For the second time in two days, Eric felt guilty. But this time, he was angry too. More angry than guilty, actually. And very upset. Jack had insulted him – maybe without true intent, but still. Eric did had some girlfriends in the past, and he did know what a break-up was.

Although he knew he seemed like a spontaneous, open guy to his friends, he didn't always tell all of his secrets to them. Not to his brother, not even to Jack.

There had been a few girls. And some of them had broken his heart too, but no one knew about that. He had always carefully avoided contact between his girlfriends and his best friends, because he was afraid they'd disapprove. He knew how unsympathetic they could be against strangers potentially entering their close group, and on top of that, Eric also knew they would never take any of his relationships with girls seriously. So he just didn't tell them and smiled his way through the painful heartaches.

So Jack's remarks had been misplaced, although he didn't know it. And even though Eric realized Jack couldn't possibly know how wrong he was saying what he did, he still felt angry and misunderstood.

But one of the things that made Eric Matthews so easy to live with, was his ability to imagine how others felt. Plus, he could seldom stay angry for a long period of time. Forgiveness was a keyword in his life. Especially when he was mad at Jack. He just had that thing over him, that made him so… so easy to make up with.

Maybe- maybe he should just show Jack that he was wrong, and help him get through this. Eric knew how hard it was. He clearly saw how Jack was very upset and hurt. And after all, they were best buds. They should help each other. Always. They had a pact, and he was certainly not going to be the one to break it.

Eventually, understanding and guilt drove him off the couch too, and he quietly walked to the closed bedroom door. He heard Jack sobbing softly, and it broke his heart. Why was he being such a jerk these last few days? Jack was right. He was a useless friend. He should have told him a long time ago about his true life. That way, he could have been there for him now. It didn't have to be this complicated…

Eric knocked three times, then gently opened the door, as not to alarm Jack. He quietly walked over to his bed and sat down at the foot end. Jack, all curled up, his back to Eric, didn't react to the shift of weight on the bed.

Eric coughed and mumbled. "Jack."

No response, no movement. Only a few soft sobs into the pillow.

Eric raised his voice a little. "Jack, I- I'm sorry, bud. Again. I don't know why I'm such an asshole these last few days. I understand you're mad at me right now, but could you please listen?"

Eric could see that Jack's head turned slightly, but he still wasn't facing him.

"Look, I know this doesn't make you feel better, but you're not the only one who has gone through this."

Eric hesitantly reached out an insecure hand to touch Jack's back. His friend grunted. Eric could see his hands grasping the pillow tighter and his back tensing up. He pulled back his hand fast and hurried to continue.

"You see… First you gotta know - it's not that I don't trust you guys. But there are just some things I haven't told you. Yet." This wasn't going too bad. If only he could keep his voice steady enough.

Now Jack did turn around on the bed. He looked terrible. His eyes were all swollen up, red and bewildered. His hear was a complete mess and his face was wet with tears.

"What d'you mean? What are you keeping from me this time?"

His voice still sounded irritated, but the anger Eric had feared to hear had disappeared from it. Eric moved a bit closer to Jack, implying that this was serious talk. He didn't dare to look him in the eye. He knew keeping this from his friends for so long had been wrong, but he was just so afraid of their disapproval.

"Well…"

"Well?" Jack slowly sat up and studied Eric's face. He could see the man was struggling with what he was about to tell him, and he got a little… curious.

"I've had a girlfriend. Several, actually. Serious girlfriends. The past year."

Wow. That was not what Jack had expected.

Jack just gaped at Eric, not knowing what to say. Thoughts were grinding through his head. Was he supposed to be mad at him, for not sharing this? What was he afraid of? Because that was clearly his main feeling at the moment. He had never seen Eric this down, and this terrified. Why was he ashamed of dating some girls? Why hadn't he told them?

"Whu-what? Why didn't you tell me? Were they… were they strange or something? Do you have some kind of fetish I don't know about?" Jack stuttered, poking Eric halfheartedly, trying to be light about with a casual joke.

"No, no, it's not that - it's not… I'm not… I'm afraid you-"

Jack saw his friend choked as tears started to well up in his eyes. Shit. This sure was deep stuff. He shoved up a bit, and lay his hand on Eric's arm. His anger and frustration had completely vanished by now. He wanted to make up, to make things right again between them. This felt so… wrong.

"C'mon man, forget about our fight. We're best buddies, remember? I was angry, you were acting a bit sheepishly. No big deal. It's over with. Now, please tell me what you're afraid of. I can see this is going deep… Why should some girls bother you?"

