Chapter 10: The Letter

The clutter of the main entrance doors opening made Saito quickly abandon his kiss and step back from Kenshin, nodding and smiling polity as the other teachers from the meeting filled out the building. Kenshin smiled at them too as they made their way back to their cars, but his smile wasn't quite as well put on as Saito's.

Saito turned back to him when they were far enough away, dropping his dud cigarette to the ground.

"I'll see you tomorrow then Kenshin. Say seven o'clock?"

He didn't expect an answer, but enjoyed the glare Kenshin threw at him, his violet eyes intense and darker in the night air.

Turning around, Saito walked out to his own car in the opposite direction. Kenshin watched him go, his heart sinking with every step he watched him take. Seven o'clock. Less than a day before he'd have to go through 'that' again. Guess he'd have to think up an excuse for Sano to be out the apartment, the last thing he needed was for him to see that. Aoshi was still redecorating; maybe he could ask him to go help for the evening or something? Not wanting to linger on that thought, and wanting nothing more than to just find Sano and hold him after that, Kenshin turned round the corner of the building to find him.

"What…? Young man what on earth are you doing?"

One of the older women who was in the meeting had just walked around her car to find Sano hiding the other side. Sano stayed put for a moment, his mind blank of anything but the image of Kenshin and Saito burned into the back of his eyes. He eventually glanced up at her, before slowly standing up.

"Oh, sorry." He said distantly, moving out the way and letting her in the car, standing to one side and watching her go.

His body felt numb, he didn't want to believe what he'd seen, it couldn't be right! Why was Kenshin kissing Saito? I mean jeez of all people especially why Saito? His first thought was that perhaps Saito had forced himself on Kenshin, he was definitely the kind of guy to do something like that, but Kenshin wasn't putting up a fight, wasn't even trying, so…so he must have let him.

But, did this mean that Kenshin didn't love him anymore? Was this one month going to be it? Was Kenshin going to say he didn't want to be with him anymore?

"Sano!" Sano turned around to see a smiling Kenshin walking towards him. Taking both Sano's hands in his own, Kenshin leant up and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for coming to pick me up." He smiled.

Sano just stared at him for a moment. He had kissed him on the cheek, was he worried they'd be an unfamiliar taste in his mouth if he'd kissed him properly?

"Errr…" Sano stared, Kenshin blinking up at him, "Er…yeah," he quickly snapped out his worried expression and smiled, willing his throat to unclench, "no problem!"

Although he was sure his smile must have looked fake, Kenshin hadn't picked up on it, and they walked together back to the car. Was he really going to pretend he hadn't seen anything? Was he really going to carry on as normal as if he hadn't caught Kenshin cheating on him? How long would he last? Just waiting for the day when Kenshin would turn around to him and say he didn't want to be with him anymore.

As Sano looked down at him, clinging to his arm walking close, Sano's eyes softened in sadness. He didn't want to lose Kenshin, no way, so if pretending he didn't know anything was the only way to spend as much time as possible with him until he said otherwise, then he'd pretend for the rest of his life.

He loved Kenshin. He loved him so much. He didn't want to lose his Angel.

Sano had said that he drive, which left Kenshin to try and look not worried as they travelled back home. Seeing Sano standing there had made him jump at first, desperately panicking that he'd seen him and Saito. That would have been the last thing he needed. If Sano had seen them, then…well, that would be it. He'd lose him.

Not wanting to seem nervous though, he'd just smiled and walked up to him. Sano seemed to have paused for a moment, but he soon smiled too, which let a wave of relief rush over him. That had been too close, he'd have to double and triple check Sano would be out the way tomorrow.

He hated doing this, he felt like he was being so unfaithful to Sano, well he was, but what choice did he have? It's not like he wanted for this to happen, if he could have it his own way and Saito wasn't here, he'd move far away with Sano, somewhere else in the world, just away from all the bad memories that Japan brought him.

But unfortunately, he couldn't. While Saito was here, there was nothing he could do. All he could do was put up with him, that one night every month, and just stay in Sano arms afterwards, reminding himself why he was letting this happen, reminding him how much he loved Sano, how he do anything do be able to hold him. Sano's arms were the only place he felt safe.

