I'm pretty proud of myself...the last couple chappies have been a little longer and come just a little quicker I think...so maybe I can make that a habit...One of the stories I'm reading right now by a really good author is REALLY long (and complete) with 47 chapters- but from what I hear- she updates almost everyday! Sometimes twice a day! My mouth dropped to the floor when I heard that- but then I found out that she was one of those authors that writes her stories in a notebook first, then copies it to the computer...I just write mine on the computer...so basically I'm making it up as I go along-but I do have a basic plan...
Anyways- on with the chappy! ENJOY! .
Chapter 34
Inuyasha simply looked between everyone in the group, getting increasingly irritated that everyone seemed to know what was happening except him. "ALRIGHT! What is going on!? TELL ME!"
Koga sighed quietly- his glare bouncing from Miroku back to Inuyasha as he decided to explain things. "Inuyasha..." He paused- not quite sure how to start. "Kagome is..." Inuyasha glared at him. "OUT WITH IT WOLF!" Miroku finally broke in with a solemnly serious tone to ease Inuyasha's frustration. "What Koga is trying to say is that Kagome's soul is suppressing her own memories...and their might not be anything we can do to get them back..." Miroku felt Sango's grip tightening on his arm as she pulled closer to his chest, his arms folded around her body loosely, trying to comfort her from the harsh reality he inflicted. Inuyasha was in shock- he finally regained his voice enough to keep it from wavering, for the most part. "Are you saying-- it's not reversible?"
Koga sighed annoyingly at the blunt simplicity and he began to explain the true condition to the inu-hanyou. "Kagome's soul has been pained more than anyone I know of...it has been taken from her body more times in the past than you can count and each time it is more reluctant to return...I'm amazed she even woke up at all this last time..." He glared into the flames before him and continued his statement. "But all the weight Kagome must bare is more than anyone should ever have to deal with...losing Inuyasha nearly killed her- but everything else she has lived through since then seemed to bring her closer to the edge..."
"Are you saying she finally broke down...gave in?" Inuyasha's eyes flickered with concern and guilt- most of Kagome's pain was that which he inflicted on her himself. Miroku took the conversation once again in a serious tone. "You must understand Inuyasha...Kagome did not willingly give up her memories...they were taken from her-most likely to make the difficult task of returning to her body easier...now she must find a way to retrieve them on her own...if she still wants them..." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! Why would she NOT want them?!" Inuyasha snapped bitterly.
Koga rolled his eyes, firing back. "THINK ABOUT IT DOGBOY! Do you really think she would want to remember your death?! The past year she spent mourning for you?" Inuyasha thought solemnly- knowing the simple answer. "But...what if she never remembers..." Inuyasha had simply stated the one thought that held everyone's mind at a stand-still...they couldn't imagine not having their old friend Kagome back...of course this Kagome was still the same Kagome, but she was not the same person-she would not be the Kagome they knew.
Inuyasha wrestled with the thoughts in his mind. His gaze deepening into the flames as they reflected their burning light in his ember orbs until finally his trance was broken by a reluctant wolf's voice. "I told her...and still she refused...I warned her of the dangers-but she...she was so ignorant of the cost!" Koga shook his head as Ayame took her fingers to his face, turning his frustrated expression toward her gently as she looked up into his eyes. "Koga--- ...it wasn't your fault or hers....Kagome knew how close she was to damaging her soul and she took that risk to preserve herself...it couldn't be helped..." Ayame layed her head on his shoulder once more as she clung to his arm gently-Koga's eyes softened as he lifted them to hear Sango speak softly from Miroku's grasp.
"It was her choice...she wanted to protect us and this village.... or die trying..." Her gaze drifted back to the small children playing in the corner-their innocence comforting her. Inuyasha looked between everyone with confusing thoughts. "Are you saying she knew this would happen...that she could have prevented it?" Miroku shook his head slightly from deep thought. "Hai, she knew this was a possibility if her soul was ever stolen again...but she was too stubborn to do anything about it..." Koga huffed slightly. "There are demons- ones such as that wretched kijo that can heal a soul...I told Kagome I would take her to the yamauba nearby and she could tell us where such a demon lived...but Kagome refused- having her soul restored could have side effects...it could have made her unconcious for over a month or her memories could have been erased reguardless during the process....it wasn't worth it to her..."
'Stupid girl...I should have protected you- I should have never let this happen to you...' Inuyasha got to his feet silently as everyone watched him leave. Everyone in the hut could feel Inuyasha's guilt- though they knew it wasn't his fault at all. Inuyasha walked to Kagome's hut, jumping in the tree branches by her window as he always had before, slipping into deep thought.
Soon, a form stepped from the shadows- she seemed to recognize the armor and kimono and most certainly the long flowing white strands of hair, but she couldn't quite remember his name. The face along with all its information were slurred horribly in her mind- unlike the other figures in her life up to this point, she couldn't remember this person's name...though she was positive she must know him from somewhere. His stoic glare sized her up from the short distance as his ember orbs coldly burned into her without any readable emotion.
Kagome let her brown hues take in every inch of the figure's features- noting that he was obviously a demon. She waited- finally hearing him speak as if he knew her. "Miko...I see you are not as dead as your scent would have me believe...Was it not only a day ago that death smothered your scent in its own?" Kagome simply stared at him dispondently- her brown hues pouring into his golden orbs as he stood about 10 yards away at the forest edge. Her form never broke, making Sesshomaru's stoic gaze faulter- raising a brow somewhat curiously at the silence. She wasn't quite sure whether to be scared of this demon or not, but for some reason she felt comfortable- as though she didn't have to fear him.
