Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men or the other cast of X-Men Evolution. I do not own Snow White either. I've heard rumors about Marvel and Disney. . . I do own Raven and Lightning.
Reviews:
To sheisbeautiful-sheisnotme: Thank you very much. I completely understand. I have to watch it! Ugh.
To heartsyhawk: Thank you. I know exactly what you mean. This movie is killing me slowly. Though, I'm glad it helps to hear Rogue's voice. I haven't found it in the rules. We're playing it safe with The Rogue Bride, but with this one, oh well. I save everything anyway. Lol.
To Kamikaze Fairy: Thank you very much. Glad you are enjoying this story. There are two reasons why I won't do a Romy Cinderella. Reason number one is that I don't own the movie. Reason number two is that I hate that one almost as much as this one. The closest I'll ever get to a Romy Cinderella is Ever After, which I do own and happens to be the only movie version of Cinderella that I can stand. Lol. And hey, go ahead and do it yourself. I don't have the monopoly on Romy parodies around here. I stole the idea from Cat2Fat900, anyway. She's writing "Beauty and the Demon" which I love. DCDDFD and EE Skysong are writing "The Cajun King." And a couple people have done Jott versions of the Little Mermaid and Aladdin. Lol.
To Shira's Song: Thank you kindly. :) Rogue's Rhyming Rampage nearly killed me. Lol. Glad you like the IAR's. I just can't type out Incredible Anamatronic Robots twenty million times per chapter. Lol. Remy punching Pietro was inevitable. And the only reason no one helped him is they all wanted to do it themselves. Lol. Yeah, Scott does go crazy when that happens. Lucky, in this chapter, the dwarfs all speak in unison, over and over and over. . . One good part of this movie. Maybe the only good part of this movie. Can't wait for the next update of your Comedy of Letters. :)
To YinYangPisces: Thank you. Glad you're enjoying this. I hope it's not too disgusting, after all, Rogue isn't doing Snow White's voice. However, her dialog is enough to make ME sick. Lol. We love Jean and Scott bashing. :D
To Dragonic Soul: Thank you. Should I be hiding from your dentist?
To Cat2Fat900: Yea! You're back! Glad you liked the last chapter. :) After this one, Thumbelina, and then Labyrinth, I'll be writing a parody of PoC. Psst. . . Pyro is getting my favorite part in the film. Guess, who? Lol. Who is everyone's favorite character? Cool, new squirrels! Build that army! Lol. I thought you'd get a kick out of Pyro smuggling Ralph on the set. Hey, I didn't write the script! Blame Disney! SFWD to you too! Lol. Have you read ASIR lately? You'll get behind. Lol.
A/N: This is going to be a loooong chapter. . . lol. Hope you don't mind. Sorry this update took so long, but after the last chapter, I couldn't make myself watch the movie for ever so long. . .
This story is dedicated to Kyo-Kitty, for inspiring it. Thank you. . .
And now, Raven and Lightning present . . .
Rogue White and the Seven Mutants.
Scene 4: Hi Ho, Hi Ho
"All right, I need Jean, Kitty, Kurt, Evan, Toad, Beast, and Tabby to all line up on the duct tape!" Raven calls.
"Do we have to?" Evan pleads.
"Yes! Now do it!" She says, using her telekinesis to shove him onto the duct tape line.
The others line up slowly. "Are you sure this will even work?" Jean asks wearily.
"Well, of course it will." Forge replies, smiling. "It worked ninety percent of the time when I experimented with it at home."
"It's the other ten percent we are worried about," Hank says.
"That's enough!" Raven growls.
"Just do it!" Lightning orders.
Forge sets the machine to two feet tall. He presses the button and a green light goes out to hit the seven mutants standing on the duct tape. They all start to shrink to two feet tall. Only Evan, for some odd reason, shrinks a couple of inches shorter than the rest.
"Hey, what's up with that, man!" Evan shouts in a voice that is slightly higher pitched than normal.
"Sorry," Forge says, "guess my machine just doesn't like you."
"Stupid electronics! I could be skating right now!" Evan shouts.
"Where? The sewer?" Raven asks sweetly. This comment shuts him up. "Okay, now that you are all shrunk. . ."
