Title: Reflections of a Rat
Summary: Peter's thoughts about his actions and where they've led him.
Rating: K
Disclaimer: Not mine. Jo rocks.
Author's Note: Ok, this one surprised the heck out of me when I was writing it. It's just a little character exploration piece that took me in a completely different direction than I wanted to go. But oh well, the character wanted it this way. Reviews are appreciated.
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He hadn't known it would be this hard. Watching them from afar, unable to be seen, heard, touched. Knowing he'd never be more than a memory—something that was forgotten about in time.
When he'd made the decision, he'd thought it his only choice. In the gathering darkness it had seemed the only way to come out alive. He couldn't have been more wrong. He had risked big, and in the end that risk had cost him everything—his friends, his family, his dignity and self respect. He had become the very thing he had been fighting so hard against. But by the time he realized there was no way out, the damage had been done. He was a traitor. And so he committed himself to the part.
Gone was the wide-eyed boy that had followed them around, who had never really felt like part of the group. He shrugged off the cloak of failure that had clung to him throughout his school years at Hogwarts and embraced the power offered by his new master. He reveled in it. At last, he was important. He was better than them. He had more.
He dove into his new duties, delighting in the fact that he was able to fool them all. They never even suspected. After all, who would suspect him? His magic was weak, they said. He needed to be watched on missions so he wouldn't get hurt. If only they had known the power he had! He longed to show them, but his master wanted him to be patient—to bide his time until the right moment came.
He waited, passing along information when it came to him, until his opportunity finally arrived. How clever Sirius had thought himself when he insisted on switching secret keepers! The perfect bluff he had said. No one would suspect that such an awesome responsibility would be given to someone with weak magic. This ploy would keep Lily, James, and Harry safe for years.
He had enjoyed proving Sirius wrong.
How he had relished in telling his master that he could give him the Potters! This was his chance to prove that he was the most worthy follower. After the charm had been performed, he went straight to his master and gave up the location. As he spoke the words that would forever condemn him, he felt something inside him react. It was fleeting, but it felt like small spasm near his heart. He shrugged it off and basked in the praise his master gave him.
Only later, after his master had gone off to kill them, did he realize the enormity of what he had done. But by then it was too late. They would never forgive him this betrayal! He had to stay on the path he'd chosen. And so he faced Sirius and blew up the street, letting him take the blame for the Potters' deaths. Only after he transformed did he learn of his master's defeat.
The boy was alive? Impossible! How could a mere infant destroy the most powerful wizard in the world?
What was he going to do now? He had chosen his side—had thrown his hat in with the dark. He could never go back.