Kagome couldn't speak- she wouldn't know what to say to this person. 'Did he just call me a miko? Who is he?' "Are you going to speak when I address you?" His voice let the small drops of annoyance and question seep in as the words flowed. "And what should I say?" Kagome fired back, somewhat boredly- but overpowered by an emotionless tone. Sesshomaru took a few steps towards her, stopping only about a foot away as Kagome continued to stare into him- almost through him, never letting her body flinch as he guided his eyes over her.
"You haven't changed- Yet- You are not the same...You do not seem like the same miko whom I fought so many times before...Your eyes-Your countenance...you are altered- is this all attributed to my brother?" Kagome sighed as the gentle afternoon breeze rolled across the clearing, sweeping the small tendrals of her ebony hair around her face as she pushed them back to her ear gently, looking to the side to divert her saddened and lost eyes. She wasn't sure what he was talking about- and at the moment- she couldn't care less. "If we have fought so many times...I don't remember these battles...nor do I even remember your name-though you are familiar...I have no idea who you are..."
Sesshomaru never let his glance alter as he stared at her with an expressionless gaze in his honey embers- wondering if the insane words she was speaking were the truth...though they would make sense since he hadn't seen this human girl wander about the forest in a dress since before Inuyasha died. "You remember nothing of yourself or anyone else?" "I remember only a few names- but never any faces...they are all like the blank pages of a book I don't remember reading..." Her eyes lifted with a soft smile as her words trailed off angelically. "I guess I sound kinda crazy at this point..." She shrugged, laughing it off a little as the demon lord stared her down unflinchingly.
She stared back up into the golden pools before her- certain she had seen the exact look somehwere before. He raised a brow at her smiles- unsure of the miko now. "If you are truly the miko called Kagome...how did this transpire? What caused you to forget yourself?" Kagome's smile softened as a hushed tone befell her eyes. "If I'm truly the miko Kagome- I wouldn't know it if it were not for those who tell me I am so....I haven't asked how I came to be this way...So I know not the cause or how to fix it...And maybe they don't either..." She sighed lightly.
The lord of the western lands thought silently a few moments as Kagome fidgeted boredly with her dress. "I think it best I do not bring Rin to see you until you have regained your full memory...it would upset her to see you like this..." His statement was flat and devoid of emotion, though the words felt as if he cared. "I also suggest you go home...take a look through your things...you might find something very interesting in your current state." Kagome couldn't place exactly what he was talking about- but she watched dully as he turned and began to walk proudly from the clearing without another word. Her hand reached out as she called for him quietly. "Matte...ummm...I don't even know your name...." Sesshomaru paused curiously at her words, finally shrugging it off with an unsatisfying answer. "You need not know it at this point miko...you will remember it in time..."
'And what if I never remember...' Again, Kagome was alone in the clearing- her horse grazed silently in the background by the forest edge as the sun began to set over the horizon, filling the air with a late crisp scent- signalling the end of summer was nearing. Her eyes wandered back to the well where they previously resided, but now she was less interested in the old wooden boards, her mind was drifting over the features of the stranger she so strangely recognized and his unusual words. She brushed the thoughts away as the oncoming breeze combed through the loose tendrals around her braid, sending a slight chill over her body. She walked to the large horse, mounting carefully and starting back toward the village as night began to fall around her.
She sensed the wolves as they left her side, no doubt heading back to Koga's den. She knew they had followed her, but she couldn't really make herself care. She was occupied by so many other thoughts- few things around her were distracting.
Inuyasha watched silently as Kagome rode slowly into the village, stopping the animal before her hut and grabbing her weapons before retiring inside. He looked into the window-trying not to act as curious as he was as to why she was so late coming back. Night had fallen and he was almost ready to go looking for her until he saw her figure break through the trees on the outskirts of the village, giving him a sigh of relief.
Inuyasha could feel himself blushing heatedly as Kagome began to slip from the dress, revealing the deep scars along her back, but he couldn't force himself to look away. His golden eyes traced the long claw marks until he finally broke his trance when she began slipping on a black spaghetti strap top and a large black kimono top over that, putting the blue dress away with her other clothing carefully. He leaned back in the tree, watching as Kagome slipped into her bed dispodently and pulled the covers close. He stared at her form until he was sure she was alseep- he smiled inwardly as he too began to give into to rest, but guilt kept his smile from breaking onto his lips.
'Idiot...how could she just forget us...How could I let her forget us....' He couldn't help but feel almost happy when Kagome was around- she was an angel- his angel- whether she remembered it or not. But it weighed heavily on his thoughts-the guilt and uncertainty of the situation. 'What will become of us now...I never got the chance to tell her...how I really felt- and even if I had- she wouldn't remember it now...we are forced to start over until she regains her memory....' Inuyasha drifted tiredly into sleep, disturbing thoughts pulling his mind into exhaustion.
Kagome could feel the eyes of the hanyou on her from outside her window- but she wasn't going to object, it felt too natural to have him so close. She wasn't sure why, but everytime Inuyasha was near her- she felt safe, as though everything was as it should be. She found herself wishing he was near- or th sudden urge to argue with him over nothing at all, but most of all- she felt the pull of gravity between them- the need for him to hold her close, for her to feel his strong arms wrapped around her body. Such thoughts made her blush uncontrollably and she had no idea where this was coming from. 'Was I....in love with him? Am I still in love with him?'
Kagome could now hear the husky breathes of the inu-hanyou above her, almost like a soothing and content purr. She smiled slighty as it began to lull her to sleep, finally pulling the darkness over her head.
Hours later, in the pitch-black silence, her body shot forward into a sitting position with a slightly hushed gasp that had almost turned to a scream before she caught herself. Kagome's form was covered in glistening beads of a cold sweat, her hair pressed against her face in hot ribbons until she brushed them aside- her breathes almost as loud as her racing heart.
