Author's note – This chapter never made it to ffnet but if you followed me to adultfanfictionnet then you may have read it there. After this, it's new chapters. Please leave a review! -Swordy

Somewhere in Between

Chapter 9 – Papering Over the Cracks

Hour after hour passed. Ryo had no idea where Dee had gone. Laura and Bicky came home at nine o'clock after dropping Cal back at her aunt's and, as Bicky went into his room with an excited Bright in tow, Laura went to speak to Ryo, her expression apprehensive.

"Where's Dee?" she asked, seeing him alone in the kitchen.

He turned to face her, leaving the cupboard he was rearranging. "I don't know. We had a fight."

"Does he hate me?" she asked quietly. "It's all my fault, after all."

Ryo shook his head firmly. "It's me he's angry at, Tyler."

She frowned. "Why should he be angry at you? You haven't done anything wrong."

"I guess I wasn't very understanding," he conceded. "I'm just so hurt, Tyler. I didn't handle it very well."

She moved closer to him and laid a hand on his arm, almost losing herself in the touch. His aftershave was subtle but the effect was almost hypnotic. It took all her willpower not to confess her undying love there and then. "Don't feel bad, Randy. Dee's always been a hot-head. It's wrong of him to get mad at you. If he can't see that you just want to help, then that's his problem."

"I need to apologise," Ryo sighed, rubbing his forehead absent-mindedly. "I just wish he'd come home."

Laura stepped back. "But he should be apologising to you! Randy, you gotta stick up for yourself."

Ryo looked surprised by the force of her conviction. "You think?"

"Yeah." She nodded firmly. "I can understand why's he's upset, but it's me he should be mad at, not you."

Her words stayed with him as he lay awake watching the digits on the clock turn to two am, with still no sign of Dee. As the time dragged on, Ryo could feel his worry and hurt being replaced by anger – Dee was punishing him with this disappearing act. Just after two thirty, Ryo heard the front door open and click shut quietly. He debated whether to pretend to be asleep when Dee came into the room, but he never had to make the final decision as their bedroom door remained firmly closed. Finally, weary and exhausted, he fell asleep, hating the vastness of the bed with the empty space beside him.

He awoke with a start, his mind taking a few moments before his thoughts were in a coherent order. Dee hadn't climbed into bed with him, as he'd hoped. He stood and stretched, intending to go and wake the other man, who he presumed was on the couch. Sleep would hopefully have softened the sharp edges of his lover's anger. He was still aggrieved himself, but he was prepared to let things go if Dee was too. He frowned as he exited the bedroom and found the couch empty. Dee was clearly already up. He located him in the kitchen, prepping a syringe to administer his first insulin shot of the day.

"Coffee's in the pot," Dee muttered without looking up.

"Thanks."

Ryo poured himself a cup and turned to watch as Dee injected himself in his arm, before rolling his sleeve back down and packing his equipment away. He stood and pulled on his jacket, which had been draped over the back of his chair, patting the pockets once it was on to check he had his cigarettes and lighter. Ryo frowned.

"Are you leaving?"

"Yeah," he replied, still not making eye contact as he grabbed his keys off the table. "Ted asked me to help him out with something while Marty's off. You can make your own way in, right?"

Ryo nodded numbly, wondering if it was Ted that his lover had been out with until after two am. "Uh, sure."

"Great," Dee replied, not sounding like he meant it. "Well, I'll see you at the station."

"Dee…" Ryo started to say as the other man turned to leave. Dee stopped; hard green eyes meeting anxious brown ones. "I love you."

The response was an almost imperceptible nod before Dee picked up his briefcase and left the apartment.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Despite it nearing lunchtime, the two detectives had barely spoken since Ryo had arrived at the precinct. They had travelled together to follow up some leads and re-interview the family of the guy that had been found beaten to death in the alleyway, their conversations clipped and always pertaining to some aspect of the case they were working on. The animosity between them was noticeable at times – Ryo had caught the dead man's family exchanging glances a couple of times when Dee had replied sharply to something he had said. When they arrived back at the precinct, Drake communicated a similar observation to Ryo when Dee's back was turned. Ryo shrugged and mouthed 'don't ask', just before Dee turned around.

Shortly after lunch, all the detectives in Criminal Investigations were told to remain at the precinct. They were starting to grumble about wanting to get on so they could leave on time as the door opened and someone stepped into the meeting room where they had been told to assemble - a someone that none of them had seen for quite a while.

"Commissioner!" Ryo said out loud, causing even those that hadn't turned at the sound of the door to look up.