"We have some news for you." Lightning adds.
"We aren't unshrinking you until the end of the play," Raven says smiling.
"What?" Two-foot-tall Jean Grey says. "You expect me to go around like this until the end of the play!"
"Yup." Lightning says, "Now, lets get on with it!"
"Places everyone!" Raven shouts. "This'll be a long day! Lights! Camera! Action!"
Jean has an incredibly bored and stuck-up look on her face as she drives a wagon, lead by an IAR buck deer, through a diamond mine. Kitty, Tabby, Kurt, and Toad are using pickaxes to pound away on the rock. They start singing about digging in a mine the whole day through. Jean starts to sing along and everyone cringes. She drives out of the mine, much to the relief of the four shrunken mutants within. An IAR fly starts buzzing around her head. It greatly annoys the redhead, so she swats at it with a stick. She misses the IAR fly and instead hits the IAR buck, which in turn starts pounding the wagon with it's back hooves. Jean is jostled around rather severely.
"That'll teach her to be nice to my robots!" Forge says, playing with the remote.
"It was in the script!" Jean calls, trying to make him stop.
"Forge, that's enough. . . It's a long scene today," Lightning says.
"Oh, fine. . ." Forge mutters.
The camera zooms in on Beast, who is at a table. He picks up a diamond from a box and taps it with an extremely small rock hammer. It makes a ringing noise which makes Beast smile. He puts it into a bag and pick up a red gem. He taps the red gem with the same hammer and it makes a dull noise that cause Beast to cringe. He throws it on the ground.
The red gem isn't the only one on the ground. Evan has a small broom and dustpan. He sweeps them up and throws them of the edge of a cliff. Then he returns to the table. While Beast is examining a diamond rather closely, Evan spies two diamonds laying on the table. He picks them up a grins. He pulls on Beast's sleeve.
Beast looks at Evan, who has put the diamonds in his eyes. Evan grins an wiggles his ears. Frowning, Beast knocks Evan on the head and the diamonds fall onto the table.
A coo coo clock chimes and Beast and Evan smile. Beast calls out, "Hi ho!"
The five shrunken mutants inside the mine (because at some point Jean had returned) answer back, "Hi ho!" They pick up their axes and leave the mine singing about going home. Toad leads Kitty, Jean, Kurt and Tabby out of the mine.
Beast and Evan are standing at the vault holding bags of diamonds. Beast tosses his in easily and walks away to get his lantern. Evan throws in his bag and he goes with it, thanks to Raven's telekinesis. He runs out and shuts the vault door. Then, he locks it and starts off to get his lantern. He stops. He turns around and hangs the key on a peg next to the vault. "That is so stupid! What's the point of locking the stupid door if you put the key next to it!" his high pitched voice squeaks.
Raven's eyes glow with anger. "Evan, have you read the script?"
"Well, duh!"
"Your part is a nonspeaking part!" she says.
"In other words. . ." Lightning says.
"Shut up!" they both say so loud that he falls over. Scott screams and hides behind Professor Xavier.
Evan decides to stick to the script and go chasing after the other shrunken, singing mutants and his lantern. Shadows appear on a canyon wall as the mutants come around a corner still singing "Hi ho, hi ho, it's home from work we go. . ." Beast is in the lead and Evan is bringing up the rear. They walk over a log and past a waterfall. The song fades.
The scene changes to the cottage where Rogue is holding a candle and looking up the staircase. "Let's see what's upstairs," she tells the IARs and Rahne. She slowly ascends the stairs with the IARs close behind. The IAR turtle is last. It falls on the first step and has to try again. This time, it clamps it's beak into the stair and pulls itself up.
Rogue reaches the top and opens the door. "Oh what adorable little beds!" She says as she walk into the room. "And look they have their names carved on 'em. Doc, Kitty, Boomy, Porky. . ." She laughs, "What funny names fer children! Toady, Fuzzy, and Snobby." Rogue yawns. "Ah'm awful sleepy." A group of IAR rabbits yawn and Rogue lays out across the beds that read Porky, Boomy, Kitty. An IAR bluebird puts out the candle and soon Rogue, Rahne, and the IARs are sleeping soundly. The IAR turtle is about halfway up the stairs now and making good progress.
