Day 1
Operation Arrow Plain
Cluny watched, Fascinated, as Don Juan barked out the orders to save his 'querida'. The Spanish-speaking pilot ran about, making sure that airplane was not damaged while in the hands of Cluny's clumsy horde (even though the plane was already too damaged for anymore to notice if the horde accidentally damaged it more.) The interior of the plane was still pretty intact, but the wings and propeller were completely wrecked, and the frame of the plane was too weak to keep it together.
Because of the frame's weak condition, the plane fell apart into three pieces as Cluny's horde levered it out of the rubble.
With a cry of anguish, Don Juan flew to what was left of his XE 13 Fighter. "What did you estupid peoples do, you estupid peoples?" He wept over the pieces for so long, Cluny had to send five of his soldiers to pry him away from the remnants of the airplane.
The horde removed the pieces, and set them down in what had once been a slave stockade. As the horde searched the rubble for scrap metal, Don Juan ran to the stockade and wept again over his plane.
Day 2
Operation Arrow Plain
Don Juan had spent all night in the stockade, weeping over the plane. Cluny realized that the Spanish-speaking pilot would not help rebuild the plane while he was so distressed, so Cluny promised to give Don Juan two golden hamsters instead of just one if he would stop crying.
Cluny was irritated beyond belief. He tried to spend as little time around the Spanish-speaking pilot as possible, but Don Juan kept following him around, asking him dumb questions. Just five minutes ago, Don Juan asked Cluny when story time was. Story time! He had never told anyone a story before; he did not need to. Cluny got his second-in-command, Bulbag, to take Don Juan away from him, before the Warlord could kill him.
Cluny tried to study the blueprints for the airplane, but he could no understand them. He needed Don Juan's help, but that idiot was off getting greensap milk and old, stale cookies somewhere. And what was with the golden hamsters! Don Juan was so excited about his 'new' pets, that he started to build a cage for them. Cluny had no idea what a hamster was, but he did not really care. As long as his empty promises made Don Juan cooperate, he was satisfied.
"Guess what, very huge rat?" Don Juan ran into Cluny's makeshift commanding post, which was in the laundry room.
Cluny clenched his paws as he looked for Bulbag. "What!" he yelled.
Don Juan held out a raged, old toy. "I found Senor Teddy in my airoplane!"
"Where's Bulbag!" Cluny shrieked.
Don Juan looked around. He said, "I am believing that he is eating some cookies, very huge rat."
Cluny stormed past Don Juan and ran to the galley. Sure enough, the rat was finishing the last of his milk.
Cluny strode up to his second-in-command and knocked the beaker out of his hand. "What are you doing?" Cluny shrieked. "Why aren't you watching that Cuban?"
Bulbag looked up at he. "These cookies are really good. You want one?"
"NO!" Cluny smashed the plate against the wall. "You are to obey my commands, not stuff your face, you fat pea brain!"
"But Chief," Bulbag protested. "He asked me if I wanted a cookie, and then he said he had something extremely important to tell you. So I let him. I figured you wouldn't want me listenin' in on your top-secret plans."
"And you believed him!" Cluny roared. "The only top-secret plan I have is to find a way to keep my sanity while I have to put up with that Cuban freak!"
"Aw, Chief, he ain't that bad. In fact, he's a pretty nice guy. Not that bright, but I wouldn't hold that against him."
Cluny could not believe his ears. "Not that bright? He's a complete idiot!" He stormed out of the galley. He needed to be alone, to sort out his thoughts. He had planned on letting Don Juan live if he successfully built the plane, but now Cluny was looking forward to throwing him off a cliff.
Day 13
Operation Arrow Plain
Cluny watched as Don Juan and his group of helpers pieced together the iron frame that was to support the structure of the airplane. The job would have been completed three days ago, but Don Juan misplaced some of the rods, and attached them at crazy angles. Don Juan could not even read this own diagrams! Sometimes he held them upside down, and would remark to Cluny, "I am not remembering that they were in English, very huge rat."
Cluny was getting sick of being called 'very huge rat', especially in front of his horde. Cluny tried telling Don Juan calmly, but he always lost his temper, and Bulbag had to take him away from the evil Warlord.
Another thing that was irritating Cluny was how quickly Don Juan had been accepted into the horde. Everybeast wanted to hear the pilot speak in his native tongue, and eagerly made room for him at a campfire to hear of his many exploits in that strange land called Cuba. They also encouraged the fool's stupidity by laughing at his dumb comments as if they were hilarious jokes!
