Somewhere in Between
Chapter 8 – Cat Among the Pigeons
A week later, Laura was utterly convinced that she was walking the path of righteousness. For the past seven days, she had been carefully conniving, planning how she could put the new information about Dee and his deep, dark secret to good use. She needed him to tell her, but couldn't think how she could get him to do that. Then the answer fell into her lap, proving conclusively to her mind at least, that her actions were justified and, goddammit, the only thing to do.
The day after Danny and Lisa returned to England, Dee received word that Tyler was wanted at the precinct to try and identify her attacker. They had arrested a guy for a mugging earlier that day and felt that he fitted the description Dee's friend had given them. Laura doubted they had collared the young man she had met – he hadn't seemed like the type to commit a street robbery - but she went along with the pretence, acting both nervous and yet determined as she rode with Dee to the station.
The procedure was explained to her as Dee stood by supportively, his green eyes boring through the one-way glass to study the faces of the men brought in for the line-up. Heaven help them if the culprit was there, he thought darkly. He pulled back from those thoughts as Tyler started to walk back and forth, standing directly in front of each man and scrutinising him thoroughly before she moved onto the next. Silence hung in the air as she then walked back and repeated the process.
"He's not there," she said eventually.
The officer in charge glanced at Dee before he looked at her. "Are you absolutely sure, Ms. Brown?"
She nodded, her mouth drawn into a thin line that indicated tension. "Positive."
She looked away from the clearly disappointed cop as a hand came to rest on her shoulder. Dee smiled as he met her gaze.
"You did good," he proclaimed, before he jerked his head in the direction of the door. "Come on, we may as well get out of here." He started to guide her out of the room, nodding his thanks to the cop that let them out. Once they were alone in the corridor, he stopped. "Are you okay? You look kinda pale."
She nodded, about to embark on the greatest piece of acting in her life. "I'm fine," she snapped, her sudden vitriol taking Dee completely by surprise. "Just leave it, okay?"
She started to storm off, when a hand caught her arm, preventing her from leaving.
"Tyler, what's wrong? You seemed fine in there…"
"I'm fine now!" She snatched her arm free and hurried away from him, banging through the double doors that led out into the parking lot, leaving Dee trailing in her wake. He had to run to catch up with her as she strode past the car and made for the exit.
"Tyler, stop!" he implored as he ran in front of her, blocking her path. "Tell me what's wrong. I can help you."
She glared at him fiercely, although she managed to combine the look with one of imminent tears. "You wouldn't understand," she yelled, "So stop trying!"
Dee was about to combust with confusion. He knew he was second-guessing, but she wasn't giving him any clues. "Tyler, was the guy that attacked you in there?"
"No."
"Honestly?"
"Yes!"
"Then what?" His deep frown reflected both his confusion and his concern. "Bottling shit up isn't good; I should know."
Laura let out a long, angry breath. "He wasn't there, but I'll admit, a couple of them looked a lot like him. It brought back some bad memories." She paused and stared down at her feet. "I didn't tell the cops everything. I didn't want you to know that he tried to rape me."
Dee looked horrified. "You didn't say anything because I was there?"
She nodded.
"Oh God," he continued, putting his hand to his mouth. "Tyler, how could you think you couldn't say anything?"
She looked straight at him, wondering if he was about to take the bait. "Because how could you understand how that feels? Knowing that someone wanted to touch you even though you didn't want them to? I didn't want your sympathy; all those false sentimental clichés." Her voice grew louder as her anger re-grouped. "Hey, Tyler, I understand what you're going through. Well, bullshit; you don't know and you never will."
She was about to storm off again when Dee caught her by the arm. "I do understand," he said quietly. "I do."
She reacted with a look of disbelief. "How can you?"
He glanced around the parking lot before he responded. "Because I was sexually assaulted when I was abducted, that's why."
Laura's expression changed so she looked suitably shocked by this revelation. Her hands covered her mouth; the act of a woman whose words had hurt her dearest friend. "Oh my God, Dee, I'm so sorry."
