A/N: I own nothing. WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT! No flames are welcomed, it is a major issue, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Thanks to all who reviewed they are greatly appreciated, please keep them coming. I want to acknowledge Lils who was the first reviewer to ever stump me with the comment about the marauders map, but I believe I have found away around that, and will have it in this chapter, if it is confusing i'm sorry and i'll clarify it in next chap! but to the rest of my reviewers I loved each and every one of them. Here's the next chap enjoy!
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Draco hesitantly entered the room, but when he saw the snake like man at the desk he puffed out his chest and went inside. He knew that the information that he brought might lead to his untimely death. He had disobeyed orders and he was leaving his post unguarded. He kneeled down and kissed his Master's robe.
"So Draco, what brings you back here so soon? Your reasons better be good, or I can promise you pain beyond pain." He hissed at the younger Malfoy.
"It is my Lord. I would never have abandoned my post if I did not think it was unimportant. I know of the consequences too my Lord, and I promise you the news will be worth my absence at Hogwarts."
"I will be the judge of that. What's the news?
Draco got up from his kneeling position on the floor and faced his Master head held high. "It is Potter, my Lord, he has awoken and has seen his father."
This news had startled Voldemort. He had known Potter was not well off at the moment, and he thought that it would be awhile longer until he regained consciousness. Now for the fact that the two Potters had been reunited did not sit well with the dark lord. His plans must soon be put into action.
"Is that all the news you have for me?" His voice was stoic; he did not want the Malfoy child to know how important the news actually was.
"No, my Lord, that's not all." There was a slight pause from Draco as he waited for his Lord to give him permission to continue on.
"Do not waste my time Draco. I am very busy, tell me, what other news have you."
"Harry is ignoring and fighting his father, every chance he gets. For some reason he doesn't want to have anything to do with James, and before I came he had kicked his father out of the room."
The second part of the news had surprised Voldemort even more than the first part. Voldemort could not for the likes of him understand why Potter would refuse his father, when he yearned so much for a family. It was truly puzzling; Potter apparently always seemed to have something else up his sleeve.
The information had been perfect, at first he thought that all his carefully constructed planning had been for naught, now, however, he would be able to go along with his plans and finish the Potter brat and his father once and for all. Then with Potter out of the way the whole wizarding world would be his, not just Britain.
"You have done well Draco, I am pleased. You're father will be informed of how well you are doing. Now leave, but do not leave your post for any reason whatsoever. I repeat do not."
Draco did not want to disobey the Dark Lord he was too frightened to. Very cautiously Draco asked, "But what if something like this happens again? How can I contact you my Lord?"
Voldemort threw something at Draco, and with his abilities as a seeker caught it in one swift motion.
"It is a pendant," Voldemort explained. "Wear it around your neck and if you need to get in contact with me all you have to do is think the name 'Nagini' and it will allow for us to communicate together through its link."
Draco placed the pendant around his neck, kissed the hem of the Dark Lords robes and was back at Hogwarts infirmary in his small dragon form atop his perch before anyone could say the word 'Blast - Ended Skrewts'.
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Harry lay still on his bed. Not noticing the people that were in the room with him. His eyes were looking up at the ceiling and he had not blinked or moved once, since Ginny had moved away from him after their embrace, and James had left. He seemed oblivious to all that was going on around him, even though it was not much.
He wanted to be left alone. One thought crossing his mind. It would not be fair, and it would not be right, but it was still the better choice. In every turn in his life, he was somehow damaging everybody that he loved, and he could not take it anymore. He wanted everything to go away. He just wanted to die. He did not want to have to face Voldemort, or his father, he did not want to face his friends or his enemy, he did not want to exist in his life anymore. He had enough. Everything was ruined and he felt himself splitting into millions of pieces.
Harry thought it would be for the best. Dumbledore would be able to conquer Voldemort, since he was the only person that he ever feared, and everybody would live happily ever after without him. His father seemed to want him dead anyways, he already shown his true colours and was more like his Uncle Vernon in more ways than one.
