Chapter 11: The Truth

"Aoshi, Megumi, this is Kenshin."

Mrs Shinomori went to place her arm on Kenshin's shoulder, but the small boy stepped away from her reach, keeping his vision fixed firmly on the ground. His red hair that just reached just passed his shoulders was dull and un-brushed, his left arm in a sling, a white medical patch on his left cheek, and with various bruises on his face, neck, arms, and most likely everywhere else that couldn't be seen, the poor child looked sullen and miserable.

Mrs Shinomori smiled sadly, and bent down to Kenshin's level, Kenshin looking away. "It's alright sweetheart," she said warmly, "These two are your new brother and sister. They'll look after you, we all will." She said, just as her ex-husband walked up the driveway from parking the car, having returned from the hospital with Kenshin.

Kenshin refused to look at her, so she moved in front of him, Kenshin frowning nervously and still avoiding her eyes.

"Kenshin. This is your new home. We want you to stay here." Kenshin still didn't look at her; he just clung to the front of his shirt with his right hand, looking almost like he wanted to cry. Mrs Shinomori gently placed the backs of her fingers on Kenshin's right cheek in a touching gesture, stroking it gently. "It's alright to cry you know. I won't ask what happened, if you want to tell me, then you can, but I'll never ask you."

Kenshin stood there, his small frame seeming so fragile, as if he held the weight of the whole world on his shoulders. His eyes were shining with un-shed tears, but without a word, he suddenly leant forward into her embrace. She wrapped her arms around him and held him gently, as not to hurt his arm, and Kenshin just stood there leaning into her. He did not cry, the tears stayed in his eyes, he just stood still, experiencing for the first time in his life, a hug.

Mr Takani watched them for a moment, before walking towards the door, "Come on you two. Let's go inside and get dinner started, let him settle in a little bit."

The 13 year old Aoshi looked up at his step father and glared at him, "I don't have to do what you say," he said, true venom in his voice, "You're not my father."

With that he turned around and walked away into the house, having not even looked at Kenshin and ignoring Megumi calling out after him, followed by his mother's voice.

Mrs Shinomori sighed and looked down at Kenshin, who still looked at the floor. "Don't worry about him, he really is a nice boy, he's just…going through a tough time right now." She said sadly, "His father died a few days ago, I guess… I guess your arrival has helped me take my mind off it all." She smiled sadly, the memory of her dead husband making her quickly wipe at her eyes before her own tears came forth.

Putting on a brighter smile, she stood up and placed her hand on top of Kenshin's head, beckoning Megumi to come over. "Anyway, as I was saying, this is Megumi, she'll take care of you for a minute while I just go and check on Aoshi ok?"

She didn't receive any reply from Kenshin, who continued to look at the ground, so she glanced at Megumi sadly, who smiled back at her, reassuring her she'd look after him while she sorted Aoshi out, who incidentally had run into the living room and now sat there sulking, ignoring his step father's attempts at being nice to him.

So as she went back into the house, Megumi and Kenshin were left alone on the front lawn. She looked down at him, looking so lost, and she smiled.

"So your names Kenshin yes?" Again Kenshin stayed quiet. "Hellooooo?" She said, bending down trying to look at his face, brushing his hair out the way. Kenshin flinched slightly, but otherwise did not move.

After a moment, he finally and slowly looked up at her, his wide violet eyes still shining. "That's better!" Megumi smiled, gently taking his hand and standing up, "Come on. I'll show you to your room. Unfortunately you're going to have to share with my grumpy brother, we don't have enough rooms in the house, but he's ok once you get to know him."

Kenshin looked at his hand that Megumi was holding, looked away, then looked up at her. She too looked down at him, wondering what he was thinking, before she felt his smaller hand close around her own, and she smiled gently.

She hated to think what had happened to him for him to end up like this, battered half to death and so quiet and sad. But, she knew if that was her in his situation, she wouldn't want nosy people asking her hundreds of questions of what was wrong, so she simply led him into the house, his new home, and his new life.

Taking him up the stairs away from her mother trying to calm a very agitated Aoshi, she walked over to the first door and opened it, walking through. Inside was a very messy room, bookcases lining the walls crammed full of books, cardboard boxes on the floor, bits of paper strewn about the place, and two beds opposite each other next to a wall.

