrs. michael vartan, fair cate, AFan17, sydneyvaughn, sark it sexy, sarKISSexy, bristow, boyscoutswoman, MB138, agentbristows, Catherine, Suzanne, supergirl14, Mila, Vaughn4ever, and anma27. Phew. Wowso Ithink that's everyone. I doubt all you guys are still reading, but regardless of that thank you to every single one of you. To those still reading thanks for sticking around and enjoy!
Disclaimer: Do not own alias
They young couple stood at the door kissing tenderly; she grasped at his sweater, not wanting him to leave. He gently stroked her jaw with his thumb, his fingers intertwined with her hair. Vaughn pressed his lips to Sydney's trying to imprint the feel of her silken lips on his. They broke away a few seconds later
"Ugh this is ridiculous-you're going for a couple of hours not months" Sydney chastised still grasping his top as she kissed him again
"You're right. Its not like we haven't spent time apart before? Is it?" he asked kissing her once more
"You should go"
"I should go" they kissed again
"I don't want you to go"
"I don't want me to go either"
"This is stupid!" she almost yelled, pressing her palms to her eyes
"I know...I'll be back from storage in like three hours..."
"I know!" she laughed. They kissed once more breaking apart and resting their heads together. Vaughn hissed quietly causing Sydney to break their contact and frown at the pained whisper. "What?" she asked quietly
"No. Its nothing" he smiled
"Vaughn..." she softly demanded, silently asking him to tell her. Concern seeped through her words and reflected warmly in the tenderness of her actions
"Syd, I told you its nothing-"
"-Is that a bruise?" she asked quietly, gently pressing her thumb to the curve of his eye. She carefully compressed the pad of her thumb against the bone of his brow. Again he hissed, making a small jerked movement away from her. He softly held her wrist, her fingers now inches from his face
"Look I told you it's nothing-"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't think it was important," he said, raising his voice slightly. There was silence for a few seconds until she realised
"It was me. Wasn't it?" she frowned and looked at the floor guiltily
"Syd..." he sighed before he continued, "You were asleep and you were having a bad dream- it's not like you did it on purpose"
"But why didn't you tell me?" she interjected over his words, repeating her previous query
"Because it doesn't matter, and I knew you'd beat yourself up about it. Besides, I forgot." He looked at her distressed expression; tilting his head slightly "You can't seriously be blaming yourself"
Sydney didn't give any verbal response, just simply exhaled a breath and looked to the floor. "Although," he began "I did pass out...I mean, I was unconscious for like an hour" he sulked, a hint of distain in his voice
Her head snapped up, a distressed and guilty frown etched into her features. It dissolved seconds later as she saw the smile on his face.
"You bastard!" she shouted laughing with him. "I thought you were serious!"
"I thank you" he bowed happy the mood had been lightened. She scoffed and rolled her eyes at him and he kissed her gently as an apology for his trick, resisting the urge to nip at her bottom lip. They looked at each other for a moment, their arms circled around each other; a still silence embraced them.
"Hey," She quietly said, shyly avoiding his gaze, "I was thinking. All this running from place to place to shower or- or to get stuff...maybe you could, I don't know...leave some of it here...?" she nervously bit her lip, worried about his reaction. She finally plucked up the courage to look into that green that she craved
"Seriously?" he asked quietly, lowering his head to hers. An overjoyed smile tinged his words and he brushed his nose again hers
"Seriously"
"I'd love to" he laughed tilting his head and bringing his lips to hers. Sydney leant in closing the small gap between them, grazing her nose against his, and languidly brushed their lips together. She enjoyed the pressured crush of his mouth on hers, and readily allowed his tongue to dual with hers. She didn't mean for the hum to bubble from her throat and for him to once again realise the effect he always seemed to have on her, but secretly she knew he always did. They broke apart several minutes later, a gentle buzz coursing through their bodies. He licked his lips and swallowed and she distractedly pressed her top lip to her swollen bottom one.
