Here's part II! Come on, click that review button, everyone:)
The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies
Part II - Sora, Riku, and the Big, Big Castle Edited - Version 2.0
Sora appeared in a gray void of nothingness. An echoing voice said to him, "Hello! (hello hello) Can you hear me? (hearme hearme) You will be sent (besent besent) on a journey (journey journey) to shut (shut shut) Kairi (kairi kairi) up! (up up)"
Sora was confused. "Elaborate, aborate, aborate," he said, making the echoey sounds himself.
"You and Riku (Riku Riku) will be sent on various (various various) er... quests (quests quests) to befriend people so that they (they they) will give you (giveyou giveyou) various items (items items) that will help shut (shut shut) Kairi (kairi kairi) up! (up up)"
Sora decided he liked making the echoey noises. "Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay..."
Suddenly, Sora appeared in front of a BIG castle, with Riku beside him. "Is this where we're supposed to go, go, go, go, go, go, go?" Sora asked, still making an echoey sound.
"Shaddup, Sora," Riku said irritably. "Kairi's your girl. I'm not involved at all, but they still drag me along like a wet blanket."
"Riku," Sora said seriously and in a monotone. "I'm going to tell you something important that may change your entire life. I am serious, and I am telling the truth."
"What?"
"Riku," Sora held the suspense... "You are a wet blanket." Sora burst into laughter.
Riku punched Sora on the shoulder.
"Ow!"
"That's what you get for messing with the Riku," Riku said.
"Oh, puh-lease," Sora said. "I know that you're trying to be cool. But you look like a fool to me." He burst into song. "Tell me! Why'd ya have to go and make things so com-pli-ca-ted? I see the way you're, acting like you're somebod-y else gets me frustrated. Life's like this, you: ya fall and ya crawl and ya break and ya take whatcha get and ya turn it into, Honestly you promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it... no, nooo, no."
Riku fake-punched, and Sora dodged.
"Two for flinching," Riku tormented. "By the way: you sing worse than Kairi."
"Well," Sora said before bursting into song: "'Cause we lost it all, nothing last for-e-ver, I'm sorry I can't be perfect!" And with that, Sora tackled Riku and nothing but a big pile of dust was visible.
ONE HOUR LATER
Sora and Riku were still fighting.
TWO HOURS LATER
Still fighting.
THREE HOURS LATER
Guys, can you stop fighting? I'm running out of time cards!
"Did you hear that?" Riku asked, swiftly avoiding Sora's amazing wedgie power. "The author is running out of time cards."
"AWW..." Sora whined. "I wanted to give you my Amazing Atomic Aerial Allegedly Anger-based And Annoying Artificially Abiotic Wedgie!"
"Sora!"
"OK..."
Suddenly a boy with dark hair, a little red lightningbolt scar on his forehead, and a stick in his hand walked up. "Are you new students?"
"Uh... I guess," Riku said. "I'm Riku, and this is Sora."
"I'm Harry Potter," the boy said.
Riku, Sora, and Harry Potter stood there doing nothing for a few seconds.
"Wow. You two are the only people I've met who didn't stare at my scar when they met me," Harry said.
"Why would we stare at your scar?" Sora asked naively.
"You must be Muggle-born, right?" Harry asked.
"Uh... Muggle?" Riku asked.
"Non-magic," Harry said casually.
"I can do magic," Sora said. He took out his Keyblade and aimed it at a tree. "Fire!" he cried, alighting the tree.
"Wow," Harry said. "We have to use the word Incendio to burn things. You must be really magical, being able to break free of J. K. Rowling's rigid Latin spells."
"Who's J. K. Rowling?" Riku asked.
"She's the author. See, there she is now!" Harry pointed at a giant hand coming from the blue sky and grabbing Malfoy's underpants,which not onlygave himhim a huge wedgie,but also dangledhim from the sky.
"Wow," Sora said. "We better not make her mad."
"Ow!" Malfoy cried. His underpants tore, resulting in him falling ten miles, and hitting the ground with a dull SPLAT!
"Oops," a booming female voice with a distinctly British accent said from the general direction of the giant hand.
"You're right, Sora," Riku said amazedly.
"..." Harry said. "I forgot my line." He pulled out a book entitled The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies and read through it. "According to this, I'm supposed to bring you into the castle to see Professor Dumbledore."
"Who's Professor Stumbledore?" Sora asked.
"Dumbledore," Harry corrected.
"Who are these two boys?" Dumbledore asked.
"The blue-haired one-" Harry began.
"SILVER!" yelled Riku.
"Yes, the blue-haired one-SILVER! is Riku," Harry continued, "and the brown-haired one-SILVER! is Sora."
"Why are you here?" Dumbledore asked Sora.
"Well..." Sora began speaking VERY quickly, "I was jumping rope. And then Riku walked up to me, and then we went to our friend Kairi, who was being beaten up by crazed Riku fanatics with little anime books. So Riku went to go see Namine - she's another friend - and I couldn't decide whether to save Kairi or not,k on accound of the fact that she's so annoying. And then Kairi started singing badly, and I didn't mind, and then she started singing E is for Everybody, and-"
"The fiend!" Dumbledore exclaimed.