"Err…sorry about the mess." She apologised awkwardly, looking around the dishevelled room, "This was my father's study, but with both Aoshi and you both moving in so suddenly we're all still trying to get organised. But we bought you a bed yesterday, so at least there's that."

Kenshin looked up at the bed on the left, and spotted something lying on it that seemed vaguely familiar. Megumi led him over to it when she saw him looking at it, and he sat down at the edge, staring at the sheathed sword lying there.

"This was all that we found with you." Megumi said quietly, she too looking down at the sword. "It…it had blood on it. I've cleaned it up the best I could for you. I'm presuming it's something important to you as it's all that was with you."

Kenshin looked at it, vague images flashing across his mind. He seemed to remember this sword lying on a car seat, next to him, and someone's shadow looming over him as he lay there.

"Um…this was found with it too." Kenshin looked over at her as she picked up an envelope from one of the boxes on the floor, passing it to Kenshin. "It had your name on it, so we haven't opened it."

Kenshin took the letter from her, immediately recognising the handwriting his name had been written in.

There was another awkward silence that filled the room, and Megumi coughed quietly, "Do you…want anything to eat or anything?" Kenshin shook his head, looking at the letter. "Do you want to be left alone for a while?" Kenshin nodded, still looking at the letter. "Ok," she said softly, "We'll all be downstairs if you want anything ok?" Kenshin nodded again, and Megumi walked to the door, looking back at him before closing it quietly.

As soon as she left the room, Kenshin opened the envelope, un-folding the letter within.

Kenshin.

As you were half unconscious when we agreed this, I'll just remind you of a few things. Your life belongs to me now. I've done you a very big favour, letting you live, so next time I see you I'll talk about what you can do for me to keep me quiet from the Boss and the police, I'm thinking money. If the Boss finds out you are still alive, he'll kill you and the little family I left you with, and I'd hate to think of the sentence you would get if the police find out what you've done. I may have been doing the same, but the law is too cowardly to come after the Yakuza, you however, are a lost cause. The only protection you have is me, so you better do exactly what I want all the time and don't complain or your life is over.

So until we meet again my pathetic little friend, I'll leave you to live a life of regret and sorrow, as you deserve. Oh, and I hope you like your little gift I left with you, that sword is quite becoming of you now don't you think? I picked it up at the Mansion, but when I realised what a worthless piece of junk it was, I thought it would suit you nicely.

You may be free from the Yakuza, but now you have me to answer to, so don't do anything stupid like try to leave the country, because I'll kill you myself.

I'm watching you, all the time.

Saito.

Kenshin placed the letter down on the bed and looked across at the sword. Using his free hand, he grabbed the handle and pulled the sword out of its sheath. Laying it back on the bed, he ran his fingers along its edge, finding it dull and blunt, the blade on the wrong side.

A reverse bladed sword huh? Not capable of killing unless its owner flips the blade. Yes, it was rather appropriate now. Kenshin was capable of killing, but no one, not one single person, was ever going to make him kill again.

He would keep this sword, as reminder. He had no intention of living a happy life, he deserved to be dead, worse then dead, but as he wasn't dead, he would make sure that he would never be happy.

Touching the bandage on his left cheek, where lay the mark from his Boss and from Saito, Kenshin closed his eyes and fell back on the bed, those tears in his eyes finally falling free, praying to every person he had ever killed, to every person who mourned their deaths…

That they could forgive him.

Present Day…

"Who are you?" Sano repeated, anger rising in his voice, "Who is Saito?" he demanded, standing up from the bed, the letter now scrunched up in his hand, "What is he talking about in this letter? The Yakuza? What is it you've done?" All the anger he had been keeping bottled up inside all day finally burst out all at once, all at Kenshin.

When the bombardment of questions Kenshin had hoped never to hear from Sano's mouth subsided, the usual loving and soft brown eyes directed at him were now filled with a frustrated anger, fed up with being kept in the dark and after reading this, wanting to know who the hell Kenshin really was.

"I don't want to be angry at you Kenshin I really don't but what the hell is going on?"

Kenshin had stayed standing by the door, a terrified look on his face. It was happening again, Soujirou, everything, it was happening all over again. This was the exact reason why Kenshin had promised himself he would never ever tell Sano about his past, he couldn't face going through this again.

His heart felt like it has jumped to his throat, blocking any words or explanations, his pulse quickening, his eyes unable to move from Sano's, ones that were glaring into his own. But it was a sad sort of glare, as though he really didn't want to be angry at him, but had no choice.