A serene smile played across his lips, he would finally be free to spread his wings. He would be able to do everything he ever dreamed of and more, much much more. Heaven would be beautiful, and he could hardly wait. He pictured Hedwig flying down to greet him, nipping his finger in her usual affectionate way. Sirius as snuffles knocking him down into a pillow of white soft fluffy clouds. And his mother enveloping him into a safe warm hug, the one he felt when he was asleep. He would be able to fly on his broom for hours, play Quidditch whenever he wanted to, and have as much chocolate frogs as he desired. Yes everything would be perfect there, and nothing could stop him. He knew Madame Pomfrey was away and all he had to do was wait for all of his friends to leave, so he could be alone, without anyone stopping him.
"Harry?" Ron called. He had become concerned when Harry had not moved for almost twenty minutes.
Harry focused on his friends face, he wanted to make it seem that nothing was wrong, and he had to make it believable.
"Yeah," He croaked out his voice raw, from the screaming that it endured during the night.
"Nothing. Never mind."
"So mum says that we can make a trip to Diagon Alley in two weeks if you're better." Ginny said uncomfortably.
Harry felt a pang of guilt run through his body. In two weeks he would not be here, in two days he would not be here. He smiled at the redheaded girl "That'll be great. Maybe I can get another pet. I was thinking of getting a frog. Trevor could use a partner in crime." He thought of Neville's frog, and how it always managed to get lost.
"A frog!" Ron exclaimed. "You can do better than a frog. Why not get another owl, I'm sure they have a few that looks like Hedwig there, you can get another snow owl."
Harry's eyes turned away from the groups. Sometimes his friend could be the most idiotic person alive. "Nothing can take the place of Hedwig, Ron. I've had an owl, I don't feel like getting another one."
"Right, sorry." He mumbled.
"Ron do you ever consider to stop and think what you're saying before you say it?" Hermione asked him scathingly.
"Sometimes." And with that followed a smack upside his head.
"What was that for?" He asked her, rubbing his now sore head, a look of hurt shone in his eyes.
"For being you." Came her reply.
"Listen guys." Harry started before an argument could break out, "I'm really tired, and I didn't get much sleep last night. Do you mind leaving? Madame Pomfrey says I need to rest."
"Sorry, Harry, Dear. We should've realized you were tired. We'll leave you alone. Get some sleep and we'll come back in a couple of hours to eat with you. The rest of you hush no more noise." Mrs. Weasley turned on the group.
"'Mione, stay a minute." Harry pleaded with her, if this was going to work he needed to be able to move and get out of the bed.
"What is it Harry." She watched as the others went away from the infirmary.
"Would you mind just dropping the spell Pomfrey placed on the sheets, I won't get up don't worry, it's just kind of uncomfortable, and I won't be able to sleep like this." He said trying to win her over with sympathy.
"Sure Harry." She pointed her wand and instantly the bed sheets stopped clinging to him.
"Thanks." He mumbled. "For everything."
"You're welcome Harry." She hugged him and left, feeling like something strange was going to happen soon. It felt like this would be the last time she ever saw her friend again. She shook her head it was silly, but still.
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Harry watched as his last friend left the room. He felt tears in his eyes, but willed himself not to cry, this would be the last time he ever saw anyone of them again. He had forgotten that he would be leaving them behind, but if he did not then they themselves would end up dying because of him, this way was better. He reassured himself.
He felt an immense relief now that he was able to talk himself back into doing what he was going to do, and knowing that he was alone. Nobody would come to stop him or be able to. The one thing he had over his life, and he was now determined to go through with it.
Harry stepped carefully out of the bed lest someone heard him. He made his way quietly to the washroom. The object of his desire lay on the counter, so shiny and smooth. It glistened like a diamond in the darken lavatory. He was thankful to the person who left it there.
