Here comes part III! Keep on clicking that review button, people! Feed me!

Vera-Chan aka Arwen: Well, trust me, that song is ANNOYING. Very pesky. And don't worry... as implied in Part II, the story actually focuses on Riku instead of Sora :) And of course some people like Kairi: .25 percent of them :P You'll see exactly how many people that is when you read this chapter. ;) And don't worry, parts IV and later are probably much less complex than II and III. ;)

thekeybladegirl: Yeah, that was confusifying for me, too. It's been simplified a bit in this chapter, and... well, NO, I'm not gonna spoil it when you have the chapter right there in front of you :P

BTW, everyone, I noticed a whole bunch of typos and stuff in the first two Parts, plus I forgot to put the disclaimer in those Parts :P So I'm going to try and fix all that before I start Part IV... or maybe I'll do it after IV or V. I've got to get Sora and Riku out of Hogwarts (hopefully) before July 16, and they leave in... no, I won't tell you which Part:P

DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, pretty much the only thing in this fic that I own is the Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France. I don't even own the two deranged fangirls... those are actually based on two of my best friends :P I'm especially unhappy that I don't own Riku, Dumbledore, Hermione (who, strangely, barely appears in this fic... and Ron is never mentioned yet :P), Hogwarts, and fighting-with-J.-K.-Rowling. :(

Oh, and BTW, I won't be updating -or- writing on July 16, 17, and 18, due to the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Hopefully before then I'll finish the portion of the fic that takes place in Hogwarts, thus avoiding any inconsistencies that Half-Blood Prince may cause :)

NOTE: In case you haven't noticed, if I say, for example, Sora/Riku, that means Sora-in-Riku's-body. Just to clarify :)

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part III - Craziness, Looniness, and... Other Craziness Continues

"Okay," the blond-haired kid agreed. "But I'm still bugging you until you put me in the Fic."

Suddenly, J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand thrust herself through the roof (going through it instead of breaking it), grabbed the blond-haired kid, and attempted to pull him out... resulting in the roof breaking, which resulted in the others never seeing him again... until Kingdom Hearts 2, of course.

"How do we get back to normal?" asked Sora/Riku.

"Well, uh..." Dumbledore/Harry began.

"What?" Harry/Sora asked eagerly.

"We have to get that dementor to appear again, so that it can jumble our souls again. Eventually, all our souls should be back in the correct bodies," Dumbledore/Harry replied. "However, it could take hours. Or days. Or weeks. Or years. Or decades. Or centuries. Or millenia. Or..."

"Okay, okay, a very long time," Sora/Riku said, bending down to pick up the harmless flobberworm that used to be the Soul Eater.

"Oops," murmured the-author-manifested-as-a-giant-foot. He snapped his toes (which was particularly difficult to do), and the harmless flobberworm transformed back into the Soul Eater.

"Why are you manifested as a foot?" Sora/Riku asked the author.

"'Cause I liiiiiiiike it," the author replied.

"Er..." mumbled everyone present who was British.

"Uh..." mumbled everyone present who wasn't British.

"What?" the author asked innocently.

"Aaanyhoo," began Sora/Riku. "Last time, it turned into the dementor when Riku hit me. So maybe I just need someone to hit me. Harry-in-me, hit me."

Harry/Sora took the Soul Eater and whacked Sora/Riku, snapping his arm with a painful-sounding THUD.

Suddenly Sora/Riku's arm magically restored itself to normal. "Wha?" Sora/Riku muttered.

"Riku's body - and mind - have been granted immunity from injury," began the author, "because if he were mentally or physically injured, that would upset 94 percent of female fans and 46 percent of male fans. We can't do that."

"There's no dementor," Harry/Sora noted.

"Perhaps it only appears if the body that Riku's mind is in hits the body that Sora's mind is in," Dumbledore/Harry thought aloud.

"So we need-" Sora/Riku began.

"-my body," finished Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France/Dumbledore finished.

---

Riku/Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France was now in Hogwarts, courtesy of some plane tickets and an unscheduled running of the Hogwarts Express. Riku/blah-blah-blah then-

"HEY!" cried out Irish-blah-Netherlands-blah-France/Dumbledore. "You're shortening me!"

"No duh," replied the author. "Don't you have a real name?"