That's when the IARs hear the shrunken mutants in the distance, singing, "Hi ho!" Scott has been cringing through the whole song and here he cringes again. The IARs run to the window and down the stairs over the IAR turtle, who had just reached the top, and out the doors.
The scene changes back to the seven mutants until Beast stops and shouts "Look!" They all run into each other and fall down, glaring at Beast. "Our house! The lit's light! The lights lit!"
The mutants scamper off to hid behind a tree. Their heads pop up from behind the tree. "Jiminy Cricket!" they say in unison, other than Evan who has a nonspeaking part. Scott cries. "The door's open!" some one cries out. "Chimney's smoking!" another says. "Something's in there!" still another voice cries out.
"Like, maybe a ghost!" says Kitty.
"Or a goblin!" says Tabby.
"A demon!" says Beast, looking at Kurt.
"Or a dragon!" says Jean.
"Mark my words," Toad pipes in, "There's trouble a-brewing, yo." He wags his finger at the other mutants. "Knew it all day. My warts hurt. . . That ain't funny, yo!"
"Gosh!" Kitty exclaims.
"Zat is a bad sign," agrees Kurt.
"What'll we do?" Hank asks.
"Let's like, sneak up on it, or some junk!" Kitty says.
"Yes!" Hanks says with building confidence. "We'll squeak up, ahem, sneak up, er come on hen, uh, men! Follow me!" He motions for them to follow and they sneak up to the cottage on tiptoe. They peer in the window. "Psst." Hank says and opens the door, which squeaks.
They peer in and then, one by one, they all walk in. Each one of them stepping on Evan. Evan gets up, scowling, and slams the door. The mutants scramble around and then they all stick their pickaxes over their head and turn around. There stands Evan. They all go, "Shh!" Scott places his face behind his hands.
Evan turns to the door and tell it to shush.
"Careful men," Beast says. "Search every cook and nanny, hook and granny, crooked fanny. . . Crooked fanny? Er. . . search everywhere." They spread out on tiptoe and the IARs start to peek out and look at them. "Look!" Hank cries, "The floor! It's swept!"
Toad snorts, "Chair's been dusted."
Kitty looks at the window, "Like, our windows been totally washed."
"Gosh," Kurt says, looking up, "Our cobvebs are missing."
"What. . .? What. . .?" Hank says, at a loss for words, "Why the whole place is clean!"
Toad pokes Beast. "There's dirty work a-foot, yo."
Jean and Tabby look into the sink, "Hey," Tabby says angrily, "Someone stole our dishes!"
"They, like, aren't stolen!" Kitty says, "They're, like, hid in the cupboard!"
Kurt reaches in a grabs a cup. He puts his finger in and wipes it, "My cup's been vashed. . ." he says sadly. "Sugar's gone."
"Something's cooking," Kitty says smiling as she and Evan approach a pot, boiling in the fireplace. "Smell's good." She grabs a spoon.
Toad does a flying leap and knocks her down to keep her out of it. Evan is pushed over as well. Everyone cheers. "Don't touch it, you fools. Heh heh, that's something I always wanted to say to you." He laughs. Raven clears her throat and Todd decides it might be best to continue. "Might be poison."
"Get off me!" the pint size Kitty shrieks. "The smell is killing me!"
As Toad stands up, the pot hisses and scares them. "See!" Toad says proudly, pointing at it, "It's witches' brew."
Hanks averts everyone's attention by exclaiming, "Look what's happened to our stable, uh, table!"
Kurt grabs the flowers from the vase, which incidentally are completely different flowers than the ones the IAR birds put in the vase to begin with. (1) "Flowers," he says happily and sniffs them deeply. "Look, goldenrods!" He shoves them into Tabby's face.
"Don't do it!" she warns, backing up. "Take them away! My nose! My hay fever! You know I can't stand it! I can't!" Tabby starts to sneeze. All the mutants rush over to put their fingers under Tabby's nose. "Thanks," she says when they move their fingers. Then, she sneezes anyway, creating a time bomb at the same time that explodes and blows the other mutants across the room. Toad fights against it and manages to hold onto the staircase railing with his tongue. The other five mutants end up in a big pile.
