Chapter 16
Felicity entered their apartment a couple weeks later bursting with excitement. She had a romantic dinner planned for Ben and her that night. She smiled when she thought about what she planned on wearing for their evening. A simple black gown with thin spaghetti straps. A blush came across her cheeks as she thought about what would happen later, when Ben pulled the straps down. She could not wait to be with him, things had been so much more hectic than she had ever expected. Ben was engrossed in his studies, and had even joined a study group. He was with them every Wednesday night, studying late and she used that night to paint and focus on her project for her Honors seminar. But she missed him and she wanted to spend more time with him. That was what this night was about for her, getting the romance back. She felt like things had changed so much. He was working hard on his paramedic shifts and really seemed to be enjoying what he learned. But she wanted to share more with him and it was hard knowing they had such separate lives. All they had together, it seemed, was this place.
She looked around, taking in the small place that had become her home. When she entered the door to the right was a small kitchen. She laughed when she first saw the appliances, a half stove and a small dishwasher almost too small to hold anything at all. The refrigerator was small too, but for as little as the two of them cooked that was okay. The bathroom was to the left. It was tiny, as the rest of the apartment, but it had already been filled with so many wonderful memories. She smiled, thinking about the many times in the last couple weeks she had surprised Ben in the shower. And they had made up for the small size with the enormity of their passion. The rest of the apartment was one room, with two small closets, one on each wall behind the kitchen and bathroom. There was a large window looking out over the sidewalk in back of the apartment building. Ben loved the simple flowers she had painted around it's base to add some color to the room. She wanted their place to be bright and airy, to make up for the bug infested place in Brooklyn. Ben still teased her about that hellhole apartment and she only laughed and said "well at least I didn't let a male model use our living room bathtub."
The furnishings in the room were sparse, as neither of them had much money to add to the modest sofa and end table that the apartment came with. Besides, there was not much space in the room once the bed came down from the wall. They did buy a simple black TV stand and a small desk at a garage sale in town, but neither were of very good quality. Felicity vowed to find better furniture one day, and some that she could refinish when she had more time. By the window, sat the table that Elena had bought last year. She did not need it any longer and had given it to them as a house warming gift. It was their new breakfast nook, and Felicity loved to decorate it with fresh flowers when she had the chance. Felicity decorated their walls with some of her art, including the one Ben had bought last year. He didn't really want it on the wall, said it reminded him of when they broke up and how stupid he had been. But he gave in when she told him the picture was more about how she understood him and that he had known what the picture was about. That had meant so much to her, still did today. She had found a way to reach out to him when he was upset with her, and he had allowed her back into his heart. Ben told her he would never act like such an idiot again, to which she had replied, "but you are my idiot, and I love you." She laughed just thinking about how he had tickled her and they ended up making out on the couch, both glancing up at the picture afterward as they lay in each other's arms.
Felicity went into the kitchen and got to work. She began to make her favorite recipe, her mom's rosemary chicken. Ben loved it and she wanted him to have everything he wanted on their night together. She could not wait to see him again, she had missed him this morning when he got up early to go to class. She had overslept and went straight to work at Dean and Deluca, where she had devised her plan for tonight. Javier was thrilled when she told him.
"Ohhhh, Benjameen will love that. He will be like pooty in your hands."
Felicity laughed, "Pooty? Javier, it is not pooty. It's putty. You are too funny."
"Hey, no making fun of me, that is not fair. I am just trying to help you and the big romantical man. You can't forget that I was your cupid."
"Oh no, I can't forget that," she replied with a smile.
"Besides, who is letting you get off early so you can go cook your fantastic meal. You and your man will have all sorts of fun times and I will be stuck here working the rest of your shift."
Felicity leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Did I tell you thank you? If I didn't, thank you. You are the best boss in the world."
"Well good, at least you know that. You are not so engrossed in your luscious story that you forget who your friends are."
"Of course I don't. You know how much you mean to me. I just...I don't know, I just miss him. I feel like- like since we moved in together, and we worked so hard on fixing the place up that first weekend, that we haven't had any time together. He has been so busy. I know what he is doing, pre med, is really hard, and I am so proud of him, but I feel like he is off in another place, that I am not a part of."
"Ah, my sweetheart, you know your Benjameen is just trying his hardest, he is working so hard for you. He told me that himself, he wants to be perfect for you. He has always wanted to do better, be better, for you."
"Really? He told you that? Why can't he tell me things like that? He doesn't really talk about what drove him to do pre med. I guess I just figured he liked the paramedic training and was interested in medicine because of that."