A place where not Saito, not anyone could ever get him, a place where he could just stay, and feel protected from everything.

Kenshin's head was thrown back against the pillow, a deep blush spread across his cheeks, body still shaking, staring with heavy laden eyes up at the ceiling. His panting was slowly calming down, Sano collapsed on top of him, his head resting on Kenshin's chest as he too tried to slow his breathing down, leaving loving butterfly kisses on that soft skin beneath him.

Kenshin wrapped his arms around Sano's shoulders, letting one hand run through his hair, kissing the top of his head and holding him so close, eyes falling shut as the tiredness set in after that burst of pleasure.

Sano placed one more kiss on Kenshin's chest before letting his head rest, almost every part of their skin touching the other, wrapping his own arms around Kenshin underneath his back, not wanting to let him go.

"I love you Sano." Kenshin whispered sleepily, snuggling down a little more and squeezing him gently.

Sano smiled sleepily, his own eyes falling shut too. He felt so comfortable in his arms like this, listening to Kenshin's racing heartbeat gradually slow to normal. He kissed his soft skin once more before snuggling him too, the two of them falling still as exhaustion washed over them.

This was how it should be. He felt so in love with Kenshin, especially at moments like this, the two of them as close as you could possibly get to someone else, feeling nothing but their warmth and love, feeling safe, as if for this one moment nothing in the whole world could get to them, nothing could ever hurt them.

Sano opened his tired eyes and looked at the sword, directly in his line of sight. Why did he feel that letter was going to explain so much? Why did he feel like he should read it? Kenshin must still love him, he'd just said he did after all, and there's no way they could experience something like this together if he didn't love him. It wasn't just sex, it was never just sex, he always made love to him, always cared for him, and with the way Kenshin smiled at him, held onto him tightly, gasped his name, and then in heat of passion, begged him not to stop…

How could he kiss Saito? How? The question was tearing at Sano's heart. He was so in love with Kenshin, he'd do anything for him, couldn't he see that? Didn't he love him enough? He'd do anything to make him feel loved, if he was doing something wrong, he wished Kenshin would tell him.

Why Saito? Why was this happening? The more he thought about it, the more he panicked, and the more he panicked, the more he could feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He wanted to know the truth. He wanted, but he knew if he asked, somehow….somehow he knew he would lose Kenshin. He couldn't ask, but he couldn't stay in the dark either!

He gently placed his lips on Kenshin's chest once more, "I love you too," he whispered, but it was lucky that Kenshin was asleep, because the tears in that voice could easily have broken his heart.

The early morning birds chirped happily outside the window, fluttering from tree to tree that lined the pavement. Kenshin turned over in bed still mostly asleep, arm reaching out next to him for Sano. But his arm didn't come in contact with Sano, and after sleepily moving it around the bed for a moment, the fact that Sano obviously wasn't there made Kenshin finally wake up and open his eyes.

Blinking tiredly at the empty space in front of him, Kenshin's eyes slowly became more focused and he leant up on his elbow. Looking around the room, which was equally as empty, Kenshin frowned.

"Sano?"

Yawning and wrapping his red dressing gown tighter around him, Kenshin wandered out into the living room, which again was empty, so moved through into the kitchen, which was just as Sano-less as the rest of the apartment. Frowning again, Kenshin suddenly noticed a small hand written note lying on the sideboard. Picking it up, he read Sano's handwriting.

Kenshin.

Gone in early.

Sano.

That was it? Kenshin turned over the small piece of paper as if expecting more, but there was nothing else. For some reason, Kenshin didn't like the feel of those words. The last time Sano had left early in the morning when he had to finish of an essay that he'd left his research for at college, that had to be handed in that very morning, he'd left a note so full of apologies and xxxxxxx's at the end it made Kenshin laugh.

This note however, those 5 small words, almost seemed hostile.

Sano walked down one of the busy main streets towards the college, the morning sunlight in his eyes and the smell of freshly baked bread as he passed a bakery, which was quickly consumed by the strong smell of exhaust fumes as he walked past a traffic jam beginning to pile up down the road. It was a long walk from Kenshin's apartment, but to be honest, he couldn't face the short awkward silence in the car. Well, at least he'd feel awkward anyway.