The two of them continued to stare at each other in silence, when the anger on Sano's face seem to melt slightly, replaced by something else, "….And why were you kissing Saito?"

There was a definite sadness in that voice, the harsh anger disappearing. So Sano had seen him kiss Saito after all. Heh, somehow that very thing Kenshin had been worrying about all day seemed superfluous now, as if anything else could go wrong.

"S-Sano I…" The lump in his throat let those words past, but nothing else. He was at a loss at what to say. He didn't want to tell him, he couldn't tell him, he'd lose him if he told him, just like his mistake with Soujirou that day.

Yet again the two of them stared at each other, a silence so unbearable Kenshin wished for something, anything to just interrupt them, distract them, make Sano forget everything he'd just read and the kiss he saw, just start over again.

Suddenly though, with Kenshin not responding to his questions, Sano moved swiftly from around the bed and engulfed Kenshin in his arms, holding him tightly, burying his nose in his hair and kissing the top of his head. "I love you Kenshin, I love you so much, but…please tell me what's going on, I don't want to be angry with you," he kissed the top of his head again and closed his eyes, concentrating on nothing but holding Kenshin close to him, "I love you."

It was true. He didn't want to have this feeling towards Kenshin, he wanted to love him, not hate him, but there was no way he could back out now. Something weird was going on, and he couldn't just ignore it now, he needed to know, he needed an explanation.

"Don't…." Sano didn't know if he wanted to ask this question, or even know the answer to it, "….don't you love me anymore? Is this it?" He could feel Kenshin's body tense in his arms, and he held him even tighter, "Please tell me." Sano pleaded, terrified of Kenshin's answer.

There was a very long pause, the silent air consuming them. Kenshin's right arm was trapped at his side where Sano was holding him, the other gently clutching at the front of Sano's shirt. "Of course I love you," came the quiet whisper, his head resting against Sano's chest, the hand clutching Sano's shirt just by his left cheek, "I love you more than anything else in the world."

His voice was so quiet and unsettled that the faint flicker of happiness that Kenshin still loved him only lasted for a second, as Sano wondered why he sounded like he was about to cry.

"Ok, you love me," Sano smiled sadly, still keeping him so close, "But why…why were you kissing Saito then?" he said gently, his eyes still so sad, unfocused staring out onto a wall in the living room, "What is that letter talking about?"

Another pause, Kenshin moving his fingers down slightly on Sano's chest to clutch more of the fabric, almost like if he let go, Sano would disappear. His mind was racing. Panic and sadness, love and confusion, confusion over what to do. He tried to stay quiet for as long as possible, hoping once again for that distraction, but when nothing happened, he opened his eyes, and found his vision blurred by tears gathering in his eyes.

Was this it? Barely even a month and he'd all ready have to lose him? One month. It wasn't long enough, no amount of time could ever be long enough, he wanted to stay with Sano so badly, he loved him so much, he didn't want this to happen. Couldn't a hole just open up in the ground and swallow them both? Just take them away from the world, so nothing else mattered but them, just the two of them, where nothing, no Saito, no dark past could ever find them. Where he could just stay in this warm embrace forever?

"Tell me Kenshin." Sano's voice was a little stronger, he was getting impatient.

Kenshin could feel his own body begin to shake with nervousness, and he closed his eyes again, pressing himself even closer to Sano. His breath was becoming caught in his throat along with his words, he just wanted a clock to rewind the past and prevent this all from happening.

"Kenshin." Sano voice was stern now, but again there was that sadness in that voice. Sano didn't want to be doing this anymore than Kenshin, but Sano had no idea what Kenshin would have to tell him.

Kenshin could feel his chest tighten, jerking slightly as he tried not to cry, tried to think of a way out of this, just tried to think of anything! But he couldn't hold back the tears, he couldn't anymore, and they fell down his cheeks, one after the other, getting lost in Sano's shirt.

"I…..I can't," he finally said, his voice breaking as he spoke, clinging onto him "I can't tell you….I can't….please Sano, it….it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter anymore just…..please… please understand, I can't tell you…I can't."

If Kenshin had been crying like this any other time, Sano would have been so worried and panicked at what was wrong, but this time, all he did was gently stroke Kenshin's hair, his eyes softly glaring at the living room carpet, anger still behind his eyes.