"Oh my friend, how naivete you are sometimes. Ben does everything for you, just like you do for him. It is the true love that drives you both. It's like the story my mama told me about her father and her mother. Did I tell you about that? You know Marguerita and her...."
"Yes, Javier, you told me," she giggled, cutting him off before he told the story for the hundredth time. "I really need to talk to Ben more, I feel like he doesn't tell me things. Maybe- maybe he still feels some sort of pressure. I know he said that once about me, I hope I am not doing that to him again. I never mean to, I just want him to be happy and I know that he can do anything."
Javier leaned in and gave her a hug, whispering into her ear, "My dear, he knows you love him, that is all he needs to know. You over worry, just stop. Go on ahead and make your guy his big meal. And remember, you gotta come by tomorrow and tell me all the juicy details. And don't leave out a thing."
Felicity just laughed and said "Oh Javier."
Meanwhile, Ben was lost in his studies at school. He was at the library cramming for his mid terms next week. He was so worried about the exams, but he tried to just prepare as much as he could. The study group had helped, he liked studying with other people. It gave him new perspective on things, and he felt like he remembered more of what he read when they talked it through. But that chemistry professor, he was still being such a dick, trying to discourage all of them. He and his buddy Trevor joked about how they were doomed in that class, so they might as well give up and go drinking. But they never did. They were both determined to do well, Trevor for his dad, who was a big shot surgeon, and Ben for his Felicity.
He finally looked at the clock and realized it was almost 10pm. He had no idea where the time had gone. Felicity was probably worried about him, she had been off her shift for a couple hours now. He was likely in trouble, so he gathered his things and quickly headed back to the apartment.
He still could not believe he was living with her. Every morning he woke up and saw her lying next to him and he felt so whole, so complete. He never wanted to go anywhere, he just wanted to stay in bed with her all the time. But he had to get to work, or to school, or to study group. There never seemed to be enough time and he knew it was hard on both of them. Felicity seemed to be enjoying her art classes and her projects kept her busy, but he knew his schedule had become quite hectic. He was so exhausted most days that he just collapsed on bed, falling asleep right away.
He thought back to simpler times, when they had spent all their free time together, even skipping studying just so they could be together. But things had changed, everything was so much more difficult now. He knew it was all for their future though and he kept his mind on the ultimate result. Seeing his father so ill, and so near death, had given him renewed focus. He had even been doing well on his quizzes and the chemistry labs were improving. It was hard work, but he was determined to do well. He was nearing the six week marker he had set for himself and he realized that he was going to make it. He was not going to give up, he was going to stay pre med. He would not have believed it was true last year, when all he wanted to do was spend his every waking moment with Felicity.
Ben lost himself in his memories as he continued his walk home. Sometimes this was all the break he had, walking to and from school and home. And he spent every thought on Felicity.
"Ben! Ben ,wake up. You gotta see this," Felicity cried, leaning over to shake his shoulder as he lay asleep against the door frame.
"What? What? Can't a guy sleep around here?"
"Come on, wake up. We are here. We're at the ocean."
Ben looked out the window and he saw that she was right, they were at the coast. Felicity had pulled the car onto the beach while he had been sleeping. She had taken the last leg of the trip, after they left Yellowstone.
"Ben, isn't it beautiful?" Felicity said with a wistful sigh.
"Yeah, I'd say it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," Ben said, only looking at her when he said it.
"Stop it, I am talking about the ocean. Don't be so silly," she blushed.
"What? I can't think my girlfriend is beautiful? I do, I think you are the most beautiful woman ever."
This only caused Felicity to blush even more. "Oh Ben," she managed to say as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
"Come on, let's get out of this car and enjoy the ocean air," he said as he leaned over to open her door.
They both piled out the door and took in the ocean and the breeze. The sun was starting to set off in the distance and the sky was a magical mixture of orange and red. Ben took Felicity into his arms and leaned against the car. They stood in each other's arms for quite awhile, both enjoying the sensation as well as the beautiful surroundings. Felicity took his hand and moved so she was standing next to him, with their backs leaned against the car.
"Do you think we will get in trouble for getting the Baby all dirty with sand?" she asked.
"Nah, we can always sweep it out. I think the Baby needs some sand, gives it a bit of character."
Felicity laughed and leaned over to kiss him softly on the lips. They both smiled when their lips parted. They went back to watching the waves, with Ben's arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer as he planted soft kisses on her cheek and neck.
