Author's note: I'm happy to say I'm finally starting to get on top of things again – I think I must have needed a holiday! Anyway, I wrote a lot while I was away and coming home to find so many reviews has made it all worth while. I just hope the next chapter (and everything that follows), are enough to convey my thanks. - Swordy

Somewhere in Between

Chapter 11 – Everybody Hurts

In the morning Bicky returned, having spent the night at a friend's. He noticed Ryo's obvious unhappiness, but didn't find out what was going on until his adoptive parent left for work and Cal, who had stayed the night in his absence, filled him in. Bicky listened with mounting anger, able to imagine Ryo's disappointment at receiving an olive branch, only to have it cruelly snatched away again. Cal had barely finished before he was on his feet.

"Where are you going?" she asked, worried by the ferocious look on his face.

"Where d'you think? To talk to Dee of course."

"Bicky…"

"No. I'm going."

"But what about school?"

"Cover for me. You'll think of something. I'll see you later."

She nodded, part of her agreeing with him and wanting to know why Dee had let Ryo down so badly.

The boy reached Drake's apartment, after first calling the precinct to confirm that Dee wasn't on duty. He found the apartment and knocked, after pressing his ear to the door and hearing the television playing within. When no-one answered he knocked again – a little more impatiently this time.

"Come on, Dee. I know you're in there."

There was movement from within, but a clicking on the wooden floor beyond told Bicky it wasn't Dee approaching the door. A plaintive whine confirmed it.

"Hey, Bright," Bicky called out, pressing himself up against the door. "Where's Dee?"

He could hear the dog on the other side, and the frantic movements and whimpering evoked a growing feeling that something was wrong. Dee wouldn't have arranged a date to deliberately stand Ryo up. He needed to get inside. His thoughts of lock picking were interrupted by Drake's next-door neighbour emerging from her apartment. Recalling that Drake had a conjoined balcony, which would hopefully offer an easier way in, or at least a view inside the apartment, he ran to the woman before she could walk away.

"I need to get into Drake Parker's place," he said hurriedly, using the occupant's name to show her he wasn't just some punk trying to break in.

"He's away," she replied, looking him up and down suspiciously, unconsciously bringing her handbag closer to her body and readjusting her grip on the strap.

"I know, but Dee… my step-dad is staying there and I'm worried about him." He'd never called Dee his step-dad in his life, but if it strengthened his case then he was prepared to do it. "He has diabetes and he can sometimes get pretty ill because of it. He's a cop too, he works with Drake. Please, just let me climb across your balcony and look in through the window."

Wide blue eyes, now only half-acting, helped sway her decision. She nodded as she retrieved her key from her purse and opened the door. Bicky followed her in, shifting impatiently from one foot to the other while he waited for her to unlock the glass-panelled door that led out onto her balcony. The two verandas were separated only by a low wall, which Bicky vaulted with ease. He pressed his face to the glass, the movement alerting Bright, who ran over to jump at the door.

The TV was on, as he'd already heard from the hallway, and on the couch Dee was sprawled, his arm resting across his face as if in slumber. Bicky knew better. He'd knocked long and loud and, now he thought about it more rationally, Dee would no sooner pass up a chance to spend time with Ryo than he would pass up the chance to play basketball in the NBA.

He tried the glass door and, to his relief, found it unlocked. Bright leapt at him excitedly, but the boy pushed him away and commanded him to lie down, knowing there were more urgent matters at hand. He rushed to Dee's side and pulled his limp arm off his face, saying the man's name loudly. No response. Shaking Dee hard by the shoulders also had no effect. The only positive in this initial assessment was the confirmation that Dee was still breathing. He knew Drake's neighbour would be waiting so he hurried back out onto the balcony.

"Call an ambulance," he ordered, ignoring Bright who was dancing at his heels. "Tell them he's in a diabetic coma."

