Author's note: As usual, thanks for the reviews, everyone – I always look forward to posting a new chapter to see what you all think! Poor old Dee… no one's listening to him are they? Ah well, keep watching
Somewhere in Between
Chapter 12 – He Said, She Said
The occupant of the bed turned at the sound of movement, green eyes landing on Ryo and flooding with warmth.
"Hey, baby."
Ryo closed the door and approached the bed. The room was pleasant enough; pastel blue walls, blue and yellow patterned curtains and a television mounted on a bracket high in one corner. Above Dee's bed was a small whiteboard on which someone had written 'insulin dependent diabetic – nil by mouth' to inform all members of staff that his nutritional intake was being given intravenously and therefore strictly controlled.
"Hey," Ryo replied, ducking in to kiss Dee on the lips before he sat down in the visitor's chair. "How are you feeling?"
"I've felt better. Although things are looking up now you're here."
A smile Ryo had just about managed, but he couldn't force the grin Dee was expecting him to return. "Dee, how did this happen?" he blurted out before the dark-haired man could enquire what was wrong.
Dee looked surprised at the unexpected question. His face clouded with a deep frown. "Wait a minute, has this got something to do with that doctor? What's he been saying?"
Immediately Ryo sensed he was on dicey ground. There was a difficult pause as he weighed up how best to proceed without antagonising Dee. "It's not about any doctor, Dee. I'm just worried about how you could forget your insulin..."
"I didn't!" Dee protested angrily. "Godamnit, Ryo! I took every injection. Why don't you believe me?"
"I want to believe you," Ryo replied calmly, taking Dee's hand in his, "but Dr. Hargreaves said you had no insulin in your body. They've done tests. He said it wasn't possible for you to have done any injections in the last day or two before you were admitted."
"Well he's wrong," Dee snapped, snatching his hand back and folding his arms across his chest defensively. "I know what I did."
Stalemate. Dee was a man of conviction and Ryo knew it wasn't worth pushing the issue when he was adamant about something. "Well okay," he said, his tone placatory. "I don't want to fight with you, love. I just want you to get better soon. Trust me, Dr. Hargreaves only wants the same, no matter how it may seem."
He wondered whether he'd said too much when Dee frowned, but to his relief, his lover didn't seem to dwell on it as his face relaxed and his body language turned less defensive. Having survived that close call, Ryo suddenly felt the urge to be out of the room before he landed himself in any more trouble.
"Well, I need to call Bicky, let him know you're okay," Ryo said, standing quickly. "I promised him that I would. He's worried about you."
"Tell him I'm fine… and thanks," Dee called after him, having been told by Dr. Hargreaves how he had come to receive hospital treatment.
"I will," Ryo promised, feeling wretched and cowardly that he hadn't broached the issue of psychiatric assessment himself. He went to look for a payphone, mentally wading through his confusion. Dr. Hargreaves was certain Dee had tried to commit suicide, so why would Dee insist that he had done his insulin? If it were suicide, surely Dee would admit that he had deliberately withheld his medication? Maybe that was to spare him, Ryo, the pain. Or maybe he genuinely believed he had done his insulin, despite the medical tests proving otherwise. Obviously Ryo would prefer it to be the latter, but either way, psychiatric help seemed necessary. He found the payphone and dialled home. After several rings it was answered, the voice Tyler's.
"Hey, Tyler," he announced, trying to keep his voice light. "Good news. Dee's woken up."
"Oh thank God. Is he okay?"
"Er, yeah… he's been really lucky."
"Is he coming home?"
Ryo faltered. "Uh, not yet. They want to keep him in for a while."
"Oh… right."
"Tyler? You know when you were with Dee, did you see him take his insulin at all?"
"His insulin?"
"It's a strange question, I know, but it's really important."
She could hear the hope in his voice. Back at the apartment, Laura covered the mouthpiece on the phone, as if her thoughts would leak through to Ryo and let him know that what she was about to say next was a lie.
"I wish I could say I did, Randy, but I didn't. I didn't think to watch him because I never thought he'd do something like this."
Ryo frowned into the phone. "So you think the doctor is right? That Dee did it deliberately?"