Ben was still thinking about this as he walked into the apartment. The first thing he noticed was the smells, he could tell that Felicity had been cooking. He kicked himself for being so late. He glanced into the kitchen and saw that his nose had been right. He moved into the room and saw Felicity seated on the couch.
"Hey, I'm sorry I am home so late. I didn't know that you – that you were making us dinner," he said quietly.
"Yeah, well it was supposed to be a surprise. I know you have been studying so hard, I wanted you to have a break," she said sadly, not looking up at him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know.," he said, moving so he was seated on the couch beside her. "Hey, look at me. I'm sorry." He moved her face so she was looking at him.
"I don't know why I am surprised, you have been so busy lately. I shouldn't have done this, you – you didn't really have the time. I shouldn't be so upset I guess."
"No, it's okay. But don't cry. I am just busy, you know that."
"I know, I know you are. But I miss you, I mean we haven't even had any time together lately and I feel.....I feel like you don't have time for me anymore."
"That's not true, you know that. We make time for each other," Ben said gently as he took her hand in his.
"Yeah, a little bit on the weekend, when you are not working or studying. But we never go out anymore. I wanted to go to that art show last weekend and you said you couldn't. I just want to have fun with you, like we used to. I miss you, "Felicity replied with a slight tremble in her voice.
"I miss you, too. But you have to know how busy I am. I am working two shifts a week, taking 6 classes, and trying to study. You know what pre med is like."
"I know, I remember. But I thought when we moved in together we'd have more time, but we have less. I feel like we just live together and I never see you."
Ben stood up from the couch, looking down at Felicity still seated. "Look, I am sorry that I missed dinner. But I can't do everything and be everywhere. I just can't. These classes, they're tough and I can't not study. I'll never make it if I don't study, you know that. I am not smart like you."
"Ben, I am not- I'm not saying you shouldn't study, that's not it. I know your classes are very hard, and I am proud of you. But, but... I feel like we have to schedule our time together and that- that is just so weird. We used to..."
"We used to do a lot of things, Felicity. But life is not as simple as you'd like it to be, okay? I have a lot of things going on, your life is a lot easier than mine. All you do is draw and go to painting classes, while I...."
Felicity took a sharp intake of breath and stood up. "Well, I am sorry that my classes are not as challenging as yours, or take up as much time as yours do."
"Felicity, come on. That is not what I meant and you know it," Ben said quieter.
"Just never mind. I can tell that you don't understand what I am saying anyhow," Felicity said, moving toward the door.
"Where are you going? Of course I understand what you mean, don't you think I wish things were easier too? I do. But that is not life. I can't help how busy I am. It's just the way it is, why you can't see that?"
"I do, Ben. I know that you are busy. But I wish that part of what you were so busy doing was being with me," she whispered. "I am going to go for a walk. Go on to bed. Or you can eat the food, it is cold but I made it so you should eat some."
"Felicity..." he said as he moved towards her.
She moved further towards the door, "It's okay. I just need to get some air. Go ahead and eat. I will be back later."
Ben just nodded as she went out the door. "I love you, "he whispered as the door closed behind her.
Felicity entered their apartment a couple weeks later bursting with excitement. She had a romantic dinner planned for Ben and her that night. She smiled when she thought about what she planned on wearing for their evening. A simple black gown with thin spaghetti straps. A blush came across her cheeks as she thought about what would happen later, when Ben pulled the straps down. She could not wait to be with him, things had been so much more hectic than she had ever expected. Ben was engrossed in his studies, and had even joined a study group. He was with them every Wednesday night, studying late and she used that night to paint and focus on her project for her Honors seminar. But she missed him and she wanted to spend more time with him. That was what this night was about for her, getting the romance back. She felt like things had changed so much. He was working hard on his paramedic shifts and really seemed to be enjoying what he learned. But she wanted to share more with him and it was hard knowing they had such separate lives. All they had together, it seemed, was this place.
She looked around, taking in the small place that had become her home. When she entered the door to the right was a small kitchen. She laughed when she first saw the appliances, a half stove and a small dishwasher almost too small to hold anything at all. The refrigerator was small too, but for as little as the two of them cooked that was okay. The bathroom was to the left. It was tiny, as the rest of the apartment, but it had already been filled with so many wonderful memories. She smiled, thinking about the many times in the last couple weeks she had surprised Ben in the shower. And they had made up for the small size with the enormity of their passion. The rest of the apartment was one room, with two small closets, one on each wall behind the kitchen and bathroom. There was a large window looking out over the sidewalk in back of the apartment building. Ben loved the simple flowers she had painted around it's base to add some color to the room. She wanted their place to be bright and airy, to make up for the bug infested place in Brooklyn. Ben still teased her about that hellhole apartment and she only laughed and said "well at least I didn't let a male model use our living room bathtub."
