Ch. 4 Sugar Mama
"Man, that guy is crazy…" Barret said.
"Who Cid? I don't think he is that crazy," said Vincent perplexed.
"Are you kidding dawg! That cracker is crazy! Remember the time that he tried to steal your mechanical arm and pawn it because he ran out of cigarettes!"
"He didn't! Did he Mr. Vincent?" asked Reno shocked.
"Yes he did, very unsuccessfully…" Vincent remembered how Cid had tried to unscrew it while he was sleeping, unaware that it was wired and integrated with his muscles and nerves. He laughed silently as he caught him and Cid pretended that he was buffing it for him. "Yes, I woke up in the middle of his operation and he tried to pull it off like he was buffing it. He chuckled alittle, being affected by the liquor.
"See, crazy, the craziest bastard I know, fo sure."
"Why do you hang out with him then Mr. Vincent, a guy of your stature shouldn't be around guys like Cid," said Reno seriously.
"Well, why did you guys drink with him?" asked Vincent.
"You got a point there, I don't know he offered to pay, and there is just an old spark to the geezer."
"Its just fun having a crazy old bum ass like em around dats all."
"I agree completely," said Vincent. Reno and Rude nodded in agreement. "I hope he is alright by himself out there…"
"He should be fine, sir. So continue with your story, you were saying about the gun they issued you…"
Meanwhile El Cid was facing his most dangerous foe ever. Their teamwork to disable his weakened motor skills were overpowering him to a slow drunk crawl. These foes were gravity and his evil partner balance.
"Man, balance is a mother fucker! Alright, I need two things. Money and a sugar mama. And a cig." He pulled one out while slumping against a wall. He lit at it and puffed at it starring into the sky drunkenly. Nice stars, alittle to bright though…ughhh, my head hurts…where they hell is that sugar mama, or Cloud, I'll settle for him.
Suddenly, a dog barked as some shadow ran into some trash cans knocking them over. Cid stumbled up, grabbing a stick on his way up.
"Hey! Who's there! Don't make me kick yo'ass! Cloud? Tifa? Hey!"
"Its me Cid! Put that stick down before you kill yourself," said a scrawny young girl. It was Yuffie trying to hide from Cloud. She slowly walked up to Cid believing she was caught.
"Is that you…"
"Yes its me Yuf…"
"Ms. Sugar Mama! I knew you would come, just in time too, I'm low on gil and booze!"
"Gawd Cid, you reek! You smell like grandpa…ewww, don't come near me!"
"Hey don't worry Ms. Sugar Mama, I'll just get my gil and leave."
"Cid, what are you talking about! It's me Yuffie! I stole your materia! Remember!"
"Uhhh…Oh Yeah! So you gonna give me gil now?"
"What is with you!? Hey wait a minute…are you drunk? You are huh! Hah, I knew something was funny!"
"Drunk, what the hell you talkin about, I'm as sober as a bird, hey you gonna give me some sugar or what…"
"Ewww, that's disgusting, I feel like hurling…"
"Hey do you know Mother Goose too, I mean you are a mom too, sort of. If you do, get her to make Tifa fall in love with me, I mean she is already, she just hasn't realized it yet…oh man, I don't feel so good." Cid immediately hunched over his knees and let out a huge stream of vomit. Yuffie had never seen such a site. It was a stream of clear liquid that came out of Cid's mouth that seemed to never end.
"Wow, it kind of looks like a water fall…hey its coming over here! Cid stop throwing up, your gonna make me sick too…huhhh I don't feel so good now." Yuffie immediately hunched over her knees and let out a huge stream of vomit. Two waterfalls were streaming now, almost flooding the street. The commotion woke up the street and a multitude of dogs were barking in the distance.
Finally their collective vomit created a new lake in the street and their stomach contents were in front of their eyes.
"Hey, I didn't have meatballs today…and why is all yours this stinky white liquid?" asked Yuffie in between breaths. Cid was laying down at the side walk next to her moaning. Oh my God, that sucked. Oh man, my stomachs all in knots now…ughhh where am I, whats going on. Oh Yeah! I just met the sugar mama.
"Hey sugar mama, I kind of need water more then booze now, but I'll settle for booze too."
"Cid, what are ya talking about! What is this sugar mama!?"
"Listen winch you gonna give me gil or what, I'm El Cid alright, and I demand tribute!"