The woman didn't hesitate, seeing the boy's pensive expression. Satisfied that she would summon help, he re-entered the apartment to locate the front door keys. When help arrived, the emergency worker quickly diagnosed severe hyperglycaemia – Dee's blood sugar level was dangerously high, warranting immediate treatment and emergency hospitalisation. During the paramedic's examination, Bicky had to lock Bright away. The normally placid dog was barely recognisable as he growled and worried over his unconscious master. While calming and reassuring him, Bicky shut Bright in the kitchen, mentally apologising to Drake for whatever damage the dog might do while he went with Dee to the hospital. Ryo's cell phone was off, but the dispatcher at the precinct promised to get a message to him as soon as possible.

The emergency worker that rode in the back made friendly conversation with the teenager, who barely took his eyes off their patient as he searched for signs that Dee was coming round.

"So is he your dad?"

Bicky looked up at the question. "He's sort of my step-dad."

"Sort of?"

"I'm adopted. He's married to my adoptive dad."

The man's face contorted as he took a couple of seconds to mentally map out the relationship that the teenager had just described. An intriguing family situation for an intriguing boy, the paramedic thought, as he took stock of the dark-hued skin, bright blue eyes and a shock of blond hair, coupled with an unteenage-like nonchalance about his gay parentage. He warmed to the boy and made sure he stayed with him while his colleague took Dee through into the emergency room once they arrived at the hospital. He left when a nurse arrived, bidding Bicky farewell as well as reassuring him that everything would be okay.

Ryo arrived forty minutes later, as Bicky was helping himself to one of the snacks the nurse had brought him. There had been no word on Dee's condition and Bicky could only describe how he had found Dee unconscious after going to Drake's apartment to sound him out about missing the planned date. Ryo sat down heavily in the chair, his features a mask of worry.

"I should have known there was something wrong when he didn't turn up. I just thought he'd changed his mind about us getting together to talk things through. I was so angry with him, I never stopped to think that there could be anything wrong. I'm so sorry, Bicky. If I'd been less caught up in myself, I might have had your common sense."

"It's okay, like I said, I went round there with the intention of kicking his ass," the boy replied with a wry smile as he tried to assuage Ryo's guilt.

They both turned quickly as the door behind them opened. The doctor who entered looked a similar age to Ryo, although his dark hair was greying at the temples and his eyes were masked by small, wire-rimmed glasses. He pushed these up his nose as he introduced himself as Dr. Hargreaves, the physician in charge of Dee's care. Ryo explained who he was, then introduced his adoptive son before describing how it was Bicky who had found Dee and summoned help.

"Well Dee certainly has Bicky to thank," the doctor explained. "Any longer and his situation would have been extremely critical."

"So he's okay then?" Ryo asked hopefully.

Dr. Hargreaves gave a small smile, wishing he could deliver that news. "He's currently undergoing treatment. His blood sugar level needs to be brought back down, but it has to be done slowly to minimise any long-term damage. I'm afraid his condition is still very serious because he hasn't yet regained consciousness." The medic paused and looked as if he wanted to say something. Ryo realised the reason for his reluctance, by the way his eyes shifted to Bicky, indicating that he did not want to say it in front of the teenager.

"Uh, Bicky, would you mind getting me a cup of coffee?" He smiled to try and allay Bicky's suspicions. "I think I need the caffeine."

Whether the teenager knew Ryo was trying to get him out of the way or not, he didn't protest when the detective handed him some loose change to use in the vending machine down the hall. When he'd gone, Ryo turned and addressed the other man.

"Is there something else, Dr. Hargreaves?"

The doctor nodded in response as he pushed his glasses up his nose again. "Mr. McLain, has Dee been under any pressure recently?"

Ryo contemplated lying, their relationship usually being nobody's business but their own, but responded truthfully. "We've been having some difficulties. Dee had moved out temporarily, but only the night before last he called wanting to get together and talk. Why?"

The medic looked slightly uncomfortable. "I'm sure you have a good understanding of Dee's condition, and you're aware that he's been hospitalised because he's hyperglycaemic."

"Yeah, does that mean his insulin has been ineffective?"

