Ch. 2 Getting Plastered
Meanwhile Cid was getting plastered. The fiery brown liquor raced down Cid's throat making his thoughts hazy and confidence grow as he tried to hit on Elena. "So they drink a lot in Turkey? The Turks huh? Yeah I'm a pilot. One of the fucking best, and anyone who says different is a fucking liar!" He turned sluggishly toward Elena and tried to look cool, but his moves were about a decade old. "Hey babe, did I tell you I'm a pilot?"
"Yeh, several times," said Elena deadpan. I'm drinking, but I will never be that drunk! Reno was laughing at Cid's pathetic attempts and at his drunken behavior. He was also getting steadily drunk and in a friendly mode. This guy ain't so bad. Hell as long as he is paying for the drinks and isn't pissing me off, I'm alright with it. Plus Rude hasn't kicked his ass yet for hitting on Elena so he must like him too.
"Yeh old man, we know you're a damn pilot, so why did you join up with Cloud?"
Cid pulled out a cigarette and lit it subconsciously. In between puffs he muttered, "I dunno, sometimes I wonder myself, shit I've only been with them for a couple of weeks. I guess I joined because…" Just then some Shirina soldiers busted into the place. Cid was too plastered to do anything about it, so he just slumped down and continued to drink. He tried not to look around and look suspicious. Shit! Here he comes, is every fucking person in this city trying to ruin my day!
"So our reports were right! He IS here on vacation!" We've finally found him! Get the Turks here for back-up!" exclaimed the lead soldier.
Reno looked up pissed. He lowered his glasses in his usually cool motion and said angrily, "What a drag…" The soldiers were all taken back a little by his sudden change in his mood. They expected him to jump up immediately. They were the Turks, the elite weren't they? "Ww what was that..?" said the soldier nervously completely aware of Reno's rank in the corporation.
"Right now we're off duty and can't run off to save your butts"
"We know you're off duty, but…"
"If you knew that, then don't bother us! Lookin' at you is makin' me sober."
"But you all have orders from headquarters to look for him too!" said the soldier desperately. They were all utterly confused on why Reno was not taking any actions. They looked on nervously hoping that he would rise up seeing his duty, but Reno did not budge from his seat. The lead soldier looked very annoyed and burst out quickly and timidly, "All right, that's it! We'll get him without any help from the Turks, just you see! And don't think that headquarters isn't going to hear about this!!"
"Yeah leave! There isn't anyone from Cloud's group here anyways so there is no reason to be here," Cid said awkwardly.
'Like I give a shit,' Reno thought as he downed another gulp of his scotch to dull his irritation. He looked up at the table. Rude was stoic as usual, Cid was flicking off the soldiers as they exited the bar, and Elena had a very worried look on her face. Oh great, she is going to say something like 'was that alright to do that?' Man, she has got a lot to learn about being a Turk.
On cue Elena asked meekly, "Reno, do you think that was really such a good idea!? I mean is that the way a professional, a Turk would act!?"
"Elena. Don't misunderstand. A pro isn't someone who sacrifices himself for his job. That's just a fool." Elena was confused and didn't understand what Reno was saying to her. She knew, or thought she knew, exactly what a professional was. And attention to duty was important. She was still afraid and looked to Rude for support.
"Rude...?" she asked quietly. Rude had no expression as he looked at her blankly. She looked around the table back at Reno and saw an equally blank look. Then she looked at Cid and saw him give her another wink and an imaginary kiss. That's it! I'm outta here!
"Well, I don't buy that! Goodbye!!" She then got up harshly and ran out of the door after the soldiers. Rude looked troubled as his eyes trailed after her. Cid was devastated. 'Man, I was all over that! I coulda had a piece of that! What the hell!' he thought convinced that she was playing hard to get. Man maybe I should go after her and agree about all that professional stuff she was talking about. Chicks love it when you agree with them! I don't remember it though, I wasn't paying attention, aww fuck it! Maybe that blond at the bar is still there.
As Cid was looking, Reno noticed Rude's concerned look. "Relax. She's not a child. Let her have her way now…" Rude kept looking out the door, but then started to drink again.
"Women heh? Yeah I know this bitch named Shera always giving me this righteous garbage. You need to act professional! Nag nag nag bitch some shit about stop smoking! Then she nagged some more about me drinking! Damn bitch! I only drank every other day, what the hell does she want from me. I always said to her , listen winch! I'm a pilot! I don't need this crap. Shit I always needed a cig when I was around. Oh! That reminds me!" Cid exclaimed as he pulled another cigarette from his pack and began to puff at it with leisure. "Always busting my balls."
"Yeh, she is always busting ours about shit too. Always saying that our boss wouldn't approve what you are doing! Blah blah, I don't think Turks would do that. Hell, I only broke the guys hand, he's go two for criss sake."
"Yeh, damn winches. Yeah here's to our balls. May they survive all the busting and breakings!" Cid said as the waitress brought a fresh batch of liquor to the table.