It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness- then she blinked a few times and pulled off the hot and damp black kimono top. The small spaghetti-strap top underneath made her shiver slightly, though it felt good to her heated body. She looked down to see her white bandages across her stomache were now beginning ti tint crimson form her blood soaking through- she had obviously overexherted herself today and she cursed herself for being so headstrong and stubborn.
She could remember every second of the nightmare as it flashed through her mind- and she wasn't sure if it was just an imaginative horror- or an old memory trying to ressurect itself. 'No...thats impossible...it was my imagination- those things would have never happened...' Her breathe caught in her throat as her fingers worked their way over her bandages on her shoulder to touch the roughly deep scars that slid down her back diagonally. 'no...whats going on...' She shook her head in silence until she was suddenly startled by the hushed voice above her.
"Everything alright Kagome?" One of Inuyasha's ember honey eyes parted half-way, looking into the window at the frightened Kagome as his voice felt annoyed, yet concerned. She regained her breath, immediately turning over and laying back down under the blanket, half-whispering under her rigid breath. "Fine...I'm fine...it was just a dream..." He watched her curiously for a moment- Kagome wasn't the best liar, not to him anyway- he could smell the fear and cold sweat that seemed to musk her own slightly as she pretended to fall back to sleep.
Kagome wasn't fine- the thoughts ran over her mind a million times...the flashing images that horrified her and tore into her heart like an unforgiving blade. Her head was throbbing to the sound of her heart- the stinging headache had escalated to the point where she couldn't see straight- but she couldn't close her eyes- no, everytime she did all she saw was the nightmare, but soon her exhaustion took over and she couldn't fight it anymore.
Those same images played over until sleep grasped her tightly : Inuyasha's limp body laying on the ground a few feet from her, the arrow tearing into a man's body as a woman kissed Inuyasha's cheek. She felt something hit her chest hard, everything was slowing and the painful impact was enough to wake her, but just before she was jolted into reality- time lapsed, freeing itself into a stopped position so Kagome found herself in a room, alone. It was a rather large bedroom with no furniture, as though it had been abandoned for quite sometime- the walls were pale, but the writing on them was a bright crimson and very large words were printed everywhere- though she couldn't read them, her vision seemed to blur the letters.
She walked to them, wanting to touch them, to read them- but as soon as she reached for the dripping red messages, time shot her back to the horrible field where overwhelming pain filled her chest and mind, waking her violently from the dream world. All that flashed in her head now was Inuyasha's lifeless form- blood covering his body and kimono, but sleep was overpowering fear now- and she only prayed the nightmare wouldn't repeat itself as she once again drifted into darkness.
The next morning Kagome woke up early to a dim room- the dawn had yet to break but Kagome could no longer force herself to stay hidden in the blankets with her terrible nightmares. Of course they followed her out of bed, but now she could busy herself with other things- runaway from them as fast as her legs would carry her if so needed. But at the current moment she simply sifted through the small trunk containing some of her clothes. She pulled out a few new bandages and cleansed the wound across her stomache which she had apparenty reopened that night and bled through, soaking her clean bandages with red. She rewrapped the cloth carefully, noting that she would have to be more careful if she hoped to heal soon and not cause any dangerous damage.
She finally put on a lavender and indigo kimono that hugged the curves of her body comfortably- the long sleeves fell loosely almost all the way to her figertips as the bottom fell down to around her ankles with a long slit up the side. She went to put away her clothes, but a small slip of paper caught her eye from the corner of the packed trunk.
She pulled it out curiously- it seemed to be a folded letter with her name across the front, addressing it to her. She was about to open it, when her mind screamed for her to stop. 'What if this is something you don't want to read- what if you can't handle your past...it's all so uncertain- wouldn't you rather stay blissfullly ignorant to those crimson letters on the wall?' She sighed- indecision plaguing her again until she finally put the letter away inside her kimono for later.
She brushed out her hair a bit, making it look acceptable and then leaving the hut, her thoughts dragging behind her. She could still smell it stiffling in the air- the humid wet taste of blood, sweat, and tears as the struggle played over in her mind. 'It was so real...but...it's impossible- I've seen it myself...Inuyasha is alive...and this battle-it's just my imagination...it has to be...' Yet, not matter how many times Kagome shook them away- the questions came back to upset her.
Kagome looked up at the small speckles of sky through the trees in the forest as she continued to walk wherever her feet would carry her. The morning sun was giving off pale light, though it hadn't peeked over the horizon yet- the stars were fading and the dark blue sky was giving way to brighter autumn colors already. She could feel it, smell it- the crisp chill in the air and the deep earthy smells that autumn always brought with it. Everything around her was changing- but she was forced to stay the same...she couldn't help it, she was stuck at a stand still until she regained her memories- as though everyone was leaving her behind because she couldn't remember what it was she should be doing.
She had climbed a small hill and walked dispondently until she lifted her eyes and noticed the large shrine before her. She looked back and saw the small village below, then turned to face the shrine again. A grave was erected to the side- small trinkets lay scattered about it along with the children's tiny ringlets of flowers they often made. She smiled softly, though she didn't know who's grave it was. She walked slowly in her barefeet to the temple doors, pushing them aside to enter the small shrine. Her eyes adjusted slowly to the darkness within- small candles and burning insense made a small hazy fog inside as she entered- sniffing the sweet herbs that burned.
Kagome sat on her knees in the middle of the room for several moments, paying her respects in meditation- finding that this place somehow gave her a small escape from the unrelenting thoughts. Finally, she pushed herself to her barefeet again, shuffling them across the cold wooden boards to the back of the room where a pedestal of some sort stood- divoid of any idol or item that it might once have held. She stared at it curiously, as though something important was now missing.