The furnishings in the room were sparse, as neither of them had much money to add to the modest sofa and end table that the apartment came with. Besides, there was not much space in the room once the bed came down from the wall. They did buy a simple black TV stand and a small desk at a garage sale in town, but neither were of very good quality. Felicity vowed to find better furniture one day, and some that she could refinish when she had more time. By the window, sat the table that Elena had bought last year. She did not need it any longer and had given it to them as a house warming gift. It was their new breakfast nook, and Felicity loved to decorate it with fresh flowers when she had the chance. Felicity decorated their walls with some of her art, including the one Ben had bought last year. He didn't really want it on the wall, said it reminded him of when they broke up and how stupid he had been. But he gave in when she told him the picture was more about how she understood him and that he had known what the picture was about. That had meant so much to her, still did today. She had found a way to reach out to him when he was upset with her, and he had allowed her back into his heart. Ben told her he would never act like such an idiot again, to which she had replied, "but you are my idiot, and I love you." She laughed just thinking about how he had tickled her and they ended up making out on the couch, both glancing up at the picture afterward as they lay in each other's arms.
Felicity went into the kitchen and got to work. She began to make her favorite recipe, her mom's rosemary chicken. Ben loved it and she wanted him to have everything he wanted on their night together. She could not wait to see him again, she had missed him this morning when he got up early to go to class. She had overslept and went straight to work at Dean and Deluca, where she had devised her plan for tonight. Javier was thrilled when she told him.
"Ohhhh, Benjameen will love that. He will be like pooty in your hands."
Felicity laughed, "Pooty? Javier, it is not pooty. It's putty. You are too funny."
"Hey, no making fun of me, that is not fair. I am just trying to help you and the big romantical man. You can't forget that I was your cupid."
"Oh no, I can't forget that," she replied with a smile.
"Besides, who is letting you get off early so you can go cook your fantastic meal. You and your man will have all sorts of fun times and I will be stuck here working the rest of your shift."
Felicity leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Did I tell you thank you? If I didn't, thank you. You are the best boss in the world."
"Well good, at least you know that. You are not so engrossed in your luscious story that you forget who your friends are."
"Of course I don't. You know how much you mean to me. I just...I don't know, I just miss him. I feel like- like since we moved in together, and we worked so hard on fixing the place up that first weekend, that we haven't had any time together. He has been so busy. I know what he is doing, pre med, is really hard, and I am so proud of him, but I feel like he is off in another place, that I am not a part of."
"Ah, my sweetheart, you know your Benjameen is just trying his hardest, he is working so hard for you. He told me that himself, he wants to be perfect for you. He has always wanted to do better, be better, for you."
"Really? He told you that? Why can't he tell me things like that? He doesn't really talk about what drove him to do pre med. I guess I just figured he liked the paramedic training and was interested in medicine because of that."
"Oh my friend, how naivete you are sometimes. Ben does everything for you, just like you do for him. It is the true love that drives you both. It's like the story my mama told me about her father and her mother. Did I tell you about that? You know Marguerita and her...."
"Yes, Javier, you told me," she giggled, cutting him off before he told the story for the hundredth time. "I really need to talk to Ben more, I feel like he doesn't tell me things. Maybe- maybe he still feels some sort of pressure. I know he said that once about me, I hope I am not doing that to him again. I never mean to, I just want him to be happy and I know that he can do anything."
Javier leaned in and gave her a hug, whispering into her ear, "My dear, he knows you love him, that is all he needs to know. You over worry, just stop. Go on ahead and make your guy his big meal. And remember, you gotta come by tomorrow and tell me all the juicy details. And don't leave out a thing."
Felicity just laughed and said "Oh Javier."
Meanwhile, Ben was lost in his studies at school. He was at the library cramming for his mid terms next week. He was so worried about the exams, but he tried to just prepare as much as he could. The study group had helped, he liked studying with other people. It gave him new perspective on things, and he felt like he remembered more of what he read when they talked it through. But that chemistry professor, he was still being such a dick, trying to discourage all of them. He and his buddy Trevor joked about how they were doomed in that class, so they might as well give up and go drinking. But they never did. They were both determined to do well, Trevor for his dad, who was a big shot surgeon, and Ben for his Felicity.