Waking up this morning, he didn't know what to feel. He wanted to pretend he hadn't seen anything, hadn't seen them kissing, but the more he thought about not thinking about it, the more it was on his mind, and he wasn't sure how long it would be until his own nervousness and odd glances got Kenshin asking him what was wrong.

When he woke up, still lying exactly as they were when they'd fallen asleep, Sano realised it was the first time he had not wanted to ravish Kenshin there and then again, as the normal feeling took him, but this time he just lay there, Kenshin's arm's still around him, staring at the red digits of the bedside clock having not even looked up at Kenshin's sleeping face.

No, the very first thought he had, was not of how much he loved Kenshin, but questioning how much Kenshin loved him. He couldn't bear to look up at him, just in case the violet eyes that would meet his were ones saying that this would be their last night together.

He had lay there for quite some time, just listening to Kenshin's heartbeat and watching those digital numbers tick by, but after a while he slowly raised one arm and turned off the alarm before it went off, not wanting Kenshin to wake just yet. He had carefully un-tangled himself from Kenshin's arms and rose from the bed, leaving Kenshin still fast asleep.

He had got washed and dressed quickly and quietly, not bothering with breakfast, he wasn't very hungry anyway. He had sat at the side of the bed watching Kenshin sleep for a few minutes, wondering again what he was going to do. Would he survive pretending? Would Kenshin notice he was acting strangely? Or would Kenshin be the first one say that he didn't want to be with him anymore?

Once again he was depressing himself, and he shook his head slightly to clear any lingering thoughts over what was happening. Leaning over and kissing his sleeping beauty on the forehead, Sano got up, scribbled a note in the kitchen, and left for college, one last lingering thought on how much longer Kenshin was going to be his sleeping beauty.

So he continued to walk, a bag of books over his shoulder, and a depressed look on his face. His mind was racing with nothing but unpleasant thoughts, and amongst those thoughts, the stronger desire to once again read the letter hidden in that sword.

The morning lessons and lectures seemed to have flown by for Sano. Most of the time he spent staring out the window, either not seeing or ignoring the concerned looks that Yahiko and Kaoru threw his way. Any books he was supposed to be using for research stayed open on the first page, his notepad stayed unwritten, and any thoughts were not the subjects at hand.

The picture of Kenshin and Saito kissing hadn't left his mind, and he hated the fact he couldn't get rid of it. Everything he tried not to think about only made him think about it more. He tried to ignore what he saw, and it was all he could see. He tried to ignore his hatred for Saito, but the very thought of that man made his blood boil, and he found himself scanning the car park from the windows searching for his car. But worst of all, a feeling that had only just arisen was one he was trying desperately to ignore, because it was one he desperately did not want to feel.

He was angry at Kenshin.

He didn't want to be angry with Kenshin, even if….even if Kenshin didn't love him anymore, he didn't want to be angry with him for kissing someone else. Anyone else in this situation would be yes, but he just couldn't bring himself to be angry with someone he loved so much, but again, because he was trying so hard not to feel that anger, the more angrier he seemed to become, and by the time he, Yahiko, Kaoru and the rest of the class had walked into Kenshin's lesson before lunch, Sano was finding it difficult to even look at Kenshin without a feeling of quiet hatred rise in his chest.

So he ignored him, throughout the entire lesson, he did not look once at the person he'd grown to love so much. He didn't want to hate him, he didn't want to be angry with him, he loved him….he loved him….

"Are you alright?" asked a concerned Kaoru, as Sano snapped out of staring idly at the desk in front of him, pen in his hand having not written a thing. He looked slowly over at her sitting to his right, and smiled, a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'm fine." He said, and as he glanced down, he saw Kenshin looking over at him from another student, a concerned look on his face too. That tiny knotted feeling inside Sano's chest rose again, anger bubbling, so he quickly looked back to his blank sheet of paper, trying to ignore it.

He did not hate Kenshin. 'But he kissed Saito.' He could never hate Kenshin. 'But he wasn't resisting'. He loved Kenshin. 'But he's lying'. He loved him so much….

So why did it feel like he was trying to convince himself?