"So you want me to just accept the fact you were kissing someone else with no explanation? To stay with you knowing that you could be having an affair right behind my back and just to live with it? Also knowing that you are obviously hiding something from me so bad that you don't want to tell me? Are you saying that I should still love you knowing that I'm not even sure who I love anymore?"

Kenshin still shook in his arms, and after a pause, replied. "….yes." He knew he sounded pathetic, he knew that it would be the wrong answer, but if Sano had to be angry at him, he'd rather he'd be angry at not knowing the truth, then being even angrier if he found out the truth.

"Well I don't wanna do that." Sano replied, frustrated at Kenshin behaviour, and with him refusing to give him an explanation. They'd been living together for nearly a month, they were lovers, didn't he have a right to know why he was kissing someone else? Didn't he have a right to know who he was in love with?

"Kenshin if you don't tell me….." Sano paused, a part of him not wanting to believe what he was about to say, "….then I'll leave."

Kenshin's head shot up from his chest, and he stared at him horrified, "No!" he shouted, his tears stopping at this sudden outburst, and he pulled his arm up swiftly from being trapped at his side and quickly wrapped his arms around Sano's neck, holding him closely again and letting his head rest just under Sano's chin, "No…" he said again, quieter, but still so much panic in his voice, "No please, Sano…." He couldn't get away from it, "…please, I'm begging you please understand…" He could never escape from his past, "….please, please God don't make me tell you." Tears were once again dripping off his cheeks, eyes screwed up tightly, body shaking, knowing he was losing this battle but not wanting to face the truth.

"Why don't you want to tell me?" Sano asked, Kenshin's behaviour now suddenly concerning him. What could possibly have happened to make Kenshin act like this?

Kenshin opened his eyes, seeing noting but a blur of colours through his tears, "Because I'll lose you." He whispered, closing his eyes again and pressing his face as close to Sano as he could, "I don't want to lose you, that I don't."

The desperation in Kenshin's voice, the way he clung to him, something was so wrong about all this, but how could Kenshin expect him to live on with him knowing there were so many lies being held against him?

"You don't know that," he said softly, "If you don't tell me, then I will go, I don't want to, but I will, but if you do tell me, then I still might stay."

"No, you will." Kenshin said instantly, "You will, I'll lose you."

"You're going to lose me anyway if you don't tell me." Sano said back just as quickly.

"No." he said again, as if blocking out Sano's words in his mind would stop this all from happening. "You'll go, I'll be alone again….I don't want to be alone again, I don't want to lose you."

Sano could barely understand him through his tears, and his loving side for him felt sorry for him. What this was all this was about, was obviously something that was causing him so much pain, and Sano was asking him to tell him everything. But he loved Kenshin, so he couldn't understand why he wouldn't tell him. Whatever it was, he wasn't going to push him away, he loved him, he'd help him through it, of course he would, why couldn't Kenshin see that?

Sano gently put his hands on Kenshin's shoulders and pushed him back a little, so he could see Kenshin's tear streaked face. Kenshin looked up at him, eyes seeming to quiver with fear at what was happening.

"I want to love you…" Sano said softly, wiping with his thumbs at the tears about to fall from Kenshin's eyes, "…but I want to know who I'm in love with."

Kenshin felt sick, his body still trembling. He looked at Sano, silently begging him, pleading with him to stop asking, to forget everything. But when Sano's eyes did not faltered from his own, Kenshin took a step back away from him, shaking his head stiffly.

"I can't…." he repeated once again, and Sano found himself glaring at him once again, "I can't….." Kenshin had run out of things to say, he just stood there, looking up at Sano with tearful eyes, eyes that wanted nothing more than to see Sano's smile once more, and not this frown.

Sano stood up a little straighter, glancing at the floor for a moment, before looking back at Kenshin, "Then I'm leaving."

But as he walked past Kenshin towards the door, Kenshin momentarily frozen to the ground with wide eyes, Sano suddenly found Kenshin racing back in front of him again, his arms back around him and squeezing him tightly, preventing him from taking another step.

Sano sighed, a mix of frustration and sympathy, and put his arms back around him, "Are you going to tell me then?"

Kenshin stared with wide unfocused eyes at Sano's chest, his forehead against his shirt, just staring. His mind had gone a blank, all he knew was that he was going to hold Sano and not let go, never let go. If he didn't let go, he could never leave, he could never leave him.