"I didn't know you were Spanish …"
With the expulsion of booze from his stomach and the constant flow of liquor interrupted, Cid was finally regaining some common sense for the first time in the night. He sat up recognizing the voice and stared at the young adolescent that was in front of him. Alright brain, I know you know this person, so why don't you just tell me. Lets see here, kaki shorts, big white glove thing, big throwing thing tied to a backpack. Ughhh, is it a sugar mama…no! Its Yuffie!
"Yuffie is that you?"
"Wow! I thought you went crazy there for a second ." No wait a minute, there is something I should remember about Yuffie…she did something. What? Come on brain tell me damn it! I know I'll just ask her!
"Hey Yuffie, did you ahhh do something recently that I should give a crap about?" Yuffie stared at him blankly for a second. Wait a minute, he must be so drunk that he doesn't remember! What a dork!
"Uhh no Cid, nothing. Hey I'm gonna go back now."
"Back where?"
"To ughhh the in we are staying at, over there," she said pointing down in a random direction. Cid's head pounded as the familiar symptoms of a hangover started to take effect.
"Alright, ohh shit..I'm gonna lie here and uhhh lie here."
"Alright Cid see you later!" Yuffie said as she slowly got up, not believing how easy it was for her to get away. First I tricked Cloud and now Cid! Wow, these guys really are dorks. She started to walk down when she heard Cid yell something at her.
"Hey wait! You got my materia!" Busted, man it couldn't have been that easy…
"Add this materia to it so I don't forget, it's ahhh "not get sick" materia," Cid said not wanting to explain to her what a hangover was. Yuffie was again dumb founded. She gladly walked over and snatched the materia from his hand as Cid layed back down on the concrete floor. Wow! New materia! And its, drinking materia, prevents hangovers huh. It must be broken or something, well who cares its materia. She ran off into the night disappearing from sight.
Cid continued to lay there staring up at the night sky. He was still drunk, but he was definitely coming down. And he just hit a bump on the roller coaster. A big bump. As he laid there with his head pounding he saw a tall figure standing over him. If this isn't the sugar mama I'm gonna be pissed.
"Just beautiful," muttered Cloud. Tifa was standing next to him, avoiding the pool of vomit.
"Cid, are you alright?" she asked.
"I figured we would find you in the gutter after awhile."
"Hey are you the sugar mama? Oh its just you Cloud. Damn I've been looking for a sugar mama, have you seen her, I'm outta gil."
"So your still wasted, where the hell are the others."
"How the hell should I know! I ain't their damn mother!"
"Come on Cid, lets get you up and get you fixed up," said Tifa tenderly, used to having take care of drunks at her bar back at Midgar.
"I can't believe this, a whole night wasted and Yuffie is still out there somewhere."
"She said she went to the hotel…uhhh…hey Tifa do you know where I can find a sugar mama?"
"Will you shut the hell up about sugar mamas! You found Yuffie!"
"Yeah, but I didn't know she was lost, she was here a second ago…"
"You complete dumbass! That is the whole fucking reason we are here! She stole our materia!"
"I knew it was some shit I forgot, now I remember…damn maybe we should go look for her, awww wait, man my head is pounding …"
"Cid I'm gonna kill you!" Cloud said as he reached for his sword. Tifa got in the middle of the two men and looked at Cloud with daring eyes that said I dare you. Cloud withdrew and give an angry sneer and turned away. She had stuck by Cloud, despite wanting to do the exact opposite that he wanted to do. Her legs and feet hurt and they swept this city over and over again with no rest. The rest of the group went to the hotel, despite Cloud's objection. He stormed off and Tifa followed after him, not wanting to leave his side. But now she was sick of it and wanted to go to the bar. Now if only he would get his head out of his ass and realize how ridiculous he is being and see that I want to go. Maybe he'll go if I ask him.
"Alright, lets get you fixed up Cid, Cloud it is already 1 AM. I'm going back to the bar. Are you coming or what." Cloud still kept his back to her. She was burning inside, afraid that he was going to walk away. If that happens, I don't know what I would do. Cloud began to step forward and Tifa felt her heart tear to pieces. But he stopped and put his head down. He turned around, and muttered, "Yeah alright."
"Good, help me with Cid," she said trying to hide her relief and joy. He helped Tifa prop Cid up as they walked back towards the bar.