He heard her sigh. "I'm sorry, Randy, but I do. If you'd seen how he was…"
"Yeah, it's okay. Don't feel bad. Will you just let Bicky and Cal know that Dee's woken up and he's all right," Ryo replied, catching Dr. Hargreaves' eye as the older man came out of a door marked 'hospital personnel only'. "Look, Tyler, I have to go. I'll see you later." He ended the call and walked down the corridor to join the medic. "I was just calling home to let them know that Dee's regained consciousness," he explained, his smile never meeting his eyes.
The doctor nodded. "I'm sure that must be a relief for your family. Now we have to see about getting Dee well."
Ryo knew which aspect of his lover's recovery he was referring to. Suddenly his physical wellbeing seemed the least of their worries.
"Did you speak to Dee about his injections?" the medic asked, his voice low as they conversed in the corridor outside Dee's room.
"Yes, but he's still insisting he didn't miss a single one."
The doctor nodded, his eyebrows knitting together to complement his serious expression. "I thought he might. Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to discuss the issue of psychiatric evaluation. Physically, Dee is recovering well and under normal circumstances I'd be happy to discharge him, but we need to get to the bottom of why he wound up here in the first place. It's up to you if you want to be present when I speak to him."
"I want to be there," Ryo replied, resolutely determined to make up for his earlier reluctance. "I want him to see that I'm here for him, no matter what."
Dr. Hargreaves nodded in agreement as he readjusted his tie, preparing to go and do battle. "Good emotional support will be vitally important while he's getting help."
"Where will he go and how long do you envisage he'll have to stay?"
"He should be released in about a week if they think he's unlikely to attempt re-harm. He'll be transferred to the psychiatric unit within the hospital probably tomorrow morning."
Ryo looked pained. "I'm right in thinking it's a secure unit?"
"Day patients do attend, but yes, the majority are committed either voluntarily or involuntarily for their own good."
It was impossible to see how things could be any worse until the doctor continued with his next comment. "I'm sorry to have to say this, but because of the nature of your jobs, your commissioner will have to be informed. I know you feel Dee is unlikely to do anything, but we'd be highly irresponsible if we let a man have access to a firearm when he is suspected of self-harm. He'll probably be made to turn in his gun, at least while he's under assessment. And you should ensure that your own gun isn't accessible to him either. It sounds drastic, but it's better to be safe than sorry."
It did sound drastic. Even in the darkest days after Dee had been kidnapped, he had never once thought of his lover as suicidal. Dee always seemed stronger than that.
"Shall we go?" Dr. Hargreaves asked.
Dee was staring out of the window when the two men entered. His expression was difficult to read as he turned – his mouth formed a smile of welcome to his lover, but his eyes held a wariness that he didn't quite trust either of them or what they were about to say. The look intensified as he met Ryo's forced smile.
"Hey, baby. What's up?"
Ryo turned to look at the doctor. This was his show, after all. The medic sensed that Ryo wanted to distance himself from what he was about to say, obviously to try and show Dee that he was on his side.
"Now, Dee, how are you feeling?"
Despite his own question remaining unanswered, Dee nodded. "I feel much better today. I gotta be ready to go home, right?"
Before he answered, Dr. Hargreaves pulled up one of the visitor's chairs, prompting Ryo to copy him. When the two men were seated around Dee's bedside, the medic spoke again. "I'm more than happy with your physical recovery, Dee, but as I expressed to you before, I'm still a little concerned as to how you ended up in such a critical situation in the first place."
Dee's face creased into an angry frown, and he opened his mouth to speak, but the medic had already started talking again. "I appreciate you're certain about the turn of events that took place prior to your admittance here, but surely you can appreciate that things still don't add up."
The look of imminent speech remained on Dee's face, but this time he seemed more resigned to defeat. "I can't explain it," he said flatly before his eyes met the doctor's, communicating his frustration. "But I know what I did."
Dr. Hargreaves was not intimidated by Dee's almost threatening glare. "Indeed, but it is also possible that the mind can play tricks on us, often in times of stress."
"For Christ's sake, I wasn't stre…"
"I'm aware of your recent relationship difficulties and your diagnosis of PTSD. It's documented in your records," Hargreaves added as Dee shot an angry glare at his silent lover. "Which is why I would like you to remain here a little longer, maybe try and answer some unanswered questions. I'm sure you want that too."
He had pitched it the best way he could, but the underlying message was still there, and had clearly been understood by the listener. If Dee's face was the weather, Ryo could tell that an almighty storm was gathering overhead.