Berkley Rose smiled as he slowly made his way into the room full of surprised men. A couple of them moved aside for him as he walked slowly, assisted by a cane, until he reached an empty chair and sat down. He surveyed the silent room and spoke.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen. I trust you're all well."

There were nods and murmured responses, before Ryo spoke.

"It's good to see you back, Sir. How are you feeling?"

Rose smiled, having known that Ryo would be the one to ask. "I'm very well, Detective McLain, thank you for asking. I just wanted to stop by and see how you all were before I officially start back next week. I can assure you that despite my physical condition that I'm more than capable and more than ready to return to the helm. Don't expect an easy time once I'm back."

There were good-natured cheers around the room. That was the old Berkley Rose talking. From conversations with Diana, they'd gained a rough picture of Rose's condition whilst he had been absent. The beating he'd received had caused brain injury, the seriousness of which he was lucky to have survived. Once he had regained consciousness and was over the worst, he had started down an incredibly long road to recovery that clearly, at least on a physical level, he was still travelling upon. His speech had been affected and he'd spent a long time in rehabilitation, relearning basic skills. His mind was as sharp as ever, but gross motor movements such as walking were clearly still an issue.

Conversation remained fairly light-hearted, as the detectives filled Rose in on some of the goings on at the precinct while he'd been away. A glance at the clock told Ryo that they were in danger of being late to their appointment with one of the witnesses in their most recent case. He informed Dee, who stubbed out his cigarette and grabbed his jacket before he made to exit the room.

"Later, guys," he said, somewhat gruffly as he left. Ryo was in the process of excusing them and reiterating to the commissioner that it was good to have him back, when Dee stuck his head back round the door.

"Come on, Ryo. You can carry on kissing Rose's ass later. We're gonna be late."

Eyes wide and cheeks flushed with embarrassment, Ryo collected his own belongings and made after his irritated partner. When the two detectives had gone, Rose turned to Drake who was sitting across from him.

"Trouble in paradise?" he commented, one golden brow raised questioningly as his eyes straying to the now-closed door.

Drake shrugged, glancing at Ted, who made a similar gesture. They'd both spent the evening with Dee after being called up by the dark-haired cop at short notice. They'd known straight away that something was wrong, but they hadn't asked, knowing Dee would tell them if he wanted them to know. From the interaction they had witnessed just now, it looked pretty certain that the source of their friend's anger was a lover's tiff.

Ryo raced down the stairs, only catching up with Dee in the parking lot; a good thing since he had plenty to say and the parking lot was the least populated area.

"How dare you!" he growled, clenching his fists as Dee went to unlock the car. "You had no fucking right to make me look stupid back there."

Dee didn't have to look to know Ryo was angry – the unfamiliar invective was enough to confirm his ire. He felt a little guilty, but the apology was still grudging.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

Ryo met his irritated glare with one of his own. "Then why don't I believe you?" Dee opened his mouth to respond but the blond cut him off, aware of the time and several other officers passing through the parking lot who were looking in their direction. "Look, forget it. Let's just go and do this interview."

They managed to contain their bitterness until they arrived home, but general tiredness, a problem with their mortgage payment and finding that Bright had chewed his way through several pairs of shoes, waylaid any intention either one of them may have had to make peace. Not wanting to distract them from their fight, Laura rounded up Bicky and offered to take him and Cal to the movies.

"So do you know what's going on?" Bicky asked, once they were at Cal's aunt's place, waiting for Cal to get her jacket.

Laura shrugged and studied the floor. "I don't know for definite. I'm sure they'll be okay though. Every couple has arguments."

Bicky gave her a look, wondering whether she was deliberately being patronising. "Yeah, well, I know Dee and Ryo pretty well, and they don't argue much. This one seems pretty bad."

"Look, don't worry about it," she said with a smile as Cal appeared and the three of them set off to the movie theatre. They were so engrossed in conversation, Laura didn't realise that they were walking right past her old place of work until she heard someone calling her name. The street wasn't particularly busy, causing the insistent voice to travel.

"Laura! Hey, Laura!"

Bicky and Cal both frowned as they turned to see a blond girl waving in their direction. Tyler, it seemed, hadn't heard her and carried on walking.

"Uh, Tyler? I think that girl's shouting to you."

Laura felt her pulse start to race, her heart pounding loudly in her ears. She knew the voice, it was Kelly Capland. The bitch could blow her cover. "She's obviously mistaken, or crazy," she added, rolling her eyes and grinning.

Bicky shot a look at Cal. The girl certainly didn't look mistaken.