With a shaky hand Harry picked up the scissors. It dropped to the floor with a loud crash. His heart stopped momentarily as he thought that that bang would have people running, but several minutes later it seemed to be safe.
This time with a steadier hand, Harry placed the sharp tip of the scissors at the vein of his wrist with a deep breath he plunged in deep and hard, hitting the artery in his arm. Once he got his target he sliced his arm up and down. Heavy blood spurted everywhere, hitting the fans, the ceiling, the walls. Harry dropped to the ground panting hard he lay in the darkness spread eagle on the floor. His arm pumping out his precious blood, releasing him from all his pain.
He did not know how long it would take for him to be gone from his miserable existence, but he hoped it would be soon, as he began to feel cold. His heart started beating fast, rocking his whole body. Coldness enveloped him, and he felt like he was floating. "It won't be long now." He thought to himself. "Freedom." Was the last word he remembered as tiredness took over his body, and he lost sight of reality.
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James could not sleep; his son's rejection tore his heart in two. He did deserve it and he knew it. After the way he treated Harry he would not be surprised if Harry never forgave him.
He closed his eyes once more, hoping for sleep to come and in the morning he would see his beautiful son, and maybe, just maybe there would not be so much hostility aimed his way.
Sleep would not come; it had been a losing battle. He should never have entered it in the first place.
"Linx!" He called to the house – elf, which had been assigned to take care of James' need.
"Yes, Master Potter, Sir. How can Linx help you, Sir?" The house – elf squeaked. Twisting his Hogwarts encrusted tea cosy in his wrung hands.
"Could you get me some coffee please? Two creams and a teaspoon of sugar." He asked the house – elf politely. He was brought up to treat every living thing as an equal, his parents had taught him that nothing, not even animals should be treated as if they were higher or less then you. All living thins should be treated as an equal, no matter their position. He was glad to see that Harry had been taught the same respect that he had been. Every creature was invaluable, and if all the wizards felt that way needless lives could have been saved.
"Yes, of course, Master Potter. As you wish, Sir. Linx will get it right away." And with that a loud crack was heard and reheard as Linx was back within a flash of a second, carrying a hot tray that contained coffee and what looked like a mountain made of chocolate scones.
"Linx thought that Master Potter would like something warm with his coffee. So Linx has brought Master Potter some chocolate scones."
"Thank You Linx. You can leave it there for me on the table."
Linx placed the tray down and popped away. James was once again by his lonesome.
He sat down at the table and flipped through old books as he ate the scones and drank his tea. Looking at one particular potions book, a slip of paper fell out from between the pages. He picked it up nimbly with his fingers, and when he unfolded the creased paper a small surprise of 'oh' circled his lips.
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The feeling was sensational. Harry was drifting from consciousness to semi – consciousness. The ride was terrifying, but beautiful at the same time. In bouts of consciousness he felt as if he could fly. He felt so separated from his body; it was the most incredible feeling ever.
Then the real pain would hit, stronger than what his uncle had ever done to him. His heart would start pounding and he would feel as if he had just run a twenty-mile race. Every time his heart would do this blood would pump out of his arm more rapidly than what it was already doing. He was astonished at how much blood his small body actually held.
He remembered his old days at his English elementary school when the subject of suicide had been brought up. A kid mentioned that when a person cut his/her wrist it could take a couple of hours for the person to die depending on their size. "Oh well, at least I'm small." He thought as more blood splattered the bathroom, painting it red.
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James smiled as he picked up the second map the Marauders had made. He had forgotten about that one. He tapped his wand feeling like a kid in the candy store, and he said rather proudly, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
Different squiggly lines on the map appeared. Some going crisscross, others zigzagging, left and right, up and down, the lines went everywhere. When the map finished it's enwinding path and the last person's name had been written in above its dot, in big loopy letters an inscription in the left hand corners appeared.
