"Wake up!" Zack snapped his fingers in front of Max's face to wake her up. They were in Logan's apartment, but he and Bling were in another room working on his physical therapy. Zack was still amazed that Max had slept soundly through the entire night as he watched her.
Max bolted awake in the midst of a seizure.
Zack held his hand up to her mouth feeding her a handful of Typtophan pills. Max swallowed them down quickly and smiled, Zack was a good little boy-scout always prepared for anything.
"Don't they ever bother you?" Max asked meaning the seizures.
"Sometimes." Zack shrugged his shoulders stiffly, "yours are much more sever."
"Lucky me."
"There's no such thing Maxie." Zack smirked. "Come out with me on to the roof." It wasn't a question; it was and order spoken as he pulled her up to her feet.
"I need to use the bathroom." Max stumbled into the room, avoiding the issue she knew was coming.
When she came back, Zack had a video playing on Logan's TV.
"I think you need to see this before we talk."
Max dutifully looked at the TV set, the video showed the same thing Zack and Logan had watched last night. Across the screen flashed a set of all too familiar white numbers over a black background, Max's barcode numbers. Then it flashed pictures of her on a run, at a check point stop, then at crash, and clocking in at Jam-pony different times, over and over.
"So Lydecker know I'm here, big deal. We knew that already."
"Max let's go up to the roof, we need to talk." Zack said his voice carrying the connotation of an order, so that Max followed him outside.
The wind whipped Max's hair and she hugged herself close, the remnants of the fever still in her system.
"Do we have to have this conversation Zack, I mean we already know what we're both going to say." Max wasn't in the mood for this. Her body ached and inside she was raging. "I'm not leaving."
"If you were captured you compromise our security."
"You already did that. Lydecker knows everything you do about the others." Her comment hit home.
Zack grabbed her forcefully by her shoulders. "Wrong!" His eyes betrayed his true fury. "Everything they new is now falsified information. Everyone has re-located except you. You know a lot more now then what they got out of me then."
"You saw first hand what happens if they question me. I'm not afraid to die for my siblings."
"Yes, but Lydecker knows what he's doing more then some punk kid. He has ways of making you talk, ways of asking you a question without even asking it, trust me I know. What will they get out of you before you hit the breaking point? "
"Nothing." Max broke free of his grip and hit the brick wall by the door, shattering the brick and scraping up her knuckles. She couldn't believe he thought of her as such a liability, and didn't trust her. It was offending. She answered him dejectedly. "I love you all too much to let that happen."
"But Logan comes first." Zack fired the accusation at her.
"What of it?" Max shrugged.
"You'd rather be with him for a while and then give up your freedom falling back into Manticore's hands under Lydecker's control?"
"No! I'd rather die then go back there, you know that."
"Then you've got to come away with me."
"I can't, there's too much for me here."
"Then we'll take Mr. Eyes-only with us." Zack hated the idea the moment he'd spoken it, but he'd do anything to keep Max safe.
"He'd never do that."
"Have you asked him?"
"No, but Seattle's too important to him, he'd never do it, and it's not just about Logan." She moved closer to Zack to help block the wind.
"Emotions shouldn't cloud the mission."
"And what is the mission exactly oh high commander?"
Zack resisted the urge to hit her and growled his reply. "Safety."
"I have a life here Zack. Friends I consider a family."
"What about your real family?"
"There my family always, but right now my peeps come first."
"I worry about you Maxie."
"Don't do me any favors. I'm a big girl, you don't have to worry about me."
"How can I not?"
"Oh yeah I almost forgot, it's your job. Preserve the family at all costs."
"It's more then that."
"Well what is it then CO-itus going to your head?"
Zack stared at Max for a long time in silence. Then he took her softly into his arms. "If you don't know by now-" He kissed her, soft and deep holding her safe in his strong arms. "I love you Max."
"Zack!" Max sputtered and took a step back pushing him away. "Is that supposed to make me want to go? A deception tactic to distract me and get me to go along with your plan?"
"No, just to let you know the truth." There was a grain of truth in her accusation; usually Zack was capable of using anything as a means to have a successful mission. This time with Max it was different.
"You know, I stayed here so that you could find me after the helicopter crash." It was an off-handed comment driven out of Max by a guilty conscience. He had just told her he loved her and she was accusing him of lying.
"And I did." Zack wrapped his arms tightly around Max. "Come over the border with me you'll be back with your family."
It may have been the fever, but something snapped inside of Max at that last comment. She threw Zack away from herself, anger flaring in her eyes.
"You deserted me! I spent my whole life looking for our family and you had them all the time. You have no idea how lonely I was, by myself with strangers who were the enemy everywhere I turned. Then you decide to show up out of the blue at the start of this year and think I'm going to just drop everything, my friends and family to join yours? I worked hard to get rid of my loneliness, never knowing if any of you made it out, I'm not just going to blow it all off."
"You were never alone Maxie. I always had my eye on you, all of you."