"Hey, Laura, why you ignoring me, eh? Don't you wanna catch up with your old work buddy?"

Stupid fucking bitch.

"Well, she's definitely got the wrong person," she chuckled to the two teens. "Can you picture me working somewhere like that?"

"Guess not," Bicky replied, seeing logic in her argument and relaxing. The three of them turned a corner and Laura was relieved when she glanced around to see that Kelly wasn't following them.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ryo removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily before unsuccessfully stifling a yawn. With Bicky and Tyler out the previous evening, they'd attempted to talk through their problems but the situation had quickly degenerated into another fight. The blond sighed heavily as he thought back to the harsh words that had been exchanged.

You didn't talk to me, Dee. Can't you understand why I'm so hurt? I feel like you don't trust me.

Jesus, Ryo we've been through this a million fucking times!

Yes, and I'm still no closer to understanding.

Then don't try.

Ryo could recall the expression on his husband's face. Dee could look downright intimidating when he wanted to. The look wasn't new – he'd seen Dee use it on the criminals that he viewed as particular low-lives – but he'd never seen him turn the harsh, unflinching stare on him. He almost felt like a flower, wilting beneath the glaring sun, but not for long. His instinctive sense of self-preservation made him fight back and before long, they had reached the point where they had moved to separate rooms, and then separate buildings to prevent a more intense confrontation.

It felt so alien to be barely speaking to Dee, but they had reached a stalemate. Neither of them would make the first step towards conciliation, feeling it was the other man that ought to be responsible. They were both hurt and angry, frustrated by the fact that they couldn't seem to make the other see why they were hurting. Ryo was agonisingly torn – whatever the issue between them, it didn't take away the fact that Dee had been assaulted, had had his body invaded and for that, he desperately wanted to comfort his husband and make him understand that he was there for him. However, Dee's stubborn refusal to accept that comfort, saying that he was over it already, sent out a clear signal to Ryo, that Dee didn't want or need him.

"Ryo? Are you okay?"

The blond startled at the question. He looked up to see Drake watching him closely from across the desk. "Only you've been doing that for the past couple of minutes."

Drake nodded in the direction of Ryo's hands, one of which was using an eraser to rub out a pencil error he had made. Not only had the error gone, he had rubbed right through to the surface of his desk. Ryo blushed slightly at the obvious lapse in concentration and screwed up the ruined piece of paper before tossing it into the trash can. "Sorry."

Drake smiled. "Don't apologise. It was your paper you just wrecked."

Ryo glanced ruefully at the work on his desk, very little of which he'd actually completed since he'd arrived that morning. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, resigning himself to the fact that he wasn't in the right frame of mind for work, not with everything hanging over him.

"I may as well just give up. I just can't concentrate."

Drake's expression was sympathetic. He knew Dee was having a hard time of it too, although his friend reacted very differently than the subdued and distant Ryo. Frustratingly, neither man had shed any light on the reason for their huge rift, leaving Drake unsure what to do, other than be there for them if they needed to talk.

"Leave if you want to, I'll cover for you."

Ryo looked horrified, then thoughtful, before he shook his head. "No, it's okay. Thanks for the offer though."

He had no idea how, but he managed to tie up some loose ends before he finished his shift. Dee had covered JJ's shift earlier that day, since the other man was sick, and he and Ryo had nothing pressing to attend to other than paperwork. When Ryo got home, Dee was there, sprawled on the couch with Bright lying entangled in his long legs. The dark-haired man muttered a greeting, but didn't turn from the television, which was broadcasting a football game. Ryo went to get changed, unhappily noting that Dee wasn't exhibiting any signs that he wanted to call a truce. He frowned at the unholy mess in their bedroom, before starting to pick up the clothes wearily. At the moment, an argument about dirty linen seemed completely insignificant. When he left the bedroom, Dee finally made eye contact.

"Elena rang for you," he said flatly, his green eyes boring into Ryo's. "You know, she asked me three times if I was okay. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she knows we're fighting."

Ryo flushed guiltily, unable to hide the telltale colour from his irritated husband.

"Just how much did you tell her, Ryo? Jesus, can't you just keep it between us?"

The flush quickly turned to one of anger, the response out of his mouth before it could be censored by his brain. "What? Like you did?"

Sarcasm didn't suit Ryo and he knew it. He also knew it was a sure-fire way to ensure that Dee wouldn't calm down any time soon.

"For fuck's sake, Ryo. Don't you think this is getting old?"