"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" It was the calm, detached tone of his voice that unnerved Ryo more than anything at that moment. "You think I've lost my goddamned marbles and now I'm delusional. Well, I'm not. I took my goddamned insulin, just like always. Ask Tyler," he added, directing the last part at Ryo, who looked up quickly.
"I did, Dee," the blond replied almost apologetically, "but she doesn't actually remember seeing you do any of your injections."
Dee was certain that wasn't true, but why would Tyler lie? Without realising, he was staring at Ryo so hard that the other man dropped his eyes under the intense scrutiny. Ryo looked thoroughly miserable, but Dee didn't care. Clearly Ryo thought that there was something in the doctor's comments if he had already checked with Tyler about whether she had seen him do his injections or not.
"So what's the real deal then, Doc?" Dee asked, his voice laced with sarcasm. "You want me to stay here so you can prove I'm crazy?"
"I would like to you undergo psychiatric evaluation here at the hospital," Dr. Hargreaves answered firmly, ignoring the other's biting comment.
"And if I say no? Are you going to commit me?"
"Obviously I would prefer your co-operation…"
"That's not what I asked."
"… but yes, I have the power to commit you involuntarily if need be."
Although he was angry at Ryo, Dee couldn't help but steal a glance at him. The blond looked close to a nervous breakdown, his dark eyes silently pleading with his lover to go quietly. From physical appearance alone, Ryo looked much more in need of psychiatric help than he did. The eye contact was broken as the doctor spoke again.
"I can assure you, Dee that I'd much prefer to do this with your consent. It also reflects much better on you, given the nature of your employment. We can say you have agreed to assessment after recognising that you are under stress – obviously that's a lot less believable if we've had to commit you involuntarily."
Dee frowned. "Fine, whatever," he said darkly. "It's clear I don't have any real say in the matter."
Ryo looked relieved. Dr. Hargreaves simply nodded. "You've made the right decision, Dee. Remember, this is for your benefit."
Emerald eyes rolled dramatically. "Yeah, right. Ain't I the lucky one?"
The doctor chose to ignore the sarcasm. "Well, we'll see about getting you transferred to the unit tomorrow. The sooner you get there, the sooner you can get home." He stood, smoothing out the creases in his pants. "I'll leave you two alone. Good day."
Silence remained until the medic had gone. Ryo reached out for his lover's hand, finding it and squeezing it supportively. He was relieved Dee had taken the doctor's news so well.
"You can go too."
Dark eyes found emerald green ones. The latter resembled the gemstone in more ways than mere colour – they were hard and flat as they glittered in the sunlight and Ryo found it difficult to maintain the eye contact he had made at Dee's unexpected comment.
"What?" He knew he had heard right, but his response was as reflexive as the unplanned meeting of eyes.
"I said you can go."
"Dee, I…"
"You asked Tyler. You asked her if I'd taken my insulin because my word wasn't good enough for you. Why don't you just come out and say that you don't fucking trust me?"
Ryo looked hurt by the comment, but a part of him had to admit that Dee had a point. When had he started to doubt him? When the doctor had pulled him aside and informed him he thought Dee had attempted suicide? Or was it before then, when his blissful life had crashed down around his ears at the news that Dee had been keeping an awful secret from him? Clearly they both knew the answer to that, when Dee responded first.
"Godamnit, Ryo. I was trying to protect you – no, us. I didn't want our relationship to become about what happened to me and I guess I was right to worry. Shit, just look at us."
Ryo's blond head ducked. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I truly am, Dee. I want to make things right between us. Just tell me how."
The green impenetrable stare was back. "Just believe me when I say I wasn't trying to kill myself," he stated simply.
Ryo faltered. He should have seen that coming. He knew if he was a character in a movie then his reply would have been immediate, but the facts remained and as a detective by trade, they were simply impossible to ignore.
"I – I believe you…" he started to say, but his hesitation proved fatal. Dee was sharp and intuitive. Sometimes Ryo felt like he could read minds too.
"Forget it, Ryo. I don't want you to say anything you don't mean. I'll see you when I'm out of here. We can talk then."
The dismissal told Ryo that the discussion was now at an end. He hated the way Dee did that, but knew arguing about it was neither productive nor sensible whatever Dee's given state of mind. He stood slowly from the visitor's chair.
"I'd like to come and visit you when you've moved," he said, having made no steps to leave.