Inuyasha's eyes fluttered open as the dawn peeked over the treetops, casting its bright gaze over the entire village. His silver locks glistened brilliantly as he roused, stretching out with a yawn. He gazed his blinking gold hues down into Kagome's window to find the small hut as it usually was- empty. "Now where has she gotten off to..." He huffed- slightly annoyed as he jumped from the limb, landing on the dusty ground with a thud.
He thought it was strange for her to be gone so early- especially with her injuries slowing her down, but it was Kagome- and she usually didn't let anything slow her down. He wasn't so much concerned as he was curious as he followed the unchanging scent of his young miko. He wanted to know exactly what it was she would be doing. He finally came upon her figure as she exited the shrine atop the hill- the very one she had erected long ago in Kikyo's honor. He hid himself in a nearby tree so he could watch carefully without interfering. Kaede told him that Kagome herself had this temple built in remembrance of Kikyo- but he had never once seen her come anywhere near it.
Kagome closed the doors quietly behind her as she squinted her eyes for a moment, letting her brown hues readjust to the brilliant morning sun that now poured down, lighting the ebony strands of her hair like flickering black flames in the wind. She could feel the small stinging headache in the back of her mind edging its way back in as she began to walk into the forest, her hand drifted over her deepest wounds in her stomache and shoulder, then lay limply back at her side as she continued to walk to well. She walked for what seemed like an eternity before reaching the clearing where the mysterious well sat in the middle. She smiled softly as she approached it, sitting down on the edge and rubbing her fingers over the rough surface, feeling the aged and weathered seals that stuck to the grain of the boards. She felt relieved to rest her aching body, she wasn't sure how much further she could go before she began to push her body to its limits. She was over doing herself again- and she decided it was best if she rested here for awhile in the glittering sun and cool breeze before attempting to walk back to the village.
She felt her body soaking up the warmth of the sun, melting away the stinging of her wounds and the relinquishing her annoying headache. She leaned back with a deep breath, remembering the small letter pressed against her chest in her kimono as it began to poke her skin slightly. She pulled the letter out curiously, biting her lower lip in anticipation as she opened the folded paper.
Inuyasha had followed her closely since she left the shrine- her scent filling his nose, but also tickling it with the faint taste of fatigue, which worried him slightly- causing him to stick close incase she collapsed. As soon as she came to the well, his worry turned to simple curiousity as to why she would be here. He watched her sit tiredly on the side of the closed bone eater's well, blushing slightly when he caught himself staring at how beautiful she seemed as the breeze toyed with her long strands of silk black hair and the sun danced on her complection and lavender dress.
Inuyasha couldn't help but jump to a closer branch as she pulled something from inside her kimono- it seemed to be a letter, but from this distance he couldn't tell what it said or anything of the sort. He sighed, simply lounging back in the tree as his golden embers traced Kagome's peaceful form.
Kagome looked over the note a moment- normal black writing on a normal piece of paper- though it seemed to be written several months or even years earlier. She then began to read it from the top- shocked by what she was reading.
iDear Kagome,
Hello me...hai- this is a letter I wrote to myself, and if you don't remember writing it- then the inebidible must have already occured. Don't be afraid, we've survived much worse than this...ever since the event happened- everthing has been changed and all I've done is survive. I cannot tell you much in this one letter- there is too much to tell and things I don't want to mention...but you have most likely lost your memory due to having your soul stolen AGAIN. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't- somethings can't be helped, so all you need to worry about now is getting those memories returned to you, however, you should also enjoy the blissful ignorance while you can- because your past isn't all good, but its worth remembering. How will you ever remember those who aren't with you now if you don't look for your memories?
I'm uncertain as to what it will be like- being without all my memories...I'm not sure if I would like not being reminded daily of the betrayals and losses I have suffered, or if I would simply feel emptier than I do now. To tell you something about yourself- the well IS closed for a reason, that large stone by the old tree IS a grave (one you should never go to), you ALWAYS protect the Shikon Jewel, and you DID once love someone...but after the event...as I said before- everything changed. I hope you regain your memories soon, because Sango and Miroku, Kouga and Ayame, Shippo, Kaede, and everyone in your life -even yourself....they are all worth remembering...even if some of those memories are painful.
Love, Kagome Higurashi
p.s. - there is a box stuffed far beneath your futon...it holds alot of precious items from a past I've almost forgotten myself...look those things over...but NEVER reveal the contents to anyone else...its for good reason... /i
Kagome couldn't imagine what this letter was trying to tell her- it was a definate shock and she was ready to immediately go to her room and pull out the box or burst from curiousity, but she restrained herself- deciding she would go back to the village later and look the things over tonight while no one was around.
»--------------------------«
Well, that was a long chappy wasn't it? Wonder what's in that box of Kagome's....hhhmmmm- onsidering I'm the author...I don't have to wonder- I know...so stay tuned for the next chappy...And I hope you caught all the little details in this chappy- like the hints of bitterness Kagome dropped in the letter towards Inuyasha (she wrote the letter months earlier- WAY before Inuyasha's return, so she had no idea he would be back when she was reading this) and obviously Sesshy knows something- I mean- HE KNEW ABOUT THE LETTER! More on that later- and the writing on the wall....yes this will ALL come together for one big thing in the end-so her dreams are usually significant- then we will get on with the rest of their lives. -lol- ::hints:: And tell me what you think of Kagome's dress...I'm trying to give her different things to wear...anything particular you want to see her wear? (email it to me so we don't muck up review space) R&R!
ano- er, ummm
Yamauba- mountain witch
Ageku- Finally
Kogatana- small knife(in this case it was a small knife Kagome kept secretly strapped to her ankle for easy access- kinda like Sango's many concealed weapons in her uniform)
Haimu- home
shiisu- sword sheath
Matte- wait
Gomen nasai- I'm sorry; my apologies
Kijo- demoness; she-devil; witch
Un- Yeah
Anyways- on with the chappy! ENJOY! .