"Because I think I deserve to know, don't you?" Sano continued, trying to keep his voice clear from anger, "You say you love me, but how can I believe you now? You won't even tell me why you were kissing someone else; you won't tell me anything about you." Sano kissed the top of Kenshin's head again, trying to coax him out of this silence, "Please Kenshin, tell me, I won't leave you." But that still didn't seem to be enough, "I promise I won't, how's that?" he tried smiling, but there was nothing to smile about here. "I don't want to leave Kenshin, so please just tell me."

Kenshin had lost all hope. Sano's promise meant nothing when he didn't know what was to be said. Either way Sano would hate him, from either not telling him or telling him, both had the same outcome, Sano leaving. After all, he had told Soujirou the day he had asked him to marry him, and he still left, and they'd known each other for years, were best friends even!

Of course Sano was going to leave.

He'd already lost him.

"Alright."

It was two words that seemed to clarify and confirm his pain for the rest of his life.

"I'll tell you."

Three more words that he thought he would never again say to anyone.

"Do you want to sit down?" Sano made a move to the sofa, but Kenshin kept his feet firmly where he was, clinging onto Sano.

"No…I don't want to let you go."

Sano looked down at the red hair beneath him, and wrapped his arms back around Kenshin's shoulders. This was going to be difficult for Kenshin to say, so he'd just let him say it, he wouldn't interrupt, he'd just be here.

"Sano before I tell you," Kenshin began, looking up at him, "just keep in mind that I love you…I love you so much…I just want to be with you." He said gently, and he leant up and kissed him. It was a soft, gentle kiss, a sad kiss, because as far as Kenshin was concerned, this was their last kiss.

He lingered on Sano's lips, but Sano didn't know whether or not to respond. He didn't know what to do now. But as Kenshin's lips pressed a little harder against his own, almost seeming to plead with him to kiss him back, Sano decided to push everything that was happening to the back of his mind, and remember how he had felt about Kenshin over the past month. With love at the surface, Sano kissed him back, deeply, holding his smaller body against his own, as he found his heart fluttering again at his beautiful teacher.

How long they kissed neither was sure, but Sano was the first to pull back, wanting to know the truth. Kenshin kept his eyes closed for a moment, wanting to keep that memory forever, his last kiss with the person he loved more than anything this whole world could possibly offer him.

Kenshin looked up at him one last time, those chocolate brown eyes filled with questions and wanting answers, and Kenshin lowered his head, resting it against Sano's chest once again, closing his eyes,

He tried to will his breathing to calm down, and after a minute, it did. He forced his body to stop shaking, forced the tears to stay where they were, and just stood still. Wrapped in Sano's arms, Kenshin concentrated on nothing but that warmth, nothing but the memories of the past month with him, nothing but all the times they had held hands, nothing but every kiss they'd shared, nothing but every smile thrown his way, nothing but all the times Sano had held him so tenderly after they'd made love….

"I'm a murderer."

Sano looked up.

"I'm a…mass murderer."

Kenshin opened his eyes and just stared at a nearby wall, his hands once again clutching the shirt on Sano's back, just wanting to keep him close. "I used to work for the Yakuza as an assassin…" he kept on pausing, his voice almost drifting, like he'd accepted his fate, and there was nothing he could do about it, "… I've killed so many people Sano, I can't even remember how many." Kenshin felt Sano's arms around him loosen a little, but he still kept his own grip on him just as tight. There was no way he was letting go. "So many people have died because of me, so many…I even…" Kenshin paused again, closing his eyes, a faint smile on his lips. But it was a smile of desperation, a smile that knew that if he didn't smile, he'd break down right there and then, "…I even killed my parents. … I knew who they were, I killed them in cold blood." As Kenshin rekindled these thoughts for Sano, the memories of what he'd done flashed across his mind. So much blood. So many bodies. That Mansion, the Ellisman Mansion…his parents... "Saito…. he was there, I had to bribe him to stay quiet from the police… at first he wanted money, but now he wants my body, that's why I was kissing him." After telling Sano that he was a murderer, somehow the fact he'd simply kissed someone he shouldn't have seemed completely irrelevant now. Surely Sano couldn't care less about that now after hearing this.

So, with not much else to tell, Kenshin stopped, snuggling against him. "There….you wanted to know…..that's it."

