A/N: ah yes, the great shopping chapter! i know it's been a while since this has been updated. and i promise that the legend of zelda is next for a new chapter!! yee-haw!

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"How exciting this is!" Malon squealed, bouncing in the back seat of a taxi cab. "I've never been shopping in New York, only Montana!"

"Well, I just want to see how Link and Zelda are doing," Mido said.

"Oh, Mido, they've only been together one day and one night," Malon sighed. "I'm sure that no murder has yet been committed."

Mido laughed sourly as they got out of the taxi, paid the driver, and walked up to the door of their friends' apartment building.

"Hey, look," said Malon, pointing to Link and Zelda's name written on a little tab next to the number F18. "This is cool!" She pushed the button next to their names, and said, "Zellie!"

"At last you guys are here!" she heard Zelda say through the intercom. "Please, come right on up."

"We can't," Mido said. "The door won't open."

"Oh... I think I have to press something or something ...." Zelda muttered. "Oh, here we go." She pushed a button, and a buzzing noise filled the hallway Mido and Malon were standing in. "Go in, now."

"See ya in sec," Malon said, as she and Mido went through the door.

"Hey guys!" Zelda said, when their two friends showed up. She hugged Malon, and Link went to shut the door. "Man, it feels like it's been forever .... and yet we've only been here just over a day."

"Yeah, funny," laughed Mido.

"You guys have conformed to the American ways!" Link gasped, shocked. "Your clothes are all messed up!!"

"Yeah, Link is actually right for once," said Zelda. "Where are the feathers? The frills, the sequins?"

"Oh, that," Malon said, putting her hands into her denim pockets. "We're already in our American garb, and you should be, too. That's our assignment for this week. We're supposed to help you go clothes shopping, so you don't go around scaring people when you're supposed to be doing missionary work."

"Oh yeah, that's what ol' Santa said in his letter," said Link, picking up the epistle just mentioned. "I hope you guys know where to go...?"

"We got your back," Mido said, exchanging grins with Malon.

--One Hour Later--

"Wow, I'm never going on another subway again," Zelda groaned, as they walked up the steps from underground. "That was gross--especially the part where that guy dropped his pizza on the floor but picked it up and ate it again anyway."

"Well, you'd better get used to it," sighed Link. "The way I figure, it'll be a lot easier to take the subway than a taxi."

"Link, we're commuting using taxis."

"Subway."

"TAXIS."

"WE'RE TAKING THE FREAKING SUBWAY, ZELDA!"

"NO, WE'RE--"

"Please!" Malon begged in a soft voice. "It's bad enough that to these people you look as if you just got off the Rockette Line, so could you please try to keep your voices down? Do you two have to fight about everything?"

"Yes," the elves in question answered.

"Give it a rest, Malon," said Mido, rolling his eyes. "Why, look! Here we are already. Link, Zelda, I'd like you to meet the grand and glorious mall." (A/N: which, at the moment, is unnamed).

"Woah, what IS this place?" Zelda asked worriedly, watching people come out laden with dozens of bags.

"It's a place where everyone goes shopping," Malon explained, taking Zelda's hand and leading her into the building. "And since it's Christmas, they're rushing around everywhere to buy presents for people. See?"

"Uh...right...so where are we going?"

"I guess any place that sells clothes; let's look on here," said Malon. The three of them stopped in front of a large map of the place.

"Does the Disney store sell clothes?" asked Link.

"Yes, for six-year olds," answered Mido. "C'mon Link, I'm taking you upstairs to Dogland Dank."

"Dogland?" Link repeated blankly, as Mido dragged him towards the stairs. "But wouldn't that sell stuff for dogs?"

Mido sighed heavily. "My good friend, you have much to learn."

Malon laughed and took Zelda's arm. "Come on, Zellie. Let's head up to the third floor. That's where Frabercombie And Sitch is."

"Fraber-what?" the very confused Zelda asked.

"You'll see."

Malon nonchalantly stepped onto the escalator, but realized that Zelda was still standing at the bottom. She sighed impatiently and said, "Zel, just get on!"