Chapter 34
Inuyasha simply looked between everyone in the group, getting increasingly irritated that everyone seemed to know what was happening except him. "ALRIGHT! What is going on!? TELL ME!"
Koga sighed quietly- his glare bouncing from Miroku back to Inuyasha as he decided to explain things. "Inuyasha..." He paused- not quite sure how to start. "Kagome is..." Inuyasha glared at him. "OUT WITH IT WOLF!" Miroku finally broke in with a solemnly serious tone to ease Inuyasha's frustration. "What Koga is trying to say is that Kagome's soul is suppressing her own memories...and their might not be anything we can do to get them back..." Miroku felt Sango's grip tightening on his arm as she pulled closer to his chest, his arms folded around her body loosely, trying to comfort her from the harsh reality he inflicted. Inuyasha was in shock- he finally regained his voice enough to keep it from wavering, for the most part. "Are you saying-- it's not reversible?"
Koga sighed annoyingly at the blunt simplicity and he began to explain the true condition to the inu-hanyou. "Kagome's soul has been pained more than anyone I know of...it has been taken from her body more times in the past than you can count and each time it is more reluctant to return...I'm amazed she even woke up at all this last time..." He glared into the flames before him and continued his statement. "But all the weight Kagome must bare is more than anyone should ever have to deal with...losing Inuyasha nearly killed her- but everything else she has lived through since then seemed to bring her closer to the edge..."
"Are you saying she finally broke down...gave in?" Inuyasha's eyes flickered with concern and guilt- most of Kagome's pain was that which he inflicted on her himself. Miroku took the conversation once again in a serious tone. "You must understand Inuyasha...Kagome did not willingly give up her memories...they were taken from her-most likely to make the difficult task of returning to her body easier...now she must find a way to retrieve them on her own...if she still wants them..." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! Why would she NOT want them?!" Inuyasha snapped bitterly.
Koga rolled his eyes, firing back. "THINK ABOUT IT DOGBOY! Do you really think she would want to remember your death?! The past year she spent mourning for you?" Inuyasha thought solemnly- knowing the simple answer. "But...what if she never remembers..." Inuyasha had simply stated the one thought that held everyone's mind at a stand-still...they couldn't imagine not having their old friend Kagome back...of course this Kagome was still the same Kagome, but she was not the same person-she would not be the Kagome they knew.
Inuyasha wrestled with the thoughts in his mind. His gaze deepening into the flames as they reflected their burning light in his ember orbs until finally his trance was broken by a reluctant wolf's voice. "I told her...and still she refused...I warned her of the dangers-but she...she was so ignorant of the cost!" Koga shook his head as Ayame took her fingers to his face, turning his frustrated expression toward her gently as she looked up into his eyes. "Koga--- ...it wasn't your fault or hers....Kagome knew how close she was to damaging her soul and she took that risk to preserve herself...it couldn't be helped..." Ayame layed her head on his shoulder once more as she clung to his arm gently-Koga's eyes softened as he lifted them to hear Sango speak softly from Miroku's grasp.
"It was her choice...she wanted to protect us and this village.... or die trying..." Her gaze drifted back to the small children playing in the corner-their innocence comforting her. Inuyasha looked between everyone with confusing thoughts. "Are you saying she knew this would happen...that she could have prevented it?" Miroku shook his head slightly from deep thought. "Hai, she knew this was a possibility if her soul was ever stolen again...but she was too stubborn to do anything about it..." Koga huffed slightly. "There are demons- ones such as that wretched kijo that can heal a soul...I told Kagome I would take her to the yamauba nearby and she could tell us where such a demon lived...but Kagome refused- having her soul restored could have side effects...it could have made her unconcious for over a month or her memories could have been erased reguardless during the process....it wasn't worth it to her..."
'Stupid girl...I should have protected you- I should have never let this happen to you...' Inuyasha got to his feet silently as everyone watched him leave. Everyone in the hut could feel Inuyasha's guilt- though they knew it wasn't his fault at all. Inuyasha walked to Kagome's hut, jumping in the tree branches by her window as he always had before, slipping into deep thought.
Soon, a form stepped from the shadows- she seemed to recognize the armor and kimono and most certainly the long flowing white strands of hair, but she couldn't quite remember his name. The face along with all its information were slurred horribly in her mind- unlike the other figures in her life up to this point, she couldn't remember this person's name...though she was positive she must know him from somewhere. His stoic glare sized her up from the short distance as his ember orbs coldly burned into her without any readable emotion.
Kagome let her brown hues take in every inch of the figure's features- noting that he was obviously a demon. She waited- finally hearing him speak as if he knew her. "Miko...I see you are not as dead as your scent would have me believe...Was it not only a day ago that death smothered your scent in its own?" Kagome simply stared at him dispondently- her brown hues pouring into his golden orbs as he stood about 10 yards away at the forest edge. Her form never broke, making Sesshomaru's stoic gaze faulter- raising a brow somewhat curiously at the silence. She wasn't quite sure whether to be scared of this demon or not, but for some reason she felt comfortable- as though she didn't have to fear him.
Kagome couldn't speak- she wouldn't know what to say to this person. 'Did he just call me a miko? Who is he?' "Are you going to speak when I address you?" His voice let the small drops of annoyance and question seep in as the words flowed. "And what should I say?" Kagome fired back, somewhat boredly- but overpowered by an emotionless tone. Sesshomaru took a few steps towards her, stopping only about a foot away as Kagome continued to stare into him- almost through him, never letting her body flinch as he guided his eyes over her.