"Then you watched me go through hell and did nothing." She was thinking about life with her foster family. "You had all of them and I had no one. You didn't even let me keep in touch with any of them, not even you! You think I'm a liability and now just because you love me, I'm safe?"
"It was all for your protection."
"Bull shit Zack! I think your only trying to protect yourself. From me, from getting to close to anyone or anything, from the emotions you think are going to cause your damn mission to fail."
Zack stared at Max, shocked before charging at her. "That's not true."
Max threw a punch at him which he blocked easily. "I only know about Jace and her baby and that's my secret."
"What about Jace?" Zack launched a kick at Max, they were sparing now.
"Well you know Lydecker retrained her. He sent her out to assassinate a Manticore doctor who Logan had been seeing. Jace and I fought and she collapsed, the doctor discovered she was pregnant. The father was some Manticore guard. I convinced her that the only way she could keep her baby was to desert Manticore and live free. Logan got her a passport and all the stuff she needed and we moved her over the border into Mexico. She said she'd name her baby after me." Max smiled. "I spoke to her about a week ago but I couldn't get in touch with you because you changed the voice mail number once you know I had access to it. That's not love." They were fighting with more then words now it was an old Manticore game. Max was panting but she struck out at Zack again, never give up never surrender.
Zack didn't realize how much he'd hurt Max. He kept up with the game but wasn't really trying to hurt her. She was sick for the first time he'd ever seen that wasn't the result of a Manticore experiment. It scared him.
"I need to be able to get in touch with her Max, you know that."
"Yeah, yeah. Preserve the family at all costs. Blah blah, woof woof." She rolled her eyes and perched on the ledge of the roof. "I don't have her number she gets in touch with Logan."
"Next time you hear from her will you give her the extension?"
"If you can give it to me without changing it . . ." She shrugged looking out at the city.
"Max get down from there, if you seize and slip . . ."Zack moved closer to her.
"Whatever big brother. Zack I'm not that bad anyway I've got skills I wouldn't have falle-"
A seizure took hold of her body at that moment and Max slid her feet purposely from the ledge wrapping her knees over the ledge and leaning back she did a summersault to land herself back on the roof. It was only a mild seizure so she crouched on the roof shaking and glaring at Zack. "What so last time they had you Manticore hyped up your genetics so that your physic now?"
"No, stupid. I just know you very well. I can smell one coming on." Zack smiled actually making a sort of joke. "These sh0ouldn't be happening so often. What's wrong Maxie?"
"It's just my screwed up genetics."
It's more then that. Max tell me what's wrong."
"Sabs and Logan think it's a side effect from the probe."
"Probe? What probe?"
Max filled him in quickly on the whole 'Reds' incident.
"Christ Max you could have killed yourself." Zack threw his hands up in the air.
"Cindy was in trouble I didn't matter."
"You always matter."
"The world could do with or without one more Manticore enhanced superhero running around."
"Don't put yourself down like that, soldier."
Max scoffed. "Soldier eh? Zack I'm not bunkering down with you in some chain of command family. That's one of the reasons I got out of Manticore. Been there done that hated it. Remember?"
"But you can't stay here?"
"What am I supposed to do say yes sir and hop to it? Why can't I stay here? You going to pull rank? Logan can help me with anything I need. Bling's getting really good at fixing me up. Anything requiring serious medical attention someone in the informant net will take care of. Most of all my peeps are here and I'm safe here."
"But you're not." Zack began to pace the length of the roof. "Lydecker's too close."
"So what Lydecker's been close to me since I got out. No big deal. I've dealt with it."
"I don't want to force you to leave. We both know I could. We also both know you'd be back here the second I turned my back. I don't want to leave you again."
"Then don't but I'm not going anywhere." Max jumped up and fled into Zack's arms pushing her head into the crook of his neck.
"Max?" Zack was surprised but happy as he bent his head and spoke into her sweet smelling hair.
"I hate those things! They give me the creeps."
"Huh?" Zack took a step back.
"No, don't!" Max pulled him back close as one of the hover drowns circled the building and stopped to hover above them.
Zack looked up and noticed it and his heart sank. The moment it moved away so did Max and Zack sighed.
"Max I don't want to loose you." Zack said so softly even Max herself wasn't so very sure she had heard him.
"Your not going to Zack. I'll always be your little sister."
"But you're not. Not really. You know that Max."
Max sighed. "We just can't be like that."
"Why not?" Zack pulled he close. "It'd be easy. No more lying. No more confusion. No more fighting alone. No more running. We know everything about each other."
That was the problem Max thought but couldn't bring herself to say it. She knew Zack too well. Sure she enjoyed kissing him back. Sure just his very closeness was making her want to hold him. But it was Zack. "Zack, I-"
Zack got that far away look in his eye. "I've loved you since we were six Max from the first time I kissed you I knew."