Kenshin had rushed into work this morning. Not only was he running late as his alarm hadn't gone off, but he hoped he'd be able to talk to Sano before classes started. Unfortunately he'd only just made it in on time, and hadn't been able to find Sano before he had to get to his first class.

His mind had been worrying all morning. The stupid thing was he wasn't entirely sure why. Sano hadn't said anything strange last night or done anything, but that note just felt so…so harsh. Many a time Kenshin had scoffed at himself to stop worrying over the layout of a note, but deep inside he knew the real reason why he was worrying, a reason he was trying to pretend he didn't have.

Had Sano seen him kissing Saito?

All morning he'd just been kidding himself, wondering what on earth could be wrong when he knew exactly what Sano might have seen, he just didn't want to accept the possibility. But how on earth was he going to find out if he had? He couldn't exactly go up to him and say "I'm sorry but did you see me kissing Saito yesterday?... No?...oh…errrrrr…."

Oh yeah, that would go down smoothly.

He could really do without this today, especially today. He just wanted to spend today seeing Sano smiling and just to be with him when he could, just to love him…. until tonight. Until tonight when he wouldn't have Sano with him, until tonight where he'd just have push back any resentment of Saito and just get the deal over with as soon as possible, letting him back into Sano's arm's again as soon as possible.

But it had been during the History lesson with Sano's class where Kenshin's worries grew worse. He kept on trying to catch his eye, but every time Sano would look up he would avoid Kenshin's obvious stares and go back to staring at his work. But Kenshin watched him carefully. He hadn't written anything throughout the whole lesson, and he looked so distant, as if his body was there but his mind was drifting somewhere else.

No, something definitely wasn't right, and considering Kenshin couldn't think of anything else that could be wrong, the only conclusion was that Sano had seen that kiss.

But that was something Kenshin desperately didn't want to believe.

Sano had been the first person out of Kenshin's lesson as soon as the bell had rung, so after the rest of the class had gone, Kenshin made a dash for the lunch hall, hoping that's where he would be going. As he turned a corner, his mind on nothing but were Sano was, he did not see Aoshi until he had already run into him, his head coming in contact painfully with Aoshi's shoulder.

"Are you alright Kenshin?" Aoshi asked as Kenshin raised one hand to rub his forehead, noticing but not mentioning the worried look on his face.

"Have you seen Sano?" Kenshin asked quickly, ignoring Aoshi's concern.

"No." Aoshi replied, and without looking at him Kenshin moved to one side. He was about to run off to find Sano again, when the thought that regardless of their personal situation, Sano had to be out of the apartment tonight, and Aoshi may be the only way.

Turning around to face him again, Kenshin looked up at him "Are you still decorating at home?"

Aoshi looked at him carefully for a moment, wondering why he was asking such a question with such a troubled expression. "I am yes, why do you ask?"

Kenshin looked away awkwardly, not entirely sure how to phrase his question without it seeming suspicious. "Well I… I just have a lot of work to do this evening, and it is difficult to concentrate with Sano around, that it is," he smiled affectionately, "I was just wondering if you still need any help with your painting, and if you do, if you wouldn't mind picking Sano up later so he can help you? I'm sure he won't mind if I ask him."

Kenshin could feel his smile feel more nervous by the second as Aoshi's piercing eyes seemed to read his own.

"It would be helpful yes," he eventually said, "I haven't had a chance to continue with it lately." He watched the relief on Kenshin's face, but he seemed a little too relived for someone simply wanting to get some work done, but still, he continued, "What time would you like me to pick him up?"

Kenshin thought for a moment, "Is six o'clock alright?" he smiled, hiding the fact that his thought had been about whether or not Saito would arrive early, so better play it safe and get Sano out one hour before he was supposed to arrive.

"That's fine." Aoshi said, eyebrows furrowing slightly at Kenshin's nervousness.

"Thank you Aoshi." Kenshin smiled again, and turned around, hurrying off down the corridor.

Aoshi watched him go, other students looking at him quizzically as he stood in the middle of the hallway, before turning around. Immediately he stopped before he walked into Misao who was standing directly behind him.

She looked up at him, almost pouting, "What's your relationship with him?" she said bluntly, now definitely pouting.