"-and so, then, I accidentally shattered the space-time continuum with my screams of agony, and I got sent to this empty place, where this voice said some stuff."
And then he got to the important part: "And now we're here."
"Strange..." Dumbledore mused.
"I didn't understand a word he said," Harry said, "but I think that he and Riku are new students."
"You are correct... I think," Dumbledore said. "Riku, Sora, what are your ages?"
"I'm 14," Sora said.
"I'm 15," Riku said.
"Are you sure?" Dumbledore asked.
"It says so in the manual, so it must be true," Sora and Riku said simultaneously. Suddenly, Sora burst out with "Jinx-you-owe-me-a-soda!"
"What's a soda?" Dumbledore asked. "Anyway, that means that Sora is a fourth-year, and Riku is a fifth-year."
"What's a fourth-year?" Sora asked.
"What's a fifth-year?" Riku asked.
"Years of Hogwarts," Dumbledore said simply. "There are seven. In this school, you'll learn magic! Hooray!"
"I can already do magic," Sora said. He pulled out his Keyblade, and-
"NO," Riku said firmly. "We don't want you setting the school on fire with your fire spell, do we? Repeat after me: No fire."
"No... FIRE!" Sora exclaimed, a flame coming out of his Keyblade.
"Frostio!" Dumbledore cried with his little stick in the air, destroying the fire.
"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry cried. "That's not J. K. Rowling's ice spell! You're supposed to keep with J. K. Rowling's rigid Latin spells, or else we could be going around with our wands saying, 'Pack!' and stuff packing themselves up... no, wait, a certain Nymphadora Tonks did that in Chapter 3, page 53 of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix... that has emotionally scarred me for life!" And with that, he burst into tears.
"Harry, Harry, Harry, Hairy Potter!" Dumbledore reprimanded.
"My names, not Hairy," Hairy whimpered.
"Yeah," Dumbledore said thoughtfully, "but I always wanted to call you Hairy Potter. Almost as much as I've wanted to call Hermione 'Her-hiney'."
"Really?" Hairy sobbed.
"Really," Dumbledore reassured.
"Really really?" Hairy cried.
"Really really."
"Really really really?"
"Yes, yes, really really really."
"Okay, then, you won't mind me calling you..." Hairy said, stopping for dramatic effect.
Hairy paused for dramatic effect.
Hairy paused for dramatic effect again.
"The line is in The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies," Dumbledore reminded Hairy.
"I know!" Hairy burst out. "I was just pausing for dramatic effect!"
Hairy paused for dramatic effect.
"What was the line?" he asked.
Dumbledore whispered something to Hairy.
"Professor Stumble-dore!" Hairy said in the tone of voice one might use to say, "Oh my gosh! The ancient lost city of Atlantis!"
"Oh my gosh! The ancient lost city of Atlantis!" Hairy added.
"That's not the line!" Professor Stumbledoor was angered.
"Yeah, it is!" Hairy cried out. "It says it just under my 'Professor Stumble-dore!' line!"
"Oh, puh, LEASE!" Stumbledore said, sounding like a snobby teenage girl. "Let's just think up some insulting names for those two!"
"How about 'Sorina' and..." Hairy said thoughtfully. "...I can't think of anything insulting for Riku. I can't think of anything insulting about Riku. It's almost like he's the perfectest, most bestest person ever, ever, ever, ever, ever!"
"That's exactly how I feel!" Stumbledore outbursted.
"How about..." Hairy thought for a while. "How about we just call Riku 'Riku'?"
"That's fine with me," 'Riku' said.
"That's fine with him," Sorina echoed.
'Riku' slapped Sorina upside the head.
"What was that for?" Sorina demanded.
"For bein' an idiot!" 'Riku' cried out.
"Okay," Sorina agreed.
"Are we all crazies and loonies and... other crazies?" Hairy asked.
"Of course!" Stumbledoor cried out. "That's why it's called The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies! It's not called what I want it to be called, which is The Best Man in the Entire World, His Long Name, and the School That He is the Headmaster At: The Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore Story!"
Everyone stared at him in amazement.
"What?" Stumbledoor asked. "It's been my lifelong dream to have a story named after me!"
"Uh..." Sorina said.
"Uh..." 'Riku' said.
"Uh..." Hairy said.
"Uh..." Stubledoor said.
"You're not supposed to say that!" Hairy, Sorina, and 'Riku' cried out simultaneously.
"How was I supposed to know?" Stumbledore replied defensively.
"Well," 'Riku' pointed out, "perhaps by actually reading thestory before we act this out? For example, I know that you give us a-"
"NO, NO, NO!" cried out the author. "I told you, 'Riku'! You're not supposed to read past when you go into the dorms!"
"Sorry," 'Riku' replied meekly.
"By the way," the author added, "good work, Hairy, on thinking up that awesome evil make-fun-of-Sorina name for Sorina. Now we just need an awesome evil make-fun-of-Kairi name for Kairi. How about... Smiley?"