"Yes! But that's because we just go round in circles. We need to sort this out, Dee…"

"Hey, well I'll get my magic fucking wand out shall I?" the younger man spat, stubbing out his cigarette and tossing the ashtray onto the coffee table with such force that it clattered loudly, threatening to spill its contents.

"We don't need magic – we just need to talk, but you won't."

"Because there's nothing to talk about! Get over it, Ryo." The ebony-haired man left the couch and went to stand in front of the window, turning his back on his lover. The announcer on the television broke the silence, informing the men that it was five o'clock. Ryo spoke soon after.

"Dee, please. Bicky will be home soon and I don't want him to see us fighting like this."

Dee looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know what? You're right." He left the window and headed for the bedroom.

"Dee? What are you doing?" His attempt to follow as Dee disappeared into their bedroom was met by failure when the door wouldn't open, locked from the inside. He heard the mutterings of a telephone conversation, frustratingly unintelligible, before the sounds of movement within the room. Ryo met Bright's intense gaze, the dog communicating a similar confusion about what was going on, before there was a click, and the bedroom door flew open. Dee strode out, a large holdall in one hand and a rucksack in the other.

"Dee…?"

The larger bag was dumped by the door then Dee took the rucksack into the kitchen where he started to fill it with some of Bright's belongings and tins of dog food.

"Dee, what are you doing?" Ryo asked again, although the answer was quickly becoming all too apparent. The sick feeling in his stomach intensified as Dee pulled his jacket on.

"I've called Drake. I'm going to stay at his place for a few days. We need a bit of space from each other," he said mutely, his emerald eyes reflecting a mix of simmering anger and pain. "I'll take Bright with me. He'll only pine for me otherwise."

"Dee, please," Ryo replied, following Dee to the front door, his voice threatening to crack with emotion. "You don't have to go."

Dee looked down, readjusting his grip on the heavy bags. "Yes I do. At this rate we'll end up killing each other. I just need some thinking time."

"Yeah?" Swallowing back tears, Ryo continued. "What about what I need? Maybe I don't want you to go."

Dee sighed heavily, his husband's handsome but emotional features making his decision unbelievably difficult. "Ryo, over the last few days I've watched our marriage crumbling before my eyes and Jesus, I don't wanna let that happen. But I can't stay." Making an instinctive decision he stepped forward and dropped a tender but fleeting kiss on Ryo's forehead. "I love you, baby," he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Don't let anyone tell you different."

He opened the front door with the hand holding the least cumbersome bag and made a clicking noise to get his canine companion's attention.

"Bright. Heel."

The dog instantly obeyed, giving the impression of being glued to his master's leg as Dee strode down the corridor towards the elevator. He didn't look back, despite sensing that Ryo was standing at the door watching their departure.

The blond stayed there for several minutes after man and dog had gone. Somehow, closing the door felt like it would make it all final, make it all real. Reluctantly he accepted that Dee was not about to reappear and run into his arms, saying he'd made a huge mistake, and he let the door swing shut, certain his heart was about to break.

When he'd been a teenager, he'd had a girlfriend he was convinced he was in love with. They'd spent a blissful summer together, a summer filled with promise as to what could lie ahead for them. Only fall had rolled around, and the girl announced that she was moving back to her home town and, more devastatingly, her long-term boyfriend, who she'd never actually taken a break from even when she'd been seeing him.

After she'd gone, he'd spent lonely days and nights in anguish, wondering what he had done for her to treat him so cruelly. His heart was broken – he'd professed as much to his parents and he was sure he'd never be able to love again. The thought of that teenage melodrama might have raised a chuckle or at least a smile under different circumstances, but at that moment, all Ryo could think about was how he hadn't really understood love at all.

Now Dee had gone, and the pain was indescribable. He crumpled to the floor, directly behind the door and wept, his face buried in his hands as he sobbed. He desperately wanted his lover's arms around him, and the knowledge that that would most definitely not happen made his grief all the more unbearable. Eventually, knowing Bicky was due home any time, he scraped himself up off the floor and splashed water on his face. The cool liquid did little to disguise his puffy, tear-reddened eyes but he felt a modicum more in control of his emotions, at least enough to prevent him from being a complete wreck in front of Bicky.

The boy, accompanied by Cal, entered the apartment a mere twenty minutes after Dee had left. Ryo was on the couch by then, his back to the door as they came in. He turned briefly to greet them, succeeding in not arousing their suspicions that anything was wrong. However, the inevitable and yet simple question 'where's Dee?' quickly demolished any bravado he had managed to cling to, and he felt the tears returning.

"Ryo?" Cal said, concerned as to why the detective suddenly hunched over, hiding his face with his hands. "Is something the matter?"