Aoshi was a little taken a back at that question, especially from a student to a teacher, "I don't see how that is of your concern Misao." was his reply, but instead of moving out his way, Misao put her hands on her hips.

"Well, you know you could be feeling more, it's just I really hope you're not. I mean I know you're brothers and all but you're not blood related so you could be feeling more and I don't want you to so you better not do because he's already with that Sanosuke guy and I want you all to myself and it's not fair if you're with him!" she said, panting slightly as she said most of that in one breath and getting faster with every word.

Aoshi blinked at her, wondering if she had any sense of respect for her elders at all, but there was something else that was bothering him more, "How exactly do you know that Kenshin is my brother?"

Misao, who had been hoping for a full blown apology, blinked back up at him. "Hmm? Oh! I know all about you from my grandfather." Her grandfather? "Oh I remember when I first saw you," she smiled dreamily, cupping her cheeks with her hands, "I was only 6, I remember walking up to your house with my grandfather, I can't remember why we came to see you now, I think it might have had something to do with your father, but ooohh, I just remember you, you were so handsome…but you did look a little sad," she said quietly, remembering that day, "I remember that."

Aoshi had frozen. His father? He tried to think back. If he was looking sad it was probably after his father had died. His mother had gone round to her ex-husband, Megumi's father, when she had heard the news. She found comfort in his embrace, and as he had never remarried, and she didn't want Aoshi to grow up alone, he had suggested that they stay in his house with Megumi. It was the next night they had found Kenshin on their doorstep, but…but he didn't remember an old man or a little gir—

Aoshi paused. He looked at Misao, who was still rambling on about him, now how he liked to eat alone in the staffroom at lunch and how she wanted to have lunch with him to, but as he looked at her, there was one small memory that came to the surface. It was about a month after Kenshin had moved in with them, he remembered his mother opening the door to…to….

"Misao?"

Misao stopped rambling, "Yes?"

"Was your grandfather….is his name, Okina?"

Misao smiled, "That's right!

It couldn't be. Okina was…Okina was his father's partner, he had to have been there when he was killed! But if Okina knew about him, then he must know about…

"Excuse me." He said, and he walked swiftly back to his own office, leaving a confused, and then flared-up-in-anger-for-walking-away-from-her-in-mid-speech Misao, behind him.

Kenshin ran into the busy lunch hall, scanning the full tables for Sano. Spotting for a brief second what he thought was him, Kenshin's stomach sank as he ran over to find it was Yahiko, sitting with Kaoru.

"Ooo! Kenshin!" Kaoru smiled as she spotted him walking up to them, "Are you going to have lunch with us today?" she asked hopefully.

Kenshin was still looking around at other tables as he walked up to her, "No, I am sorry Miss Kaoru," he said, finally turning to look at her, "Have you seen Sano around?"

Kaoru shook her head, "No, I haven't, not since this morning, but he doesn't have any classes this afternoon, so maybe he went back home?" Kaoru watched Kenshin look nervously around, worry obvious on his face. "Actually, he's been acting strange all morning," she added, but Kenshin still wasn't looking at her, "…are you…are you two fighting?" She thought she'd be happy at that, but the sad look on Kenshin's face wasn't making her happy at all.

Kenshin looked back at her, before looking back towards the doors, "I don't know."

Soujirou placed his freshly made cup of tea on his desk, ducked from a paper aeroplane being chucked across the office from someone just leaving on their holiday, and sat down. Planning to catch up on his reports, he opened his desk draw just as his phone rang. Picking it up, he took a quick sip of his tea and answered,

"Detective Seta speaking." His eyes went wide at who he heard the other end, a man who got straight to the point, "….Okina? No, no, he wasn't there… he was running late from another call out, by the time they found out what had happened, he was ordered not to interfere. When something happens to your partner, they always order you to keep out, you don't think straight when it's personal….." Soujirou looked around the office to make sure no one was in hearing range as the other man spoke, "….He doesn't know about Kenshin. I can promise you that. I've seen his report on that day. Besides, if he knew what happened, "Soujirou paused, looking at the small picture of him and Kenshin on his desk, "Kenshin would have been locked up years ago."

