Persepolis130
Notes: Wow, emotional Neji is so super hard to write! The first half of this chapter took seriously forever-- I thought I'd never finish. Luckily though, next chapter's almost done! If you'd like to read a lemon about the end of this chapter (you'll know what I mean when you get there!), check out "Waiting is the Hardest Part" on the adult fanfiction site (my profile has a link) or let me know in a review that you'd like it, and I'll send it to you. Even as I reread it, I beg for Neji not to do it!
CHAPTER 16
All Neji could think the next evening as he walked the streets of Konoha, desperate for any hint of a solution to his problems, was that this was not happening.
Last night, lying in the damp, serenely contented afterglow with her body draped across his, he'd told Hinata about his talk with Tenten at the training grounds. He'd left out his own involvement with the cause of her predicament, of course.
He'd liked the way his cousin had reacted, saying how sweet he was to help her, how considerate for others' feelings. Her words making him feel warm and peaceful, he'd told her that it wasn't at all true, that she was the sweet one, the understanding one, the breathtakingly beautiful one, and that in the whole world, he couldn't hope to find a girl more perfect than she was.
Her shock was only fitting, since he'd never said anything like this before in his life and wasn't even sure what had coaxed it out of his mouth. Maybe it had been waiting there all along, brought out by the easy comfort he felt with her tonight. But after a few minutes of strangely heavy silence, Hinata's response had stunned him.
"I can't do this anymore, Niisan."
He shook his head, sliding his fingertips around her small, delicate hand, thinking he must have misheard. "I don't understand."
"It's not right. I..." she told him in a small voice. "I like this too much, Niisan."
"Hina-chan..."
She sat up, pulling his arm off her, a concerned look on her face. "And when you say things like that, calling me that name, I think you likeit too much, too..."
"But isn't it good that we both enjoy it? I do my best to make sure you're always pleased," he insisted. Was this his fault for opening his mouth, for revealing his emotions?
"I know. It's more than I ever imagined it would be, but..." she slid her feet off the edge of his bed, turning her back to him. He followed, running his hand across the smooth, hot skin of her back. "It's... starting to scare me now. Because I... can't see it anymore..."
Neji leaned in, placing soft kisses along the exposed ridges of her spine as he contemplated how to talk her out of this foolishness. "See what?"
She turned, taking his hand in hers, not meeting his eyes. "His face," she whispered. "Whenever I used to close my eyes, I saw him there, smiling at me, his big blue eyes laughing, but... now I don't."
Pressing his eyes shut, Neji pleaded silently for her to stop. Because if she said any more, he wouldn't be able to forget it. He wouldn't be able to push it to the back of his mind when they were together, to pretend she was thinking of him when he touched her instead of dreaming of Naruto...
"He's been gone training for so long, and he probably never even thinks of me, but... I feel like I'm betraying him, Niisan. Like I'm betraying my love for him."
Neji shook his head, turning Hinata's face toward his so that their eyes met. "But what about my love for you? And what about your promise and... your father? Please reconsider, cousin! You don't even know if he'll ever come back!"
He'd hoped she'd lower her eyes, taking everything back to please him, as she once would have. But she didn't. "I'll talk to father. I'll tell him you're mine and he can't touch you. That if he does, I'll tell everyone. I have to be true to myself. I have to follow my Nindo."
Neji shook his head, reaching out to her as she gathered her clothes. The moonlight lit her face like that of an angel as he gazed at her through parted fingers. "...but I love you..." he murmured.
She smiled sadly back at him. "I love you too, Neji-niisan, just... just not like that... I'm sorry, I... thought you knew."
And with that, she went, sliding the door shut after her and leaving him alone in the cold silence of his bedroom. It was all like a terrible nightmare you couldn't wake up from, even though you knew it was only a dream. Any moment, he expected to be jolted awake, sheets drenched in cold sweat. But it never happened.
This morning's mission, which he'd completed in a semi somnolent daze, had been miserably hot, and the evening was an unseasonably warm one, making Neji sweat beneath his bandages. Walking through town, he found a larger than average crowd gathered for dinner at the various small restaurants in the area, probably because it was simply too warm to cook.