"What?" Max knew they were close but never that close. Sometimes Zack used to climb on to her cot at night when he was frightened. Max moved closer to him for security but she always slowed her breathing and pretended to be asleep. Knowing Zack would never be happy with her knowing he had any sort of weakness. He was always there long after lights out and gone before they were woken up in the morning. Sometimes Max thought it was only a dream, something that kept her safe. Zack had only started doing it in the time after she was six and only once a month on average. Only in the times when he knew or thought he knew she was asleep. "What are you talking about Zack?"
Zack sighed lost in the memories. "It was after that big operation they did on you when they broke both your legs and arms trying to see how fast you would heal. The time they also went into your brain to try and stop the seizures."
Max shuddered remembering the time all too well. It had been very painful in those three weeks it took her body to heal. Manticore didn't believe in the use of pain medications and they had her back on her feet in four days time. "I remember."
Zack could see it all in his mind. "Lydecker called me into his office during lunch that day. He hooked me up to a whole bunch of monitors and sensors and gave me a shot. Then he told me my mission was to go into trauma room 2b in the infirmary and just watch over you."
Zack closed his eyes. "You were so pale and so small laid out on that huge cold steel gurney with your wrists and waist and legs strapped down. Lydecker told me to hold nothing back to try and breech the wall inside. They wanted to know if we could feel things without keeping them bottled up. I stood there watching you for a long time, thinking, remembering and then I got angry. Half an hour later I was shaking and my cheeks were wet. I hadn't moved from my position by the door, so my reaction wasn't from fatigue or anything and I was on edge. A doctor walked by the room and I nearly jumped out of my skin, I felt all weak and venerable. Lydecker had given me that damn shot before I went in and I had no idea what it was doing to me but I didn't like it. It scared me."
Zack fell silent for a moment and Max tightened her hold on him, keeping him grounded in reality the best she could and after a few quick breaths Zack continued. "I felt so bad for you Maxie you looked so helpless. I'd never seen any of our siblings like that before and it really hit me hard. I ran my hand over the stitches in you head, I didn't know what I was doing but I wanted to make you feel better. I talked to you even though I was sure you couldn't hear me, just telling you about everything that went on that day that you had missed. I was babbling and I knew if you did hear me that you really wouldn't care. It was just the same thing as the day before and tomorrow would be like. But I had to tell you something and I knew I couldn't lie and say everything would be all right because I really didn't know this time. I covered you up with a blanket. I really didn't know what I was doing or why I was there. I couldn't help you. There should have been a doctor in there or something. You stirred and whimpered a little and I'm still not sure why I did it. You were so cold to touch. It really was stupid but it happened. Even thought it went against everything we were taught it happened. I leaned over and hugged you softly then kissed your lips and broke down and cried holding you close. Then Lydecker burst in with this big cocky grin on his face.
"You've done good son." He said resting a hand on my shoulder and guiding me out of the room. I couldn't stop thinking about you or crying no matter how hard I tried. I felt so stupid and weak it actually had made me tired. The general let me take a nap in his office. Lydecker did it to me about every three months. It was almost always with you sometimes Sly or Jondy and always a little bit different. He brought me in with each of you girls all fifteen at least twice. I think he was using some sort of chemical to force me into heat." Zack finally stopped talking it seemed he couldn't bring himself to say anything more because he had already revealed way too much.
Max just gapped at him for a moment she'd never heard Zack talk like that about himself before and never so openly. She felt very sorry for him but he was still Zack. "We were just kids then Zack."
It was almost like Zack didn't hear her and had never stopped talking he did start passing the length of the roof as he started talking again. This time he was closer to being in control his voice had returned to it's normal monotone matter of fact tone. "They'd done it to Zane and Ben next but they went through all fifteen of us eventually. With Ben it was almost always Tinga. With Krit it was always Syl. Zane and Jondy. Jack and Eva. Jace and Wayne. Brin and Mike. You and I. I think they were paring us up with our prospective mates for when the heat actually took effect only they never counted on us not being there that long. For the guys or at least for me it was a test of loyalty too. I remember they took me in one time after Krit had been worked on and I punched twenty holes in the wall before Lydecker stopped me. They took me in after Jack's autopsy too. I remember shaking and crying hard up until then no mater how much they hurt us I had almost come to believe that we were invincible but seeing him shattered all of that. An animalistic cry took hold of me then and that was it. Max I don't even remember doing it just seeing all the chaos I had caused afterwards."
Zack's shoulders tensed and her twitched forward a little to come to rest leaning against the brick wall by the door to the stairs. "First I took all those cold harsh metal tools out of him. He just should not have been left like that. It wasn't right! I was just so enraged that I started to kick things. I kicked the legs out from the table in two shots. Then the table was on the floor with Jack still on it metal tools scattered all around him and it only made me madder. I smashed all the monitors in the room that relentless beeping was driving me crazy. The dead silence wasn't any better. I moved over to the door and kicked it off of the hinges. I was still hysterical pounding everything in site was the only thing I could think to do to cope. I put forty-five holes in the wall before Lydecker came in to try and stop me. I turned on Lydecker too. It was his fault after all he gave the order for Jack to be put down. They had to bring Zane into the room to get me off of Lydecker and hold me down. Lydecker was a bloody mess. The general had to sedate me and then Zane was ordered to take me down to the psychology ward."