Dee turned and fixed him with a crooked grin. "Yeah? Well you'd better ask the staff whether I'm allowed to have visitors. I'm crazy, remember?"
Ryo responded to the sarcastic self-pity with a look that said he didn't think that for a minute, but he knew Dee was in one of his moods, so he wasn't about to say as much. Dee, for his part, clearly didn't think it was funny either as the grin faded, leaving bitter anger in its place.
"Just go."
Reluctantly, Ryo did as he was instructed. Alone in the corridor he took a couple of long breaths to centre himself before he headed for the elevator, unhappy but determined not to lose it within the hospital.
In his room, Dee lowered his head into his hands and began, for not the first time, to try and put this great big fucking mess of a situation into some kind of order. Every time he tried, however, and much like Ryo, he got stuck when he came to 'the facts'. Sure, instinct and gut-feelings played an important part in police work, but they carried with them a certain mystique, escaping the grasp of science, which tried to put everything into neat little boxes. Facts, on the other hand, were concrete; they explained things that rarely could be disputed, and a detective that ignored the facts was just plain stupid. Dee had always figured that he had a good understanding of the need for both, but this time, the facts were letting him down. They were in front of him – 'plain as the nose on your face', he could hear Penguin saying in her scratchy, wise old tones – but that didn't matter.
The facts were wrong.
Dee sighed wearily. And if they weren't, then they could just haul him away this fucking instant, because the only remaining explanation was that he really was crazy.
Dusk was descending upon the New York skyline by the time a tired and unhappy Ryo arrived home. A host of faces turned from the TV at the sound of the door opening, Bicky quickly flicking the set onto mute to hear what he had to say. Laura had delivered the news that Dee was awake, but it was clear that she had withheld the doctor's suspicions that Dee was suicidal. Ryo thought she'd have done as much, and so most of his journey back to the apartment had been spent trying to determine how best to explain Dee's continued hospitalisation. In the end, he'd concluded that the truth was best. Bicky and Cal weren't stupid, and if Dee's mental state was an issue then it was only fair they knew prior to him returning home. Besides, they were family.
"How is he?" Laura asked, feeling it was her duty as Dee's so-called friend to enquire about his condition.
Ryo dumped his briefcase, slipped out of his jacket and loosened his tie with one sharp tug. "He's okay. His doctor seems surprised that he's suffered no side effects. The word 'lucky' has turned up in several conversations, although," he continued, glancing at his adoptive son as he spoke and smiling, "everyone is well aware that Bicky's quick thinking was far more important than luck." His smile faded. "I don't even want to think what would have happened if you hadn't gone round, Bicky."
"So when is he coming home?" the blond boy asked, eager to pull Ryo away from the 'what ifs'. Bright, currently pooled awkwardly in his lap, seemed to be asking a similar question with his inquisitive gaze. Cal patted the space on the couch beside her and Ryo obligingly sank into it before he replied.
"Dee's not going to be coming home just yet," he began calmly. "The doctor looking after him wants to run some more tests."
"But I thought you said he was okay?" Bicky commented with a deep frown furrowing his brow. "Why do they need to do more tests?"
Ryo sighed, pointedly ignoring the cowardly voice that told him to lie. "The doctor is worried about how Dee came to be in such a dangerous situation at all. When they said he was lucky, they meant it – lucky to be alive."
"He forgot his insulin?" Cal queried, speaking for the first time since Ryo had gotten home.
"This is the problem," Ryo replied, twisting round to answer her directly. "He would have had to forget several consecutive injections to end up in the state he was found in, which is highly unlikely. As you know, Dee's been following this routine for over twelve months now and I can't believe that he'd suddenly just forget."
There were unanimous nods of agreement. "And anyway, Dee is saying that he didn't miss a single injection," Ryo continued. "Even though the doctor has told him he had negligible amounts of insulin in his body. He couldn't have given himself those injections, but Dee's adamant."
There was a brief silence, which Cal eventually broke. "So what does all this mean, Ryo?"
All this time Laura stayed quiet – she already knew what Ryo was about to say.
"It means that the doctor wants to try and understand what happened. They think Dee's either in denial about not doing his injections or he genuinely believes he did them. Either way, they're reluctant to let him come home until they can get to the bottom of it." He mentioned nothing of the falling out he and Dee had had, instead half-listening as Cal, Bicky and Laura debated this confusing turn of events. It was a comment from Cal that caught and held his attention.