They shush Tabby.
Toad tells her, "You crazy fool! Fine time you pick to sneeze, yo!"
"I couldn't help it!" She says, stomping her foot. "I can't tell when! When you gotta, you gotta! I, I, I gotta! It's coming!"
All the mutants pile on top of her and tie her hat around her nose. "Get her!" One says. "Don't let her!" another cries. "Tie it tight!" a different one says. "That oughta hold her!" another says.
"Thanks guys," Tabby says, louder than she needs to.
"Quiet you fool!" Todd says, "You wanna get us all killed?"
Watching them are the IAR bluebird family. Then look at each other and rap on the rafter. The mutants are shrunken spooked.
"Like, what's that?" Kitty asks.
"That's it. . ." Beast says.
"Sounds close," Kurt says.
"It's in this room right now," Toad says.
They start to look around and the IAR bluebird family squawks loudly. The mutants are frightened and jump for cover. Tabby hides in a pot, Toad in a pile of potatoes, Kurt under the stairs, Jean in a mop bucket, Kitty behind a chair, Porky in a wood pile.
"It's up there," Beast whispers.
"Ja," Kurt says, gulping, "in ze bedroom."
Beast takes command, "One of us will have to go down and chase it up, er, up, down." Everyone looks at Evan. Evan smiles and looks behind him. No one is there. He realizes this and tries to run, but they grab him and Beast tries to hand him a candle with shaking hands. "Here, take it. Don't be nervous." Finally Beast grabs Evan's hand and places the candle in it. They push Evan up the stairs. He pauses and looks down. "Don't be afraid," Beast reassures him. "We're right behind you."
"Yes, right behind you," the other mutants say.
Scott shakes his fist and cries out, "Why? Why must you torture me so?"
Everyone looks at him with raised eyebrows.
Professor Xavier says, "I'm going to set up an appointment for him with my personal psychiatrist."
Everyone nods and the play continues.
Evan nods, gulps, and goes up the stairs and through the door, candle first. He tiptoes and hears Rogue groan. Evan screams a higher pitch scream than ever Pietro can muster, and runs out the door.
The shrunken mutants yell out, "Here it comes!" Scott starts to sob. They all run out and slam the door with Evan locked on the inside. He tries to open the door, while they try to pull it shut. "It's after us!" One of them cries. "Hold it!" Don't let it out!" Still another cries. But the door knob breaks and Evan flies back into the wall and knock out a bunch of pots and pans. The noise is loud enough to wake the dead, but it doesn't wake Rogue. Evan runs out,covered in pots and pans.
All the other mutants hid in a tree. "Here it comes!" one shouts. Another pipes up, "Now's our chance!" "Give it to him," shouts another mutant. "Don't let it get away!" another orders. They begin to beat Evan to a pulp. One of them finally knocks the pot off of his head.
Click! Pietro takes a good photo.
"Hold on there!" Beast cries and points at Evan, "It's only Porky."
"And your point is. . .?" asks Tabby.
"He's on our side, and we shouldn't beat him." Beast answers.
"But he, like, quit and betrayed us!" Kitty says, smiling at Piotr who's laughing off stage.
"Technically he didn't betray us, Kitty," Jean says.
"Oh, just stop because it says so in the script!" Beast howls.
"Okay." they answer, which is followed by a sob from Scott, the fearless leader.
"Did ya see it?" asks Tabby. Evan nods.
"Like, how big is it?" Kitty asks. Evan spreads his arms wide.
"Has it got horns?" Kurt asks. Evan makes his fingers into little horns.
"Was it breathing fire?" Beast asks. Evan stick out his tongue and spits.
"Was it drooling?" Tabby asks. Evan drools.
Click. Pietro takes another nice photo.
"Vhat vas it doing?" Kurt asks. Evan makes a snoring sound and pretends to sleep.
"He says it's a, a monster asleep in our beds," Beast says.
Toad, then, speaks up, "Let's grab it while it's sleeping, yo!"
