Chapter 20
The Shoulder To Cry On
"Eric come on, don't be ridiculous. You can't keep blaming or implicating yourself in every little fight me and Vau-"
"No." Eric shook his head turning to face her more "Syd listen. You're fight with Vaughn- it was about commitment right? About moving too fast?"
"Yeah, how'd you-"
"Mike and I had a..." he tried to find the right word, "an altercation after which he must have come here." He said looking around slightly. He sighed and looked over her left shoulder before he continued not wanting to meet her gaze, "I told him that...that I thought-"
"That you thought what?" Sydney asked, a blend of concern and irritation in her voice. "What did you say to him Eric?" she queried once more trying her best to keep her cool
"That maybe by asking him moving in, you were moving too fast and neither of you were properly considering the consequences- of what it meant for what you have. I thought you were trying to go back to your relationship before." Sydney looked down and sighed. She ran a hand through her slightly knotted hair as he continued "Look Syd, I am so, so sorry, I never meant for it to effect you and Vaughn like it did. I was just trying to voice my concerns- to be a good friend." Weiss looked at her trying to judge her expression. She lifted her head, looking upwards slightly. "I understand if you're mad-"
"Yeah I am."
"Sydney" he began. He wasn't going to take back what he said but he wasn't sure he could face another fight or her painful sobs either. He still stood by his argument.
"Who are you to interfere-" she shouted
"Hey!" he shouted over her
"-To fill him with insecurities?"
"Who am- who am I? I'm the guy who's stuck with you two through thick and thin. The one who has been a shoulder to cry on. I've been there for every step of your relationship and I'm sorry if I think your moving too fast but I'm entitled to my own opinions! My justifiable opinions!"
"Ugh this is so irritating!" she said angrily, bending to cradle her head in her hand
"Sydney-"
"No" she stopped him, looking straight at him, "It's irritating because you- because you're right." She was calmer now
"Look, I-"
"Eric" she warned a hint of amusement in her voice "Who is wearing the speaking hat?" Weiss gawped slightly surprised Vaughn had told her
"I-"
"Weiss?" she chastised playfully lifting her eye-line above him. Her hand was raised to stop him speaking. "Who-is-wearing-the-speaking-hat?"
"Bu-"
"Who?"
"Sydney. Not Eric"
"Thank you." She smiled gently, turning serious once more, "Look, Vaughn and me are moving way too fast, I know that now. But I am so frightened that something is going to happen to stop this." She took his hands emphatically, making him look at her "You know me and Michael can't go back to where we were- we know that too. And you know we would never do that." She added slowly "When I look at him all I see is regret. He regrets never telling me he loved me or taking me to Santa Barbara, and he regrets the pain that I have felt over the past I don 't know how many months. We are both still mourning what we lost even though we have each other back now. And really that is all that should matter- that we have each other back. But it's not all that matters Eric. He needs to move on from Lauren and he needs to move on from his guilt on the pain that was inflicted."
"He also needs closure from losing you"
"What?" Sydney asked in an anguished surprise letting go of his hands
"Do you honestly think he got over losing you Sydney? Because he didn't. He still hasn't."
"What? I mean. No he doesn't...I don't-" Eric took her hands in his as his turn to talk arrived
"I know you have heard this but I'm not sure the meaning has ever been clear to you, or if you really understand to what extent he changed while he mourned for you. But he was a mess Sydney- there is no word to describe the state he was in. I have never seen anyone fall like he did and after everything we have experienced it was still the most petrifying thing I have ever known"
"Eric, I know all this-"
"No, Syd you don't. You really don't," he said forcefully, letting go of her hands and standing up. He turned away from her closing his eyes briefly before he started. With a small nod he began "Mike became reckless after he thought you died. He cared for nothing or no one and had no concern for himself or anyone around him. He would break down and call me in the middle of the night- he'd never talk or cry or anything; he'd just sit and be silent on the other end of the line. I mean, you were gone Sydney. You were dead. As far as he was concerned that was no one left. There was no one to love him and no one to love in return." Eric turned to face her and she stifled a gasp as she saw the tears threatening to show themselves against his stubble.
"I tried looking after him the best I could Sydney but all he wanted was you- all he would cry for was you. There was nothing any of us could say or do. He went days without talking or eating... I'm not even sure he slept some weeks. And when he did your image tormented him. I mean- did he tell you about the time he had to have his stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning?" he questioned already knowing the answer.