"We're gonna live together..." he whispered incredulously after a few seconds of contemplation, tucking her hair behind her ear
"We're gonna live together" she repeated happily in an equalled volume "I love you Micheal" she whispered tenderly
"I love you too"
She walked around the mall, a mental list reverberating through her mind. Sydney had allocated herself tasks, and attempted to remember all the items she wanted to purchase, but found it hard to concentrate. She tried not to think about the fact she had been apart from Vaughn for nearly five hours, and about how she hadn't felt the warmth of his embrace for 298 minutes, nor did she want to contemplate the fact she hadn't tasted his kiss for 178,880 seconds. She tired not to notice the familiar coldness her body felt in his absence and the way she feared that he would not be there when she went home; that this was some desperate fantasy- her subconscious clutching at treasured memories, exploiting her frantic longings and overwhelming previous loneliness.
She sat on a bench, lazily licking an ice cream. Carefully, she stretched her legs out before her, pointing her toes and rotating her ankles as if in some last attempt to drain the burning ache from the balls of her feet. As far back as she could remember Sydney had never really been a fan of shopping, always preferring running around the garden to the mall. In her early adolescence she climbed trees while the other girls climbed escalators, always preferring books to magazines and finding fights with toy swords much more enthralling than those with pillows. She wasn't lacking in any traces of femininity of course, not by a long shot. She happily held slumber parties, gladly wearing dresses when her father came home at the occasional weekend, and she enjoyed baking with her friends whose mothers helped with the frosting, momentarily filling an empty void.
No. The busy swarming masses of corporate drowned crowds were not her scene at all; nor was fighting through stores going in what seemed to be the wrong direction in one-way traffic. She loved the mall for those much cherished memories of Francie and Will and other friends she had lost contact with over the years and she adored the fact that when she walked through the men's department she could analyse the way a sweater she passed would look on him without feeling guilty. And she liked that she could sit on a bench and eat an ice cream, watching the world obliviously screech by, full of normal people with their normal lives, completely unaware of her busy existence.
He took a long sip of beer from the cold glass bottle, peering out of the window on his left to see if she was home yet. He missed her terribly, each of his senses craving her. Most of the belongings he had wanted from storage were now waiting in his car parked outside Eric's; the other items were sitting on the floor in a box at his feet. Stupidly, he hadn't taken a key with him, on the other hand he mused, he hadn't been given one either.
"She's still not home," Eric said knowingly as Vaughn stretched to look out the window; his eyes never left the television screen as he spoke. Vaughn nearly laughed as his friend's comment.
"She asked me to move in," he said happily, turning to Weiss; Eric looked at him for a second
"Oh. Wow. That's. That's great"
"That wasn't the response I was hoping for" he said honestly
"Oh! No. Mike, I think its great, I'm happy for you too. I really am. It's just-"
"It's just what?" Vaughn asked, trying not to get annoyed
"Nothing" Eric dismissed, shaking his head
"Eric..." Vaughn warned
"You're not going to like what I have to say"
"Weiss" Vaughn half exclaimed in a mixture of frustration and curiosity
"I just... I think it's too early. I mean, aren't you guys moving a little fast? I mean it's great that all's happy and pretty in Mike and Sydney land, but your wife" he said putting emphasis on the word "died three months ago, and now your moving in with a woman you- you haven't dated in nearly three years? She's changed. You've changed. I just think you need to work through some things before you commit so seriously. I mean this is a big step Mike. Are you sure you're ready for this?"
"You're right" Vaughn said as he stood, "I don't like what you have to say. I thought you of all people would be happy for us; you were the one that convinced me to ask her out in the first place both times! Who the hell do you think you are telling me how Sydney and I should act? You don't know anything!"
"Vaughn..." Eric also stood
"No! Syd and I are more than ready for this- we've been ready for this for three years!
"I understand that!" Eric shouted back "But you can't possibly be thinking about living together before you've even discussed the last few years! A lot has happened Mike- stuff she needs to know about, things you need to hear. You've been bottling up emotions for a long time and you need to get them out- you haven't even talked about Lauren!"
