Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men or the other cast of X-Men Evolution. I do not own Snow White either. I've heard rumors about Marvel and Disney. . . I do own Raven and Lightning.
Reviews:
To sheisbeautiful-sheisnotme: Thank you very much. You're very welcome. :) Sorry, but I can't write down the entire song because it's against the rules. Thanks again!
To heartsyhawk: Thank you so much for the review, the squirrels will forgive you. Lol. Glad you are enjoying it. Yes, poor, poor, Tabby. . .
To Cat2Fat900: Too Lazy to login? Lol. Thanks for reminding me. Lol. (points and laughs at Jean) It's just so much fun. Lol. Poor little Tabby, but it called for it in the movie. Poor, poor, Tabby. . . (Thanks for letting me borrow the squirrels)
To Romy13: Thank you very much
A/N: (Four is so much better than two. :) Up to 40 reviews now. Yea! Not bad for a story that's a parody of a movie that I don't even like. I'm sorry it took so long, but October's been a hard month and November's not looking much better. . . Please review cause it cheers me up.
This story is dedicated to Kyo-Kitty, for inspiring it. Thank you. . .
And now, Raven and Lightning present . . .
Rogue White and the Seven Mutants.
Scene 8: The Apple.
Scott's voice has once again returned to normal. Mini Jean is holding his hand tightly and trying to convince him to stop sucking his thumb. "No! I won't! They'll just do it again!"
"Do what again?" Raven and Lightning ask as they walk out of the shadows.
"That! That! Anything but that!" he screams and starts sucking harder, while Lightning laughs.
"We are so cruel, aren't we?" Lightning grins at his love.
"Oh, but it's so much fun," she answers grinning just as evilly.
About that time, Mini Tabby wanders in having completely forgotten the incident from the day before.
"Ah see you're feeling betteh" Rogue says. She and Gambit have just wandered in after having had coffee together at Rogue's favorite coffee hut. Gambit payed, but according to Rogue, it was not a date.
"Huh?" Mini Tabby asks. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Rogue!" Raven calls, smiling. "I have something for you."
"What?" she says, taking a brown sack out of Raven's hand. She opens it and looks inside, somewhat scared. "Wax lips?" she asks, "What in the world, do I need wax lips for?"
"Well," Raven says. "You don't really want to kiss Evan and Toad's head, do you?"
"No. . ."
"Fine then, use the wax lips." Lightning grins at her.
"Ugh," Rogue groans.
"Okay, let's get started!" Lightning shouts.
"Lights! Camera! Action!" Raven calls.
The scene opens to find Mystique, as the hag, dipping a yellow and orange apple into a big simmering pot. "Dip the apple in the brew," she says. "Let the Sleeping Death seep through." She pulls the apple out of the pot and the poison covers it in a thick green slime that strangely resembles Toad's slime. Then, thanks to the magic of Pietro, the apple suddenly looks like a strange jock-o-lantern with a black apple and a green slime skull covering. "Look!" Mystique tells the IAR raven. "On the skin, the symbol of what lies within. Now, turn red to tempt Rogue White," and Pietro switches the apple with a red one, "to make her hunger for a bite."
She begins to laugh evilly, and turns to the IAR raven, pushing the apple towards it, "Have a bite?"
The IAR raven begins to get scared and tries to escape.
"It's not for you," she says almost sweetly. "It's for Rogue White. When she breaks the tender peel, to taste the apple in my hand, her breath will still, her blood congeal. Then, I'll be fairest in the land!" She laughs incredibly evilly this time and then stops suddenly. "But wait!" Her eyes shift back and forth and back and forth. "There may be an antidote! Nothing must be overlooked." She walks back over to the book and flips through some pages. "Oh! Here it is!"
On the page is the title, "Poison Apple Antidote."