"Of course!" answered blah-blah-blah/Dumbledore. "It's MacDougal MacCorben MacHines."

"Doesn't MacHines spell... machines?" asked the author.

"So?" replied blah-blah-blah.

"Just gimme!" Riku/blah-blah-blah grabbed the Soul Eater and whacked Sora/Riku. The Soul Eater turned into a dementor, switched everyone's souls, turned back to normal, blah blah blah.

"Roll check!" Harry said. "Riku: Here!"

"Sora: Here!" Big-Butt Malfoy ran in.

"Grand Lord of Hogwarts, Malfoy: Here!" Sora exclaimed pompously.

"Dumbledore: Here!" Riku shouted. "And I believe I am the Grand Lord of Hogwarts, not you, Mr. Malfoy."

"Hermione: Here!" Dumbledore yelled.

"Harry: Here!" Hermione ran in and... something else other than "said".

"Irish-guy-...-France!" exclaimed J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand.

"J. K. Rowling!" shouted the blond-haired kid.

"I'm the blond-haired kid," announced Irish-blah-France, "and I can use these words to say that my name is-"

"NOOOOOOO!" yelled the-author-in-himself. "WE CANNOT KNOW UNTIL THE TIME IS RIGHT! OR... UNTIL THE PRICE IS RIGHT(c)!"

"Okaaaay," everyone murmured incoherently.

Riku/Harry took the Soul Eater and was about to hit Sora/Malfoy, but...

Harry/Hermione seemed to be throwing a tantrum.

"What's wrong?" Dumbledore/Riku asked.

"I always wanted to do that to Malfoy," replied Harry/Hermione, "and now someone else just waltzes into my body and has your permission to do that to Malfoy! It's just not fair!"

"So?" Dumbledore/Riku asked. "Many things aren't fair. Baldness isn't fair. Teachers who can't get a date aren't fair. Tofu isn't fair."

Harry/Hermione was confused. "What?"

"I don't know."

"But you just said that!"

"I still don't know."

"But-"

"I still still don't know."

Harry/Hermione groaned loudly. "Just whack him."

And Riku/Harry did, indeed, "whack" Sora/Malfoy.

---

Eventually, everyone had been put in everyone else's body, so there was no place to put them except their own body. So, indeed, the dementor put them in their own bodies.

"Indeed!" Dumbledore sang. "Indeedydeedy deedydeedydee-ee-dee-ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee, ee, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Wow, Professor Dumbledore," Harry remarked. "I didn't know you could sing opera."

"There's a lot you don't know about me," replied Dumbledore. "Like this." He took a hat off a hat rack and placed it on Sora's head.

Suddenly, Sora wasn't there. Instead there was an old man, bald, with liver spots.

"I don't feel any different," the man said. "What's it supposed to do?"

"I think it worked," Riku laughed.

Dumbledore took the hat off Sora and put it on Riku.

Nothing happened.

"That's weird," Dumbledore said. "This is designed to show a person what they'll look like when they're sixty-something."

"Maybe I'm too good-looking for the hat to work," Riku bragged.

Dumbledore took the hat off Riku and put it on himself.

Suddenly, Dumbledore was replaced by a much, much younger man who was bald with liver spots. The man also had a rather pudgy belly.

"Wow," Harry said, "You really let yourself go!"

"Hey!" Dumbledore cried out reprimandingly. "It was the 70's!"

"But..." Harry thought aloud, "J. K. Rowling (what DO those initials stand for?) said that you're about 150 or 160, so... that can't be right."

"1870's!" Dumbledore admitted. "But who cares?" He pulled off the hat and placed it back on the hat rack.

"By the way," J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand remarked, "My name is really-"

"NOOO!" the-author-manifested-as-a-foot cried out. "THEY CANNOT KNOW! THEY ALREADY KNOW TOO MUCH, KNOWING THAT YOU EXIST AND THAT YOU WROTE THEM!"

J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand punched the-author-manifested-as-a-foot.

The-author-manifested-as-a-foot kicked J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand.

The-two-authors-manifested-as-a-foot-and-a-hand kept fighting-

The-two-authors-manifested-as-a-hand-and-a-foot kept fighting-

The-two-authors-manifested-as-a-foot-and-a-hand kept fighting-

The-two-authors-manifested-as-a-hand-and-a-foot kept fighting-

"Stop altering my story!" exclaimed the-author-manifested-as-a-foot and J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand.