At first no one said or did anything. Now standing in the living room after Sano had tried to leave, nothing but the late afternoon sun filtering through the window, giving the room a fake impression of a warm and happy feeling, to which at the moment, was anything but a warm and happy situation.

Kenshin held onto Sano like his very life depended on it. His heart felt like it wanted to beat out his chest, waiting for Sano's response. Even though he knew that Sano would leave, there was a still a tiny part of him that hoped he wouldn't, hoped he would still love him, hope that everything would just go back to how it was.

But after what must have been a few minutes, Sano still hadn't said anything, so Kenshin opened his eyes, worried at the lack of response, and slowly looked up at him.

He really wished he hadn't.

The eyes that met his were not ones of love, they weren't even ones of anger.

Sano looked scared.

Kenshin's own eyes went wide as Sano let go of him, stepping back away from him, his fearful eyes not leaving his own. "Sano?" Kenshin said quietly, a tentative fear in his voice, not sure on what he was doing.

Sano continued to stare at him for a moment, took another step back, then ran.

Kenshin only stood there in shock and terror for a second before he bolted after him, catching him in the kitchen just before the front door, and latched onto him around his waist, Sano freezing on the spot, his body tense and rigid.

"Sano!" Kenshin wailed, pressing himself against Sano's back, holding onto him for dear life, "Sano you promised you wouldn't leave, you promised!" The tears were back, so quickly this time, as he held onto his one hope at being happy. If Sano left now, that was it, he would never love anyone again, how could he? It was going to be like after Soujirou, he was going to be alone forever, but he'd fallen for Sano so easily, he just took a chance, a chance that had gone horribly wrong. "I love you Sano," he chocked through his tears, "Please don't leave me…." He felt like he was hyperventilating, the desperation at wanting to keep Sano so fierce.

Sano stood so still, his arms by his side, and a lump in his throat. "Let go of me Kenshin." He said, his voice strained trying to stay calm.

"No…" Kenshin cried into his back, squeezing him tighter, "I don't want to let go…if I let go you'll leave."

Sano took a very shaky breath, fear rising from inside him, "Let go of me." He repeated, but Kenshin just held him closer.

"Please Sano…" Kenshin could feel his knees growing weak, he just wanted to collapse to the floor, "I'm sorry….I'm so sorry..."

"You think that'll make up for the people you've killed?"

Kenshin's eyes opened in shock, never expecting to hear that from him, "Of course it won't make up for the people I've killed, nothing can." He cried, "No matter how much I want to change what I've done I can't—"

"I don't want to love a murderer Kenshin, or a liar."

Those words stabbed into him like a knife, his grip on Sano loosening. Not because he wanted to let go, but because his body felt so weak, he just couldn't hold onto him anymore.

"Let go of me Kenshin."

Kenshin felt like he was dying from the inside, and he found himself slowly slipping to the floor. He tried to hold on, Sano's shirt wet with tears, but he'd lost his battle, he'd lost his happiness…he'd lost his Sano.

So as Kenshin slowly slipped to the floor, his hands coming up to his face, the tears had never flown so freely as Sano ran out the door, the door slowly falling shut behind him, Sano's footsteps becoming quieter and quieter before disappearing altogether.

That was it. Never again would he allow himself to love someone. Never again would he let himself be happy. He was an evil, murdering human being who deserved nothing but to be in pain for the rest of eternity.

So as Kenshin leant back against one of the kitchen cupboards, curled up against the corner on the floor, he cried distraughtly into his hands, knowing he would never see Sano again, never wake up with him in the morning, never see him smile ever again.

As the pain poured out of him in tears, the one last lingering memory of his last kiss with anyone in the world stayed fresh in his mind, a memory he would never let go, and a memory that would torture him for the rest of his dejected life.

He ran. He did not know where he was running to, or how far he had to go, all he knew was that he had to run. Run far away, away from the unbelievable truth he'd just heard. He ran past shoppers, dog walkers, children playing in the street, not once looking back from where he'd run. He even knocked a shopping bag out of a young lady's hand as he ran past, but he did not turn back to apologise.

What happened? What the hell just happened? Kenshin's words ran through Sano's brain over and over again, tormenting him with the truth he knew he should never have asked about in the first place. He was torn between screaming at himself for asking, and anger at Kenshin on how he could possibly have not only kept a secret like that from him, but expect him to carry on as normal after finding out!