Zack shuddered and shrugged and turned away from Max when he was done talking. Max had never heard Zack talk so much at one time let alone bare his soul. She had no doubt that he was feeling weak and venerable and didn't enjoy where he was at the moment.
"The best thing that came out of that exercise was how I felt about you Maxie." Zack heaved a sigh and turned back to face Max.
"That must have been after I saw them working on him." Max had tears in her eyes.
That wasn't exactly the reaction or answer that Zack had been expecting from her.
"Max?" Zack gapped at her. Hadn't she heard anything he'd said? Didn't she understand how he felt? Couldn't she see he'd laid his soul out bare on the table in front of her leaving him extremely vulnerable? Wouldn't she realize that he couldn't bring himself to ask her any of this and had wrapped it all up in the simple proclamation of her name? Why couldn't she realize she felt the same? If he could see it in her eyes he was sure she must have felt it on some level.
"What?" Max bit off her response confusion settling deep in her dark brown eyes. "What is it Zack?"
"Max, I love you. You're a very important part of me all of you are." Suddenly Zack was back to his old self, he had returned to his place back within the high walled fortress in which he held all his emotions. "So, what is your decision?"
Zack turned his back on Max again and maybe for the last time. He'd come to a split second decision he simply could not wait for Max forever. Looking out on the skyline he also knew he would not be able to bear her company if she choose Logan over him. He'd leave her quite possibly for good if it came down to that. Seeing Max close to Logan would be an attack on him over and over again like small swift jabs from a dagger.
"You can't force me into your way of life." Max said softly. She didn't mean Zack per say, or Logan or even Lydecker. She was speaking more to God (If she believed he existed), The Blue Lady, or herself. Someone or something always seemed to have some sort of order for her to follow.
Zack saw something he didn't like in Max's eyes now. She looked like a caged animal or a cornered one. A wild animalistic glaze settled over her deeply troubled eyes. Her hands clenching and unclenching into small fists at her side shook as she moved. He saw how tense her muscles had become. He saw the fear in her eyes. He hated himself for being the cause of it. She'd been through so much already, been hurt so many times, all of them had really. He was supposed to protect her not hurt her. Zack knew the look and tensed himself. "Max, don't."
Max wasn't listening Max wasn't even really there. She felt trapped and falling back on her Manticore training she turned and fled. The door to the roof slammed shut locking Zack and the threat out. Max's feet only touched solid ground on the landings and in less then three leaps she was in the hallway to Logan's penthouse. She burst through the door of the apartment out of breath her heart pounding in her ears. "Forgot my jacket." She fired at a startled Logan who was in the kitchen starting breakfast. She snatched up her jacket from a near by chair. "Gotta blaze!"
And before Logan had time to say anything she was gone. Logan was instantly fuming. What could Mr. Military have said to her to make Max feel that she had to run out like that her face flushed and contorted in pain and confusion? She was sick. She should have been in bed being pampered not playing seek and evade with her head strong CO.
*
Zack blinked and Max was gone before he even had the chance to reach out to her. She was gone in a gust of wind and streak of messy curls the door slamming shut after her and Zack heard the definitive click, which told him he was locked out. Too much, too soon. He swore and hit the wall. She'd run from him like he was the enemy while he was supposed to be her protector. He was doing a great job at that giving her all this undue stress when she was sick. It made him feel like a monster, no better then Lydecker himself. Where would she go? Even Max was smart enough to know that the space needle was not a safe place in the middle of the day. He shook his head. What a fool he had been. He'd waited eleven years he could have had the insight to wait for a few more days. But no for the first time in his life he had decided to throw caution to the win and speak his mind.
Zack scolded himself and passed the roof. He was trapped. He didn't feel right breaking the lock on the door that would compromise 'Eyes Only' and Max's security in the long run. His lock picking tools were in Logan's apartment safe inside his backpack along with his grappling cables. That made jumping not and option. In any case jumping would draw attention to himself during daylight hours, which wouldn't be a good idea. He sighed and sulked stuck with his own guilty thoughts. He folded his arms across his chest and stalked across the roof to the opposite side. As far as he could tell the two sides he checked had no fire escape he could lower himself down to.
The other side of the building rewarded him with the fire escape he needed. It was ten floors down from where he was. He could see the reaction of the people in that apartment now. Oh no, go on, continue with your breakfast don't mind the man climbing in through your window. Real inconspicuous. What would he say, Oh my sister locked me out on the roof so I jumped. In all honesty Zack probably would not have said anything if he'd done it. It was still liable to raise questions he didn't want to answer. So Zack grabbed hold of the ledge Max had been sitting on and jumped landing feet first on the fire escape in a crouch. If he ran down he might just have time to stop Max in the lobby. No chance of that, he paused as he heard the familiar sound of Max's Ninja revving up. She'd be long gone by the time he reached the street. So he'd let her go and have her time to think.