"We've run tests and we could barely find any trace of insulin in his body."

Ryo frowned, unsure what conclusion the doctor was drawing. He was soon to find out.

"From the tests, I can only conclude that Dee must have missed several insulin injections. He would have started to feel the effects after missing the first and definitely the second, so he would have known something was wrong."

An ominous silence followed. "So what exactly are you saying?" Ryo asked eventually.

"That I think Dee may have deliberately withheld his medication."

Ryo's dark eyes grew wide, the implied meaning sinking in. "You think Dee tried to kill himself?"

Dr. Hargreaves nodded. "I think it's a distinct possibility, Mr. McLain."

Ryo shook his head so emphatically his hair fell into his eyes. He brushed it away to stare directly at the other man. "No… no, he wouldn't. There must be some other explanation."

The physician nodded sympathetically, expecting this reaction. "Well, obviously it will be Dee himself who will be able to explain what's happened, but the tests are conclusive. He can't have taken in any insulin for an entire day, if not longer, and he will have known about it."

Ryo met the medic's similarly dark eyes, realising that the man had already made his mind up about how Dee had come to be in this predicament. Before he could defend his unconscious lover, Bicky re-entered the room and he was forced to smile gratefully as he accepted the steaming cup of coffee from his adoptive son.

"Thanks," he said, doubting the warmth of the beverage could chase away the chill in his body. He didn't want Bicky to learn of the doctor's suspicions. A couple of years back, Bicky had revealed what had become of his mother – up until that point he had never to Ryo's recollection mentioned her, even in passing. When he did talk, the detective had learned with growing sadness that Bicky's mother had killed herself when he was only six, according to his father, after a long history of depression and alcohol abuse. Bicky had survived this trauma, and the subsequent death of his father, with astounding tenacity and resilience, but the knowledge that the shadow of suicide hadn't left his life completely was something that troubled Ryo, making him reluctant to tell the boy.

The doctor agreed to let Ryo visit Dee briefly. Bicky stayed in the waiting area as his adoptive parent followed Dr. Hargreaves to Dee's room, his face set in grim lines as it was reiterated that his lover was very ill. He entered the room alone, almost overwhelmed by a feeling of ambivalence. He wanted to rush over, hug and reassure the unconscious man, but the terrible thought that Dee might no longer want those things from him prevented him from straying far from the door. He studied the handsome face, its clean, sharp profile demanding his attention. He found Dee as compellingly attractive as the day they had first met. When his lover entered a room, Ryo would admit that he still experienced a rush of love and pride knowing that Dee was his, no matter how many heads he turned. In the face of his unflinching ardour it was hard to believe that such a gulf had appeared between them, to the point where Dee had moved out and…

Ryo let the thought trail off. If not for the medical evidence, and the fact that Tyler had seen Dee in what could only be described as a disturbed state, he knew he wouldn't believe Dee capable of suicide, but what else could he believe? He eventually stepped forward and deposited a light kiss upon Dee's cool forehead before retreating to the door again, almost overwhelmed by both guilt and anger. He turned away, nearly walking into an empty trolley as he made his way back to the waiting area. Bicky stood as he approached.

"Are you gonna stay the night?" the boy asked, recalling when, after Dee had been rescued following his abduction, Ryo had spent day and night by his side at the hospital. He was therefore surprised when Ryo shook his head.

"I'll come back later on. They'll ring if there's any change."

"You sure?" Blue eyes reflected his uncertainty following the detective's response.

"Sure." They set off to walk to the exit until Ryo stopped suddenly. "I should really take you to school," he said with a frown. Bicky made a face that Ryo seemed to accept with wearied resignation. "Come on then, I'll give you a ride home."

Bicky nodded, relieved that Ryo wasn't annoyed that he had skipped school, but worried at how detached his adoptive parent seemed. The boy pushed the issue gently as they drove away from the hospital, but Ryo remained unresponsive. They stopped off at Drake's first to collect an almost frantic Bright. He shot from the kitchen and galloped around the apartment, clearly trying to find Dee. When his mission was unsuccessful, he launched himself at Bicky, the next best thing, and smothered him with licks.

