The Collective Years
8: Inevitable
PhDelicious

Disclaimer: It never changes.

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Annunaki, who asked for Dark Jack: I hope this works; and to my loyal reviewers: Bookworm37 and Spacemonkey67.

Jack

It was a week for celebration, the final week before the new school year; almost one year from the day that Sarah had left Charlie with Jack. Charlie had turned 7 and Jack had been approved for light duty.

I never thought I'd be this happy to be flying a desk. It's been 8 months since I've been back and if I'd had to spend another week doing nothing but go to physical therapy I'd have gone nuts. Thank God for small favors!

Jack and Charlie were driving up to spend the weekend celebrating with Sam, Jack's first solo long drive. They'd gotten off the major highways and traced the back roads of the San Francisco Bay Area following a route that had become familiar in the past few months. After a quick stop at Sam's apartment to drop off their bags they headed to campus. As Jack turned onto Stanford's famous Palm Drive a flashback hit him hard. Daylight flashbacks were unusual these days, which had been one of the factors in his clearance, but when they hit there was nothing Jack could do but ride them out.

Shit! Not now. We're almost there… Nope, not going to make it.

"Charlie, I'm going to pull over."

"Okay Dad."

Jack had just enough time to pull the car over and shut it down before the nightmare dragged him completely under and the hot car morphed into an oppressive Iraqi prison cell. For long moments Jack felt only the pain of his tormentors whips, heard only their taunting. Then he heard something that didn't belong to the image his mind was projecting.

"I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am."

Charlie. I have to find Charlie.

Suddenly Jack was able to move through the hallucination. He scrambled from the cell and out into the hallway. He had opened the prison door and taken his first step into the sunlight when a blast threw him forward through the air. Jack face-planted into his steering wheel as the car was plowed the rest of the way off the road and into one of the large palm trees lining the road. The impact jolted Jack out of his nightmare long enough for him to see Charlie fly through the windshield into the same tree the car was wrapped around, before he dropped unconscious.

Sam

Sam sat in her office. Her computer was running but she wasn't facing it. Her chair was facing the window, but Sam wasn't staring at the beautiful day outside. She was watching the sun sparkle off her diamond solitaire. The white gold gleamed and the princess cut diamond reflected rainbows onto the wall. Jack had officially proposed three weeks ago and the novelty of the ring had yet to wear off. The ringing phone startled her from her reverie.

That should be Jack. They're a little late. Probably hit some traffic.

"Jack?"

"Samantha Carter?"

"Speaking…"

"This is Walter Harriman, Campus Security. Do you know a Jack O'Neill?"

"Yes…"

What the hell is going on?

"Ma'am there's been an accident. If you meet me out in front of your building I'll take you to the hospital."

The handset dropped from Sam's slackened grip. What seemed like an eternity later a repetitive noise recalled her attention.

"Miss Carter? Miss Carter?"

"I'm here," Sam sighed into the phone.

We just can't get a break can we? Jack…

"Miss Carter, there's an officer waiting for you in the lobby of your building. You are still located in Varian Labs?"

"Yes."

"Good. I want you to hang up the phone and go downstairs. Officer Harriman will fill you in on the ride."

Sam slammed the phone back into its cradle without acknowledging the order. She didn't even bother to turn off her computer as she threw her wallet, cell phone, and keys into her purse and sprinted from the room. She nearly knocked McKay over as she plowed by him to the stairs. The young man who met her in the building lobby hardly seemed old enough to be in law enforcement. He helped her into the back seat of the campus security car and followed her in, allowing his partner to drive.

Go faster!

"What happened?"

"Well Ma'am from what we know so far you husband"

"Fiancée"

"…Fiancée had pulled over to the side of the rode on Palm Drive but stayed in the car. Not long after another car struck the vehicle and pushed it into one of the palms. Your fiancée suffered only minor injuries but your son was thrown from the car."

"Charlie's not mine."

The response was automatic and out of Sam's mouth before she'd fully comprehended Harriman's summation.

"Oh God! Is he…"

"He was alive when the paramedics arrived."

"How did you know to call me?"

"One of the EMTs, Siler, said he'd worked in your lab. He recognized Jack and Charlie."

"Oh."