"We don't need to talk about Lauren!" Vaughn yelled
"No Mike. You don't WANT to talk about Lauren. That's not the same. Sydney needs to hear about the woman you let replace her for two years: the woman you were married to. You can't even talk about her without getting angry- how do you expect to get closure? Heaven forbid if Syd should ever want closure!"
"You're so full of it Weiss!"
"Oh yeah, I'm full of it. You can't brush things under the carpet like this Mike. You did that before remember? Remember how that one turned out?"
"Who are you to judge Weiss? You're longest relationship lasted two months. You know nothing of what it takes to sustain an adult relationship."
Eric scoffed angrily, shaking his head with a furious and unbelieving smile "Well this is certainly been a rude awakening" he said calmly, distain dripping from his words. Vaughn angrily grabbed his jacket. "I suggest you put back on your rose coloured glasses go back to cloud nine over there." He said aggressively pushing the box over to Vaughn with his foot "I hear the weather's great this time of year in cloud cuckoo land..."
"You're pathetic" Vaughn said bitterly as he opened the door
"Clearly, I'm not alone in that"
"I'm sorry I ever bothered to tell you"
"And I'm sorry some people can't bear to hear the truth!" Eric shouted over the angry wooden slam of his front door as he stepped towards it. He was still for a second, only the sound of his heavy breathing filling the room. He aggressively kicked over the umbrella stand, his short angry yell combining with a clatter as it fell to the floor.
Vaughn opened the door slamming it behind him. He dropped the box onto the floor and closed his eyes, breathing heavily until a shy pretty voice filled the room. In his rage he hadn't realised the door had been unlocked, and his eyes gently opened as he turned around to face her
"Hey..." she gently smiled. He exhaled; the smile he felt was genuine, however the one produced seemed slightly forced. He quickly moved into the living room, placing his arm around her waist as his hand behind her neck as he kissed her; it was deeper than both of them had been expecting, the force and darkness of his actions making her tremble slightly. They broke apart a minute or so later, her lips pink and swollen. The pair swallowed hard
"I missed you..." he whispered, his eyes dusting over her features. He pushed aside the raging storm he felt circling inside him, seeing only her and her beauty and feeling the pounding of his heart: a result of their contact. He grazed the back of his fingers against her cheek and she smiled fondly at his words "Do anything interesting today?" he whispered distractedly pressing gentle kisses to her lips. She hummed a 'yeah' in response, unable to process any worded response
"Did some shopping" she said a few moments later "had an ice cream. Missed you to the point of heart-break..." she said fiddling with the hem of the neck of his sweater
"Shopping and ice cream come before me?" he joked tilting his head for another kiss
"Of course" she laughed accepting his loving gestures. She headed for the kitchen to unpack her things leaving him momentarily with his angry solitude. He licked his lips and sighed, closing his eyes again briefly. He felt the anger returning in her absence, her presence to longer there to suppress the livid burning inside him. How dare Weiss think that? Who did he think he was? He knew nothing of how hey felt towards each other and the emotion they had withstood being apart.