"Yeah, while it's sleeping!" they all agree. Scott starts sucking his thumb and holding his ear, much like Pyro did in Remy Hood. (2)
Beast says, "Hurry men. It's now or never."
They go towards the house crying, "Cut off it's head! Break it to pieces! Chop it to pieces! Don't stop until it's dead!" Evan is last to go into the cottage, his foot still caught in a pot.
They enter the bedroom cautiously.
Rogue groans and stretches under the covers.
"Jiminy Cricket!" Tabby says.
"Gosh!" Kurt says.
"Gee!" Kitty cries.
"What a monster!" Tabby says.
"Covers zree beds!" Kurt says.
"Let's kill it before it wakes up," Beast says.
"Like, which end do we, like, kill?"
They shush Kitty and head over to the beds. They raise their pickaxes. Beast pulls back the covers and they all stop as they see Rogue laying there asleep. "Well," says Beast pointing.
"What is it?" Kitty says.
"Why it, it, it's a g, girl! A b, big one!" Beast says, stuttering.
"She's mighty pretty." Tabby says.
"She's beautiful," Kurt says, looking at his sister lovingly. "Just like an angel."
"Angel? Ha!" Toad says, remembering Rogues temper. "She's a female and all females are poison!" Then he quickly adds to squelch the evil glares from the other shrunken mutants, "except you Tabby and Kitty. . ."
"What about me?" Jean cries.
Toad just shrugs. "They're full of wicked wiles!"
"Vhat are vicked viles?" Kurt asks.
"I don't know, but I'm against 'em, yo!" Toad says.
Beast shushes Toad, "Not so loud! You'll wake her up!"
"Oh, let her wake up! She don't belong here no how!" Toad says extremely loudly.
The mutants shush him again. "Look out!" someone cries. "She's moving!" another cries.
"She's, like, totally waking up!" Kitty cries out as Rogue stirs.
"Hide!" Beast cries. They all scramble around and eventually all hid at the foot of the beds.
Rogue wakes up and yawns. "Oh, dear. Ah wondeh if the children are. . . oh!" She gasps as she notices the heads of the little mutants and grabs the covers to cover up needlessly, since she was still wearing her dress from earlier. Of course Rogue really just wanted to cover up the much hated dress. Remy laughs off stage and earns a glare from his beloved. "Why! You're little mutants! How do ya do?"
The shrunken mutants stand and look at each other sceptically.
"Ah said, how do ya do?" Rogue insists.
"How do ya do what?" Toad asks gruffly.
"Oh, ya can talk! Ah'm so glad." Rogue says, "Not really, but fer the play. . . Now don't tell me who ya are. Let me guess." She looks around and says, "Ah know, you're Doc." She says to Beast.
"Why, why, yes. Yes. That's true." Beast says.
"And you," she says to Kurt. "You're fuzzy."
"Gosh," Kurt says, playing with his tail.
"And you, you're Snobby." Rogue says to Jean.
Jean yawns from boredom and anger towards Todd. "How'd you guess?" she says rudely.
"And you, you're Boomy." Rogue tells Tabby.
Tabby sneezes and blows up a pillow.
"And you must be. . ." Rogue gets cut off.
"Kitty, Mame, and this here's, like, Porky. He so doesn't talk none." Kitty says, pointing to Evan.
"Ya mean he can't talk?" Rogue asks hopefully.
""Don't know," Kitty shrugs, "He, like, never tried." Everyone laughs.
"That's great! Ah mean, too bad," Rogue says. "Ooh, ya must be Toady," She says to Toad.
Toad crosses his arms. Beast pokes him and says, "Yes, yes."
"We know who we are, yo!" Toad exclaims. "Ask her who she is and what she's doing here."
"Yes," Beast says, "What are you and who are you doing here?"
"T'at would be me," Gambit says off stage.
"In youh dreams, Swamp Rat!" Rogue growls.
"Every night," Remy agrees.
Rogue smiles at Raven and Lightning, climbs off the little beds, walks up to Gambit, still smiling, and slaps him hard across the face. She then goes back to the beds and covers up again. Raven almost laughs, but not quite. Everyone else does, except for Rogue who is still very angry and Gambit who is still very sore.