At least he's useful sometimes. Jack what were you doing? Why didn't Charlie have his seat belt on? Pulled over…oh no! Jack must've been having a hallucination. Shit!

oOo

When Janet had first warned her that Jack was suffering from flashback, hallucinations, and nightmares she'd chalked it up to lack of time and the copious drugs in his system. But they'd only gotten worse as the time had increased and the amount of drugs had decreased. The first night after Jack had been released from the hospital Sam had fallen asleep next to him on his bed, still not quite understanding. She'd been woken by Jack's restless flailing and made the mistake of touching him in an attempt to wake him. He'd thrown her across his body and the bed and onto the floor in one swift movement that belied his injuries. He hadn't even woken himself. The next night Sam had slept on the floor.

When she'd tried to get Jack to talk about the dreams he'd ignored her. The mischievous twinkle in his eye, that even his special forces training had not been able to quench, disappeared completely, replaced by a blank nothingness. It was this blankness, this complete suppression of self that scared Sam the most, though the anger that sometimes followed an incident was almost as bad.

The breakthrough had only come after two frustrating weeks of dealing with these terrors. They'd fought that morning.

"Jack, you need to see someone, talk to someone, about this."

"No."

"Jack…"

"I said, 'No.'"

"You can't keep doing this. As long as you're having flashback this severe and this often you're never going to be able to go back to work. And I'm starting to get scared to leave Charlie with you."

"Damn it Samantha! I would never hurt you or Charlie. You should know that."

"Not intentionally, but Jack you have no control when this happens. You threw me across the bed without even waking up. What if it had been Charlie? He would have been across the room."

"Fine! I can't control these things. Is that what you want to hear? Do you think I WANT to be like this? To wake up panicked in the middle of the night because the last thing I remember is a prison guard coming after me with a hot poker? To suddenly remember being tied down and wonder whether it's going to be acid, poison, knives or something much worse that comes next? I don't want to be like this, but there is no way in Hell I'm going to talk to some obsequious pissant who's never been anywhere more foreign than his own backyard. If you're that worried, leave. Take Charlie with you if you need to, but don't expect me to forget it if you do."

"Jack…" she'd begged through her tears. Pleaded with him to calm down. Tried to convince him that she wasn't leaving. That she wanted to work this out. Nothing had registered. Jack had angrily thrown on a pair of jeans and stormed out the back door. He'd eventually come back inside and collapsed back into bed, but only after he'd used up the small amount of endurance he'd managed to build, pacing the yard. When Jack had woken the second time he'd pretended that the argument had never happened and gone about his usual morning physical therapy routine.

That night a loud crash from the kitchen had interrupted Charlie's bedtime story. Sam had continued reading only half paying attention to the story, listening out for something that might require her intervention. There'd been a couple more random noises and then the sound of something knocking into the wall just beyond Charlie's door. Sam had finished the book, tucked Charlie in, kissed him good night, and edged cautiously out into the hallway.

"Jack?"

Jack was collapsed on the floor next to Charlie's room with his head back against the wall.

"I could hear you…I was there, but I could hear you and you didn't belong."

"That's right Jack I wasn't there."

"In my mind you were. I saw you every day, but I couldn't get to you. Today I went looking for you and I found myself, here."

"I'm right here Jack. I'll always be here."

Sam had seated herself on the floor next to Jack and wrapped him in a tight embrace. They'd stayed there until Jack's pain had become too much. That night, during Jack's nightmare, Sam had sat on the floor and read from the first book she'd pulled from Jack's shelves, Foundation.

oOo

Shit! Shit! Shit! Charlie must have unbuckled to get a book from the back seat. Fuck! Jack is never going to forgive himself. How do I…

The campus cruiser pulled into the Emergency Room bay. Harriman clambered out of the car and ran around to let Sam out, but she was quicker than he. Sam beat him into the ER but stopped dead just inside, unable to move under the harsh fluorescent lights. After a short conversation with the nurse at the desk Harriman gently grasped Sam's elbow and led her to a small curtained area. Jack lay unconscious on a gurney with the requisite accompaniment of tubes and wires. Harriman fetched a folding chair for Sam and placed it alongside the bed. Then handing her a card and murmuring a polite goodbye he left.

Jack! Jack, you have to wake up. I can't do this again. Please…

Sam reached forward and clasped Jack's hand in hers.

At least you're not covered in casts this time.

Sam ran her other hand over Jack's body in a quick check for obvious fractures.

"Well at least Janet can't complain that you've destroyed all her lovely handiwork."

Sam sat down in the uncomfortable metal chair and settled in for a long talk with Jack. She filled her one-sided conversation with pitiful jokes praying that ones of these times he would wake and laugh at her.