"What's up?" Sydney asked as she unpacked her small food shop, haphazardly depositing items in drawers and cupboards, allowing the fridge to lazily swing shut every time she let go of the cool handle
"Nothing" he said colder than he meant for it to be. She didn't pick up on his tone, her actions distracting her
"Oh come on" she laughed "Don't try that with me, there's got to be something wr-"
"I said it's nothing Sydney!" he shouted furiously, turning his head towards her but never allowing their eyes to connect. They were both shocked by his seemingly sudden explosion. She carefully placed the can in her hand on the counter, averting her eyes to the floor. She opened her mouth ever so slightly as if to speak but closed it again, exhaling a confused and saddened sigh. He felt terrible for his outburst, knowing that he'd upset her; of all the people to get angry at, she was the one person he didn't want it to be. He didn't want to push her away, to alienate her. He squeezed his eyes shut and stood, turning to face her. She looked up a few seconds later and they locked eyes: guilty jade locking with startled chocolate. He was frowning worriedly, her eyes practically devoid of emotion; to him this was scarier-her face showing no anger or fear, no grief or upset. Vaughn wanted her to be angry with him to hate him for how he'd treated her for three years. He wanted her to hate him for shouting at her for to what her must have seemed no reason at all. He wanted her to shout at him in retaliation, to hit him for being so tender one minute and so negative the next. He wanted her to do something- anything, anything but stand still and look back at him. There was a long silence, more painful than either had ever experienced until she looked down at the floor momentarily and finally spoke
"I bought you a new sweater," she said. Her eyes met his again she continued to speak "It's blue. I though you might want another one-"
"Syd..."
"-as I seem to have adopted your other blue one"
He had never spoken like that before and she never thought he would. It had scared her and she was unsure how to react or what to say. She felt a gnawing sensation in the base of her throat, as if someone had made her swallow a marble. She once more averted her eyes from his not wanting to see the look of puppy dog guilt any more. She felt the anger slowly overtaking the sadness quickly becoming furious at him and his words but also for the lack of her own. Her actions gradually became more violent as she started to slam the cupboard doors after placing objects within them, almost throwing cartons and bottles into the fridge. He flinched slightly as her purchases made unappreciative clatters, the doors creaking boisterously from her aggressive movements. She continued to talk "I also bought you a new belt- I think we broke the last one-"
"Syd" he injected again, this time louder than before. She still ignored him, speaking continuously about nothing as he moved closer.
"-and I didn't know what beer you preferred so I got two different types," she said as he rounded the corner of the counter and stepped into the kitchen "Oh. And I thought I could cook us an actual proper dinner tonight which we could actually eat for a change-"
"Sydney" he said carefully taking hold of her wrists. She stood still facing him, her eye line at his chest. She looked up at him for a few seconds and he studied her almost empty face; there was a momentary silence until she jerked one of her wrists from his grasp, slapping him round the face. There was silence. He closed his eyes, slightly shifting his lower jaw assessing the burning sting of his flesh. He could hear her angry breathing, and looked into her scorching eyes. He produced two small nods telling her how he new he deserved that and looked down at the floor; for no particular reason scratched his nose once with the knuckle of his finger
She stepped away from him and continued to unpack the last remaining items of her shop. She left the kitchen and proceeded to the bedroom, picking up some bags from the couch en route. "Syd" He walked behind her "Can we at least talk about what just happened?" they entered her bedroom
"I don't want to talk about it"
"Jesus, we can't just brush everything under the carpet!" he said loudly trying to ignore the fact Eric had been right
"What is there to say Vaughn? Tell me!" she turned to face him "What could we possibly have to say to each other that's so important?"
"I don't want to live with you," he said suddenly. He immediately regretted his words, the pain she showed making his chest ache a little. She stood still and nodded slightly before brushing past him leaving the room "Syd wait. That didn't come out right!" he said following her out
"Oh yeah and how was it meant to sound Vaughn, because the message seems pretty clear to me!" she asked angrily turning to face him again
"I...its just" he ran his hand over his face "I just think maybe its too early: we can't just pick up where we left off- we need to think about this really seriously. There are things we haven't even discussed yet that we need to talk about, like-"
"Like what?"
"Well the last three years for a start!"
"Ok fine! You want to talk let's talk. When you came to me in Hong Kong in that place, all I wanted was for you to tell me that you loved me and that everything would be ok. But you broke my heart Vaughn- you destroyed me" she said her voice breaking slightly. "Of all the people I thought would hurt me... I thought it would always be you that would be there to save me from the seemingly endless pain in my life, but clearly I was wrong-" Vaughn went to interrupt her "Yes I know, I know! You though I was dead, you buried me. Whatever. The point is the Vaughn I knew would never have given up until he found the truth, until he rescued me. I once called you my guardian angel, but I must have been wrong"
"Sydney please" he said, emotion evident in his voice
"You know, I went to you. In my missing two years"
"What?" he asked incredulously, feeling as if a knife had been plunged into his subconscious.