Cluny thought he was imagining it, but the Warlord sensed he was losing command of his own horde. There was an easy-going air about the fortress, not the tense, anxious atmosphere which had previously dominated Marshank. Cluny had reason to suspect that Don Juan was behind it, but-
"Oh very huge raaaaaaaaat," Don Juan said.
"WHAT?" Cluny snarled.
Don Juan shrugged. "We finish the frame. Geez loweeza, I am believing you are getting, oh, how do you say, touching?"
Cluny was furious. "I am NOT getting TOUCHY!" He stormed out of the boiling hot stockade.
Don Juan turned to Deadgut. "He need to be visiting Cuba sometime. Senor Castro would be loving him."
Day 19
Operation Arrow Plain
Since a lot of the plane's exterior had been destroyed in the wreck, Cluny made the horde give daggers, swords, and cutlasses to be melted for metal. Unfortunately, the steel plates made from the metal could not be held together without being riveted, and Marshank was minus a riveter or rivets.
Cluny was still trying to figure out how to solve this problem when he heard a commotion and some very strange music in the courtyard. He raced out of the laundry room and watched in astonishment as Don Juan began to instruct the horde in some strange hand movements.
Don Juan was starting to get impatient with the horde. "No, no, no," he said to Slackett, who was still wearing a sling from the plane crash. "You put yours right hand in, not your left." Don Juan then turned to the rest of the horde. "And then you…" he strained hard to remember the rest before saying, "do the Hokie Pokie and you turn yourself around…." The Spanish-speaking pilot spun himself around. "That's what it's all about!"
The horde mimicked his moves and spun around, some knocking down their comrades, others tripping over their tails.
"No, no, no," Don Juan said impatiently. "Now one more time, until you are getting it right!"
Cluny smacked himself in the head. His horde must be dumber than Don Juan!
"Don Juan!" Cluny barked. "Come here!"
"But very huge rat, I am being very busy over here." Don Juan turned back to the horde. "Now one more time. You put your left hand in…"
Cluny lost it. "NOW!" he screamed.
Don Juan walked up to Cluny, saying, "Okay, okay, geez." He and Cluny went into his 'office'.
Cluny glared at his hated partner. "Why aren't you working!"
"Well, we can't. We don't have Senor riveter."
Cluny leaned close to Don Juan. "Well, I think I know how to solve your riveting problem," he said in a deadly tone.
(Note to reader: I don't exactly know if Cluny's method would actually work, but if someone has a better idea, please enlighten me. I would've researched it more, but this story isn't about rivets, it's about Cluny and Don Juan.)
Later that day, Cluny and Don Juan watched as two rats named Kalz and Jola worked at some rivets from Don Juan's tool box. Kalz hit the rivets into the plates with a sledgehammer while Jola slammed them home with an even larger hammer.
Don Juan said, "It is working very huge rat, yesno?"
"Yes, Don Juan," Cluny answered exasperatedly.
"Do you think we are being done soon, very huge rat?"
Cluny clenched his paws. "I. Don't. Know."
Don Juan said, "You are my bestest friend in the wholest, widest world, very huge rat."
"CLUNY!" Cluny shrieked. "My name is CLUNY! CLUNY, CLUNY, CLUNY!"
"You're right," Don Juan said. "You are loony, loony, loony."
Cluny ran to his laundry room, screaming, "BULBAG! Get HIM away from ME!"
Don Juan turned to the two riveters. "What did I say?" The two rats shrugged.
Day 24
Operation Arrow Plain
Don Juan loaded his new XE 14 Fighter with his toolbox, his first aid kit, his rations, his teddy bear, his broken BB gun, and his Britney Spears paraphernalia. Last, but not least, the Spanish-speaking pilot duct-taped his battered and beaten old radio to the door of his airplane, within easy reach.
The plane was going on its first test flight.
"Well, are you ready?" Cluny asked.
Don Juan answered, "I am thinking so, very huge Loony."
Cluny marched up to Don Juan and put a dagger to his throat. "You call me 'Loony' one more time, and I'll slit your throat faster than you can say 'Cuba'," Cluny threatened.
Cluny thought he had made his point until Don Juan said, "You know, you shouldn't be playing around with sharp knives, estupid rat. How estupid of you! My mama say you cut yourselve with a knive and give yourself a boo-boo which will be hurting very mu-"
"SHUT UP!"
