Drumroll, please! Here's the newest installment. I don't know how long I can keep up frequent updates, because I've got to study for the GREs and finish my grad applications. So you'll have to settle for short and frequent or long and....hm, this doesn't sound right at all...

Dear Reviewers- you are the greatest. We are not worthy.

Okama- I read your story today, and...I like it! Don't despair. (And I plan on using the Queer Eye guys, too, but not using characters from the show since I don't know enough of them to put in.)

Ciao, bellas!

Chapter 3

The sweet smells of cooking wafted from the kitchen and surrounded the dojo grounds with an enticing scent. Kenshin stood in the kitchen chopping vegetables, occasionally wiping his hands on his apron. He left the cutting board to stir the miso soup, then checked the water temperature, gauging whether or not it was too soon to add the rice.

Kaoru sniffed the air, then stretched languidly and settled back against the wall of the bathtub, inhaling the steam that settled just above the water. The day had been another hot one, but as night fell, the temperature dipped, and Kaoru enjoyed the contrast between the warmth of the tub and the newly chilly air outside the bath house.

Mmm, Kenshin's dinner smells wonderful, she thought. I wonder why mine never smells that good. It's always got such a burnt smell to it. I've got to learn his magic. Smirking slightly, she allowed herself a bit of a sinful thought. Maybe it's his womanly charm that gives him such great domestic skills. No, Kaoru, that's impolite. Kenshin is a model tenant, and a fine and upstanding, handsome man.

Chastised by her own conscience, Kaoru's thoughts settled on nothing in particular, and reveled in the silence, until it was abruptly ruptured by Sanosuke's obnoxious greeting.

"Oi! Kenshin! Missy! Brat! I'm hungry. Whoever's cooking better give me some chow. Unless it's the Missy cooking, in which case I have a terrible stomach virus and will never eat again and...um, I just came by to borrow some medicine since Megumi won't let me near the clinic until I apologize for telling her that her fox-tail that always pops up looks like something she should have left in the bathroom, if ya know what I mean."

By the time he finished this tirade, Sanosuke had entered the gate, promptly left it open to swing in the light breeze, and crossed through the household into the kitchen. He heaved a sigh of relief to find Kenshin standing at the counter, and slumped against the wood, back to the counter, facing his friend.

"Yo."

The rurouni grin firmly held in place, Kenshin turned to Sano briefly before continuing his chopping. "Good evening, Sano. It's nice to see you here for dinner. We've missed you since breakfast, that we have."

"Where's Missy?" was the grunted reply. Sano picked his teeth with the fishbone. Idly, Kenshin wondered if that is what made his breath reek so horribly. I hope it's not the same fishbone every time. No wonder Megumi doesn't want to kiss him. I wouldn't either.

As his innocent façade was his saving grace, Kenshin kept up with appearances and let no trace of his thoughts enter his tone or his reply.

"She's in the bath, that she is. Miss Kaoru has had a long day, that she has, and is taking time for some much-needed relaxation."

"Why don't you ease her tension, Kenshin?" Sano smirked, nudging Kenshin in the side with his elbow. He caught the scarlet-haired wanderer by surprise, and knocked him halfway across the kitchen. Steadying himself, Kenshin looked down at his gi in an attempt to hide his blush.

"Aaah, this one does not know what you mean, that I do not," he muttered.

"He means you should ba-"a small voice began to interpose, only to be cut off by a practice sword to the head.

"Shut UP, Little Yahiko!" an irate and very wet Kaoru screeched. Dressed in her bathrobe, with her hair cascading down her back, and streams of water running off of it like rivulets of tears down a grieving face, Kaoru stood, scowling in the doorway. She looked as if she had jumped out of the tub and stomped to the kitchen as soon as she heard Sanosuke's first comment.

"And YOU!" she cried, whirling. She glared at Sanosuke, breath heaving in and out of her. Kaoru waved her bokken at him. "How dare you insult my cooking like that! After I let you eat here for free every day, and sleep here some nights, you lazy freeloader!"