Seeing she looked ready to burst into tears, he threw his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "It's okay to be scared, Tyler, trust me, I know."
Laura let herself go into overdrive and her strong reaction succeeded in making Dee forget to warn her not to say anything about his own experience. He consoled and reassured her, pushing aside his own emotions to convey that he would support her one hundred percent.
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Dee awoke suddenly, aware of his heart pounding in his chest in the stillness of the night. He looked across to see if he'd woken Ryo but found the other still sleeping soundly, his gentle features telling Dee that his dreams were more peaceful than his own. Dee ran a hand through his hair and slipped out of bed, mindful not to wake his lover. Normally when he couldn't sleep, he would go out on the veranda and stand, drinking in the night air while he listened to the sounds of the city. Not wanting to disturb the household, he stayed in the bedroom and moved over to the window, which he opened just a crack so that he could smoke without filling the room with fumes.
The rush of nicotine felt good, calming his emotions, wound tight in the aftermath of his dream. He couldn't recall the last time he'd had a nightmare about his kidnapping ordeal but he suspected that dealing with Tyler had brought it all back to him. Tapping his cigarette gently against the ashtray, Dee turned and glanced back at his lover, still sleeping peacefully. Ryo still didn't know the whole story of what had happened to him during those five days he had been missing. He'd meant it when he'd told Lou, his psychologist in England, that he wasn't going to tell Ryo about the abuse he had endured and he still stuck by that decision. What would he have gained by telling him?
On his return to work, he had been interviewed by both the precinct psychiatrist and the Chief, who despite his constant griping at Dee to work harder, was something of a father-figure to the dark haired detective. He had told both of them exactly what had happened, proving to himself that he wasn't frightened of talking about it. It was just Ryo who was important, Ryo who he cared about and who he desperately didn't want to be changed by learning about Dee's fate. It was the only thing that mattered.
In the light of his revelations, Dee had begged the Chief not to treat him differently, but he knew with some certainty that the older man now cut him some slack where he previously would have reprimanded him. He could cope with that – what he wouldn't be able to cope with was Ryo treating him differently. They were equals; pity had no place in their relationship. His cigarette smoked, he crushed the end into the ashtray and returned to bed, Ryo none the wiser about his unsettling dream.
In the morning, he remembered that he needed to warn Tyler about not saying anything to Ryo. As his lover showered, he went out to speak to her, only to find a note saying she had already left for work. He wasn't unduly concerned; he would speak to her that evening when Ryo took Bicky to basketball practice.
The two detectives received a call on Ryo's cellphone before they'd even reached the precinct. A body had been discovered in an alleyway behind some apartments and they had been chosen to head up the investigation. Dee turned the car around and they drove to the address the dispatcher had given, arriving at the scene to be greeted by the usual cast – the forensic team, several uniformed officers and a crowd of curious onlookers, waiting patiently for the sight of the body. Dee parked the car and the two men headed towards the scene of carnage, not bothering to show their badges since several people present already knew them.
"Hey, Dee, Randy," the uniformed cop at the mouth of the alleyway called out as they approached. "You guys got here quick."
"We hadn't reached the precinct yet," Ryo explained as they ducked under the cordon. "What have you got for us, Tony?"
"White male, looks to be in his late twenties, early thirties. Battered about the head and upper body with a baseball bat that was found next to the body. I've got the names of the people that found him and a couple of other people that think they heard something last night."
"Thanks, Tony," Ryo said, taking the officer's notebook off him and going down onto his haunches as he started to copy down the details.
"You see the game last night?" the cop asked, turning to Dee who was studying the scene closely.
"Yeah," he replied, never making eye contact. "I swear I'll have a heart attack if they keep playing like that."
"Totally," Tony agreed, rolling his eyes as the head of the forensics team approached.
"Detective McLain?" the small, balding man asked, addressing Dee.
"Uh huh," the dark haired man replied, accepting the proffered handshake. "But call me Dee. It's simpler. This is my partner, Detective McLain." He grinned at the other man's confusion. "That's why."