Mystique begins to read along, "The victim of the Sleeping Death can be revived only by love's first kiss. Love's first kiss. Bah!" she says, slamming the book shut. "No fear of that. The mutants will think she's dead. She'll be buried alive." She starts cackling madly and the IAR raven hides behind the plastic skull. She sits the apple on the top of a basket of other apples. She pats the apple and picks up the basket, still laughing. She heads down a trap door. "Buried alive!" she shouts one last time at the IAR raven and continues down the stairs where a skeleton, which oddly resembles Duncan Matthews, is reaching for a long empty pitcher. "Thirsty?" she asks the skeleton. "Have a drink!" She kicks the pitcher into the skeleton, making his bones scatter. Then, she heads into a gondola-type boat and paddles off into the night. She reaches a bank and wanders off into the woods.
The scene changes back to the cottage where the IAR animals and Rahne are sleeping. They wake up when they hear the door open. Beast walks out, followed by Rogue. "Now, don't forget, my dear, the, the old queen's a sly one, full of witchcraft. So beware of strangers."
"Don't worry," Rogue tells him, bending down to his level. "Ah'll be alright." She stands up, places the wax lips in her mouth, lifts up Beast's hat, and "kisses" his head. She takes out the wax lips. "See ya tonight."
Beast gets all fumbled up and confused. "Yes, well," then, trying to sound manly, "Come on, men." He stomps off in a rather overly manly stomp. Off stage, Gambit can barely suppress his giggles.
Kurt, seeing this, takes off his hat and walks shyly up to his sister. "Be awful careful, cause if anyzing should happen to you, I, I, . . ." he stammers.
Meanwhile, Rogue has replaced the wax lips. She bends down and "kisses" his forehead. "Goodbye," she says after removing the wax lips.
He pretends to blush. "Oh, gosh. . ."
The other shrunken mutants are watching from the door way. "Disgusting," Toad says, turning away.
Tabby is the next to come to Rogue. She's holding her hat as well. "And be sure to watch out, to watch, to wa, to wa!" She pretends to be about to sneeze. She holds her finger under her nose. Rogue replaces the wax lips and "kisses" Tabby's forehead. "Thanks," Tabby says and proceeds to walk away, still trying to hold in the sneeze.
Evan comes to Rogue, without his hat on and pulls on her skirt. He has his lips puckered up, in want of her kiss. Just then Tabby sneezes and creates a time bomb that blows Evan away. Rogue laughs and Evan returns. Rogue grabs his ears with her gloved hands and pulls his head down. Still wearing the wax lips, she "kisses" his head and he looks like he's on cloud nine. He walks off dreamily. Jean is next in line, walking up without her hat. Evan gets and idea. He climbs back in the window.
Rogue pats Jean on the head as Evan returns. She laughs at his stupidity and says, "Alright," she replaces the wax lips and then bends his head down with his ears and "kisses" his forehead, "but that is the last. . ." She looks around because Evan has disappeared. He shows up again and she finishes her sentence, "one." She pushes him on his way. "Go on, get outa here," she says a little harshly.
He runs off and then the mutants begin singing, "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go."
Toad is looking in the mirror. He cleans his forehead and replaces his hat. He stomps off to the porch, removing his hat. Rogue is waving goodbye to the other mutants. He clears his throat. "Goodbye! Goodbye!" she calls, not paying attention. He clears his throat again.
She turns around in surprise to see Toad, stomping in place, holding his hat and telling her, "Now, I'm warning you, yo! Don't let nobody or nothing in the house."
"Why, Toady! Ya do care!" she says, and proceeds to grab a hold of the grumpy little frog and plants a wax lip kiss on his forehead while he struggles. He stomps off angrily, replacing his hat and as he does, his stomp grows lighter and his face softens. He turns and looks at her with a dreamy look on his face. Rogue laughs and blows him a kiss. He smiles at her for a second and then turns grumpy again and stomps off. In good time too, because, watching from off stage, Gambit is starting to feel a little jealous. Toad is walking so haughtily that he isn't watching where he's going and gets his nose stuck in a tree.
He pulls it out and says, "hmph!" and goes on his unmerry way, right into the creek. He tries to stand up but hits his head on the bridge and falls back into the water.