Beast gains his composure and asks, "Who are you, my dear?"
"Oh, how silly av me! Ah'm Rogue White."
"The Princess?" the shrunken mutants ask. Scott goes to his dressing room and comes out holding a blankie tightly, still sucking his thumb.
"Yes!"
"Well," Beast says, "My dear Quincess, Princess, we're honored."
"No we're not! We're mad as hornets!" Todd says.
"Yes, we're mad as hornets!" Beast says, "No, we're not! We're bad as cornets, no, as bad as. . . What was I saying?"
"Nothing!" Toad growls, "Just standing there sputtering like a doodoo bottom!"
"Who's buttering like a spoder dove? Who's rud, gut?" Beast tries.
"Ah, shut up and tell her to get out!" Toad yells.
"Please don't send me away!" Rogue pleads with clasped hands. "If ya do, she'll kill me!"
"Kill you!" A mutant cries. "Who will?" another asks. "Yes, who?" another one asks.
"My stepmotheh, the Queen." Rogue states.
"The Queen!" they all cry out.
"I can't take it any more!" Scott yells and runs out of the studio and straight into a car. Fortunately, the car wasn't moving. . . or is that unfortunately. . .
"She's vicked!" Kurt cries out, ignoring Scott's little scene.
"She's bad!" Kitty says.
"She's mighty mean," Tabby says.
"She's an old witch, yo!" Toad say, "I'm warning you, If the Queen finds her here, she'll swoop down and reek her vengeance on us!"
"But she doesn't know where Ah am," Rogue says cheerfully. Truly wishing Mystique didn't know where she was.
"She don't, eh?" Toad asks, "She knows everything! She's full of black magic. She can even make herself invisible! Might be in this room, right now!"
The shrunken mutants look around anxiously. Evan looks up Kitty skirt. Kitty pounds him with her fist. He turns around to see Piotr, who has come on the stage just to punch him again. Piotr then leaves the stage and the play progresses.
"Oh, she'll neveh find me here. And if y'all let me stay, Ah'll keep house fer ya. Ah'll wash and sew and sweep, and cook. . ." Rogue pleads.
"Cook!" The mutants exclaim. Scott, who has returned to the studio after running into the car, faints.
"Can ya make dapple lumplings, lupple damplings?" Beast asks.
"Apple dumplings!" Toad and Kurt yell at him. Scott twitches, even in his unconscious state.
"Yes, Crapple Dumpkings?" Beast asks.
"Uh huh, and plum puddin' and gooseberry pie." Rogue says.
"Gooseberry pie!" Everyone but Toad and Evan shout, "Hurray, she stays!" Scott, who was waking up, faints again.
"And cut!" Raven calls. She buries her face in her hands from frustration.
"I can't believe I, like, have to, like, totally stay like this. . ." Kitty sighs sadly.
"Oh, but you look so cute, Katya." Piotr says.
"You really think so?"
"Of course I do," he picks up the mini mutant and carries her out.
Gambit starts to say something to Rogue, but she stops him with a glare. "Don't even start, Swamp Rat! Ah'm not speaking ta ya!"
"Remy t'inks you're speaking to him right now."
"Well, Remy is wrong!" Rogue howls.
Remy laughs. "Remy's never wrong, chere."
"What about joining Magneto, huh?" Rogue counters.
"Well. . . okay, Remy is almost neveh wrong," he says.
"Well, this is one of those few times where Remy is wrong!" She slams her dressing room door in his face.
"That was harsh," Lightning says.
Everyone looks at him.
"Your girlfriend's done a lot worse to you. . ." Evan says in his high pitched voice.
Raven simply uses her telekinesis to knock Evan into the brick wall. He passes out. Raven smiles as everyone cheers. And this is a good place to leave them. . .
A/N: (1) Yup, they really screwed that up in the original.
(2)In case you haven't read that one, Pyro played the part of Prince John in the Disney version.
Okay, well that one tried to kill me, but I made it. :) I'll try to watch the movie again soon, but not today. . .
Next up. . . Toad gets a bath! (which is the whole reason he's Grumpy) :)
Please review. . .