Aoshi put the phone back down on the receiver and leant back in his chair. He wasn't sure why, but he got the feeling that something was going to interrupt the nice peaceful life Kenshin had been living.

He had remembered the day he meant Misao and Okina now, remembered exactly why he looked sad, but there was one emotion Misao hadn't picked up on that day. He wasn't just sad, he had been angry, furious…at Kenshin. But that was then, and this was now, and now, Aoshi wouldn't let Kenshin be sad anymore, and he certainly wouldn't let him return to those nightmares that had woken him up so many nights as child.

Sano had walked home again. It was a stupid idea to walk really; it left him with his thoughts for too long, every thought getting worse by the minute. Normally on this day when he had no classes in the afternoon, he would stay in the library and other classrooms to work. Knowing that he was trying hard on his subjects made Kenshin happy, so ever since they started going out Sano had really started paying attention and getting good marks, but today, as much as he didn't want to admit it, he didn't care if Kenshin would be upset if he didn't work.

The question, why was Kenshin kissing Saito, was the only thought in his mind. He didn't want to be angry with Kenshin, but he was, he was angry, angry that Kenshin hadn't told him he didn't feel the same way anymore, angry that he had to find out like this instead of Kenshin telling him straight out, angry that how the hell could he love that bastard Saito more than he loved him? Nothing made sense in his mind, and that just made him even angrier that he couldn't figure out how someone so perfect as Kenshin could be this cruel.

When he had got home, he immediately lay back on the bed and stared at the white ceiling, arms behind his head. He should have stayed at college, at least that way there would be students around to distract him, now as he lay there on his own in the quiet, the only thing he had was that anger. He closed his eyes, sighed frustratingly, and turned to lie on his side. He stayed there for a moment, trying to will his mind to clear and go to sleep, but with no luck, he opened them again, finding that once again, that damn sword was in his vision.

He scowled at it, as if that would make his situation any better, and rose up from the bed, sitting at the edge. The temptation to read that letter returned again, and he found his hands gripping the sides of mattress where he sat. He didn't read it before because he was worried that it would be something bad, something that would ruin their relationship for whatever reason. But right now, considering that Kenshin obviously didn't love him anymore anyway…

What difference did it make?

Reaching out, he took the seemingly harmless sword from its resting place, and lifted up the small piece of fabric on the handle, pulling out the folded letter. It had gone yellow in places, obviously it had been there for quite some time, and Sano stared at it. He had taken it out now; all he had to do was unfold it. He searched his mind for any reason why he shouldn't, but all the answers he got were ones of anger towards Kenshin.

So he opened it.

The end of the day couldn't have come quicker for Kenshin. He raced to his car, ignoring some poor student who asked him for help with the lesson they'd just had, and drove back home as quickly as the speed limits would allow.

He parked, ran out, up the steps, into the lobby, not wanting to wait for the elevator to come down, he ran up the stairs. Floor after floor, he finally made it to his apartment door and unlocked it, stepping through into his quiet apartment and shutting the door behind him.

He saw Sano's jacket on the coat stand, so at least he was here. He walked through the kitchen in the living room, and saw their bedroom door slightly ajar. Kenshin felt so nervous. That kiss had to be the reason Sano was acting strangely and ignoring him. He didn't want it to be, but it had to be, nothing else had happened between them for him to be upset. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, and he took a deep breath. They'd just talk. He'd ask what was wrong, and Sano would explain. With any luck it would just be something superficial, like work stress. Everyone goes through that at college, and maybe he just wanted some space. Feeling slightly more confident, Kenshin opened the bedroom door.

Oh. It wasn't stress, it wasn't even the kiss….it was something far worse.

Kenshin's racing heartbeat seemed to stop, his once nervous eyes now wide with panic. His hand fell from the door handle, and he took a step back.

This was it. It was over. There was no way he could talk himself out of this one.

Sano was sitting on the bed, the sword lying next to him, and the letter in one hand. Sano looked up slowly at him, as if he'd only just noticed the door had opened. The confused and angry look in his eyes was something Kenshin had prayed he would never see in those eyes, but now, it was too late.

So as the silence in the air grew unbearable, there was but one question that left Sano's mouth,

"Who are you?"

To Be Continued….