Ryo stood from his crouched position and shook hands with the pathologist. "Randy McLain. Please call me Randy."
"I'm Paul Johnson, senior pathologist. You're not brothers are you?" the older man asked with a frown, clearly trying but failing to see the family resemblance as the three men started to walk towards the scene.
"We're married," Dee replied casually. "I changed my name."
"Oh, right," Johnson said, his expression not indicating whether he was shocked or not.
"So what have we got?" Ryo asked as the three reached the body sprawled amongst the alleyway detritus. He glanced across at Dee, the action an unconscious way of preventing the sickening sight at his feet from causing his breakfast to depart his stomach. When he looked back to the subject of their conversation, he was more ready for it – Ryo the human being had successfully transformed into Ryo the hardened detective, ready to handle the worst side of human nature and the destruction it left in its wake. He knew Dee, and indeed almost all of his colleagues, went through a similar process at a crime scene.
"Well, the ID in his wallet says his name is Dennis Scott. The poor guy died from his head injuries, probably between about eleven pm and one am."
"Ties in with what the witness said," Ryo added, glancing at his notebook.
The pathologist nodded. "We've taken what we're assuming is the murder weapon and samples from around the scene back for analysis. We'll let you know when the results are in."
"Appreciate it," Ryo replied as Dee nodded his agreement.
They stayed a little longer, looking over the crime scene with their expert eyes as the body was removed. Certain they had seen enough, they returned to their car to decide what to do next.
"Wanna go talk to the family?" Dee asked, lighting a cigarette as he shrugged off his jacket, the day pleasantly warm.
Ryo looked torn. "Maybe we should check out the witness first." He paused and glanced at his watch. "But we've got that meeting at one."
Dee rolled his eyes, never one for meetings. The meeting room at the precinct was stuffy at the best of times so the thought of spending a warm afternoon crammed in there with several detectives, some of which were of slightly larger frame than he and Ryo, didn't exactly please him.
"How about…" Ryo said, his pause indicating that he was still thinking. "You go and talk to the family and I'll go and interview the witness? That should save some time."
Dee looked thoughtful. "Works for me. Want me to come back and pick you up?"
Ryo shook his head. "It's okay. I'll get the subway when I'm done. I'll see you back at the precinct."
Dee watched him walk away in the direction of the apartment block, smiling to himself at the sight of Ryo's trim behind, encased in a well-fitting pair of tailored slacks, swaying gently from side to side as he walked. Reluctantly he pushed aside his instinctive thoughts about that delectable behind as he swung himself into the car and set off to talk to the dead man's family.
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Ryo left the apartment complex just over an hour later, wishing he'd given Dee his jacket to take in the car as the weather was really starting to heat up. Checking his watch, he realised he had a little time before their scheduled meeting, so he caught the subway and headed for the coffee bar they frequented near the precinct. As he was at the counter, paying for an ice-cold bottle of water, he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Oh, hey, Tyler." He smiled, handing over his money to the cashier. "What you doing here?"
She returned the smile. "Same as you." She gestured to the bottle in her hand. "I just got off work and figured I deserved a drink."
Ryo indicated a table in the corner and they went to sit down. Tyler had seemed quiet ever since she had come back from the ID parade but neither she nor Dee had said anything. Ryo hadn't asked, figuring that they would tell him if they wanted him to know.
"Are you feeling better today?" he asked, once they were seated. Dee had seemed very concerned about her from the way he'd fussed over her relentlessly the previous evening and he wanted to show that although he didn't know exactly what was going on, he was concerned for her wellbeing nonetheless.
"Yeah," she said smiling brightly. "It really helped, talking to Dee."
Ryo sipped his water and nodded. "Well, he went through a lot last year and the PTSD programme he went on taught him a lot about coping. If anyone knows how to deal with stressful situations, it's him. The ID parade must have been really tough."
"Yeah, it was," she remarked, about to deliver the fatal blow. "But being able to tell him about well, you know, nearly being raped. That was a real weight off my mind. I mean, I knew you guys would have been sympathetic, but for Dee to have actually gone through the same thing himself, well, it just made me realise that when he said he understood how I felt, that he really did."