"May the Marauders pranks live on forever." "Cheers." James slammed his hand down on the table.
There had been two Marauder maps made that year. They were going to make five one for Remus, Severus, and Peter, but there had not been enough time. The only one's who did have it had been Sirius and himself. When they went on their moonlight romps in the dark forest, James would take Severus and Remus with him, and Sirius would go with Severus.
A few nights before the damning incident at Godric's Hollow took place, James had given Severus his Marauders map, for safety. He knew that Severus was given a highly dangerous mission, and he wanted his dear friend to be careful, the Marauder's map would allow that.
James shrugged his shoulders in silent thought. He figured that Severus must have put the Marauders map in the book after the mission was completed, for safekeeping. He knew his friend would give it back to him in the end. He silently traced his finger over the map lovingly. So much had happened since the days of the Marauders, now his son had the second one. He wished that he could have passed it on to him, have been able to have a father and son moment between the two. And now it seemed that he had lost Harry forever.
He remembered third year when Harry had said he saw Wormtail on the Marauder's map, Lupin had come to him afterwards to tell him of his findings. Snape had turned Lupin away, saying that Wormtail was dead. It never dawned on him until tonight how curious that was. How the map had been able to show Scabbers as Wormtail, and not Snape as James. James pondered that and the only revolution that he could make was that Wormtail still had his soul, his spirit, his own memory's and throughout the time as Scabbers he still remembered who he was. James on the other hand could not remember who he was and his whole life was gone, except for the little bit that kept him from harming Harry in anyway. Making the Marauder's map was tricky. The map could only read the person's soul/or spirit (if it was dead) so if the person was in disguise it would be able to match the person as his/her true self, because that person knew who he or she was, but if the person was in disguise and truly thought they were that person (without any of their real memories intact) that they were disguised as, then the map would read as if that person truly existed not the actual person. It had been a clever idea when they made the map, and James smiled proudly as he remembered.
He scanned the map from where he was at the table he saw that he finally existed as a person, because where he sat it no longer read Severus Snape it read James Potter. He soon found Harry. He was a little taken aback when he saw that Harry was not in his bed, but was relieved when he found his son was just in the lavatory. He waited for the little dot to move back to the bed but it did not. When the little dot just stayed that way for half an hour he became really worried, but at the same time decided nothing of it, Harry just might have been having a bath. An hour passed and still nothing, now James was getting really worried. He decided to give Harry five more minutes and if he still had not come out from the lavatory he would see what was going on, and then he would try to rectify all the wrong doings he had done to Harry, in hopes to start afresh.
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Harry did not know how long he had been lying there on the floor, but it felt like hours. He knew his time was coming, and an immense relief flooded over him.
A white light appeared before his closed eyes. He hitched his breath and he felt himself being carried away. At last peace had come to claim him.
A person made his or her way through to meet him half way. He could not tell who it was everything was still a little blurry. When he got closer it was a person, and instantaneously he was able to tell who that person was. He had seen her in his dreams many times before. Had wished so many times on fallen stars to have her hold him in her arms, and now she was everything that he envisioned her to be. Emerald green eyes stared back at a matching pair of emerald green eyes.
"Mum." He whispered so quietly.
She nodded her head and spread her arms wide. Harry ran into those welcoming arms, feeling of love and warmth spread over him. This was how he felt when he was in the coma. "MUM" He cried. Not caring anymore, he had his mother back.
"Shh…baby. Don't cry." She soothed him. Running small circles across his back in a comforting way. Soon his crying turned into small hiccoughs and he laid his tired head on her shoulders, allowing her to continue the soft comforting motion on his back.
"Harry, my beautiful son, what have you done to yourself?" She asked, with a sorrow filled voice.
Silence he did not want to talk. He wanted to stay like this forever, for eternity. "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." Lily sang to her son. Her beautiful voice rang throughout the silence. She had not sung this song to her child since he was a baby and she missed it so much.