"I...no...I-" she stuttered
"Yeah well that was no fun I can tell you." He spoke rubbing the balls of his palms against his eyes "Look," he sighed, bringing arms down to his sides "What I'm going to tell you, you have to promise not to be mad...but I can't take the guilt anymore"
"Eric what is it?" she questioned fearfully, her voice buckling under the heavy weight of her emotions
"Vaughn's moving on...it wasn't completely voluntary. I was the one who suggested he shouldn't keep mourning you and that he shouldn't wear black for the rest of his life. I suggested he started dating again"
"Eric there is nothing wrong with that." Sydney said sincerely rising to stand in front of him. You were right to think that- he deserved to move on, you all did. You were being a good friend. Like you always are." she added with a soft smile. He shook his head
"But my motives were less that honourable I can assure you." Sydney frowned. "They were weak and they were selfish." She let him continue as he slowly began to pace the rug before her "You don't know what it is like seeing the most important people in your life crumble away and vanish into nothing. I saw it with you and there was no way I was going to stand there and watch Vaughn come to the same end. I just couldn't take it anymore- the late night phone calls, picking him up from bars, tidying his place, paying his bills. I was sick of having to being strong all the time. I tried the best I could Sydney I really did. But" his voice cracked slightly "I feared his breakdowns would eventually pull me down with them. I really did want him to be happy you have to believe that. But I needed to move on too Sydney, and I could not do that watching my best friend purposefully drink himself into oblivion" He looked at her, his eyes pricking with the memory of best friend's grieved condition
"Oh Eric" she sobbed, embracing him and burying her head into his shoulder. "I am so sorry for what you went through. And I am so sorry you have had to live with this unnecessary guilt while you were looking after me in the same way you did him." he squeezed her tightly closing his eyes. "Thank you for being his friend- for loving him. And thank you for being my friend Eric. I'll never be able to communicate my gratitude to you. And neither will he."
They stayed like that for a while until he broke the hug. He sniffed slightly, and cleared his throat. Sydney looked at the clock knowing he would want time to gather himself, not feeling comfortable with the emotion of the situation. She laughed fondly inside, the pride of the men she loved never ceasing to amaze her. After the all of the tears he had seen for her, he still didn't want her to see his. It was extremely endearing
"Hey" she croaked rubbing his forearm "Its late- you should get home" Eric nodded
"You'll be ok?"
"Yeah." There was a small pause. "Thank you" Weiss nodded in affirmation laughing quietly at her next comment
"But you're the one that's got to be in work in two hours"
"Ok that is so unfair" he joked sarcastically, the Eric she knew best back in the room
"Well what can I say, I helps to be the boss' daughter"
"Or sharing her bed" he quipped earning him a slap round the shoulder and a giggle. Sydney opened the door for him, the humidity of the warm Californian air surprising them both. Dawn was approaching and sky was tinted with swirls of orange, pink and gold, the trees still silhouetted against their background of layered femininity.
"I'll see you at work?" he asked
"Yeah. Night Eric"
"Morning Syd" he corrected in his response, looking around him.
"Thank you"
"For what?"
"Being you," she said kindly, pressing a small sisterly kiss to his cheek. He nodded shyly and the pair waved their goodbyes as she closed the doors. He slowly and contently made his way back across the grass to his front door. Even in the husky light of dawn could the blush on Eric cheeks been seen, not only for the kindness of Sydney Bristow's words, but the kindness of Sydney Bristow herself.
Eeeeee! Thank you for reading...I know some of you wanted the Eric/Sydney chat so there it was! Hope you liked it
Thanks a million to (takes deep breath) s, caroline, morgan123, Masta D, vaughn is hot, kyyra, CS, hanna, Moni, McCurdy, Screwed by life (Hope it gets better for you by the way OohugsoO xx) largemarge416, syd-mike-4ever, candice, sydofthesea, alias-sydney93001, MB138, tine, Charlotte, Agent Boucle d'Or, daisyduke947, SuperDuck123, lec, awin, alexis, diveprincess and everyone for their recent and very kind reviews. Thanks from the bottom of my keyboard and my heart. Love always- dani xxx
Oh yeah, don't own Alias, never have never will unless its up for sale at very cheap and then me and J.J could probably work something out. I am not benefiting from this apart from it being a lot of fun weeeeeeeeeeee! Just sharing the love! xx
P.s Chapter 20? Can i just say YAY!