The bottle halted at Ryo's lips as his face creased into a frown. For a moment he thought he mustn't have heard her properly.
"I… I'm not sure I understand."
Laura kept her cool, maintaining the pretence of someone who didn't realise she was giving away a deep, dark secret. "Well, yeah. When he told me he'd been sexually abused when he was kidnapped… well, that just blew me away. I felt really bad; nothing actually happened to me, but poor Dee… It must have been horrible for him."
Her acting skills went into overdrive as she recognised the look on Ryo's face. Her hands flew to her mouth as her eyes widened.
"Oh my God, Randy, I just assumed you knew! Oh Jesus… Oh shit…"
Ryo's blank expression went no way to conveying the maelstrom of emotions he'd been hit by. Dee had been sexually assaulted? How could he have never said anything? He had no idea how he did it, but he managed to put aside his own feelings to comfort Tyler, who looked clearly devastated.
"I thought you knew," she repeated, on the verge of tears. "You're so close, I thought he would have told you."
Ryo laid a hand on hers, but couldn't raise a smile. "It's okay, Tyler. You weren't to know. Don't blame yourself."
"Please don't say anything," Tyler pleaded, meeting Ryo's troubled dark eyes. "I can't bear to have Dee hate me. He's the only family I've got."
Despite his pain, Ryo nodded. "I have to go," he said, glancing at his watch. "I'll see you at home."
"I'm so sorry, Randy."
"I know."
She watched him go, and only when he was safely from view did she allow herself to smile. "I am sorry, Randy," she said quietly, disliking seeing him unhappy. "But it's for your own good."
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Ryo didn't know how he managed to sit through the meeting. His mind wasn't on work and a couple of times, when he was asked for his opinion, he provided less than satisfactory responses. Dee had typically arrived late, and was forced to sit on the only available seat by the door. He'd made eye contact with Ryo and grinned and somehow, the blond had managed to return the smile, although he was certain his insides were crumbling to dust. At least he wasn't close enough for conversation. He wasn't sure he could make small talk, or even put aside his feelings to talk about work. Sitting pretending to listen to the detective chairing the meeting, Ryo tried to pinpoint exactly what it was he was feeling. The adjectives were in danger of running into double figures. Shock was top of the list, swiftly followed by hurt and anger.
Why hadn't Dee told him? Didn't he trust him with something like that? His two primary emotions mingled together, ensuring a smooth transition from one to the other and then back again. He inadvertently caught Dee's eye and the other man grinned again. He'd trusted Dee with so many of his fears; he thought they knew each other inside out. Ryo's heart lurched – the realisation that he didn't know him at all sickening him to his stomach.
He feigned a headache on the way home, ensuring Dee left him to his silence. It was a huge relief since he doubted he could have hidden his pain if he'd had to talk about insignificant things like their evening meal or what they might watch on TV when they got in.
Throughout the evening, Ryo watched Dee like a hawk. Seeing him play boisterously with Bright, then ring Drake and bemoan the uselessness of their football team in between loud guffaws of laughter, made Ryo wonder if Tyler had heard him right. How could Dee be so… so normal, knowing he harboured this awful secret?
The question haunted him much later as they fell into bed together. Tyler had called to say she had gone to see Penguin and was staying over at the orphanage so she could help out the following day, although Ryo suspected she was worried about coming home. Bicky was staying the night at Cal's, leaving them completely alone; a situation which normally Ryo would have welcomed with open arms. For his part, Dee was in a great mood, culminating in his obvious signals that he wanted them to be intimate once they were in bed.
He spooned with his husband, dropping delicate kisses onto his neck and shoulders. Normally touches in that area were like a light switch for Ryo's libido, but tonight the sensations left him awkward and wishing Dee would stop. He pulled away but Dee's arm snaked around his chest and held him fast. He could feel Dee grinning as he continued to kiss.