Ryo collected the dog's belongings to take them back with them before stopping at Drake's neighbour's place to thank her for trusting Bicky and helping him. He explained to the woman that he would call Drake and let him know what had happened, just in case he was ringing his apartment and getting worried when there was continually no answer.

Bicky's suspicions about Ryo's odd behaviour were further aroused when Ryo asked him to take Bright for a walk the minute Tyler stepped through the door. The boy went, but his angry expression told the detective that he knew he was being kept in the dark about something and wasn't happy about it.

Laura also knew something was amiss, and her heart surged in anticipation as she waited for her beloved to explain.

"Thank God you're back," Ryo exclaimed once Bicky had gone.

"Why? What's happened?" she asked, dumping her bag on the floor and hurrying around to where Ryo was sitting.

"Dee's in the hospital."

Her heart surged again, although this time in disappointment. So Dee wasn't dead. Bastard, why won't you just let me and Randy be together?

"He's in the hospital? What's happened?"

"He's in a diabetic coma, but the thing is, Tyler, the doctor thinks it might be self-inflicted."

Laura's eyes widened in genuine surprise. She'd considered the possibility that Dee might survive and although it was a bitter blow, she felt hugely relieved that the saline she had replaced his insulin with would be untraceable. She'd never, however, considered that something could be salvaged from her plan should it fail. But from the devastated look on Randy's face, she realised that she had inadvertently created possibly the most successful barrier between them yet. "I – I'm not sure I understand," she stammered, maintaining her role as a stunned friend.

Ryo sighed and ran a hand through his already ruffled hair. "The doctor treating Dee said that when they ran some tests, they couldn't find a trace of any insulin in his body. He thinks the most obvious scenario is that Dee missed several injections."

"Maybe he forgot?"

Ryo shook his head. "Not possible. One maybe, but he couldn't have missed two without noticing. He starts to feel a little off-colour if he injects late, so he'd definitely know from how he was feeling that he'd missed his injections completely."

Laura nodded, recalling how she had witnessed the subtle changes as Dee's condition had worsened, to the point when she had left, when he had been barely conscious. "Are you saying he was trying to kill himself?" she asked, her tone hostile, as if she refused to believe what she was being told.

Ryo's response was almost apologetic as he took in her tense expression and defensive posture. "I don't want to believe it either, Tyler, but the doctor at the hospital is certain that that's what's happened. That's why I wanted to speak to you; you said that Dee was agitated the other night…"

He let the sentence trail off, allowing Laura to draw her own conclusions about what he meant and wanted to know. She nodded slowly, her shoulders slumping as the frostiness faded from her expression. "He definitely wasn't himself. I asked him a few times if he was okay but he started to get mad with me so I stopped. It was like he wasn't even listening to me anymore. I'm sorry, Randy, I didn't realise he was so bad or I wouldn't have left him."

"It's okay, Tyler, I don't want you blaming yourself. If anyone is guilty then it's me. I lived with Dee when his PTSD was at its worst, or at least we thought it was. I should have seen what was happening and I didn't."

Not knowing what else to do, Laura covered her face with her hands in apparent despair. She flinched slightly in surprise as a strong pair of arms encircled her, but quickly melted into the embrace, savouring the scent and touch of her man.

"Don't worry, Tyler," he said, speaking softly as he held her to him. "We'll get through this together."

Together! God, I love you, Randy.

Ryo was in the office completing paperwork when he received a call to say Dee had regained consciousness. He was immediately hit by a pang of guilt because he wasn't there and vowed to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. He announced to the nurse on duty that he knew where Dee was and didn't need showing to his room, but she insisted that he didn't go down there until he had seen Dee's physician. The blond was growing impatient when Dr. Hargreaves arrived, apologetically explaining that he had been called away to an emergency, and thanking the detective for waiting.