Lily held her broken son in her arms; she knew that he would not be able to stay with him. It was still not his time. Any minute she knew that her beloved husband would find him, and then their time together would end. They could not be together not yet. The time was not right.
Lily took Harry's head into both her hands. He tried to fight to gain back the contact; he had missed so much of in his short life. But her strong hands did not let him go.
"Harry, my darling son. You must listen to me. You have to go back, it is not your time. Your father needs you more than ever. Give him a chance."
Harry's emerald eyes darkened, he did not want to give his father a chance, he did not want to have anything to do with his father, he wanted to be with his mother. One of the few people in his life who had never betrayed him, the one person who had sacrificed everything to save him from death, he liked it here, and there was no way that he was going back there.
"I want to stay here with you." He cried, hugging her tightly around the neck, breaking free of her tender hold on his face.
"You can't Harry. You don't know everything yet. You have no clue what you're father has been through in order for you to survive. Please my baby boy, listen to your father, he will explain everything to you, I'm so sorry Harry that I could not be there for you. Just know that I love you."
"No, he betrayed me. Just like everybody else back there has. I want to stay here where nobody can lie or hurt me anymore. Mum, I want to be free." He pleaded with his mother to understand him, to give in and say that everything was alright and he could stay here with her, and then they would leave and everything would be perfect.
"I'm sorry Harry you can't. Not just yet. Hey," She said with a smile, "Has anybody told you, you look like your father."
Harry had to smile at this, of course everybody said that, but to hear his mother saying this to him, like it was a joke, brought a huge grin to his face, "Except I have your eyes." He told her playfully. "Everybody says that as well."
"I bet they do." She told him teasingly. "Harry I have to go now, but remember my son that I love you, and I am so proud of you. So are Sirius, Severus, and your grandparents, even Hedwig. We are all so proud of you."
"Mum, don't go." Harry said as she dimmed away, along with the bright light.
"Always love you." A ghostly whisper echoed through his ears.
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Harry's eyes popped open. He was not on the washroom floor as he was supposed to be; instead he was in his bed, tucked in once more, so that he could not move.
He did not open or make a sound; he did not want to have anybody coming in. He was ashamed for what he did. How could he try to take his life? Tears clung to his eyelashes as a new round of tears tried to break free. He would not cry, he would not cry. He had shown enough weakness for one night, he would not show anymore.
He looked down, his cut arm had been bandaged in thick white gauze, there was a small patch of red, but not a whole lot. He noticed a bottle of blood replenishing potions on his nightstand. "So somebody found him then." He thought to himself. Forgetting that his mother told him his father would be the one to find him.
"Welcome back Mr. Potter." Kingsley Shacklebolt emerged from behind the curtains.
"Whaa…Whooo?" Harry tried to form the question about how he had been saved from certain death, but he seemed unable to form that particular question.
"You are a very lucky young man, Harry." Kingsley said, "If it was not for your father you would certainly not be here now." He said.
"I wasn't planning on being here. If it wasn't for my father I would have been where I wanted to be." He snarled. His father once again seemed to have ruined everything for him.
"You are a very selfish person, Harry. I would never have expected this from you."
Harry was startled by Kingsley's words. This was the last thing that he expected Kingsley to say to him. "Me selfish? What do you know? You know nothing. NOTHING about me. You've only known me for a year and even for the year we never saw each other often."
"I know that you almost killed the man that cares for you more than anything in the world. I know that James was the one who found you. Your blood splashing the walls, it was he who mended your cut. It was he who had to clean up your spilt blood, and it was he who called for me."
"Well now that I'm awake you can leave, Shacklebolt."
"I'm not working for you Mr. Potter. You're father and the headmaster both assigned me to you. I will be your new 'friend' for the time being, and I will be staying here, otherwise to St. Mungo's you go. You will not be going anywhere, without me, you will not even move a finger without me knowing, and I will know. Listen to me as a friend." Kingsley sighed out of sympathy and worry. "Your father is sleeping right now, after everything that he has witnessed try to be more understanding towards him, and give him a chance. I know for a fact there's something he needs to discuss with you, he loves you a lot Harry."