"Nope," 'Riku' replied. "She doesn't smile that much."
"She smiles when she's with me," Sorina pointed out. "...I wonder why. Ouch!" 'Riku' had attacked Sorina with his Soul Eater. Then the Soul Eater turned into a dementor and ate everbody's souls.
"NO!" cried out the author. "It's supposed to turn into a harmless flobberworm."
The dementor turned into a harmless flobberworm and everybody's souls went into their bodies... but...
"'Riku'!" 'Riku' yelled. Now Sorina was in his body.
"Stop fighting, young ones!" Hairy cried; Stumbledore was in him.
"This is obviously the work of Voldemort," Sorina said. Three guesses to who was in him.
"Top o' the morning to ya," Stumbledore said; he had the soul of some Irish guy who was born in the Netherlands, but later moved to France. Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France now had Riku's soul in him.
Malfoy rushed into Stumbledore's office.
"Get out of my office, Doofus Malfoy!" boomed Stumbledore/Hairy.
"But I'm Hermione," cried Doofus.
"Okay," Stumbledore/Hairy replied. "Get out of my office, Her-hiney!"
"But this bubble butt is Malfoy's, not mine!" Hermione/Malfoy protested.
"So?" Stumbledore/Hairy asked evilly.
"So, he's fat!" Her-hiney cried.
"Bwahahahahahahahahaa!" Sorina/'Riku', Stumbledore/Hairy, Hairy/Sorina, and Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France/Stumbledore all laughed.
A blond-haired boy ran into the room.
"Go away!" everyone said simultaneously. "YOU'RE NOT IN THIS FANFIC! YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN KINGDOM HEARTS UNTIL KINGDOM HEARTS 2 TAKES PLACE, WHICH IT HASN'T!"
"Okay," the blond-haired kid agreed. "But I'm still bugging you until you put me in the Fic."
Suddenly, J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand thrust herself through the roof (going through it instead of breaking it), grabbed the blond-haired kid, and attempted to pull him out... resulting in the roof breaking; she then set him down on the Quidditch pitch. She quickly went to France and grabbed Riku's-mind-in-Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France, and took him to Hogwarts. Then the-author-of-this-Fic-the-giant-foot began playing soccer (aka football, for all you readers from the UK or Australia or whatever) with various other FanFic authors who were manifested as feet, with the blond-haired-kid as the ball.
"NO!" the-author-the-giant-foot cried out. "If we use him for soccer, we might injure him for life, thus altering the plot of Kingodm Hearts 2, which hasn't come out yet!"
"NOOOOO!" all the other authors-manifested-as-feet cried out in lots of emotional, mental pain.
The-author-the-giant-foot thought for a second, then said, "Let's use Malfoy's body as the ball, Sorina's body for one goal, 'Riku''s body for the umpire-"
"There's no umpire in soccer!" yelled one-random-author-manifested-as-a-foot.
"Okay... 'Riku''s body as the score-keeper-guy, um... and Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France's body for the other goal."
"NOOOO!" all the authors said. One then piped up, "That's Riku's mind in there! We could upset the 94 percentof female fans and 46 percentof male fans who only play the games because of Riku! We can't lose... let's see... and average of 70 percentof KH's fans!"
"Yeah," agreed the author-manifested-as-a-foot. "We can't lose 70 percentof fans... Kingdom Hearts is sacred! It has rules! Just like lunch!"
All the other authors-manifested-as-feet-and-/-or-hands stared at the-author-manifested-as-a-foot.
"What?" the-author-manifested-as-a-giant-foot said.
Suddenly an-author-manifested-as-a-foot screeched in pain. "YOU... YOU CAN'T USE THE WORD... I CAN'T EVEN SAY 'SAID'!" She cried out in pain from her utteral of the word 'said'.
"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" another-random-author-manifested-as-a-foot yelled, kicking the-author-who-reacts-badly-to-the-word-said. "Just because I don't have hands doesn't mean I can't beat you with this little anime book!
"Okay, STOP!" the-author-manifested-as-a-foot cried out. "We're supposed to follow the adventures of Riku and Sora... but mostly Riku. We're just doing the Sora thing because if we didn't, we might lose 5.3 percentof female fans and 53.2 percentof male fans, which is 29.5 percentof all fans! We can't lose that many fans! Of course, we can lose the .25 percentof fans that like Kairi (ick) and the .25 percentof fans that like Namine (double-ick)..."
WE ARE NOW GOING BACK IN TIME. PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS OR RISK FALLING OUT OF THE TIME-TRAVELLING WORDS. PLEASE READ PART III FOR WHAT HAPPENES AFTER WE FINISH TIME-TRAVELLING. OR, YOU CAN JUST IGNORE THIS FANFIC, RESULTING IN YOUR UTTER DEMISE. YEAH. DEMISE IS GOOD. DEMIIISE...
There you have it, Part II is officially edited. Hopefully I'll have everything edited by the 16th, and then I can have Part V up by the 18th. Ciao for now!