Title: Barrier of Brothers - A part of the Barrier Series
Author: Elise
rating - pg
summary - a series discussing the issues of the characters from Numb3rs (which i do not own). Yeah. This section is about charlie.
I.
Don walked through the classroom to get to the office. He knocked softly, and noted that it was dark with the shades drawn. Don raised an eyebrow and gently called out, "Charlie? Hey charlie, you in here?"
Don's ears caught the sound of a shifting jacket and he walked in. "I'm coming in, Charlie."
Walking around the desk, he found Charlie, leaning against the wall, knees to his chest. Don's face took on one of pity and he walked over quietly. "Hey buddy - how are you?"
Charlie didn't respond, he just looked forward, his eyes jaded, and his adam's apple bobbing, as if he were swallowing sobs. Don sat down beside his brother, placing a hand on his knee. for the first time, he noticed Charlie clutching something. Don nudged his brother, "Charlie - what are you doing in the dark."
"Thinking." Charlie whispered, much to Don's surprise.
"Thinking about what?" Don pushed.
Charlie turned his head, and even in the near dark, Don could see that they were red-rimmed. Charlie swallowed harshly again, "Just thoughts..."
Don nodded, "Hey... I uh... missed you at work today. I'm so used to you being there, you know, as a part of the team, that it was strange not having you around."
Don smiled, hoping it would encourage a smile in the younger one. Charlie's math wasn't the only thing that Don couldn't understand in the prodigy, his emotions also created a barrier between the brothers. Charlie nodded, "I'm sorry. Not today... couldn't do it today."
"Oh, no, Charlie, I didn't mean to say that you had to be there. Consult at your comfort level." Don nudged, "You're well liked."
Charlie smiled at that, "Thank you."
Don laughed, "See, I knew you could smile."
Charlie shrugged, "Least I can still function at least at a basic level."
Don looked around the room, absorbing Charlie's tone, comments and atmosphere. Charlie looked like he hadn't moved one bit. Don sighed, "What's wrong, Charlie? Maybe I can help you?"
Charlie shook his head, "You... me... we're different, Don. We always have been. You never wanted me at your games, or your graduation... or with mom or dad... We're too different."
Don shook his head, "That's not true, Charlie... Didn't you say something once about Kim saying how alike we are? You know, passionate and all that."
Charlie's lungs seemed to hitch, as if he were swallowing sobs again. Don put an arm around Charlie's shoulders, pulling him into an embrace. "Come on, Charlie," Don started again, "You can talk to me."
Charlie shook his head, accepting the embrace, "No. No, the only person who ever understood, I ignored. I let her go away on her death bed... I let her die. Alone. That's why I'm alone."
Don seemed thrown back at Charlie's admission. When Charlie had re-entered the life of the FBI agent's, Don had taken out a few books on prodigies and child genius'. He never expected Charlie to still be displaying depression and isolation at thirty. It hurt to know that he didn't truly know his brother. Don began to gently rub Charlie's arm. "Listen buddy, She knew why you didn't come, and to be honest, I'm beginning to understand as well. In fact... I can relate."
Charlie looked up, "How? You've been accepted your entire life. I'm an anomaly in and of itself. I shouldn't exist. The statistics of mom and dad having a child of my nature are minimal. I don't have the experiences you do. I... I'm alone. I'm not normal."
Don shushed him, "Stop. You are normal, Charlie. You feel just like everyone else does. You have been grieving just like I have been grieving. You run away, your NP thing, just like I used fugitive recovery to run away from my own problems. Charlie, I get you. You're brain can wrap around the most difficult and complex mathematics, but your heart is so open that sometimes it has problems feeling so much. Just as you think big, you feel big. I get that. I've seen enough that I can shut it down and out. You can't."
Charlie kept his head on Don's chest, listening to Don's words, soothing him. Charlie nodded. Don did seem to know what he was talking about. Charlie whispered out, "I still... sometimes I just need to be isolated from everyone else. I feel like they're watching me, expecting so much out of me, and... and I don't feel worthy of it. Not after what I did to mom."
Don kissed the top of Charlie's head, "Hey, buddy, it's alright. I won't judge you anymore. I know I've made your life rough, but I want you in my life. I want you to be happy. You're my brother, and you mean a lot to me."
"How can you forgive me?"
"The same way you can forgive me for being such a retched brother to you." Don said, admitting his gem of guilt.
Charlie sat up, staring into Don's face in shock. He had never expected Don to feel bad about the way he treated his "freak brother". Don smiled, as if he expected Charlie's shock. Don spoke quietly, "I haven't been the best to you Charlie. I had a lot of resentment towards you. I made this alienation you feel much more worse than it had to be. I'm sorry."
Charlie's bottom lip quivered, "Oh Don...Don't apologize. You don't have to. I forgave you so long ago."
Don got to his feet and extended a hand, "OK, then forgive yourself. I'm trying to understand you, but I need your help. I'm here for you. You're not alone."
Charlie looked at the hand and grabbed it, Don pulling him up into an embrace. Charlie finally let out his sob, fully trusting Don. Charlie managed to let out, "Do...Do you think she understood... really? I miss her so much, Don."
Don gently stroked his back, "hey, She knew you completely and understood. She didn't hold it against you for a moment."
Charlie smiled into Don's chest, the tears still rolling thickly down his face. Don continued, "We all miss her, but thats what Dad and I are here for, Charlie. We get through it as a family. Ok?"
"Ok." Charlie whispered out.
"Ok." Don said, "Let's go home. It's rib-eye night."
Charlie chuckled at Don's Rib-eye obsession and nodded, grabbing his things. He knew that he was an anomaly, but not for his intelligence, but for having such incredible people in his life.
finis
till part two