The last sentence struck a nerve as Harry remembered the last few things his mother told him. He sighed and faced the window, staring out at the great lake. The giant squid was diving back and forth in the water; he let his mind wander drowning out Kingsley's words.
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While Kingsley Shacklebolt watched guard over Harry, Albus Dumbledore watched guard over James. James was given a sleepless dream potion to help him forget the turn of events that transpired that day.
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James had given Harry the five minutes like he promised, but when he saw that Harry still had not moved he went down to the infirmary.
When he got to the infirmary, he was a little bit ragged, but he just figured that maybe Harry had went to take a bath and fallen asleep and fallen asleep in the tub. He knew that the water could be soothe a body. By the time he had entered the lavatory he was calm expecting to see his son dozing.
What he did not expect was to find his son lying in a pool of his own blood. His body had become a pale translucent white, his lips a bluish/purplish hue, and his breathing very still. He ran to his son's side ignoring the blood splattered walls and floor in which he stepped in and leaned against. He held his son's wrist and saw the cut that had ripped through his arm and artery. If it were not for his auror training he would never had known what to do, but because of that he was able to mend the shattered artery and the split skin within seconds. The blood did not stop instantaneously, there was still a little bit of oozing, but nothing serious, all James had to do was conjure a thick gauze bandage and wrap it around the wrist, applying pressure in order for the blood to fully stop. He put two fingers against Harry's other wrist, the uninjured one, searching for a pulse. He almost toppled over when he found a small, but very faint pulse. If he had come within two seconds later he knew that Harry would be dead. He quickly 'accioed' a blood replenishing potion, and forced Harry to swallow it, by tilting Harry's head back, pouring the contents into his mouth and rubbing his throat for the boy to drink. When James was content and he felt Harry's pulse begin to grow stronger, he let his son down, and he cleaned up the mess Harry's blood had made. He placed his son in his bed, and put the same charm on the blankets that Madame Pomfrey had done, so that Harry could not escape or try to do something like that again. He sat in the chair by the bed and fell into a fitful sleep.
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It had been Dumbledore who had found James screaming his voice raw, something about Harry harming himself, and why would he choose to do that. Gently Albus shook James by the shoulders to awaken him.
James explained everything to Albus about what happened, forgetting in that moment in time that he was supposed to be mad at his former mentor. He told Albus about what Harry had tried to do, and the condition that he found his son in.
Albus gave a look of disbelief, but when he saw the boy's bandaged wrist he knew that James was indeed telling the truth. It was then that Albus suggested getting Harry twenty-four hours around the clock watch, just in case he tried to do it again. James at first refused, he was shaken up, but he still wanted to be there for Harry, he did not want Harry to think that he was being abandoned in his time of need. He reluctantly agreed that it would be better to have someone there, and they both decided that it would be perfect if Kingsley were the one to watch over Harry.
James floo called Kingsley, and Kingsley being the kind hearted man that he was, was there in the infirmary within minutes, standing by the bed.
When James was reassured that Kingsley would not leave his son alone for a single second without anybody else there to guard Harry. They had decided to let Tonks be the second to watch over Harry, and her and Kingsley would take turns monitoring the boy. Dumbledore led James back to his chamber, and just like James had done for Harry, Dumbledore did for James. He gave James a sleeping draught to let him have a goodnight sleep, and forget about the image of his only son on the verge of death.
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The old wizard watched over James like a hawk. The man had been through so much in his life. Dumbledore wondered when his life would get back on track. He wanted so many good things for the man before him.
"Everything will work out, you'll see, in the end all the pieces will be put back together." Dumbledore cooed to the sleeping man before him.
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While all this was going on in the castle the little dragon on his perch was sound asleep.