"Okay, okay, geez Loweeza, stop being touching." Don Juan started the plane. "Ready, very huge rat?" he asked.
Cluny clenched his fists and stormed into the cockpit. He would have killed Don Juan by now, but he had already gotten so far, and Cluny did not want to mess up now. He needed someone to fly the airplane, and no one could do it except Don Juan, as dumb as he was. That was part of the reason why Cluny was riding along, to learn in case he needed to get rid of the Spanish-speaking pilot. But there was another reason as well. Cluny knew Don Juan would be too stupid to find Cuba on his own, but Cluny wanted to make sure that Don Juan did not accidentally find it and never come back (with Cluny's luck, the idiot might even crash the plane again.) So the Warlord was making sure Don Juan did not mess up his plans to conquer Redwall Abbey.
The horde backed away from the plane as it flew out of the hole in the fortress wall (it had never been repaired).
"Wee, I am believing that I am flying, very hu-, Loony!" Don Juan exclaimed. Cluny went to smack his head, but the plane did it for him as it took a spinning dive toward the Eastern Sea.
"Aaaaaaaaaagh!" Cluny screamed. Then at the last second, Don Juan jerked the plane up, sending up a spray of salty sea water.
Cluny let go of his hold of the back of Don Juan's chair and fell to the floor of the cockpit, suddenly sick. Don Juan glanced at him.
"Do not be worrying, very huge rat," he said. "This estupid airoplane will get useded to flying soon enough." Don Juan picked up his teddy bear. "Here," he said. "You can hold Senor Teddy if you are being scareded."
Cluny was about to protest when the plane lurched, and he went searching for something to vomit in.
Don Juan turned on the radio to Britney Spears' new song, "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman," and began to sing completely off-key along with the singer. Cluny looked up at a poster of the pop princess. The sight of her ugly features made him want to vomit even more than before.
Suddenly the radio lost its transmission, and Don Juan began to smack the radio, saying, "Britney! Britney! Where is she, stupid radio?"
The plane spun upside down as Don Juan once again abandoned control of his plane to fix the antenna. Cluny was too nauseated to say anything. Then he saw Marshank in the distance. They were going to crash into it!
"Don… Juan?" Cluny gasped.
"Not now, Loony Scorch, I hava to find Senorita Spears. Come on estupid ra-"
"THE FORTRESS!" Cluny grabbed the controls and jerked the plane completely around, just before it hit the west wall. Then Don Juan landed it in the courtyard with a jolt.
Cluny stumbled out of the plane, completely frazzled. "Wasn't that much fun, very huge rat?" Don Juan asked.
Before Cluny could answer, the radio once again blared Britney Spears' song.
Cluny's stomach had had enough. He bolted to a latrine and slammed the door.
Early the next day Cluny stood at the head of his horde of 200 rats. The XE 14 Fighter sat on a wagon. It would be pulled to Redwall to conserve the limited supply of fuel that survived the plane crash. Cluny was furious that he did not have his war helmet, or batwinged cloak; they had all been lost in his last battle. He had to settle for a purple traveling cloak.
Cluny temporarily forgot these setbacks as he gazed at the horde, prepared to kill. All were armed to the teeth, with fearsome, bloodthirsty glares in their eyes. Banners and standards frolicked in the gentle breeze, but no one moved a muscles. All eyes were on the evil Warlord.
Cluny regally strode to a rock overlooking the horde, so everybeast could see him.
"This time, there will be no mistakes! No retreats, no going back! You all belong to me, so you will do as I say! Anyone who deserts is dead! Anyone who defies me, disobeys my commands is dead! Anyone who does not fight tooth and claws with all his might is also dead! You-"
"I guess I must be dead, very Loony," Don Juan shouted from the wagon.
"SHUT UP, Don Juan, unless you want to find out how to be dead firsthand!"
Don Juan was really confused. "But you say anyone who is desserting is dead, and I had a cookie last week, and I guess I'm dead since you-"
"DON JUAN! Shut UP!"
"Okay, okay, geez." Don Juan sat down.
Cluny tried to regain his former dignity, but in vain. He could feel the treacherous, bloodthirsty attitude leave the horde. Cluny decided to end his speech. "On to Redwall! Kill, kill!" he roared.
The horde shouted back in reply, "Cluny, Cluny, kill, kill, kill!"