All the carefree, happy diners should have put him at ease, but instead they made him feel even worse. After all, this was the place the ordeal with Tenten had occurred, and he didn't particularly revel in the memories it brought back or the work he'd have to go through to correct his error. He'd given his word that he'd help Tenten, but how would he do it?
It seemed impossible to make everyone change their opinion, especially with such juicy gossip involved. Realizing he was pacing anxiously and concerned citizens had started staring, Neji came to a halt outside a ramen stand, backing up against a post in an half-hearted effort to make himself look like he belonged there. He wished he'd kept his mouth shut yesterday at the training ground, ignored her when she'd called him selfish. Because though he'd made her his responsibility, she wasn't the one he was actually concerned with.
He couldn't let Hinata end it. He wouldn't give her up. He'd dreamed of what it would be like to have her as his own, to call her his wife. He'd imagined the loving kisses he'd receive from her when he returned home from a long, hard mission. He could picture their smiling children running to greet him, little hands upraised and adorable faces bright and unmarred by a hideous seal burned across their foreheads.
He had to have her, Naruto be damned. He'd gone though too much, gotten himself too involved to see it end now. She had everything he was looking for: kindness, intelligence, tolerance, and strength. She was beautiful inside and out, touching his heart in a way no one else ever had. Not to mention she had the most amazing set of breasts on the planet. Just thinking about them made him ache, the humid warmth of the night, so much like her embrace, even more noticeable against his tingling skin.
Neji sighed heavily at the absurdity of it all. He needed to win over her heart, and all he could think of was her body drenched in sweat beneath him. Would Fate never do him any favors?
Basking in quasi-defeated misery enhanced by an uncomfortable level of arousal, Neji was suddenly jerked out of his reverie when he saw someone approaching. He stiffened for a moment before he saw the telltale blonde ponytails and noted who it was: Temari of the Sand. She'd been made a Chuunin at the same time he had and was often in Konoha on account of the new alliance with Suna, though he'd never fought her personally or had much occasion to speak with her.
He found it strange that she wasn't carrying her fan, but then her cheeks were flushed and her smile inviting, and she seemed not at all in the mood for fighting. He wondered if it was some sort of act.
"Warm night, huh?" she asked as she slid in beside him, throwing him an oddly heated gaze through half-lidded blue-green eyes.
"Hn." No. Not now. He had to work through his problems. What about his training? That and it was distracting fantasizing about his Hinata naked while another girl-- and a rather enticingly curvaceous one at that-- stood nearby. If only it were his cousin standing there, eyelids heavy and palely glowing skin covered by a fine sheen of sweat...
Damn, he wished this girl would leave!
Instead of leaving though, she drew a hand across her sweaty chest, running her slick pink tongue over her bottom lip. "Nights like this..." she said, tilting her head back sensually as she shifted her hips, "make me so hot."
Neji swallowed. This wasn't good. At all.
"You wanna know what else makes me hot?"
Oh god.
Grinning wickedly, she jerked with her chin and started away from him. "C'mon. I'll show you."
Watching her hips sway beneath the tight purple fabric of her uniform with only a blurry realization of what was happening, he followed her. A few blocks over, she led him down a deserted alley where the only light was a pale reflection of neon signs off the main road. Away from the prying eyes of the villagers, she leaned back against a broken brick wall, sent him a wanton gaze as she tilted her head back, and spread her thighs.
He wasn't sure he was going to do it until she untied her outer halter top with sweaty fingers, and her breasts fell loose beneath the gauzy material of her shirt. Seeing the hard, dark nipples pressing through the wetly clinging fabric, he knew he couldn't stop himself.
Pressing her hard against the wall, her thigh thrown around his waist and tongue plunging wetly into his ear, he fucked her, a girl he neither knew nor cared about, without a moment's hesitation. The pain he'd caused Tenten and the love he felt for Hinata flashing like lightning through his mind as he thrust into her, he felt as though he was betraying everything he believed in and everyone who'd ever believed in him.
He wondered if it even mattered anymore.