"You haven't changed- Yet- You are not the same...You do not seem like the same miko whom I fought so many times before...Your eyes-Your countenance...you are altered- is this all attributed to my brother?" Kagome sighed as the gentle afternoon breeze rolled across the clearing, sweeping the small tendrals of her ebony hair around her face as she pushed them back to her ear gently, looking to the side to divert her saddened and lost eyes. She wasn't sure what he was talking about- and at the moment- she couldn't care less. "If we have fought so many times...I don't remember these battles...nor do I even remember your name-though you are familiar...I have no idea who you are..."
Sesshomaru never let his glance alter as he stared at her with an expressionless gaze in his honey embers- wondering if the insane words she was speaking were the truth...though they would make sense since he hadn't seen this human girl wander about the forest in a dress since before Inuyasha died. "You remember nothing of yourself or anyone else?" "I remember only a few names- but never any faces...they are all like the blank pages of a book I don't remember reading..." Her eyes lifted with a soft smile as her words trailed off angelically. "I guess I sound kinda crazy at this point..." She shrugged, laughing it off a little as the demon lord stared her down unflinchingly.
She stared back up into the golden pools before her- certain she had seen the exact look somehwere before. He raised a brow at her smiles- unsure of the miko now. "If you are truly the miko called Kagome...how did this transpire? What caused you to forget yourself?" Kagome's smile softened as a hushed tone befell her eyes. "If I'm truly the miko Kagome- I wouldn't know it if it were not for those who tell me I am so....I haven't asked how I came to be this way...So I know not the cause or how to fix it...And maybe they don't either..." She sighed lightly.
The lord of the western lands thought silently a few moments as Kagome fidgeted boredly with her dress. "I think it best I do not bring Rin to see you until you have regained your full memory...it would upset her to see you like this..." His statement was flat and devoid of emotion, though the words felt as if he cared. "I also suggest you go home...take a look through your things...you might find something very interesting in your current state." Kagome couldn't place exactly what he was talking about- but she watched dully as he turned and began to walk proudly from the clearing without another word. Her hand reached out as she called for him quietly. "Matte...ummm...I don't even know your name...." Sesshomaru paused curiously at her words, finally shrugging it off with an unsatisfying answer. "You need not know it at this point miko...you will remember it in time..."
'And what if I never remember...' Again, Kagome was alone in the clearing- her horse grazed silently in the background by the forest edge as the sun began to set over the horizon, filling the air with a late crisp scent- signalling the end of summer was nearing. Her eyes wandered back to the well where they previously resided, but now she was less interested in the old wooden boards, her mind was drifting over the features of the stranger she so strangely recognized and his unusual words. She brushed the thoughts away as the oncoming breeze combed through the loose tendrals around her braid, sending a slight chill over her body. She walked to the large horse, mounting carefully and starting back toward the village as night began to fall around her.
She sensed the wolves as they left her side, no doubt heading back to Koga's den. She knew they had followed her, but she couldn't really make herself care. She was occupied by so many other thoughts- few things around her were distracting.
Inuyasha watched silently as Kagome rode slowly into the village, stopping the animal before her hut and grabbing her weapons before retiring inside. He looked into the window-trying not to act as curious as he was as to why she was so late coming back. Night had fallen and he was almost ready to go looking for her until he saw her figure break through the trees on the outskirts of the village, giving him a sigh of relief.
Inuyasha could feel himself blushing heatedly as Kagome began to slip from the dress, revealing the deep scars along her back, but he couldn't force himself to look away. His golden eyes traced the long claw marks until he finally broke his trance when she began slipping on a black spaghetti strap top and a large black kimono top over that, putting the blue dress away with her other clothing carefully. He leaned back in the tree, watching as Kagome slipped into her bed dispodently and pulled the covers close. He stared at her form until he was sure she was alseep- he smiled inwardly as he too began to give into to rest, but guilt kept his smile from breaking onto his lips.
'Idiot...how could she just forget us...How could I let her forget us....' He couldn't help but feel almost happy when Kagome was around- she was an angel- his angel- whether she remembered it or not. But it weighed heavily on his thoughts-the guilt and uncertainty of the situation. 'What will become of us now...I never got the chance to tell her...how I really felt- and even if I had- she wouldn't remember it now...we are forced to start over until she regains her memory....' Inuyasha drifted tiredly into sleep, disturbing thoughts pulling his mind into exhaustion.
Kagome could feel the eyes of the hanyou on her from outside her window- but she wasn't going to object, it felt too natural to have him so close. She wasn't sure why, but everytime Inuyasha was near her- she felt safe, as though everything was as it should be. She found herself wishing he was near- or th sudden urge to argue with him over nothing at all, but most of all- she felt the pull of gravity between them- the need for him to hold her close, for her to feel his strong arms wrapped around her body. Such thoughts made her blush uncontrollably and she had no idea where this was coming from. 'Was I....in love with him? Am I still in love with him?'
Kagome could now hear the husky breathes of the inu-hanyou above her, almost like a soothing and content purr. She smiled slighty as it began to lull her to sleep, finally pulling the darkness over her head.
Hours later, in the pitch-black silence, her body shot forward into a sitting position with a slightly hushed gasp that had almost turned to a scream before she caught herself. Kagome's form was covered in glistening beads of a cold sweat, her hair pressed against her face in hot ribbons until she brushed them aside- her breathes almost as loud as her racing heart.
It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness- then she blinked a few times and pulled off the hot and damp black kimono top. The small spaghetti-strap top underneath made her shiver slightly, though it felt good to her heated body. She looked down to see her white bandages across her stomache were now beginning ti tint crimson form her blood soaking through- she had obviously overexherted herself today and she cursed herself for being so headstrong and stubborn.