"Dee…"
The kissing stopped, but the grin didn't. "You still got that headache? I've got the perfect cure…"
The hand around his chest trailed lower to cup his groin, the caress awakening his desire, despite the fact that his mind was not willing. It felt wrong to be intimate with something so serious between them. But how could he tell Dee that he knew? He didn't want to Tyler to bear the brunt of the inevitable conflict. She hadn't known that Dee had kept it to himself; like she'd said, they were so close, it seemed logical that Ryo would have known.
"Dee, I'm really tired," he protested, squeezing his eyes shut, praying Dee couldn't hear the strain in his voice and the tension in his body.
The response was a sigh. "Okay, okay, I get the message. I guess I'll just hope for a wet dream instead."
"Sorry," Ryo muttered, feeling bad, but not for long as the sound of gentle snoring greeted his ears.
The following day was their day off – something which Ryo felt couldn't have come at a worse time. Without work to distract them, Dee would surely sense that there was something wrong, infinitely more serious than a headache. The day seemed to drag and by mid afternoon, Ryo couldn't stand it anymore. When Dee announced he was taking Bright for a walk, Ryo was on the phone the moment he was out of sight. He was relieved when he rang the orphanage and the nun that answered the phone said Tyler was still there.
"Hey Tyler," Ryo said as the girl came on the line, his voice low despite the fact that Dee had gone. "Listen, I know I said I wouldn't tell Dee that you let slip what had happened to him, but I have to say something. It's tearing me up."
"But, Randy…"
"I'm sorry, I know I said I wouldn't but…" He broke off to fight for composure. "I can't just carry on as normal. I'll tell him it's not your fault, I promise."
There was silence for a moment before she responded and when she did, it was clear that she wasn't happy. "Okay. I guess I don't have any choice."
"Thanks, Tyler," he replied, clearly relieved that she had agreed.
"No problem… I hope."
"Can you do one more thing? Will you meet Bicky and Cal from school and take them for a pizza? They're both supposed to be coming back here for dinner but I think we'll need the time to talk."
"Uh, yeah sure."
He checked she had the funding to feed herself and the two teens, which she did, even offering to take them to the bowling alley afterwards. Once he'd gone, Laura hung up, just as Sister Maria entered the office.
"Is everything okay, Tyler?" she asked.
Laura smiled broadly. "Oh yeah, everything is just fine."
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Ryo found himself pacing around the living room as he waited for Dee to return. The relief he'd felt at knowing he wouldn't be betraying Tyler had subsided, leaving behind the fear that he was about to confront Dee about things he may not wish to know. He jumped as the key went in the lock, his insides clenching nervously. Bright came bounding into the room, followed by Dee, who grinned to see his husband watching their return.
"Hey, baby. You feelin' better? Now the mutt's walked, we can have some quality Dee and Ryo time!" He crossed the room and snaked his arm around Ryo's waist, reeling him in for a kiss. He pulled back and frowned when the embrace wasn't met with similar fervour.
"Dee… I need to talk to you," Ryo said, biting the bullet and launching straight in.
"Fine," Dee replied, stepping back. "No problem. What d'you want to talk about?"
He missed the look in Ryo's dark eyes as he began to search his pockets for a cigarette.
"About you."
He looked up, finally seeing the trepidation on his husband's face. "What about me? Did I do something?"
Ryo swallowed hard, knowing he couldn't spare Tyler any longer. "I found something out yesterday, and I can't keep pretending I don't know. Tyler's worried you'll hate her, but please Dee, she didn't realise she wasn't supposed to say anything."
The look on Dee's face told him his lover knew exactly what he was talking about. The unlit cigarette was pulled from his lips and he sighed, shaking his head slowly. "Shit…" he muttered, putting his hand to his head as if he had developed a sudden pain there. "She told you."
Ryo nodded, knowing Dee's response confirmed that this wasn't just some horrible misunderstanding. It had been a long shot to hope that, but he was only human after all. Who wouldn't want such awful news to be erroneous?
"She thought I'd already know…" He knew he sounded accusatory but the hurt forced him to do it.