"Ha! I'll drink to that!" The three men raised their shot glass and yelled in unison, "To our balls!" and downed the liquor in an equally gleeful manner. Time progressed and as the group got more and more shots thrusted down their throats, more and more odd toasts began to brew from the table, many of them turning heads from other tables. "Here is to masturbation!" exclaimed Cid.
"To masturbation!" said the group together. A man from another table looked over and gave the group a disgusted look. "What the hell you looking at, you know you do it too! You wanna piece of me. Yeah that's what I thought. Hell what should we toast to next, damn I'm getting drunk, but not that much, you know that it would take another gallon to get me wasted. You know these guns absorb most of the booze," Cid said as he flexed. Reno and Rude just smirked at the old man, liking him a lot.
"How about to Cid?" asked Reno.
"Yeh that's a fucking fantastic idea, to Cid!"
"The chain smoking, old man, to Cid!"
"Hey, I can quit when ever I want you bastard," Cid as he lit another cigarette. His ashtray was full and yelled, "Hey winch! Get me another ashtray!"
"I'm sorry sir we have to wash the other eight that you filled up, it will be another moment," the waitress said very annoyed.
"Another ball breaker. Shit, I think I'm fucked up. So what is up with Elena anyway. Why she uhh what did she do again?"
"She is always like that. She is trying to impress our boss, who she likes," Reno said.
"Yeh, we got a girl like that, Tifa. She likes Cloud and boy does she show it, but Cloud is too much of a numb nuts to notice." Just then Rude looked up from his drink very attentive when Tifa was mentioned.
"So does Rude," said Reno nonchalantly. Reno looked a little flushed but remained silent.
"No shit, but who wouldn't, I mean what a bodacious set of ta-tas. I mean they are huge! I mean…well are they real? I'm gonna find out one day. If that is the last thing I do, I'll be happy."
"How are you gonna find out old man, you don't have a chance."
"Sure I do ass. More then you. You are the enemy, and I am the ally," he said pointing to himself with his chest out like a super hero.
"Ever heard of sleeping with the enemy?"
"Damn. You have a point. But she is too in love with me to go with you dush bags. She just hadn't come around to noticing it. Mr. Hot shit is on her brain. Here's to Cloud."
"Yeah, fuck Cloud!" they toasted together.
"Even Aerith likes him, what he's got that I don't? Nothing! That's what. I'm a pilot, girls should be all over me. Hey babe, I'm a pilot. Works like a charm!"
"Really I'm sure," said Reno chuckling. "Maybe that would work for us, hey babe, I'm a Turk," he continued in a mocking manner, puffing an imaginary cigarette and wearing a ridiculous smile.
"Then she would say, ewww I don't date anyone from Turkey, besides I heard they are all gay."
"We aren't from Turkey you dumb ass!"
"Then why the fuck are you named the Turks! Tell me that Turkey boy!"
"Who gives a shit! Just shut up and drink old man."
More and more drinks were ordered and the bill grew larger and larger. The bar was beginning to thin out and the owner was happy that he was getting so much business from their table. In fact, it was more then all the other tables in the place combined. It had been several hours since Cloud left and soon the group began swooping jokes back and forth in between drinks.
"So a rich man and a poor man are talking about what they got their wives for their anniversaries. The rich man said 'I got her a Caddy and a Diamond ring. So if she doesn't like the ring she can drive the Caddy back to return it.' The poor man said, 'I got my wife a pair of socks and a dildo. So if she doesn't like the socks she can go fuck herself!'" The group roared in drunken laughter. Reno was almost in tears and Rude was shacking his head wearing a huge grin.
"That is some funny shit," said Rude.
"Holy shit! He spoke! Hot damn!" shouted Cid. "Shit this calls for another toast. To Rude saying a fucking word!" Just then Cloud and company comes into the bar.
"Hey good thing you are here, you need to pay our tab, I'm kind of short on gil here."
"Cid, get your drunk ass up we found Yuffie," said Cloud hastily.
"So what the hell is the problem an I ain't dunk, I'm as sober as a ….sober guy." Cloud told them of how they had cornered her in a room. Then how she tricked him and trapped everyone else in a steel cage. Cid, Rude, and Reno looked at them in silence. Cid stared with his mouth open and a cigarette dangling from it as if he heard something he didn't believe.
"I can't believe…"
"Yeah I can't believe she had a booby trap either, so now you know we need to hurry up and find…"
"…how fucking stupid you are!" Cid interrupted and began to laugh with the rest of the table. "You are a dumb ass!"
"Hah, he is a dumb ass!" said Rude.
"Hah, Rude called you dumb ass, that's even funnier!" said Cid tearing up from laughing.
"Hey, you washed up, piece of drunk shit! We need you we need to find our materia. She said she hid it, we need to get to it before she does."