He stands up more carefully this time and walks off while Rogue calls, "Goodbye, Toady!"
The scene changes to one of Mystique crossing a stream. Two IAR buzzards watch her intently. "The little mutants will be away and she'll be alone with a harmless old peddler woman." She laughs evilly as the IAR buzzards get evil grins on their beaks. "A harmless old peasant woman," she repeats. The IAR buzzards follow her.
The scene changes again to one of Rogue making gooseberry pies. She's rolling the dough for the top pie crust and singing about Remy. And IAR bluebird gets some sugar on it's tail and dumps it on the dough.
"That is so gross," Kitty whines.
"Yeah, I mean, who would eat something with the germs from that bird all in it. . ." Tabby agrees with her.
All the other girls agree quickly and most of the boys too.
"What's wrong with that?" Toad says.
"Yeah, Toad eats worse stuff than that all the time," Fred exclaims.
"Thank you, Blob and Toad." Lightning says, "Just what everyone on this set wanted to hear."
"The only thing I want to hear is the play!" Raven groans. Her eyes are glowing and she looks rather frightening at the moment.
Rogue continues her singing. She stops rolling the dough and places it on top of a pie. She finds a knife and cuts off the excess dough. Two IAR birds grab the cut-off dough and two other IAR birds land on the rim of the pie. They hop on the rim to make the marking in the rim, while the other two IAR birds spell out the name Toady with the excess dough on the pie. Rogue eyes the pie as her song finishes and a shadow appears, scaring her.
Or perhaps what really scares her is the hag in the window making the shadow. The hag starts laughing. "All alone, my pet?"
"Why yes, Ah am, but. . ." Rogue answers unwisely.
"The, uh, little mutants, aren't here?" Mystiques asks.
"Why, no, they're not, but. . ." Rogue says, "man, this is so stupid!"
"Rogue!" Lightning and Raven call.
Scott screams, "Professor, save me!"
Professor Xavier rolls his eyes.
The play continues, as Mystique grins and sniffs the air. "Making pies?"
Rogue starts to relax. "Yes, gooseberry pies."
"It's apple pies that makes the mutants' mouths water," she pulls up her basket and grabs the poisoned apple. "Pies made from apples, like these." The IAR animals and Rahne suddenly take notice.
"Oh," Rogue says, looking intently at the juicy red apple in Mystique's hand. "they do look delicious."
"Yes, but wait 'til you taste one." The IAR buzzards lean closer. "Like to try one? Go on. Go on, have a bite."
Rogue is about to grab it, when the IAR birds all start attacking Mystique. She drops the poison apple and starts batting them away. Rogue runs out to shoo them away. "Stop it! Stop it! Go away! Go away!" Rogue tells the IAR birds, who listen to her. "Shame on you! Frightening a poor old lady!"
Mystique looks frantically for the apple and spies it. She picks it up and rubs it against her sleeve. She pretends to be very frightened indeed.
Rogue places a hand on her arm. "There, there, Ah'm sorry."
Mystique grins. "Oh! My heart! Oh, my poor heart. Take me into the house and let me rest, please."
And Rogue leads her into the house and sets her into a chair. The IAR animals run to the window and watch. Rogue pumps some water into a ladle while Mystique grins evilly at the red apple. The IAR animals get frightened and rush off through the woods.
The shrunken mutants have just arrived at the mine and are still singing, "hi ho, hi ho!" They dump they're pick axes into a cart and start pulling it towards the mine. Beast is in the lead, and Jean is pushing it from behind. Evan, being slow, arrives after they've started pulling and pushes Jean's butt into the air. She looks up in surprise. Before she can react, Beast stops and cries out, "Look!" All the mutants run into him. The IAR animals and Rahne are running hurriedly towards them. They start poking and pulling at the mutants. They try to shoo them off, but to no avail. The IAR deer is pushing Beast. What ails these crazy critters?" he says.