Eric drew a deep breath, and looked Jack in the eye for the first time since he had entered the room. The emotions in them startled Jack.

"I was afraid you would all disapprove… That you wouldn't take me seriously, because – well, because I'm always playing the fool. Eric Matthews and girls, a complete disaster. Guaranteed fun. The guy who is always making everything look like a joke. The dumbass."

Jack started to shook his head in denial, although he knew how right Eric was. He wanted to stop him from talking, because he knew what was coming now – but he couldn't. The hurt in Eric's eyes, his need to let it all out, held him back.

"Oh yes," Eric continued, a bitter tone starting to creep into his voice. "I know how you all see me. I know that it's maybe partly also my own fault, that I kinda let myself get pushed into that role, but I am not-" He paused, and took another deep breath. The harsh tone died away as he talked on.

"Look. I know I may not always seem very bright, and I certainly don't even imagine that I am - but I'm also just a man, like everybody else. I need to love… be loved, too, you know. And I didn't want to think of what would happen when I came to you guys and introduced Kim, or Samantha, or Alicia… I'm sure you would have laughed at me and told me to get real-"

Eric faltered. After a moment, he got himself together and continued. The sentences became shorter and he sounded wrecked. Eric's eyes let go of Jack's and lowered to the ground, unwilling to show the film of tears appearing over them.

"It was pretty intense. The break-ups were pretty hard on me. I- I had no one to share it with. The pain… I know it hurts, you know. I know all - about it." He finally broke down, crying silently. Jack's hand still rested on Eric's arm, but he felt uncomfortable in that position. He didn't deserve to be here.

Feelings of guilt overwhelmed him. Now he knew why the man had changed moods so swiftly over the past year. Weeks of delight were being followed by weeks of depression, when Eric obviously was feeling very down and upset. Jack knew Eric thought he hadn't noticed it, but he had seen how his friend had sometimes desperately clutched his pillow at night, mumbling names; walking around like a zombie during the daytime, trying to cheer everyone up but himself. He had never asked what it was all about, and to be honest, most of the time it had already slipped his mind before he could give it much more thought. He had never really thought of a reason. He never even thought of 'depression' and 'Eric' in the same sentence.

Now he knew. This was why.

And worst of all - it was all their own fault. Unconsciously, they had always given Eric the false impression that he was stupid, someone to laugh over, assuming that he didn't mind. They rarely had given him compliments on something he had succeeded in. Actually, they hadn't paid much attention to his accomplishments at all. And in the mean time, his self-esteem had gone down like a falling rock, starting to distrust all of his friends, feeling abandoned and alone.

Jack felt like especially he had failed Eric the most; he was supposed to be his best friend, supporting him, knowing him through and through. He had thought he did. He had failed.

Eric had suffered all this time, all alone, while Jack was being an tactless asshole, whining over his one – and only – real break-up. How pathetic. How utterly sad. His heart bled for Eric.

"I am so, so sorry, Eric," Jack whispered. "I don't know how we can ever make it up to you. We- I never meant to make you feel like this – you must have gone through hell-" He started to withdraw his hand from Eric's arm, because he felt he no longer had the right to even touch his friend after what he had put him through.

But this time it was Eric who surprised Jack by suddenly throwing his arms around him and holding onto him for dear life. He sobbed into his sweater, like Jack had done the night before. The only thing Jack could think of was wrapping his arms around Eric and holding him in the tightest embrace ever. He slowly rubbed his friend's back and whispered 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry', over and over again, his lips nearly touching Eric's ear. Finally, after what seemed like a moment and centuries at the same time, he felt the tension in both their bodies subside and heard how Eric slowly stopped crying.

Eric didn't let go, and neither did Jack. Their bodies created a warm blanket around them, which felt very secure. They both needed this; the comfort and safety of friendship. Their mutual breathing rhythm calmed them down. It felt right.

They still sat there like that, when suddenly the doorbell rang.

Eric abruptly let go of Jack. He just sat there on the bed for a short moment, looking into his eyes, smiling a brilliant Eric-smile. There was just a hint of the previous pain left in his eyes, and that relieved Jack more than words could have ever done.

Then Eric turned around and called 'Pizza! Coming!' into the air. He quickly wiped his eyes, jumped off the bed, then leaping to the bedroom door, leaving Jack in amazement.

Jack, on his turn, couldn't help but grin. He slowly rose from the bed too, calmly straightening the sheets and his clothes. He saw how Eric took the pizza's from the delivery girl and fumbled with the money while heading towards the bathroom to refresh himself. The smell of food made his stomach grumble, but he took the time to re-do his hair and wash his face. He felt better.