Only inky blackness filled the sky.

There was no moon to guide him home, many miles away.

Elliot stumbled, he didn't feel drunk subconsciously but he was. No effort was made to haul a cab, he knew cabs always passed by anyone who appeared shifty late at night.

So he made for the subway. That seemed to take an eternity.

An hour and half later Elliot had entered his house.

What welcomed him home was an empty, unmade bed Kathy and he used to share. All he did now was fall belly down and, without removing his clothes or even his shoes, fell asleep.

Dreams plagued his sleep; of Kathy sleeping beside him, of his kids tucked safely in their beds, and of a security Elliot once felt, but now was unsure of. Further dreams of past successes and past failures ... of his former partner and the life he used to know. When his kids were little, the day each of them were born, the day he and Kathy welcomed fraternal twins. All of these memories drifted in and out of his slumber.

Morning brought no remembrance of those times.

A hangover the size of the world pounded in his ears and flip-flopped in his stomach.

Only the knowledge that work beckoned sent Elliot in to a white-hot shower and rumpled, but clean clothing.

It was the same old atmosphere at work, except today Liv eyed him with ... with what? With caution or pity...? Elliot gave his head a shake and began scribbling on some paperwork that he wasn't really concentrating on.

"El... El!... ELLIOT!"

"What?"

Liv stared at him curiously when Elliot looked up upon finally hearing his name called.

"Come on, we gotta go to the courthouse now" Liv informed him.

Still speaking, but at the same time, not speaking the partners strode down and out to their squad car. The entire way to the trial Elliot kept shaking his head in an effort to defog his hungover brain. His headache had subsided with aspirin and mega amounts of coffee, Starbucks, not Munch's.

"You OK?" Liv asked him quietly.

"Fine" came his usual quiet answer. She nodded and kept driving.

Minutes later Elliot sat next to Liv believing that this trial was ridiculous, that this was a he said, she said and that it would go with a not guilty. Elliot believed this because first off Myra hadn't been all that honest about certain information and, plain and simple, there was reasonable doubt. Ron also had marks on his body as well so it was maybe rough sex...

So in Elliot's opinion this case was cut and dry.

Of course he knew his partner probably disagreed, 'But at this point,' Elliot thought,'oh well'.

Unfortunately he could not take a 'whatever' approach when he was called on to the stand, of course to testify on the harassment suit filed against him.

The examination and cross-examination was in the expected fashion, Scarey questioning why he'd escorted Myra home, why he'd had to catch her on the stairs, and his past record.

Casey questioning much the same way but for the People's side.

In Elliot's mind coming off of the stand, it was aggravating to be accused and disconcerting when the victim was uncooperative.

He sat back down silently, but this time Liv nudged him and stared in to his cloudy blue eyes. For the first time in awhile he grinned at her, a message passing between them as only partners of six years can do silently.

There would be no verdict today. A recess was called.

"Wanna grab a bite to eat?" Liv inquired.

"Nah, got paperwork to do and stuff", Elliot declined now in a mildly better mood. Liv let the 'and stuff' go.

But it's what they did, or, rather what Liv did.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Elliot again shook his head, "Just thinkin about my kids", he smiled sadly at Liv who smiled back... But behind his eyes, in the recesses of his mind, other thoughts swirled.

The way Scarey questioned him with her snide, reproachful gaze. That got to him, he'd been a cop for almost twenty years without a single citation or note in his file, it pissed him off to be accused. The only other piece that upset him more was Scarey's delving in to his personal life, his family... 'She had no right!' Elliot thought furiously.

Unbeknownst to him Liv was watching Elliot's face contort and his distant gaze harden.

She wasn't going to push now, 'What is he thinking?' she wondered silently.

"I'm gonna go now- I'll see you tomorrow" Elliot stood up, his gaze steely.

He grabbed his coat and stood for a minute as his partner regarded him curiously concerned.

"El, it's still early- do you wanna get dinner?"

"No thanks, gonna see my kids", he lied. What was really on his mind was getting these events out of his mind.

Liv nodded, "Good, I'll see you tomorrow then too."

Elliot bid he good night and found his car outside the 1-6 where he'd left it yesterday.

Back to the "ass-end" of Queens.

At home, still sober, Elliot tossed his jacket on the couch and went to put the Chinese take out he'd picked up, on plates. The fridge was stocked with beer- he chose a Samual Adams and took it with him to the living room.

Characteristic of men Elliot flicked on ESPN then proceeded to eat and drink.

One drink was not enough tonight because, once again, he heard the silence and felt the sting of his reality and what may lie ahead.

So Elliot drank. And drank. And drank. Until he blinked, his vision focusing on the bottle filled table. He'd never felt this feeling before, this feeling of real dependency, and he rather liked it now. Elliot knew it was a budding activity but whatever. Grabbing another beer Elliot lay on the couch and fell asleep, a Heineken now in his loose grasp.

Again dreams would fill up his mind... He was spiraling down and only vaguely cared...

Well? Do I still have it? Just give me something :)