She could remember every second of the nightmare as it flashed through her mind- and she wasn't sure if it was just an imaginative horror- or an old memory trying to ressurect itself. 'No...thats impossible...it was my imagination- those things would have never happened...' Her breathe caught in her throat as her fingers worked their way over her bandages on her shoulder to touch the roughly deep scars that slid down her back diagonally. 'no...whats going on...' She shook her head in silence until she was suddenly startled by the hushed voice above her.
"Everything alright Kagome?" One of Inuyasha's ember honey eyes parted half-way, looking into the window at the frightened Kagome as his voice felt annoyed, yet concerned. She regained her breath, immediately turning over and laying back down under the blanket, half-whispering under her rigid breath. "Fine...I'm fine...it was just a dream..." He watched her curiously for a moment- Kagome wasn't the best liar, not to him anyway- he could smell the fear and cold sweat that seemed to musk her own slightly as she pretended to fall back to sleep.
Kagome wasn't fine- the thoughts ran over her mind a million times...the flashing images that horrified her and tore into her heart like an unforgiving blade. Her head was throbbing to the sound of her heart- the stinging headache had escalated to the point where she couldn't see straight- but she couldn't close her eyes- no, everytime she did all she saw was the nightmare, but soon her exhaustion took over and she couldn't fight it anymore.
Those same images played over until sleep grasped her tightly : Inuyasha's limp body laying on the ground a few feet from her, the arrow tearing into a man's body as a woman kissed Inuyasha's cheek. She felt something hit her chest hard, everything was slowing and the painful impact was enough to wake her, but just before she was jolted into reality- time lapsed, freeing itself into a stopped position so Kagome found herself in a room, alone. It was a rather large bedroom with no furniture, as though it had been abandoned for quite sometime- the walls were pale, but the writing on them was a bright crimson and very large words were printed everywhere- though she couldn't read them, her vision seemed to blur the letters.
She walked to them, wanting to touch them, to read them- but as soon as she reached for the dripping red messages, time shot her back to the horrible field where overwhelming pain filled her chest and mind, waking her violently from the dream world. All that flashed in her head now was Inuyasha's lifeless form- blood covering his body and kimono, but sleep was overpowering fear now- and she only prayed the nightmare wouldn't repeat itself as she once again drifted into darkness.
The next morning Kagome woke up early to a dim room- the dawn had yet to break but Kagome could no longer force herself to stay hidden in the blankets with her terrible nightmares. Of course they followed her out of bed, but now she could busy herself with other things- runaway from them as fast as her legs would carry her if so needed. But at the current moment she simply sifted through the small trunk containing some of her clothes. She pulled out a few new bandages and cleansed the wound across her stomache which she had apparenty reopened that night and bled through, soaking her clean bandages with red. She rewrapped the cloth carefully, noting that she would have to be more careful if she hoped to heal soon and not cause any dangerous damage.
She finally put on a lavender and indigo kimono that hugged the curves of her body comfortably- the long sleeves fell loosely almost all the way to her figertips as the bottom fell down to around her ankles with a long slit up the side. She went to put away her clothes, but a small slip of paper caught her eye from the corner of the packed trunk.
She pulled it out curiously- it seemed to be a folded letter with her name across the front, addressing it to her. She was about to open it, when her mind screamed for her to stop. 'What if this is something you don't want to read- what if you can't handle your past...it's all so uncertain- wouldn't you rather stay blissfullly ignorant to those crimson letters on the wall?' She sighed- indecision plaguing her again until she finally put the letter away inside her kimono for later.
She brushed out her hair a bit, making it look acceptable and then leaving the hut, her thoughts dragging behind her. She could still smell it stiffling in the air- the humid wet taste of blood, sweat, and tears as the struggle played over in her mind. 'It was so real...but...it's impossible- I've seen it myself...Inuyasha is alive...and this battle-it's just my imagination...it has to be...' Yet, not matter how many times Kagome shook them away- the questions came back to upset her.
Kagome looked up at the small speckles of sky through the trees in the forest as she continued to walk wherever her feet would carry her. The morning sun was giving off pale light, though it hadn't peeked over the horizon yet- the stars were fading and the dark blue sky was giving way to brighter autumn colors already. She could feel it, smell it- the crisp chill in the air and the deep earthy smells that autumn always brought with it. Everything around her was changing- but she was forced to stay the same...she couldn't help it, she was stuck at a stand still until she regained her memories- as though everyone was leaving her behind because she couldn't remember what it was she should be doing.
She had climbed a small hill and walked dispondently until she lifted her eyes and noticed the large shrine before her. She looked back and saw the small village below, then turned to face the shrine again. A grave was erected to the side- small trinkets lay scattered about it along with the children's tiny ringlets of flowers they often made. She smiled softly, though she didn't know who's grave it was. She walked slowly in her barefeet to the temple doors, pushing them aside to enter the small shrine. Her eyes adjusted slowly to the darkness within- small candles and burning insense made a small hazy fog inside as she entered- sniffing the sweet herbs that burned.
Kagome sat on her knees in the middle of the room for several moments, paying her respects in meditation- finding that this place somehow gave her a small escape from the unrelenting thoughts. Finally, she pushed herself to her barefeet again, shuffling them across the cold wooden boards to the back of the room where a pedestal of some sort stood- divoid of any idol or item that it might once have held. She stared at it curiously, as though something important was now missing.