Sano glanced Kenshin's way, hoping for assistance. Finding none from the rurouni, who stood staring at Kaoru with a star-struck expression, he sighed, turning back. "I was just kidding, Missy. You need to lighten up. What you need is some sake."

"What she needs is a new face," Yahiko suggested snidely, favoring the lump on his head, and standing up as tall as he could. He straightened his yellow gi and stuck his tongue out at Kaoru.

"I said, SHUT UP!" Thunk! The sound of Kaoru's practice sword making contact with Yahiko's head rang through the air.

Kenshin chose that moment to announce that dinner was ready, and all spats were forgotten as the gang crowded around, jostling each other for food. Actually, Yahiko and Sano were the only ones jostling. And Sano learned his lesson once Yahiko turned Sano's white jacket purple by dumping eggplant on him.

"Hey! You brat!" Sano began to shout, but then Yahiko jumped on his head and began to chew on his hair. Coughing, he fell of Sano's purple shoulder before he could be pushed, and pulled a spike of hair out.

"Damn! That was like chewing on a rhinoceros' horn."

"Yahiko!" Kaoru scolded, forgetting to add the rather demeaning honorific. "Don't swear."

"Yes, Mother," grumbled Yahiko, glaring down at his green-panted lap.

Kenshin attempted to ease the tension. "I have something that can get that eggplant out, Sano, that I do. I will wash it for you in the morning."

Kaoru piped in. "But how will he do that? He'd have to go home, and then come back with the dirty shirt in the morning."

"Shouldn't be a problem for a sloth like him," growled Yahiko.

"Why can't I just stay here for tonight?" Sano asked.

"Well," Kaoru appeared to think for a moment. "All right, you can sleep with Yahiko in his room."

"Hell, no, hag, he ain't sleeping with me. Let him sleep with Kenshin."

Sanosuke's face turned green at this prospect. "Er, I can sleep in the dojo..."

Yahiko sighed. "Forget it. I'm going over to the Akabeko, I'll stay there."

With that settled, the rest of the meal continued without a hitch. After clearing the dishes, the group settled back into the living area, minus Yahiko, who took some things with him to the Akabeko, to "see his widdle girlfwiend," as Sano teased.

The three adults of the group sat around chatting for a while, until Sanosuke pulled four enormous porcelain jugs of sake out of hyperspace. "Let's drink!" He announced, grinning stupidly.

The assistant master and the rurouni declined, but Sano harangued them until they finally caved. Drinking and talking, the group didn't realize how much they had put down until Sanosuke tried to polish off a jug, only to find it empty. He tried the next, and the next again, and the one after that, but received the same result.

"Looks like we're fresh out, folks. That's my cue to be off to bed." He saluted his comrades with two fingers to his head, then stumbled out of the room and down the hall to Yahiko's vacated bedroom.

"I'm kinda thleepy mythelf, Kenshin," slurred Kaoru, weaving as she tried to stand. "I think Imma go to bed." She stood, knocking over a tray and some empty saucers, then promptly tripped and fell onto Kenshin. He caught her, and steadied her on her feet.

"Tee hee!" Kaoru giggled into Kenshin's chest, then wrapped her arms around his neck and stared wide-eyed into his face.

"Kenshin, you're tho....tho..."

Trying to still his rapidly beating heart, Kenshin gulped, "yes, Miss Kaoru?"

She inhaled sharply, and attempted to prepare her words.

"So...pretty! Ahahahahah," she collapsed again into his chest, guffawing, one hand burrowed into his top to steady herself, and the other slapping her knee so hard she almost ripped the plum and lavender fabric of her robe (which she had neglected to change out of after the pre-dinner fiasco).

Shaking his head, Kenshin lifted Kaoru into his arms and brought her to her room, setting her down on her futon and pulling the blankets up to her chin.

"Goodnight, Miss Kaoru," he whispered to her, expecting her to be slumbering already. He was surprised when she answered.

"Goodnight, Kenshin." Pause. "My pretty."