"Stop altering my story!" exclaimed J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand and the-author-manifested-as-a-foot.

"STOP!" both-authors-manifested-as-various-body-parts yelled.

J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand picked up a pen, while the-author-manifested-as-a-foot grew fingers on his ankles and picked up a keyboard.

"You're no match for me!" J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand remarked.

"Bring it on, Shirley," the-author-manifested-as-a-foot replied.

"J. or K. stands for Shirley?" Harry asked.

"How can J or K stand for something that starts with an S?" J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand replied, slapping Harry upside the head.

"Ow!" Harry cried in pain.

"This is fun!" shouted J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand.

Everyone crowded around Harry and began slapping him upside the head.

"This is fun!" shouted everyone.

The-author-manifested-as-a-giant-foot changed himself into a hand and began slapping Harry across the head. "This is just like hitting my friend back home!" he laughed.

"Hey!" cried angrily the-author's-friend-inserted-into-the-Fic-and-manifested-as-the-portion-of-the-brain-known-as-the-medulla-aka-brain-stem.

"Okay, okay," the author sighed. "Presto Jones!"

The-author's-friend-manifested-as-a-brain-stem began to glow with a strange white light, and transformed into a bowl of bran cereal.

"HEY!" cried out the bowl of bran cereal.

"Mmm... bran," Dumbledore said, licking the bowl of bran cereal.

"AAAUUUGGGHHH!" cried the bowl of bran cereal.

"Ow! My spleen!" screamed the bowl of bran cereal.

"Shut up," said Deranged-Fangirl-Number-One-manifested-as-a-ball-of-light. "O, M, G... RRRRRIIIIIKKKKKUUUUU!" she shrieked.

The ball of light began to circle obsessively around Riku; at the same time, Deranged-Fangirl-Number-Two-manifested-as-a-ball-of-light seemed to be attempting to literally "kick Sora's a".

Once successful (because Sora was on the floor), ball-of-light-number-two began to circle around Riku as well, 'taking a page out of' ball-of-light-number-one's 'book'.

"Speaking of books," ball-of-light-number-two remarked, "my FanFic has reached 365 trillion 685 billion 934 million 218 thousand 425 point 33 1/3 pages! Yay! My obsession! Hoo-rah! ...carrots."

"What?" the-author-manifested-as-a-hand asked. "I thought you were the only one of us who was the slightest bit sane! ...Except for the whole obsession-with-Riku thing..."

"I have fans?" Riku asked, smoothing out his hair.

Sora punched Riku. "Why don't I have fans?" he cried desperately.

"Actually, you do," the author said. "Oh, people!" he called.

Millions of people crowded into Hogwarts.

"These are Riku's fans." the author explained.

Dozens of people crowded into the rest of Hogwarts.

"These are Sora's fans," the author continued as Sora started hitting on a couple of girls in Riku's fan club, who glared at him angrily.

Five people fell through the roof.

"And thesea re Kairi's fans."

Ball-of-light-number-one turned red, formed arms and legs (but no head), and began to whack the Kairi fans with little anime books made of light.

"Ow!" all the Kairi fans cried. "Stop it!"

"Not until you stop worshipping Kairi!"

"We don't worship her," cried to two girls in the group of Kairi fans.

"Uhm..." mumbled the three guys in the group of Kairi fans.

Ball-of-light-number-one got so mad that she exploded. "Ow..." mumbled the remains.

"Stop!" ball-of-light-number-two cried out. "Just think of Riku!"

The remains of ball-of-light-number-one formed back into a ball of light.

"Now just... don't think of Kairi. Don't think about Kairi. Don't think about Kairi..." ball-of-light-number-two seemed to be trying to hypnotize ball-of-light-number-one.

Ball-of-light-number one exploded again.

"Okay, nobody say-" ball-of-light-number-two began.

Ball-of-light-number-one awoke.

"-Kairi," ball-of-light-number-one finished.

Ball-of-light-number-one fainted.

"Wow. All you said was-" the author began.

Ball-of-light-number-one awoke.

"-Kairi."

Ball-of-light-number-one fainted.