He ran down the fire escape as if his life depended on it and in many ways it did. On the street there was no sign of Max though he really didn't expect her to be sitting there waiting for him to sweep her off of the seat and into his arms. Zack gave up for the time being and forced himself to run the flights of stairs up to Wonder Boy's penthouse apartment. Running was a good release of pent up anger and an even more fitting punishment for himself. Each step scolded him in Lydecker's voice with words that had never been used before. Strength. Duty. Discipline. Failure. Coward. Weak. Protector? Tormentor. Deserter. Failure. Big Brother. Off-guard. Over Emotional. Stupid. Mean. Failure. Unacceptable. Soldier. When it boiled down to it that was all he was and maybe it was all he was capable of being ever.
A very delicious smell greeted him as he stood momentarily outside Logan's door listening. All he was rewarded with was the sound of clatter in the kitchen and two people chewing. He could still smell Max but new she wasn't really there just that she had been there too many times. He reached out to knock on the door which swung open the moment his hand hit it. In her haste to high tale it out of there Max must have forgotten to lock the door. The fact that it was still open told him also that no one had bothered to go after her. Smart given the frame of mind she was in. Whoever followed her was just asking to get hurt.
Logan looked up to see Zack standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He was about to let loose on Zack when he got a good look at the boy. His face was flushed, his knuckles bloody and then there were his eyes. He looked like a lost child, sad, dejected, humiliated and hopeless. "You and Max have a fight?"
That was painfully obvious so Zack gave Logan no reply. He stood staring lost and longingly but with an inkling of fear at some memory Logan and Bling couldn't see. Logan was sure that Zack was caught in some memory of Manticore. If it weren't for that fact that he knew Zack had hurt Max Logan would have felt sorry for him.
"Sit down, you want some breakfast? It's eggs benedict and waffles one of Max's favorites." Logan asked moving back to the stove to make Zack up a plate. Maybe he did feel a little bit sorry for the boy, but he still had to get his digs in, the two were far from being on friendly terms.
As if following and order that had been issued to him Zack collapsed down into an empty chair at the table and grunted in reply laying his head down on his hands. His nerves were raw every sensation was overwhelming and he had a strong urge to just curl up and sleep. Maybe he wanted to curl up and die, no he'd never give Manticore that satisfaction. He was just completely physically and mentally shot.
"Zack?" As much as Logan disliked him he still felt an obligation to the younger man. Logan knew what he had been through from the stories Max had told him and that ultimately he was Max's protector. He'd saved her life countless times and because he meant something to Max Logan felt he owed Zack something. Zack had kept her safe when Logan couldn't he owed the boy for that also. Zack was after all the closets thing to a family Max would ever have. If Logan wanted to take care of Max for the rest of her life that meant looking out for her family too. They meant too much to Max for Logan not to care about them. Logan turned to Zack who still had his head on the table.
"Zack when was the last time you ate?"
Zack simply grunted in reply.
Logan sighed Zack hadn't seemed that far gone to him when he'd causally strolled into the kitchen. Zack really did wear one hell of a thick mask. He reasoned that the only way he'd get a response out of Zack was to use a militaristic tactic. So he drew himself up to as perfect posture as one can muster in a wheelchair, put an authoritative tone behind his words and a stern look on his face. "How long have you been here, soldier?"
"Twenty three hours." Zack barked his answer back after raising his head up to look at the clock on the far side of the room.
Now that Logan had him talking he dropped the ridiculous superior soldier act.
"Plus the two it took you to get here." Logan nodded and saw Zack mimic his motion. Curt simple nods of his head once up, once down his eyes staying focused on the tabletop. "That's one day and one hour that I haven't seen you eat or sleep."
"I don't sleep." Zack answered in a monotone voice.
"No that's Max and Jondy." Logan grinned and shook his head becoming serous again. "When was the last time you had a warm meal Zack?"
"I don't remember." Zack answered simply.
"Have something then." Logan stuck a plate full of food in fornt of Zack. Eggs benedict and waffles pilled high.
Zack managed a weak smile of gratitude pushing the food around his plate with a fork but not eating any of it. It had actually been a little more then four days since he'd eaten anything substantial but the incident on the roof had left him without an appetite.
"So what happened up there Zack?" Logan had given Bling an explination of yesterdays events while they worked on his legs and Logan felt Zack owed him on now.
"I can't talk about it." Simple curt and to the point Zack was safe behind his fortress walls. The only thing that snuck past his defensses was that smell food had been one of the many things lacking at Manticore. And with that simple thought and lingering smell Zack was gone.