Kenshin's face twitched.

"Ahahahahahahaha." Kaoru's laughter followed Kenshin down the hallway, even after he had firmly shut her door. Deciding to do the dishes in order to work out his frustrations, and avoid that odious junk that tended to crust overnight, at this, Kenshin shuddered; he entered the kitchen and grabbed the remaining utensils.

A few minutes later, Kenshin raised himself from his bent position over the wash basin. Straightening, he felt very light-headed. Must have drunk more than I thought, he commented silently to himself. In truth, Kenshin had drank about a jug and a half of sake, with Sano having most of the rest, and Kaoru getting blasted off of a few cups.

Staggering, Kenshin blindly attempted to feel his way to his bedroom in the dark. He sorely regretted having extinguished the lamps on his way from Kaoru's bedroom. He estimated the distance, remembering that Kaoru's room was right after his, and slid the shoji door open, then silently stepped inside and closed it. Not bothering to light a candle, or look for sleeping clothes, he stripped out of his gi and pants and kicked them to the side. Clad in only his loin cloth, he dropped onto the futon that he had, fortunately, left out this morning.

"Uff," Kenshin bumped into something resisting yet soft. His head was swimming from the position change again, and he squinted to see what was blocking part of his futon. A glimpse of violet was momentarily made visible by the shifting moonlight, then just as quickly retreated into shadow as a cloud covered the moon.

Miss...Kaoru? Was Kenshin's final thought as he succumbed to realm of the unconscious.

The moonlight had shifted dramatically in Kenshin's room. It was now shining at the foot of the door, where before it had shone at the top of his pallet. About five hours had passed as the rurouni lay slumbering, and dreaming of a certain swordsmanship instructor.

"Miss Kaoru, you look lovely today, that you do." Kenshin's dream version of himself gazed at Kaoru. She was wearing her bathrobe. On her feet. And that was it.

"Oh, do you think so, Kenshin?" she replied, pulling worriedly at her lower lip and nervously patting her blue-tinted locks. "You really like it?"

"Yes, very much," Kenshin replied. At this point, his real body began to mimic his actions. Unaware of this, he reached out and stroked her arm.

"Your skin is so soft. It is like the velvety petals of a rose." Kaoru swooned.

"Oh, Kenshin," she replied, batting her eyelashes.

He stroked her arm again, then held it. "You are strong for a woman. Your arms are so well-toned." Something seemed not quite right to Kenshin. "In fact- your muscles are much larger than they look."

Kaoru glanced at him coyly. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not," he hastened to assure her. He walked up to her, closer than he had ever dared in real life, and embraced her slightly, resting his cheek against hers. He spoke, his real voice echoing the words he enunciated to her in his dream.

"Although, you might want to do something about that stubble."

SLAM!

Kenshin was rudely awakened to find that he had gone through the paper door, and made a dent in the wall of the hallway. He struggled to clear his foggy mind. "Huh? Miss Kaoru? It's really not that bad," insisted.

"What in vermilion HELLS were you doing in my bed, wanderer?" demanded a furious, and decidedly masculine voice.

The shoji door slammed open, bouncing on its hinges and making a squealing sound in protest. A raging Sanosuke emerged from the room.

Suddenly slammed into sobriety, Kenshin attempted to stammer a reply. "But...you...I...I thought – uh, Miss Kaoru!?"

Kenshin was joined in the hallway by Kaoru, robe askew, practice sword in hand, and angry, newly-sober scowl planted firmly on her face.

"What's all this yelling?" she inquired in a surprisingly peaceful voice.

"I woke up to find him in my bed, hugging me and nuzzling my face!" Sanosuke screamed, pointing at the scantily-clad Kenshin as hard as he could, as if by pointing, he could suddenly stab Kenshin with air and cause him mortal pain as retribution.

Kaoru stared. The old man, the gi, the socks, the pigtails, the hairbrush, the cooking, the pretty face...I think I might see a pattern here.

"Kenshin! You're a cross-dresser!"