Inuyasha's eyes fluttered open as the dawn peeked over the treetops, casting its bright gaze over the entire village. His silver locks glistened brilliantly as he roused, stretching out with a yawn. He gazed his blinking gold hues down into Kagome's window to find the small hut as it usually was- empty. "Now where has she gotten off to..." He huffed- slightly annoyed as he jumped from the limb, landing on the dusty ground with a thud.
He thought it was strange for her to be gone so early- especially with her injuries slowing her down, but it was Kagome- and she usually didn't let anything slow her down. He wasn't so much concerned as he was curious as he followed the unchanging scent of his young miko. He wanted to know exactly what it was she would be doing. He finally came upon her figure as she exited the shrine atop the hill- the very one she had erected long ago in Kikyo's honor. He hid himself in a nearby tree so he could watch carefully without interfering. Kaede told him that Kagome herself had this temple built in remembrance of Kikyo- but he had never once seen her come anywhere near it.
Kagome closed the doors quietly behind her as she squinted her eyes for a moment, letting her brown hues readjust to the brilliant morning sun that now poured down, lighting the ebony strands of her hair like flickering black flames in the wind. She could feel the small stinging headache in the back of her mind edging its way back in as she began to walk into the forest, her hand drifted over her deepest wounds in her stomache and shoulder, then lay limply back at her side as she continued to walk to well. She walked for what seemed like an eternity before reaching the clearing where the mysterious well sat in the middle. She smiled softly as she approached it, sitting down on the edge and rubbing her fingers over the rough surface, feeling the aged and weathered seals that stuck to the grain of the boards. She felt relieved to rest her aching body, she wasn't sure how much further she could go before she began to push her body to its limits. She was over doing herself again- and she decided it was best if she rested here for awhile in the glittering sun and cool breeze before attempting to walk back to the village.
She felt her body soaking up the warmth of the sun, melting away the stinging of her wounds and the relinquishing her annoying headache. She leaned back with a deep breath, remembering the small letter pressed against her chest in her kimono as it began to poke her skin slightly. She pulled the letter out curiously, biting her lower lip in anticipation as she opened the folded paper.
Inuyasha had followed her closely since she left the shrine- her scent filling his nose, but also tickling it with the faint taste of fatigue, which worried him slightly- causing him to stick close incase she collapsed. As soon as she came to the well, his worry turned to simple curiousity as to why she would be here. He watched her sit tiredly on the side of the closed bone eater's well, blushing slightly when he caught himself staring at how beautiful she seemed as the breeze toyed with her long strands of silk black hair and the sun danced on her complection and lavender dress.
Inuyasha couldn't help but jump to a closer branch as she pulled something from inside her kimono- it seemed to be a letter, but from this distance he couldn't tell what it said or anything of the sort. He sighed, simply lounging back in the tree as his golden embers traced Kagome's peaceful form.
Kagome looked over the note a moment- normal black writing on a normal piece of paper- though it seemed to be written several months or even years earlier. She then began to read it from the top- shocked by what she was reading.
iDear Kagome,
Hello me...hai- this is a letter I wrote to myself, and if you don't remember writing it- then the inebidible must have already occured. Don't be afraid, we've survived much worse than this...ever since the event happened- everthing has been changed and all I've done is survive. I cannot tell you much in this one letter- there is too much to tell and things I don't want to mention...but you have most likely lost your memory due to having your soul stolen AGAIN. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't- somethings can't be helped, so all you need to worry about now is getting those memories returned to you, however, you should also enjoy the blissful ignorance while you can- because your past isn't all good, but its worth remembering. How will you ever remember those who aren't with you now if you don't look for your memories?
I'm uncertain as to what it will be like- being without all my memories...I'm not sure if I would like not being reminded daily of the betrayals and losses I have suffered, or if I would simply feel emptier than I do now. To tell you something about yourself- the well IS closed for a reason, that large stone by the old tree IS a grave (one you should never go to), you ALWAYS protect the Shikon Jewel, and you DID once love someone...but after the event...as I said before- everything changed. I hope you regain your memories soon, because Sango and Miroku, Kouga and Ayame, Shippo, Kaede, and everyone in your life -even yourself....they are all worth remembering...even if some of those memories are painful.
Love, Kagome Higurashi
p.s. - there is a box stuffed far beneath your futon...it holds alot of precious items from a past I've almost forgotten myself...look those things over...but NEVER reveal the contents to anyone else...its for good reason... /i
Kagome couldn't imagine what this letter was trying to tell her- it was a definate shock and she was ready to immediately go to her room and pull out the box or burst from curiousity, but she restrained herself- deciding she would go back to the village later and look the things over tonight while no one was around.
»--------------------------«
Well, that was a long chappy wasn't it? Wonder what's in that box of Kagome's....hhhmmmm- onsidering I'm the author...I don't have to wonder- I know...so stay tuned for the next chappy...And I hope you caught all the little details in this chappy- like the hints of bitterness Kagome dropped in the letter towards Inuyasha (she wrote the letter months earlier- WAY before Inuyasha's return, so she had no idea he would be back when she was reading this) and obviously Sesshy knows something- I mean- HE KNEW ABOUT THE LETTER! More on that later- and the writing on the wall....yes this will ALL come together for one big thing in the end-so her dreams are usually significant- then we will get on with the rest of their lives. -lol- ::hints:: And tell me what you think of Kagome's dress...I'm trying to give her different things to wear...anything particular you want to see her wear? (email it to me so we don't muck up review space) R&R!
ano- er, ummm
Yamauba- mountain witch
Ageku- Finally
Kogatana- small knife(in this case it was a small knife Kagome kept secretly strapped to her ankle for easy access- kinda like Sango's many concealed weapons in her uniform)
Haimu- home
shiisu- sword sheath
Matte- wait
Gomen nasai- I'm sorry; my apologies
Kijo- demoness; she-devil; witch
Un- Yeah