Jack

Sam…

Once again she was calling him, the sound of her voice leading him through the maze of pain and fear back to reality.

"Sam?'

"Jack? Thank God! I thought I told you that you weren't allowed to scare me ever again."

"What happened? Why am I back in a hospital? Where's Charlie?"

"You don't remember?"

"Would I be asking if I did?"

Sam rolled her eyes. Jack tried to capture the elusive memory.

"We were coming to visit you…almost here. I started to have a flashback so I pulled over. I remember stopping the car. I could hear Charlie…where's Charlie?"

"I don't know Jack. I haven't seen anybody to ask yet and I didn't want to leave you alone."

"I pulled over. How did I end up here?"

"Another car hit you from behind….Jack…the officer said Charlie was thrown from the car."

"And you haven't checked on him yet! Damn it Samantha, where is my son?"

"I don't know Jack."

"And you haven't tried to find out? I thought you cared more than that. Guess I was wrong. Nurse! Nurse!"

"Jack! I just wanted to make sure you were okay first. Jack…"

"I'm sooo glad you have your priorities all figured out. You didn't think he'd be my first thought when I woke up?"

Jack ignored Sam's response and kept yelling for a nurse. A few moments later one came scurrying around the curtain. She automatically reached for Jack's wrist and casually began checking his pulse.

"I see you're awake and feeling better."

"Actually, I feel like Shit! Where is my son? Charlie O'Neill?"

"They took him straight in for surgery. I'll notify them that you're awake. It's been less than half an hour so I doubt they're done yet, but somebody should be down as soon as there's news. I'll make sure they know you're awake."

The nurse made a few notes on Jack's chart and left.

Sam

Sam was anxious, worried, and desperately trying to ignore the fact that Jack had been ignoring her for the past hour. He'd even rolled on to his side so that his back was to her.

"Colonel O'Neill, Ms Carter."

A man about Jack's age dressed in scrubs stood at the foot of Jack's bed.

"I'm Dr. Warner. I helped work on Charlie and I'll be handling both your cases as long as you're here with us."

Jack rolled onto his back and pushed himself so that he was mostly sitting upright at the head of the bed. He knocked Sam's hand away as she tried to rearrange the pillows to support him better.

"So Doc…What's going on? Nobody's told us anything about Charlie yet."

"Charlie was non-responsive when the EMTs arrived at the scene and he coded on the ride over. The rescue workers were able to restart his heart but he sustained serious internal injuries. Once we got him into surgery we were able to stop the internal bleeding but he coded twice more on the table and we weren't able to get him to breath on his own. Colonel, your son is currently in a coma and breathing with the help of a respirator."

"Which means what exactly Dr. Warner?"

"Well Ma'am it means that because of the machines he's physically alive, but …"

"He's a vegetable."

"Yes sir."

"Fuck!"

Jack collapsed back against the headboard.

Oh God! How could you do this to him? Hasn't he suffered enough?

The doctor waited silently for a little while, allowing them to absorb the news.

"You are going to have some important decisions to make soon. But for now he's been given a room on the fourth floor and he's allowed visitors. Ms. Carter, why don't you head up there now? Colonel, when I spoke to Dr. Frasier about your medical records she asked me to double check a few things before I let you go. So if you give me a few minutes I'll have you all checked out and ready to go."

The doctor unceremoniously maneuvered Sam out into the open area beyond Jack's bed and jerked the curtain closed behind her.

Wha…guess I might as well take his advice and go see Charlie.

Sam headed for the elevator she thought she remembered seeing on her way in.

oOo

The fourth floor was quieter than the ER had been. The majority of the floor was double rooms, laid out on either side of a hallway which branched off from the main lobby and nurses' station in the center of the building. The elevator opened right into the lobby and Sam stopped to ask directions.

"Charlie O'Neill?"

"Huh? Oh, the new kid. Just down the hall third door on the left. He's the only one in the room right now."

"Thanks."

Sam walked down the hall and entered the room indicated. It was noisier in there, the silence broken by the hum of machines and the beeping of monitors. Charlie was in the bed closest to the window.

He looks so small, dwarfed by the bed and the machines. So quiet. He's never this still unless he's sleeping.

"Charlie?"

Somebody please tell me this is all a bad dream?