"Yeah" she almost laughed, "Kendall told me. I went to see you, to tell you I was alive, but I saw you with Lauren. I don't even want to imagine how that must have felt, and I don't know if I stayed away because I knew she was covenant and didn't want to risk your or my safety, or- or because I knew you'd moved on"
"I never moved on Sydney" he said, angry at the way she was making him feel
"Well that's not what it looked like for the past two years!" She shouted in retaliation "Do you have any idea how it felt to see you kiss or hold her? To see you talking in secluded little corners the way we used to? Every day I would wake up and feel cold sheets wrapped around me in an empty house devoid of life. No one to say good morning to, to make me coffee" a tear escaped her "No one to ask me how my day was when I got home or to eat dinner with."
Vaughn had never felt to low in his life. He realised he hadn't been the only one to bottle things up and he remembered all the many ways he had hurt her. At that moment the hate he felt for himself was more intense for any he had felt before; more than with Irina, more than with Lauren. She saw him trying to keep his emotions in check, and the remorse swimming around in him
"It was not my intention to make you feel guilty- to tell you all this in this way. But you're right; I can't hold these things in. Not anymore"
"Are you finished?" he asked trying not to be angry with her for things he knew she was right in saying. She didn't respond "Fine. Well. Let me put this is perspective for you. I understand that you felt betrayed- I'm not blaming you for that, but consider things from my point of view for just a second" she opened her mouth to reply but he stopped her "Imagine that you were never taken from me, that you weren't forced into a double agent status again. Imagine you and I had married the way I know we both thought we were going to and we living the life we had always wanted. How would you feel if you got a call one day completely out of nowhere saying 'Hey! You know that guy you were in love with- the one you wanted to marry? Well he's not dead after all, and he wants you to tell him that everything's ok, that he hasn't been dead to you for two years and that you still love him exactly as you did and you haven't just started to get over the loss of his existence'. Try finding a way of telling him that you're happily married and supposedly in love with someone else and that-"
"You don't regret moving on with your life?" she angrily finished for him
"You have to know that I never meant that"
"Well it sure sounded like you did!"
"Didn't it ever occur to you that maybe that was my way of convincing myself that I was right not to move on? Of suppressing the gnawing feeling I felt every second of those two pathetic years? When I started dating her-"
"When you were dating whom sorry?" she asked innocently knowing he hated saying her name. He sighed realising the sadistic little game she was playing
"Lauren. When I dated Lauren, we both then knew what it felt like to be a rebound"
"What?" she whispered, another tear escaping her. He pressed his palms to his eyes, not wanting to tell her what he was about to
"It doesn't matter..." he started quietly shaking his head
"Please tell me," she pleaded softly, the tears coming more steadily now
"I don't know what you had with Danny but after you died and maybe before, it always nagged me at the back of my mind..."
"What did Vaughn? I-please tell me" she stepped towards him. There was a small pause
"We both knew that if Danny hadn't have died we never would have met." She nodded and he continued "And you would be married and we- we never would have fallen in love. But after you were gone, I always feared, and I guess eventually convinced myself that I was just a rebound guy, that I somehow meant less to you than you did to me." He saw her forehead crease in sorrow as he spoke. His voice broke with sadness "I am so sorry for ever thinking that Sydney, that- that I was angry at you after you died. I think it was just my way of helping myself to get over you. In my mind you loved me less than you did Danny, and I always knew Lauren was aware that I would never love her in the same way I did you. So we sort of had this obscure twisted connection. It's, I-" he wasn't sure how to finish
"There's one flaw in your argument Vaughn," she said, emotion hacking into her voice at the sound of his name "I loved you so much more"
Thank you for reading this chapter. Please review!