He'd been living with a murder, an assassin, someone who at any moment could have turned on him! Was Kenshin's calm and peaceful demeanour all a lie? To act like that and keep any anger at bay in case he snapped? Who the hell had he been living with?

Sano felt his heart thundering in his chest as he ran, panic and heartache all mingled into one. Had Kenshin really killed his own parents? He had told him he was an orphan, heh, well, that would explain why. And had he really worked for the Yakuza! But….but it couldn't be true…it couldn't! Not Kenshin! It wasn't possible! Kenshin was a kind and gentle soul, he'd never have a violent thought in his mind! Right?

Sano tried to picture it, Kenshin's beautiful childlike eyes in a narrow blood-lusting glare, his sweet smile replaced by taut lips, a loving and cheerful aura replaced by a blackness that held no care for anyone in the world and only wished to kill.

Surely it wasn't possible? But if it was, if Kenshin really was telling the truth, then the person he had fallen in love with wasn't Kenshin. Even though he now knew everything about him, knew his past, knew what he had done…it didn't fell like he knew him at all. He wasn't the Kenshin he'd fallen in love with, he could never love a murderer, never, it wasn't right, it wasn't….it wasn't…. Sano couldn't think of the right word. Just thinking about it made his very heart cringe at the thought of living with someone who had killed so many people. No matter how innocent Kenshin may have seemed, no matter how easily he had stolen Sano's heart, to Sano, it wasn't Kenshin anymore. He felt awkward, scared, shocked; wanting to believe this was all a bad dream, because it certainly felt like something out of the movies.

Sano found his feet had led him to a park, where a mother and her children were busy feeding the ducks in the small pond in the middle. Walking almost hypnotically, Sano walked off the path and onto the lush grass, finding a bench situated under a large tree, the leaves on its branches turning brown and starting to fall to the ground. He sat down, staring out into the road just ahead, letting the innocent sounds of the children float past on the wind.

He had come to this park with Kenshin once about a week ago. They had sat together on that bench the mother was sitting on now, overlooking the pond and the rest of the park. They had held hands, cuddled, just sat there and watched the world go by in the warm autumn evening. Who would have thought that the beautiful eyes that had looked at his own, the soft lips he had stolen a kiss from, and the arms that had wrapped around him snuggling into the warmth as the sun drifted under the horizon, were ones that belonged to someone with such a black heart?

There's no way that Kenshin could really have loved him, no way, someone like that….surely a murder wouldn't know how to love anyone? Taking people's lives, so easily, and so many times, surely there wasn't any space for love in his soul? It had been a lie. Every time Kenshin had told him he loved him, every smile, every kiss, everything was a lie.

Sano swallowed down a lump that had formed in his throat and he covered his face with his hands, leaning his elbows on his knees. How could Kenshin do that? How? I don't understand! Sano felt so sad, but so angry at all once. He had always thought Kenshin was perfect, as impossible as it was that he had been lucky enough to find someone without any flaws in character or appearance…even his scar had suited him. Being a mass murder was one heck of a secret to keep from him! Did Kenshin honestly think that he'd never find out? If they were going to be together surely he must have thought that Sano may have asked him one day? Or was Kenshin really going to wait until he had worked his charm so much that Sano wouldn't care what he had done in his past, as long as got to stay with someone so perfect like him. Was that it? Behind the supposed kindness was there a sly sneak that just wanted someone to do what he told them as he couldn't get away with his past antics anymore?

Sano didn't know. He didn't know anything anymore. It just went to show that you can't trust anyone these days, no matter how they seem, no matter how kind and loving they come across, even someone like that can hold such a dark secret that would make anyone turn away from them. Well, he could give him one thing; Kenshin sure was a great actor.

But his feelings for Kenshin had changed so suddenly. He didn't love him anymore, how could he? He didn't even know who he loved now. Kenshin didn't love him, he never had done!

The anger swelled inside him knowing what Kenshin had done, having the cheek to hide something as big as that and then expect it all to be forgiven, the lies, the secrets, Sano hated it! The Kenshin he had loved was lie. Everything about him was a lie! How could he trust him, he didn't know him anymore! He didn't know who Kenshin was! He….he didn't love him anymore, he didn't want to love him anymore, he couldn't love him any more…

So why was he crying?

Sano stared at the pavement through his hands, frowning sadly at the wetness on his cheeks. He didn't love Kenshin, he couldn't, not anymore, he didn't know him. So why was it every time he told that to himself, did his chest seem to tighten and more tears try to escape? Why did those un-loving thoughts feel so painful to think?