Jack

Sam was still standing frozen in the middle of Charlie's room when Jack wheeled himself in. The Doc had double checked whatever Janet had been worried about and then cleared him. Jack could leave the hospital whenever he was ready, but Dr. Warner had made him promise to use a wheelchair the entire time he was on the premises. Apparently Janet had told the Doc to threaten him with big needles if he protested, which he had.

"Come on Doc. You said I was fine. I don't need this. I haven't been out of my old one for that long."

"Which is exactly why Dr. Fraiser and I want you in this one. Just in case. And your doctor feels strongly enough about it that if you don't cooperate I'm supposed to let her know so that she's ready for you with the big needles when you get back."

He'd given in after that. Of course the arguing had been mostly for show anyways. Jack was still too shell-shocked from the news about Charlie to put much effort into avoiding a wheelchair, especially if it meant he got to see his son faster. Now, looking at his son's bruised face and unnaturally still body he wasn't sure why he'd been in such a rush to confront this reality.

'Cause you were hoping it was just someone's idea of a sick joke. Now I just want it to be a dream.

Jack reached out and pinched Sam.

"OW!"

"Not a dream then. Shit!"

"Jack…"

Jack wheeled around Sam and pulled up as close to the bed as possible. He took one of Charlie's hands in both of his and rested his forehead on them.

"Charlie…"

The soft touch of Sam's hands on his shoulders startled him. He jerked and tensed, but didn't lift his head. Her hands feathered over his back and shoulders before slipping so that her arms were around his neck. Sam bent down behind him and resting her chin on his right shoulder, hugged him tight.

"I'm so sorry Jack. I know how much you love him. I love him too. He may not be mine biologically, but I was with him every weekend and holiday while you were gone and since you've been back. I love him because he's charming, intelligent, and good hearted, but on top of all that I love him because he's a part of you, even if he's not a part of me. Talk to me Jack. I'll understand."

But Jack remained silent.

I can't Sam. Don't you see? This is entirely my fault. This is exactly what you warned me would happen. I had a flashback and Charlie got hurt. I don't deserve you and obviously someone's decided that I don't deserve Charlie either. Now I wish you had left. At least then you'd both still be alive.

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Ms Carter…could you come out to the nurses' station with me. There's some paperwork that needs to be filled out."

With another quick squeeze Sam followed the doctor out of the room, leaving Jack alone with his dying son.

Sam

"Thank you Ms Carter."

The doctor grabbed a clipboard full of papers and led her to a small cluster of chairs in the lobby. Sam began to scan the papers in front of her. It quickly became obvious that they weren't normal insurance papers.

"Dr. Warner?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you tell me what exactly these forms are for?"

"You catch on quickly Ms. Carter. Those are organ donation forms. Word travels quickly. Apparently Charlie is a good match to a young girl on the heart transplant list who's a patient here. According to her doctors her heart will give out within the month and there's very little we can do for her once that happens without a transplant."

Shit! That was fast! I, we need more time. Jack's never going to go for it this quickly.

"Um, Dr. Warner, I don't know what Janet told you, but I have no right to make decisions regarding Charlie. He's not my son. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to ask Jack."

Sam stood up and handed the clipboard back to the doctor. She walked back into Charlie's room and resumed her position behind Jack.

"Jack…the doctor...I…it wasn't my place. I told him he had to talk to you."

"What?"

"There's a girl…she needs a heart transplant. They…Charlie…he's a match."

"No."

"Jack…"

"No. I can't kill my own child. I don't care…"

"And if he dies anyways and Julie's heart gives out before another match can be found?"

Jack's head jerked up towards the doctor as he continued.

"Because if you do nothing that is the most probable outcome. Your son is never going to be as he was before, even if by some miracle he does wake up. If you do nothing you are merely prolonging your agony and his suffering while denying another family a chance at happiness."

"I can't kill my son."

"He's already brain dead."

"I…"

"Dr. Warner, give us a moment."

Sam cut through Jack's half formed response. The doctor shifted his attention from Jack, assessed Sam's determination. He nodded in agreement and stepped out of the room.

"Jack…just think about it for a while. I'll be here, whatever you decide."

Sam moved from behind Jack to perch on his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder.

How do you make a decision like this? How do you give up the possibility, no matter how small, of life with your child? Even if it means the life of another? How do you choose between a negligible chance at your own happiness and the surety of someone else's joy? Jack never did put himself first…

A/N: Oooohhh! I'm mean. Nasty cliffhanger! Don't worry, I'm already working on the next chapter.