************
Zack was the first of the squad to leave the barracks and arrive at the room they called the mess hall. He stood at attention waiting for everyone else to show up, they were all supposed to be present and accounted for at 0600 hours precisely. Zack was always there at 0550 hours, as the leader her had to set an example. Normally in the mornings they were allowed cold cereals if they were hungry and were forced to consume their share of rations. The rations were mostly vitamin and amino acid supplements that were required to be ingested at least once a day, more then that after you had been experimented on. The rations weren't very tasty, but they were told that they kept them alive and healthy.
The smell wafting from the heated trays behind the row of glass, penetrated his senses line of defense and was killing him, it smelt so good! Everyone was always hungry on Sundays, or at very least they ate without being forced. Sundays were different and not one of them had been able to figure out why. Every Sunday morning they got to eat something new, something different. Today his keen senses told him it was some kind of eggs and waffles.
"Fall in. Stand at attention!"
Zack took a step forward and took a quick head count, he was proud of the line of soldiers behind of him. They had two minuets until Colonel Lydecker would be there and he was missing three of his men. Max. Jondy. Ash. Inside Zack was raging; outside he was the picture of control and composure. The perfect solider and he expected nothing less from his younger brigade. Max and Jondy ran up to the doorway hand in hand, giggling. They dropped hands as they cleared the doorway, falling into step with one another as they made their way to their places in the line up. They had one minuet and one soldier to go. They'd all get punished if Ash didn't make it there on time.
Last night in the barracks well after lights out Max and Jondy had been the first to respond to Ash. Zack swore those two never slept, they even slept less then he did. Soon anyone who wasn't sleeping had gathered around a groaning Ash. He was store and stiff and his joints were kind of swollen up. Ben had told us all the story of the good place and Max and Jondy had sung softly until Ash fell asleep. This morning Ash had been in the bathroom before their morning run, spitting up blood. He was scared to death and dead set against going to the infirmary level of the complex. He was afraid they'd take him down to the basement and let the nomies get to him and suck out all his blood. Colonel Lydecker stood in front of the line of soldiers his eyes boring holes into the face of the clock about the children's heads.
0600 hours, Zack knew the time without having to look at the clock. Five minuets later Ash jogged into the room and took his place in line. No one breathed or let alone moved. Zack new he was in pain, he could see it in the way Ash held himself, but pain was not an excuse for laziness or failure. If Zack was angry, Colonel Lydecker looked like he was going to explode. Colonel Lydecker stalked his way down the line of soldiers, each standing a little bit straighter as he passed.
"You're late soldier!" Colonel Lydecker barked looking down on the boy. "What is your excuse for your tardiness?"
"Sir, I have no excuse, excuses cover up weakness, sir! I had to make use of the bathroom, sir." Ash barked back his answer suppressing a grimace as a shot of pain surged through his body. Zack saw it hidden deep in Ash's eyes, though the boy's face remained an emotionless mask as he was taught, looking Colonel Lydecker right in the eye.
There was little Colonel Lydecker could do to argue with that. "See that you don't let it happen again, soldier."
"I wont sir." Ash's bit the inside of his lip, his resolve almost broken down by the pain, and Zack saw it right away. Standing at attention was hell on his screaming muscles.
He stepped forward one step out of the line. "Permission to begin the proceedings, sir."
Colonel Lydecker turned his back on Ash, who slumped at bit standing at ease and rolling his shoulders. He sighed, a sound Colonel Lydecker would never have heard and mouthed a thanks to Zack who barely moved his head in a nod of reply. Zack had to protect his younger siblings even if it meant he would get in trouble himself. Colonel Lydecker was fuming and the ten guards in the room seemed to take no notice.
"Did I give you permission to speak, soldier?" Colonel Lydecker yelled leaning down to get right into Zack's face.
"Sir, no sir." Zack stood at full attention expecting to feel a swift and reprimanding blow.
Ben who was standing next to Zack squirmed, not anything noticeable to the normal human eye, it was more of a change in the air current around himself that Zack felt. Ben never even relaxed his tensed muscles, but his stomach let out the fierce growl of a hungry soldier. Next to Ben Zane and Jack allowed slight grins to form on their faces, after all they were only five-year-olds and it was funny.
"Hungry, soldier?" Colonel Lydecker actually allowed himself to smile.
"Sir, yes sir. It's the smell, sir." Zack answered his superior officer.
"Permission granted, soldier." Colonel Lydecker gave Zack a curt nod of his head.
"Fall in precession." Zack commanded at the top of his voice, stepping back to allow his squad to pass him by one by one. He always let them eat before him on the off chance that there was not enough food to go around. Colonel Lydecker had done that on last Sunday and as a result Zack, Brin, and Zane had chosen not to eat. Max had offered not to eat as well, but she was always so small and had been experimented on twice that week. Zack actually had to order her to eat she need all of her strength to recuperate even if she wasn't hungry.