"Is something wrong?" Ryo asked nervously, wondering what could be worse than being told that his husband had possibly made a failed suicide attempt.

"I've spoken to Dee," Dr. Hargreaves announced.

Ryo's face lit up with hope. "And he's explained what happened; that he just forgot his insulin?"

The medic shook his head. "Believe me, Mr. McLain, I was hoping Dee would say just that, but I'm afraid his response has concerned me greatly."

Ryo frowned. "Why? What's he said?"

"He's insisting that he did all of his injections, in fact, he's saying he gave himself more insulin than usual because he noticed his blood sugar was a little high. It's just not possible."

"Have you told him this?" Ryo asked, growing more confused by the minute. He'd expected things to come clear once Dee regained consciousness – not this.

"Oh yes, but he insisted that there must be some mistake. He got quite…"

"What?"

Dr. Hargreaves looked sympathetic. "Aggressive. I'm sorry, Mr. McLain, I won't lie to you. I'm concerned about Dee's state of mind. Has he ever given you any cause for concern in the past?"

The blond detective sighed and swept a hand through his hair. "Dee was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder last year." He hated the look of understanding that appeared in the medic's eyes. "But he received extensive counselling and it hasn't been an issue for a long, long time." Even as he reacted defensively, he could hear Tyler telling him of Dee's agitation when she had visited, so what he was saying wasn't exactly true, but he didn't want to admit that the doctor might have a point.

"Mr. McLain, I feel Dee would benefit from some psychiatric evaluation, but I'm doubtful that he'll agree to it."

Ryo said he thought it highly unlikely too. "So what can we do? I can try to talk to him, but I'm not sure it'll help."

"It's worth trying. I'd prefer to admit him with his consent."

Ryo's eyes widened. "Wait a minute – you're talking about involuntary commitment, aren't you?"

The older man nodded slowly, his dark eyes indicating that it wasn't a step he would take lightly. "I'm afraid so. Please understand; it's for his own good. We wouldn't do this unless we were worried about the consequences if we don't. I have a duty of care to your husband, Mr. McLain, and I'd be neglecting my obligation as his physician if I just let him walk out of here once he is physically well."

Ryo looked down at his hands twisting nervously in his lap. To say he felt sick was a gross understatement. "I understand what you're saying, Dr. Hargreaves. It's just a lot to take in right now."

"I know," the older man replied gently as he readjusted his glasses. "But we have strict criteria for these situations, which I'm afraid that Dee meets. If there's concern about self-harm and the patient has a condition that requires self-administration of prescribed medicines then we have to protect them from themselves and try to get to the bottom of why they've come to be in this situation."

Ryo responded with an unhappy nod of the head. "We've had some relationship problems recently, but we were just starting to sort them out. I don't understand why…"

"Mr. McLain, that's why we want to help; for your sake as well as Dee's." The doctor smiled encouragingly. "Now, I think someone should be expecting you."

Ryo was surprised to find that he was steeling himself as he prepared to open the door to Dee's room. He tried to remind himself that inside the room was the man he loved, the man he'd married without hesitation and the man he knew he would die for and thought he commanded the same level of devotion in return. The idea that Dee would leave him without a second thought was painful to say the least. He also recognised a trace of anger within him.

Once, they had attended a scene that had turned out to be suicide rather than murder. As they had driven away, leaving the coroner to deal with the grim remains, they had fallen into a discussion about the whys and wherefores of suicide. On most points they had agreed, but Ryo had been surprised at how strongly Dee felt that there was an element of punishment intended by those that took their own lives. It was meant, he said despite Ryo's protestations to the contrary, to make those left behind feel that there was something more they could have done, something they could have said that would have made things bearable. Knowing Dee felt that way made Ryo both hurt and angry. If the doctor was correct with his theory, had Dee wanted to punish him? Was Dee blaming him for the breakdown in their relationship? Using unknown reserves of strength, dredged from deep within, Ryo found a smile as he turned the door handle and pushed on into the room.

TBC…