Sano wiped at his eyes, wiping away the tears he didn't understand, and leant back again on the bench, staring up into the cloudless sky. The sun was just beginning its slow decent into the Earth, making the shadows of objects and people seem longer than usual on the ground. He stared out into the slowly reddening sky, eyes not focusing on anything in particular, and just sat there, confusion, sadness and anger, all mixed together.

Mmmm, Sano thought absentmindedly, looking at a few wisps of cloud that floated by, a red tinge to them, That's Kenshin's hair colour. Immediately Sano screwed up his eyes at that unwelcome thought. Why did he have to think that now?

"Sanosuke?" Sano lowered his head to the road and his eyes focused on the car that had just pulled up into his vision, only to see Aoshi inside it, car window down and looking at him. "What are you doing out here?" Aoshi inquired, opening the car door and stepping out into the early evening air.

Sano turned away from him as he walked towards him, not wanting to actually look at anyone who reminded him of Kenshin. "Nothing." He replied, a sulking tone in his voice.

Aoshi stood a few feet in front of him, looking down at the younger man who was obviously avoiding his eyes. He paused before speaking; trying to work out exactly what kind of mood Sano was in. He glanced at his watch which read 5.50pm, 10 minutes before Kenshin had asked him to come round and collect Sano.

"Has Kenshin not told you I was coming round to pick you up this evening?"

Sano glanced up at him, a questioning gaze, before a realization struck him and he exhaled frustratingly, looking back to one side, "Oh, I see. Wanted me out the house did he? Didn't even bother asking, I wonder what he's hiding this time." Somehow his own tone of voice seemed to make things more painful, knowing that tone was directed at Kenshin, and wanting to chid himself at how childish it sounded.

This reply made Aoshi raise a concerned eyebrow at his behaviour, and he continued to analyze him. His body was leaning slightly away from him, his eyes looking anywhere but at his own, the cruel tone in this voice and general attitude. Did they….

"Have you and Kenshin…had a fight?" Although he didn't show it in his face, he had suddenly become increasingly worried over what Sano's reply to this would be.

Sano didn't reply at first. He kept a feigned interest in the little boy on his left who was playing catch with a big red ball with his father, before glancing down at the ground, then turning back and staring at his hands in his lap.

"Well I guess you'll find out eventually anyway." He paused again, suddenly feeling awkward under Aoshi's stare, "I'm not going back to him." he said quietly, once again feeling those words would tear him from the inside.

Aoshi's eyes went uncharacteristically wide at this answer, and he tried to keep his voice even. "May I ask why?"

Again Sano paused before answering. He really did not want to be discussing this with Kenshin's brother. Blood related or not Aoshi still thought of him as such, and would probably yell at him now for leaving him. But Aoshi didn't know about Kenshin's past, he'd told him so himself. If he knew, if he knew what Kenshin had done, there was no way he'd be standing here asking why.

"Not really." He said quietly, the wind ruffling his hair, "You don't know what Kenshin's done in his past."

That had apparently been the answer Aoshi had been dreading, but he needed to check for sure before he did anything, "Kenshin has…told you about his past?"

Sano nodded quietly, staring at the grass. With that confirmation, Aoshi immediately turned around and walked quickly back over to his car. Sano watched him curiously as he shut the door behind him, wondering what the sudden movement was for, and watched as Aoshi grabbed his mobile phone. Sano could not hear what he was saying after whoever it was he had called had picked up the phone, but whoever he was talking to it was a very short conversation, before Aoshi put the phone back down and looked back across at Sano.

"Get in." he said, putting his keys in the ignition and starting the engine.

Sano frowned at him, "What?"

"I said get in. Get in the car."

Sano stared at him, before glaring straight back, not moving from his bench, "Why? You're not taking me back to Kenshin are you?" he spat at him.

"No I'm not. Just get in," Aoshi replied quickly, but when Sano still didn't move, Aoshi got angry and glared at him, "NOW!"

Aoshi's outburst made Sano jump slightly, remembering how strict he was in college, and if he didn't do as he was told now he'd probably hear about it later. So reluctantly Sano stood up from his bench and walked over to the passenger side of the car, opening the door and getting in, the door barely closed behind him before Aoshi pulled out into the road and sped away.

To be continued…