"Zey've gone plum daft!" Kurt says.
"Yeah, they've. . ." Tabby starts, but ends up sneezing and making a time bomb that blows the IAR critters away and a few of them to smithereens.
"I worked hard on those," Forge whines.
"Forge," Raven growls, "shut up."
"Shutting up."
The scene changes back to the cottage where Mystique is telling Rogue, "and because you've been so good to poor old granny, I share a secret with you." She starts walking towards Rogue, who backs up. "This is no ordinary apple. It's a magic wishing apple."
"A wishin' apple?" Rogue asks.
"Yes. One bite, and all your dreams will come true."
"Really?"
"Yes, girlie. Now, make a wish and take a bite."
The scene changes back to the IAR animals and the mutants. Jean is the only one the IAR animals aren't messing with. She's been sleeping inside the cart which has long since been turned on it's side. Yawning, she says, "Maybe the old queen's got Rogue White."
"The Queen! Rogue White!" the mutants call out. Scott curls up in the fetal position on Professor Xavier's lap and starts sucking on his thumb again.
"Help me," the professor mouths to Magneto.
"The Queen will kill her!" Toad says. "We've got to save her, yo!"
"Yes, yes, we, we've, we've got to save her!" Beast says.
"She'll kill her!" Tabby cries out.
"What do we, like, do?" ask Kitty.
"Yes, yes, what do we do?" Beast asks.
"Come on!" Toad hollers and starts back to the cottage, riding and IAR deer. The others all follow on other IAR deer. The IAR turtle reaches them about them and get trampled.
Back at the cottage, Mystique continues walking towards Rogue, who is backed against a wall. "There must be something you're little heart desires. Perhaps there's someone you love?"
"Well, there is someone," Rogue says, smiling at Remy.
"I thought so, I thought so. Old Granny knows a young girl's heart. Now, take the apple, deary, and make a wish." She places the apple into Rogue's hands.
"Ah wish, Ah wish. . ." Rogue begins.
"That's it, go on!" Mystique tells her.
The IAR animals, Rahne and the shrunken mutants are rushing over a giant fallen log, sliding down a hill and jumping over a canyon.
Back at the cottage, Rogue is finishing her wish, ". . .And that he will carry me away ta his castle, where we will live happily eveh afteh."
"Fine, fine! Now, take a bite!" Mystique orders.
The IAR animals, Rahne and the shrunken mutants are hurrying through the forest.
"Don't let the wish grow cold." Mystique warns.
Rogue takes a big bite. "Oh, Ah feel strange."
The camera focuses on Mystique who whispers, "Her breath will still." Rogue is having trouble breathing. "Her blood congeal." Rogue falls on the floor and the apple falls out of her hand. Mystique starts laughing. Thanks to Storm, lightning strikes. "Now, I'll be fairest in the land!"
"And cut!" Raven calls. She sighs with relief.
"Oh come on," Lightning says.
"Don't start." she growls.
"But. . ."
"No buts!"
Remy has rushed to Rogue to help her up. She smiles as she accepts his help and thinks that no one is watching.
"Okay, that was cute." Raven says grinning.
"They're, like, so cute together." Mini Kitty tells Piotr.
"Da." he agrees.
"Rogue and Gambit, sitting in a tree," laughs Jubilee and Amara. Scott cries.
Rogue looks at Remy. Remy looks at Rogue. "Let's get 'em," she says.
"Right behind you," Remy replies, taking out his card deck.
"We better run," Jubilee says.
And so they run, with Rogue and Gambit on their tails and we will leave just now. . .
A/N: It has come to my attention that I forgot to define my number in the last chapter, so for those of you who don't know what a polecat is. . . It's a skunk.
Next up. . . The END! Finally! I'll be so happy! And you will too, because this hideous nightmare will be over and I can start another funnier parody!
Please review. . . for I've borrowed Cat2Fat900's Evil Pyromaniac Squirrels with flaming numchucks who will come after you and beat you until you push the little review button!