Hesitantly, Zelda set a foot on the moving stairway. She grabbed onto the rail firmly, fearing for her life. She'd heard of these devices, but had never physically been on one before. A group of intolerant tourists walked around her with annoyed looks on their faces.

"Okay, when you get to the top, just step of normally," said Malon, waiting for Zelda to join her on the landing.

Taking a deep breath, Zelda stretched her leg far out in front of her, and stepped onto the next floor with not that much grace. "Phew! I made it! But next time, I'm taking the stairs. Link got off easy doing it that way."

"Well, since you're going to be here for a month, I thought you should start to get used to escalators," Malon said simply. "Stairs will get quite energy-draining and tiring after a while, I'm sure."

"Whatever you say..."

Zelda was overwhelmed when she and Malon walked into Frabercrombie. "Holy igloos!" she cried upon seeing the posters of practically naked people on the wall. "Malon, shield my virgin eyes!!"

"Zel, it's fine, just ignore the posters," Malon said, yanking Zelda's hand off her eyes. "Just put all your focus on the clothes."

"Right, right, the clothes," Zelda said, looking around at the racks around her. "Ewww! I can't wear any of this! They're so nerdy looking!"

"You have to fit in, Zelda," Malon said calmly. "Meaning, you have to wear what everyone else here does. You see--"

"Um, excuse me, Miss?" Zelda said, tapping a passing woman on the arm, who happened to be wearing a large mink coat. "You should be kind to animals, not wear them."

"Zelda, focus," Malon growled, taking her friend's elbow and pulling her away. "I can see that I am going to have to pick out your wardrobe for you. Fortunately I've been tutoring Mido in the ways of American fashion, so he should be able to help Link well enough. I hope."

Zelda looked frightened at the amount of clothes Malon had grabbed in just the course of ten minutes.

"Okay, Zelda?" Malon said, staggering under the weight of all the attire she was carrying. "You see that sign that says Ladie's Dressing Room? We're gonna head over there, okay? That's right, just over there."

Uneasily, Zelda stepped cautiously into the dressing room. Malon nodded her head towards the open door in front of them, and Zelda went in. "What're we doing in here?" she asked, once Malon dropped the load of clothes and locked the door behind them both.

"You're going to get out of that get-up," Malon replied. "You go ahead and undress, and I'll--"

"Malon! I'm not going to--"

"Oh for Santa's sakes, I'm not going to look at you!" Malon snapped. "I'll just assemble proper ensembles for you, and you can try them all on."

"Uh, okay," Zelda stammered, pulling her shirt up over her head.

"I hope I got the right sizes," Malon muttered to herself, scattering out some of her options. "Hmmm...." She picked up a brown seude sweater and set it apart from the rest of the group. Then, searching carefully, she selected a pair of black denim pants. "Here," Malon said, pointing to the out fit she had created. "Put that on."

"Okay," Zelda said, undoing the straps of her black sandals. She put on the sweater and zippered it up. Then she took the jeans and put them on as well. It took a lot to keep Zelda from screaming when she looked in the mirror. "Malon!"

"What is it?" Malon asked, standing up and brushing loose hair out of her face.

"It's these pants! They're clinging to my legs!"

"Of course they are, silly," Malon said, rolling her eyes. "They're like tights, only not. They're thicker and warmer. Geez, haven't you ever worn pants before?"

"No, just tights and skirts."

"Oh. Well, that would explain your uneasiness." Malon looked over Zelda's shoulder in the mirror and put her tongue between her teeth. "Hmm...we need to pull your hair back, hon."

"Pardon me?"

"Your hair. It doesn't go well with these clothes when it's down like that."

"It...doesn't?"

"No," Malon answered. She saw a rubber band on the ground and picked it up. "This will do nicely."

"What is that?" Zelda asked nervously, as Malon carefully pulled Zelda's hair back into a long ponytail.

"Relax, it won't kill you," Malon said, putting the hair through the rubber band. She looked at it a moment longer, then tied it into a bun. She smiled. "Ah, that's much better, Zelda."