Starting with Ben they each grabbed a tray, filling past Zack take their place at the table. It was proper procedure that Zack brought them all their food after they asked his permission to be seated. They all sat in two neat rows of nine neatly shaved heads on either side of the table, with proper posture, back straight, feet flat on the floor, unused hand in lap, and elbows off the table. Zack sat at the head of the table and Max at the far end opposite him. Once all their trays were squared off Zack looked up. On either side of Max were Jondy and Krit, Brin was to Zack's right and Zane to his left. Zack caught Brin shoot a glare at Max, they spent alternating days at the head of the table or at his right-hand position. It seemed Brin never forgot their constant competition for second in command. Zack took his knife in his right fist and banged the handle of it against the tabletop. Nineteen others repeated the motion in sync. They all began to cut their food, Max speeding through the task and looking up to watch the others.
When Max saw the last of them were done she repeated Zack's motion banging her knife against the table. The rest of them and a curt nod from Zack echoed it. Silently and under Colonel Lydecker's watchful eye they all began to eat. In formation, bringing the food, with the use of utensils, to the mouth, not the mouth to the food. Forks lifted in sync vertical to mouth level and then horizontally to the mouth and then followed the same 90-degree angle back down to the plate. Colonel Lydecker clasped Zack on the shoulder halting all of there eating.
"Good job soldier," He said softly for only Zack to hear. They had become more disciplined in the short amount of time Colonel Lydecker had been away. Then loudly for the whole group to hear, "Cary on, report to classes at 0700."
"Sir, yes sir." They stopped eating to salute him as he left to go to his office to indulge in his meal in private.
They kept in check until the door slammed shut behind him.
"At ease." Zack allowed himself a half smiled ordering them to relax.
Max turned to Jondy and quickly told her friend something around a mouth full of eggs. Jondy laughed milk threatening to come spurting out of her nose. A near by guard relaxed also a smile creeping on to his face happy to see the children acting like the kids they were. Zack smirked and shook his head; those two were always too close. Brin scowled at her younger sisters they were annoying at times and never careful when Colonel Lydecker wasn't watching them. One day it would get them into trouble. Eva who was sitting next to Jondy joined in laughing at Max's joke. Brin turned up her nose, it probably wasn't a good one anyway, and she turned to Sly and started her own conversation. Krit the youngest of the boys signaled to Zack, using hand signals and asking if he could have more, the pecan waffles were so good, this way the personnel in the room could not catch him in a moment of weakness. Zack nodded and singled him to ask the highest-ranking guard in the room if it was all right. Krit did as he was told and with permission went up to the food line followed by a few others.
Ben was still hungry but he stayed seated speaking softly to Ash who was complaining of pain in his gums. He'd only eaten about half of his waffle and a few mouthfuls of eggs, regardless of how good the food looked, smelled and tasted he just wasn't hungry. Ash was telling Ben how his sore muscles ached and showing him his swollen joints. The others had returned to the table when Ash stopped speaking mid sentence. Four, minuets and a little more time passed before Ash gasped. Ash shot up from his seat overturning it and eyes bulging fell to the floor hands flying up to his neck. Trying, struggling, gasping for breath that he could not get.
Everyone froze silence falling over the cafeteria. No one moved out of pure shock. X5's did not go down that easy usually you couldn't get them to drop unless drugs were involved. The guards swarmed all speaking into their radios at once only on different frequencies, moving in around Ash. Max flew up from her seat as well overturning it and went to Ash's side. She had just started individual, experimental medical training where she was taught CPR and certain things to be a field medic. If she did well then the others would eventually follow in the training so that they could help themselves out in the field. She fell to her knees at his side and worked desperately, throwing one of the guards out of his way. Zack along with the others who had no idea about her additional training gapped at her as the five-year-old flew into action.
When the medics finally showed up after what seemed like forever, they had to move Max bodily and by force away from Ash. Her efforts producing no reaction in the boy the medics tried to revive him. They finally gave up and took Ash away on a stretcher, standing there watching Max broke down and cried. Zack moved to stand next to her, his presence a source of comfort or so he thought until Colonel Lydecker stormed through the door minuets latter. Max snapped to attention the second Colonel Lydecker stormed through the door, her tears stopping as she bit her bottom lip. Zack was very proud of her control over her emotions. Colonel Lydecker was anything but as he stalked across the room and stood before her.
"Tears soldier?" He glared down at her.
"Sir, no sir." Max's voice cracked betraying her.
"What is your excuse soldier?" Colonel Lydecker barked the question at her.
Max stood up a little straighter. "Sir, I worked on him hard, sir. I tried. . ."
"And you failed. There is no try, only do, soldier."
"Yes sir, but I did sir. I worked on him but it didn't work." Balled up at her sides Max's hands shook ever so slightly, something that only Zack at his close range to her could detect.
"You failed." Colonel Lydecker barked getting right down in the young girl's face his own red with anger. "We'll intensify your training. For now X-5542 report to my office, the rest of you off to class, NOW."
They all jumped to follow their orders clearing out of the mess hall marching in single file past Max. Each saluted Colonel Lydecker as they past, Zack even shot a glance at Max that could only be interpreted as some for of guilt registering in his eyes.