Ryo hadn't wanted this, hadn't wanted to burden adult problems on two carefree teens and he didn't speak for a few moments as he fought his feelings back under control.

"Dee's gone," he said eventually, his voice still heavy with emotion, despite successfully halting the tears.

"Gone?" Bicky asked, glancing at Cal worriedly.

"He thinks we need some time apart. He's gone to stay at Drake's for a while," Ryo clarified, looking up at last. Neither Bicky or Cal could hide their shock at his appearance.

"W-what happened?" Cal dumped her bag and went to join Ryo on the couch, her arms instinctively coming around his shoulder. He gave her a brief but grateful smile as he sniffed back more tears.

"You probably know something's been wrong and well, we're not doing so great at sorting it out. Living together and working together is wonderful most of the time, but when things are like they are now, it can make things tricky. Dee's probably right; we just need a little space so we can work things out."

"But what things?" Bicky asked in frustration, thinking Ryo's explanation was very vague. "What's happened? You guys never fight, well, not seriously." His answer did nothing to alleviate the teen's exasperation.

"I can't say. I'm sorry, guys, I know that doesn't tell you anything but I really can't say."

Sensitive as always, Cal could sense that they had reached a stalemate, and Bicky's insistence to know what was going on was just going to upset Ryo further.

"You look like you could do with a lie down," she said firmly to the blond, quickly glancing at her boyfriend to check that he had understood not to say anymore. "Tell you what: me and Bicky can get dinner and we'll wake you up in a couple of hours. How's that sound?"

They expected him to decline the offer but instead he smiled tiredly. "I think I'll do that, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

The two teens watched as he stood and headed for the bedroom, his whole demeanour displaying a sense of weary bewilderment at the situation he hadn't yet come to accept. When he'd gone, the bedroom door firmly closed behind him, Cal and Bicky turned their attention, and their confusion to each other.

"Poor Ryo," Cal said quietly, not wanting the troubled man to overhear them. "I can't believe Dee would walk out on him."

"Me either," Bicky replied, looking angry all of a sudden. "What the hell is he playing at?"

The girl laid a comforting hand on his arm. "Let's not jump to conclusions, Bic."

"Conclusions? Dee's not here and Ryo's a freakin' mess! What the hell are we supposed to think? I'm gonna go see Dee, find out what's going on."

"Bicky, please," Cal begged, grabbing his hand before he could leave. "Ryo won't thank you for interfering."

The boy looked incensed. "I won't be interfering. I just want to make Dee see sense and come home where he belongs."

Cal couldn't help the small smile, hearing him speak so defensively of the relationship that he had once strongly objected to. She sympathised with his frustration, knowing she too would do anything within her power to make things right with the men she thought of as family. The sound of the front door opening caused them both to turn sharply, both of them hoping they would see Dee returning. It was impossible for them to hide their disappointment as Tyler stepped in, the older girl smiling until she saw their matching expressions.

"What?"

Cal glanced at Bicky, before she turned back to Tyler, her finger going to her lips to indicate that they should talk quietly. Tyler frowned at the gesture as she joined them on the couch.

"Dee and Ryo have had a fight," Cal said, knowing it was probably the understatement of the year. "Dee's gone to stay with Drake for a bit."

Laura ensured she looked suitably shocked. "Where's Randy then?"

"Sleeping."

"Is he okay?"

Bicky answered first, his anger resurfacing. "No, he's not." There was accusation in his voice and expression that implied that because she was Dee's friend, she was somehow responsible for his actions. "Tyler, you know him best. Go and talk to him, find out what's going on. He'll listen to you."

This time, Cal didn't argue. If anyone was going to talk to Dee she would prefer it was Tyler. An old friend would understand him best and perhaps be able to persuade him into coming home. An old friend might make him see what he and Ryo had was deeply special, and worth going the extra mile for.

"What makes you think I can do anything?" was Laura's reply, the tone a little hostile given the circumstances. Certainly Cal and Bicky seemed surprised by it. "Sorry," she quickly apologised, realising the comment had sounded strange. Her hand went to her forehead, reflecting her apparent stress at the situation. "It's just I feel a little bit responsible."

"Why?" Bicky asked, anxious to understand what was going on and frustrated that first Ryo, and then Tyler was being so vague about what had gone on.

"I can't say. I'm sorry." She got up and walked into the kitchen, leaving Bicky and Cal communicating their helplessness at the situation. The boy's overriding feeling was one he was certain could not be right – she didn't seem to want to help Dee and Ryo make up.

TBC…