"We have materia, the only materia we need. Reno gave it to me."
"Really what the hell is it?" asked Cloud puzzled.
"Its drinking materia, see take a look."
"Prevents hangovers, I don't have time for this!"
"And don't worry, by tonight I will have mastered that thing twenty times over, so everyone can have one. You probably need two with your skinny ass!"
"Ohhh burn!" said Reno.
"You know it!" said Rude.
"Man these guys are wasted…come on lets go. Hey Vincent I said lets go." Vincent stood there staring at the uniforms of the Turks. Memories started flowing into his mind as he traveled 30 years into the past, when he first put it on. "I think I'll stay," said Vincent coolly.
"That's what I'm talking about, take a seat Vinny, the more the merrier, wanna join Tifa. Hey, Tifa how about you sit next to me."
"Umm…I don't think so Cid, you're a little to a…"
"Old," said Rude.
"Hah, yeah your right Rude, way to young for a beauty like Tifa. How about it tuts, why don't you join us just like in the old days in Seventh Heaven."
"That was before you were in Shirina."
"You guys work for Shirina! I can't believe it!" said Cid shocked.
"Yes, Cid. You have been drinking with the enem…"
"Really! So did I, well sort of. Those guys suck ass! They took my rocket program from me, you know that fat ass in charge of Space Programs Palmer. What a fucking wide load!"
"Yeah he is a fat ass," said Rude.
"What the…What the hell! I don't understand any of you! Sephiroth.."
"Will you get off Sephiroth! Who cares!" said Cid. "Hey Vin, what did you want to drink?"
"I'll have a Scotch and Soda," said Vincent calmly. "So you guys are Turks huh?"
"Cid! We can not spend all day…" yelled Cloud.
"Yeah we're the Turks who the hell are you? Aww shit I think my head hurts…" said Reno.
"No we can't because it is night right now, beside you know she is here, and knowing is…ahhh…half the battle, yeah that's how it goes. Damn those G.I Joe's knew their shit right!"
"What the hell are you talking about?" yelled Cloud.
"Listen Cloud, lets re attach our balls and become fuckin men here, except you Tifa, don't turn into a man…"
"You are way too drunk Cid, I think…" Tifa said a little amused by Cid's ranting.
"What woman! I'm as sober as a bird!"
"Yeah a bird that has been drinking all day," said Cloud in a caustic tone.
"A bird that can kick yo ass!" challenged Cid.
"Bring it old man!"
"Oh it has been brought!"
"Cloud stop!" yelled Tifa.
"Yeh you crackers shut that shit up now! We both know I can kick both yo asses! Yo, Cloud its dark already I say we just chill and kick it here fo da night," said Barret. He was standing there, tapping his gun arm temper mentally. He had the mad dog stare that most intimating men have mastered in their lives. Both the enraged men slowly moved back into calm composures as Barret stood there. Cloud had an annoyed look on his face. Tifa was by his side putting her hands on his arm making sure he didn't blow his top. The other occupants of the table just looked calmly through the ordeal. Then when it was over they simply went back to their conversation, sipping their drinks to keep the buzz going.
"I used to be a Turk," said Vincent simply, breaking the silence.
"Yeah that's right Cloud! Barret got my back right dawg! That's right only big dogs allowed in dis house anywaz biatch," said Cid as he tried to remember through his drunken haze the ghetto trash talking crash courses Barret taught him when they were bored.
"Man shut up white boy, you know you are too drunk to talk any mess," said Barret, also thinking Cid's ranting were amusing.
"Whatever G, I been knowin I be da man, so shut yo grill bizatch!"
"What you say!" said Barret.
"Nothing man, What you talking about Barret. I'm just drunk remember, hey Cloud where you going?"
"No shit, you used to be a Turk, really!?! When, I don't remember seeing you during training?" asked Reno ignoring Cid and the others and focused, with Rude, on what Vincent just said.
"I'm fucking leaving your ass, I'm gonna look for Yuffie," said Cloud.
"I was one thirty years ago, when it was first formed," said Vincent.
"Fine go, I don't care, hey Barret wanna drink, its on Cloud," said Cid.
"Thirty years ago, what are you talking about?" asked Reno intrigued.
"Yes thirty years ago, it's a long story…"
"Yeah a looooooooong story, like almost too fucking long, like really fucking looong, like as long as my peni…" said Cid.
"Cid!" exclaimed Tifa. She knew Cid was a blunt guy, but even though she couldn't get used to it.
"Oh, I mean to say as long as… man forget it, hey Barret what you want?"
Vincent continued to tell his story to Rude and Reno as they looked at him with awe. They have never met anyone else that was in the Turks, except the people that trained them. They weren't all about telling stories though, and they were all gone now. Cid was busy trying to persuade Barret to stay. And Cloud walked outside into the night angrily. Tifa followed along with the rest of the group. Now the merry group gained two characters to their part, Barret and Vincent.