"Is this the costume party?" asked Parvati Patil, who had just run in wearing a costume of... you guessed it, Kairi.

Ball-of-light-number-one awoke, tore Parvati Patil to (literal) pieces, then fainted.

"Kairi!" screamed the group of Kairi fans. "KAIRI KAIRI KAIRI KAIRI KAIRI KAIRI KAIRIKAIRIKAIRIKAIRIKAIRIKAIRI!"

Ball-of-light-number-one awoke, tore the group of Kairi fans to (literal) pieces, then fainted.

Suddenly a man with good hair and his pregnant wife walked in.

"Contraction," gasped the wife.

"Do the breathing," replied the man.

(Whoo, whoo, whee! Whoo, whoo, whee!) breathed the wife.

"We will, we will, rock you," murmured the man in time to the breathing.

"What does that have to do with this?" Riku asked.

"This isn't the Tanner household?" asked the man with good hair.

"Oh, no!" the author exclaimed worriedly. "Bringing all these fans here must have broken down the walls of all the worlds, thus bringing Uncle Jesse and Becky from Full House (courtesy of Lorimar Television and Warner Bros. Television Distribution) all the way to Hogwarts from Harry Potter (courtesy of J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros.)!"

"Me and my mom have a bet," cried out a girl, walking in, "on which smells worse: my sneakers or my clogs?"

The author sighed. "Kimmie Gibbler."

"That's my name, don't wear it out!" Kimmie replied.

"Back, back to the swamp from whence you came," Uncle Jesse shoved Kimmie out the door. "...The sneakers."

"All right!" Kimmie exclaimed. "I win a bag of roadkill! I gotta go to the dump so I can shoot it!"

"Uh..." everyone mumbled who wasn't British.

"Er..." everyone mumbled who was British.

The author took this opportunity to send everyone back to their original worlds, except himself, his friend, and the two Deranged Fangirls.

"Yay! We're still here!" cried out the two Deranged Fangirls.

"Oops."

Poof! The two Deranged Fangirls poofed back to Earth along with the author's friend.

"Where are Sora and Riku?" asked Dumbledore.

"Uh..."

A pan-dimensional scream that sounded like Sora echoed across all worlds: "TTTHHHEEE SSSIIINNNGGGIIINNNGGG! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Whoopsie," the author 'oopsed', and-

"Is that even a word?" Deranged Fangirl Number Two asked, poofing back long enough to ask.

"No, it's not. Go away," replied the author, and poofed her to Earth and Sora and Riku out of Destiny Islands. ...Or vice versa.

Sora and Riku appeared on Earth, but that's not important quite yet. YET.

Anyway, so another pan-dimensional scream echoed across all worlds, this time sounding like Kairi: "OOOWWW! SSSTTTOOOPPP TTTHHHAAATTT! OOOWWW! TTTHHHAAATTT'SSS NNNOOOTTT SSSUUUPPPOOOSSSEEEDDD TTTOOO BBBEEENNNDDD TTTHHHAAATTT WWWAAAYYY!"

...And yet another pan-dimensional scream echoed, this time sounding like Riku: "SSSTTTOOOPPP TTTHHHAAATTT, YYYOOOUUU DDDEEERRRAAANNNGGGEEEDDD FFFAAANNNGGGIIIRRRLLL (with an impressive anime book collection)! III'MMM NNNOOOTTT OOOLLLDDD EEENNNOOOUUUGGGHHH TTTOOO DDDAAATTTEEE (despite what Kairi thinks)!"

"Whoopsie!"

The author yet again rearranged what worlds people were in, and accidentally found his arm being bent backwards behind his leg and threaded through his ribs by... Deranged Fangirl Number Two. On Mars.

"Sorry," Deranged Fangirl Number Two said. But then she screeched, "NNNOOO... TTTHHHAAATTT WWWOOORRRDDD..." And then: "I'm meeelting... meeeeeelting..."

"Ew," the author said, snapping his fingers. Everyone appeared on their original worlds, except that the author, Sora, and Riku appeared in Hogwarts. And Deranged Fangirl Number Two unmelted, because it would be weird for a melted blob to be stalking Riku.

Part IV should be up in a couple days. I think this was probably the most random chapter so far :P

Click that review button, everyone:)