"What did you DO to me?!" Zelda cried, running a hand where her hair had formerly laid. "I feel so bare!"

"You look fabulous, don't sweat," Malon said. "Okay.... here we go, take of that suede. Put on this leather, I wanna see if it looks okay on you."

--Meanwhile--

"Leather?" Link asked, as Mido held it out to him.

"Yup," Mido responded. "Girls here dig guys in leather."

"What girl could I possibly care around here that I want to impress?"

"Oh, I dunno," Mido said, putting his hands in his pockets. "Maybe .... Zelda?"

"Would you shut up about that?" Link sighed. "Just because Zelda and I must stay in the same apartment for a month doesn't mean any romantic goings-on will ... go on."

"Right, of course," Mido said, clearly not believing him. He picked up a fedora and then headed for the dressing room. "Follow me, pal." Mido took him to a small changing cubicle and handed Link all the clothes he'd found. "Here you go. Go on and try different stuff. Just show me the result before you change out of it."

"Uh....okay," Link said, closing the door behind him with his foot.

--

"Zelda, I'll be right back," said Malon. "I gotta go to the bathroom. I left out some other good outfits for you, okay?"

"Uh, okay..."

Malon slid out of the dressing room and got out a small walkie-talkie. "Mido, do you read me?"

"Like a book," came the answer.

"Listen--in exactly thirty minutes, get Link out there with as many clothes as you can buy. Then go to the nearest bathroom and tell him to change into the hottest get-up he has, okay? If you must help him choose such an ensemble, do it. Okay?"

"Um, okay....why?"

"Because, twit, Link and Zelda can't go on walking around in elf attire," Malon explained. "Plus, if they're both looking their best, maybe we can get a couple sparks going. You think?"

"I doubt it. I'm seriously beginning to think that my pal over here has no interest in Zelda."

"Mido, don't be stupid. Of course he does. He's just totally in a state of denial, and you know it. Okay?"

"Right."

"Bye; see you in a half an hour. Outside of the Disney store, kay?"

"Okay; bye."

"Whaddyou think?" Link asked, stepping out of his dressing room. Mido seemed rather impressed that he'd come up with something so good-looking on a first attempt. Slightly baggy jeans with black sneakers, a brown T-shirt, and a leather jacket on top of that. "Is this...okay?"

"It looks fine," Mido said, trying to suppress a laugh. "I'm sure Zelda will go just ga-ga over it."

"Who cares?" Link snorted, not quite able to conceal a blush. "I had to study an old catalog someone left in here to make sure I was doing this right. Pretty smart, huh?"

"Yeah, real genius."

--Thiry Minutes Later--

"Wow, Malon, we spent so much money," Zelda said worriedly, looking at their reciept. "Two hundred?"

"Zelda, two hundred is nothing," Malon laughed. "Especially compared to what these Americans pay. That's actually a pretty good price. Besides, Santa gave us all the money. Our quota was eight-hundred, so Mido and I split it in two. So we still have two hundred left. Calm down."

"Okay..."

"Right. And now that we've bought these clothes, you need to change out of the ones you're wearing, and into some of these." Before Zelda could complain, she pulled her into a (remarkably) empty bathroom.

Zelda took one of the many shopping bags they had and went into a stall.

"Make sure you take off the tags," Malon called to her. "The last thing we need is for you to get arrested for shop-lifting."

"Okay, right..."

A few minutes later, she came out of the stall wearing the exact same outfit I described earlier in this chapter (the one with the denim and suede).

"Ah yes, lovely," Malon said with an insidious grin, rubbing her hands together. "C'mon, I told the guys we'd meet them outside of the Disney store."

Link and Mido, meanwhile, were already there waiting. "Oooh, who's that hot girl next to the one with red hair?" Link asked, leaning towards Mido.

"That, my friend, would be Zelda. Standing next to Malon."

"....oh."

-----------A/N--------------

ha ha ha ha!! link got tricked and admitted he thought zelda was hot!! nyeh heh heh!! in the next chapter, u'll find out exactly what she thinks about him.