When Zack returned to the barracks after dinner it was dark, none of them had seen Max all day and at first he didn't see his younger sister there either. Then he saw her huddled in the far corner of the room next to her cot. A small bundle of grey wrapped up in one of the Manticore gowns.
"Lights out, everyone into bed." Zack barked out the order.
"What about Max?" Jondy spoke up.
"I'll take care of her." Zack answered. "I said get into bed soldier!"
"But I'm not tired!" Jondy argued she had a little of Max's tenacity.
"You never are. I didn't say you had to sleep. Lay down, that's an order you shouldn't challenge." Zack growled he was standing mere inches from her face. "All of you!" He turned his voice ringing out clear in the quiet room.
Jondy's body tensed. "I want to see Max."
"She'll be fine." Zack answered her softly hearing the door lock click shut for the night. "I'll make sure of it Jondy."
Jondy nodded and dutifully climbed into bed. "Ben tell us a story?"
Zack strode purposefully over to Max's bed and sat down near the headboard being positioned almost directly above her. "Maxie?"
Ben began softly to tell the others the story of the good place telling them how Ash was there now and that he was safe and no one could yell at him anymore.
Max sat hunched over facing the corner of the room. Her back was to Zack, her small rounded shoulders jerking up and down in a rhythmic motion. Zack was almost certain that Max was crying, but the hallow yet steady voice that answered him proved him wrong.
"I failed him," she croaked out softly just as Zack was about to lay a hand on her shoulder, a hand he quickly withdrew.
"How many classes did you have?" Zack asked.
"Three," Max answered softly her shoulders still shaking, "not that it matters." "Then it can't possibly be you fault Max." He said softly.
"It is! I should have been ready! I shouldn't have-" Max insisted.
"No Max there was nothing you could have done, I talked to Colonel Lydecker. Ash had a genetic defect; he was allergic to the nuts in the waffles." Zack reached out and spun her around to look at him so that she would see in his eyes that it was the truth.
"No one knew-" Zack trailed off when he saw her.
Red rimmed, guilt ridden, dark brown eyes met with his own compassionate blue ones. That wasn't what had stopped him, but it was what he saw next. In Max's hand was an ordinary pushpin from one of the bulletin boards in the cafeteria, in the other a balled up, well used tissue. Zack had spun her so fast that she didn't have time to stop. Doubled over on her knees she was busily poking the pin into her wrist- neatly, rhythmically, precisely, and disciplined, watching tiny drops of blood form from each hole she made. She didn't flinch. She didn't say "Ouch!" or anything. The look on her face never changed from the mixture or self-hatred and guilt hidden under that perfect Manticore mask. Max just huddled there stabbing and whipping away the blood with a tissue, stabbing and staunching like a robot. For one horrifying moment Zack was powerless to do anything. The wrist of the hand that held the pin was already covered in hundreds of little red dots. Zack did the only thing he could and smacked her hand hard, the sound echoing over the lull of Ben's voice and sending the pin scattering out across the floor and spinning away from her.
Max gasped up at him as if coming out of a trance. "I made Ash die. . ."
"No," Zack was on the floor next to her his hands grabbing her by the wrists, now her small face crumbled. The others craned their necks to see what was going on from the vantage points of their beds. In the bed right across from her Brin had the best view.
Zack wrapped his arms around her in a hug, more to hold her still and keep her from hurting herself then to comfort her. He ripped strips of material off of the end of her sheet and careful wrapped up her wrists, still holding her. If any of the officers got one look at it they'd send her down to the psychology ward and possibly give her shocks. There was always the threat of something being seriously wrong with her and them chaining her up in the basement with the nomies. It was a good thing both their gowns and fatigues had long sleeves.
"Max, why?" Zack shook his head.
"Zack," she started to answer him.
************
"Zack," The sound of Logan's voice brought Zack back to the present. "If you just sit there and stare at it it's going to get cold and then you really won't want to eat it."
Zack nodded mutely jolted back to the present and obediently shoveled a fork full of eggs into his mouth. He then jumped out of his seat overturning it and went over to the window. He hoped Max wasn't weak enough to pull something stupid like that again, but he was worried. "I'm not hungry." He said again.
Logan knew that some horror from Zack's childhood, if you could call it that, had come back to haunt him. Though the expression on Zack's face never changed the skin on it had grown a shade or two lighter. Then there were his eyes the same haunted ones Max owned when the flashbacks came.
Zack moved to sit on the windowsill and drew his knees up to his chest looking out on the city below. "Where does Max usually go when she's upset?"
"During the night the space needle, my roof or at Crash. Now maybe she went home to hang with Cindy or for a bike ride. If she's upset and she's here she usually ends up right where you are now." Logan smiled at the thought of that. His smile was quickly wiped away as he realized Zack sat where Max had so many times and where Logan could never end up on his own.
Zack sighed and rested his head on the cool glass hoping that Max wouldn't get into trouble and thought to himself, 'Max where are you?'