Dee went and sat on the couch, his head falling into his hands. Bright came over to investigate, but the dark haired man ordered him into his bed in the kitchen, a command which the intuitive canine obeyed sharply.
"What did Tyler say?" he asked, the words muffled as they came from between his fingers.
Ryo found himself unable to go and sit down. Instead, he remained standing off to the left, the coffee table providing a barrier between them. The blond found the distance strangely necessary. "She said… that you understood how she felt, because you'd been the victim of sexual assault." He paused and forced himself to make eye contact. "It happened before we met, right? And you just never told me."
Dee had to look away, unable to bear the pleading look in his husband's eyes. Lying was futile; the situation was bad enough without further deception to complicate matters.
"No… it was last year. When I was abducted." He looked up through long bangs to see Ryo's weary acceptance of what he'd hoped wasn't true. After a long, loaded silence, Dee spoke again. "What're you thinking?" he asked, unable to even hazard a guess.
"I can't understand why you didn't tell me. I mean, you told Tyler. Does anyone else know?"
Dee closed his eyes. "Just the counsellors on the PTSD programme, Danny and the chief."
"The chief!?" The response had shot from Ryo's lips before he could stop it. "Even the chief knew, but I didn't?!"
"It was my choice," Dee snapped back. "Goddamnit, Ryo. Would you prefer that I kept it all inside?"
"No!" Ryo found himself almost shouting and made a conscious effort to convey his hurt rather than his anger. When he spoke again, his voice was quieter. "It just hurts to know that you confided in other people than me. I'm supposed to be your husband."
"Exactly. And that's why I didn't want you to know. I wanted to pick up where we left off; not have this hanging over us."
"But I could have helped you through it," Ryo protested.
"You did, you just didn't realise it."
The blond's eyes narrowed. "Wait… that night you rang from England, wanting to come home. This had something to do with it, didn't it?"
Dee nodded, glancing longingly at the cigarette he had placed on table, wanting the comfort of nicotine rather than this difficult conversation. "Yeah. Apparently I'd repressed the memories of what happened, but the therapy brought it out. The night I rang, I'd just started to piece together what had happened."
Ryo sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "So you remember all of it now?"
"Pretty much."
Ryo faltered, but his next question still had to be asked. "Were you…?"
"Raped? No. I was examined when I was admitted to hospital."
"Oh, right," Ryo replied flatly, realising he'd never even been told that the medical staff had checked for signs of sexual injury. He began to wonder just how out of the loop he'd been during those dark days.
"Ryo, talk to me."
"I don't know what to say, Dee," he said honestly. "I – I thought I knew you."
"You do! Look, this isn't a big deal."
The blond shook his head sadly. "When you came home, I just wanted to jump your bones every time I saw you…"
"Ditto," Dee interrupted, failing to see where his lover was going with the comment.
"… but what if you hadn't felt like that, huh? What if you'd not been ready to be intimate? I could have been hurting you without even knowing."
Dee rolled his eyes, biting down on a comment involving mountains and molehills. Ryo however saw the non-verbal response and grew angry.
"Dee, this isn't some stupid fight about who's going to take out the trash, so don't act like it is! I want to try and understand why you feel you couldn't tell me about what happened to you."
Green eyes narrowed dangerously. "You think that's how I see it? Like I'm making light of it? I was fucking assaulted, Ryo, I probably would have been fucking raped too if I hadn't been half-dead, so don't tell me I'm acting like it's an argument about trash!"
Ryo stopped short of his response. He'd known this conversation wouldn't be easy, but it was veering wildly out of control and he decided to take responsibility to calm things down again. The raven-haired man looked furious and Ryo knew he had his work cut out.
"Dee…" Ryo said suddenly, stepping around the coffee table to placate his angry lover. "Please…"
Dee however was on his feet first.
"No, fuck you, Ryo. I don't wanna hear it."
He snatched up his car keys and cigarettes and made for the front door, slamming it behind him without a backward glance before Ryo could speak or act.
TBC…