"Has anyone checked his insulin supply that he had a Drake's? Surely that would indicate whether he'd done the injections or not?"
"It's still there," Ryo replied, glancing at Bicky who confirmed with a nod that he had not picked it up when they returned to collect Bright.
"But nobody's touched it since then, have they?" Cal asked.
Ryo thought for a moment and shook his head. "Drake's still away. I guess it wouldn't do any harm to check it out. It could give us some answers, or at least some hard evidence to convince Dee with."
Cal looked pleased that her suggestion had been taken seriously; Bicky and Ryo looked as if they wanted to go now that second. Only Laura didn't have anything to feel enthusiastic about. Cal's suggestion had set heart racing with panic. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Ryo was right; no-one had been back. But that was the problem – she hadn't been back. Her original plan had been messed up the moment Bicky had decided to pay an unexpected call on Dee. She'd anticipated that no-one would visit him, angry and disappointed by his no-show for his date with Ryo, and she would be the one to find him dead, or at least dying and beyond help. She could then prepare the scene – dispose of the needles and vials of 'insulin' he had used, their tops punctured indicating that a needle had been inserted and their contents drawn out, and replace them with fresh, untouched containers.
The reason for his death – suicide or accident – hadn't mattered much, so long as he was gone and there was no way that it could be traced back to her. But he'd survived. That was a devastating blow, but at least the circumstances had created havoc within the relationship once again – a kind of consolation prize. That would all be shattered if Ryo returned to Drake's now. In her excitement at her plan, she had gotten sloppy – unable to see past the beautiful image of her and Randy, once Dee was gone and she had helped him through the terrible grieving process. She had left evidence of her crime – not very smart since her intended and her nemesis were both detectives. She had no choice; she had to get back there first.
"Let's go now," Bicky announced, confirming the enthusiasm that, minutes earlier, Laura had seen in his eyes.
"Now?" Ryo replied, although his response wasn't as incredulous as Laura had hoped.
"I agree we should check it out," she interjected, "but surely it can wait 'til morning. You look tired, Randy."
It was true. He looked shattered. Cal, as eager as anyone to see her suggestion followed up, had to agree. "Yeah, she's right, Ryo. You've got Drake's keys. Go tomorrow." Her sentence ended with a stern look in Bicky's direction, warning him not to argue.
"Okay." Ryo smiled, grateful for their concern. "But it'll have to be tomorrow evening. I'm on the early shift tomorrow."
"I could go," Laura commented helpfully, thinking her rescue could come easier than she had anticipated.
"I'll come too."
Laura glanced across at Bicky as he spoke, trying not to convey her annoyance. "Sure, if you want."
"Okay," Ryo agreed. "You go, and if you find anything out, ring me."
Laura and Bicky looked at each other and nodded.
Bicky's wanting to come had left Laura with little choice – she needed to get back to Drake's apartment first, and that would involve a late night excursion once the rest of the household had gone to bed. Unnoticed, except by Bright who watched her curiously from his bed in the kitchen, she slipped out of the apartment and caught a cab to Drake's address.
She was quick and efficient – removing all the used drug paraphernalia and stocking Dee's depleted diabetes kit with fresh vials of insulin, which she had taken from the large stash at home. Once the scene was clear, she locked up and made her way back, discarding the used needles and empty vials that had once contained saline in a dumpster. In total, she was gone an hour. Relief washed over her as she replaced the keys and dropped her now empty bag on the floor.
She headed for the kitchen, ignoring Bright who continued to stare, clearly confused by all the late-night activity, and grabbed herself a drink. She was pouring a glass of orange juice when the creak of a door opening sounded and footsteps approached. It wasn't long before Bicky's sleep-mussed blond head appeared around the doorway.
"Hey, Bicky. I was just getting a drink. Want one?"
The boy shook his head and yawned sleepily. Clearly he had only just woken up. "S'okay. I was just wondering who was up. G'night."
"Night, Bicky," she said with a smile, relieved that he obviously hadn't heard the front door opening and closing.
Bicky shut his bedroom door, but didn't return to bed straightaway. Instead, he remained in the darkness, staring but seeing nothing as his face creased into an unconscious frown. With no ready answer to the thought that had caused the frown, he shook his head and climbed back under the covers. But sleep didn't come quickly as he continued to turn that same thought over in his mind.
Why had Tyler put her boots on to get a drink from the kitchen?
TBC…