He finally looked at the clock and realized it was almost 10pm. He had no idea where the time had gone. Felicity was probably worried about him, she had been off her shift for a couple hours now. He was likely in trouble, so he gathered his things and quickly headed back to the apartment.
He still could not believe he was living with her. Every morning he woke up and saw her lying next to him and he felt so whole, so complete. He never wanted to go anywhere, he just wanted to stay in bed with her all the time. But he had to get to work, or to school, or to study group. There never seemed to be enough time and he knew it was hard on both of them. Felicity seemed to be enjoying her art classes and her projects kept her busy, but he knew his schedule had become quite hectic. He was so exhausted most days that he just collapsed on bed, falling asleep right away.
He thought back to simpler times, when they had spent all their free time together, even skipping studying just so they could be together. But things had changed, everything was so much more difficult now. He knew it was all for their future though and he kept his mind on the ultimate result. Seeing his father so ill, and so near death, had given him renewed focus. He had even been doing well on his quizzes and the chemistry labs were improving. It was hard work, but he was determined to do well. He was nearing the six week marker he had set for himself and he realized that he was going to make it. He was not going to give up, he was going to stay pre med. He would not have believed it was true last year, when all he wanted to do was spend his every waking moment with Felicity.
Ben lost himself in his memories as he continued his walk home. Sometimes this was all the break he had, walking to and from school and home. And he spent every thought on Felicity.
"Ben! Ben ,wake up. You gotta see this," Felicity cried, leaning over to shake his shoulder as he lay asleep against the door frame.
"What? What? Can't a guy sleep around here?"
"Come on, wake up. We are here. We're at the ocean."
Ben looked out the window and he saw that she was right, they were at the coast. Felicity had pulled the car onto the beach while he had been sleeping. She had taken the last leg of the trip, after they left Yellowstone.
"Ben, isn't it beautiful?" Felicity said with a wistful sigh.
"Yeah, I'd say it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," Ben said, only looking at her when he said it.
"Stop it, I am talking about the ocean. Don't be so silly," she blushed.
"What? I can't think my girlfriend is beautiful? I do, I think you are the most beautiful woman ever."
This only caused Felicity to blush even more. "Oh Ben," she managed to say as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
"Come on, let's get out of this car and enjoy the ocean air," he said as he leaned over to open her door.
They both piled out the door and took in the ocean and the breeze. The sun was starting to set off in the distance and the sky was a magical mixture of orange and red. Ben took Felicity into his arms and leaned against the car. They stood in each other's arms for quite awhile, both enjoying the sensation as well as the beautiful surroundings. Felicity took his hand and moved so she was standing next to him, with their backs leaned against the car.
"Do you think we will get in trouble for getting the Baby all dirty with sand?" she asked.
"Nah, we can always sweep it out. I think the Baby needs some sand, gives it a bit of character."
Felicity laughed and leaned over to kiss him softly on the lips. They both smiled when their lips parted. They went back to watching the waves, with Ben's arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closer as he planted soft kisses on her cheek and neck.
Ben was still thinking about this as he walked into the apartment. The first thing he noticed was the smells, he could tell that Felicity had been cooking. He kicked himself for being so late. He glanced into the kitchen and saw that his nose had been right. He moved into the room and saw Felicity seated on the couch.
"Hey, I'm sorry I am home so late. I didn't know that you – that you were making us dinner," he said quietly.
"Yeah, well it was supposed to be a surprise. I know you have been studying so hard, I wanted you to have a break," she said sadly, not looking up at him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know.," he said, moving so he was seated on the couch beside her. "Hey, look at me. I'm sorry." He moved her face so she was looking at him.
"I don't know why I am surprised, you have been so busy lately. I shouldn't have done this, you – you didn't really have the time. I shouldn't be so upset I guess."
"No, it's okay. But don't cry. I am just busy, you know that."
"I know, I know you are. But I miss you, I mean we haven't even had any time together lately and I feel.....I feel like you don't have time for me anymore."
"That's not true, you know that. We make time for each other," Ben said gently as he took her hand in his.
"Yeah, a little bit on the weekend, when you are not working or studying. But we never go out anymore. I wanted to go to that art show last weekend and you said you couldn't. I just want to have fun with you, like we used to. I miss you, "Felicity replied with a slight tremble in her voice.
"I miss you, too. But you have to know how busy I am. I am working two shifts a week, taking 6 classes, and trying to study. You know what pre med is like."
"I know, I remember. But I thought when we moved in together we'd have more time, but we have less. I feel like we just live together and I never see you."
Ben stood up from the couch, looking down at Felicity still seated. "Look, I am sorry that I missed dinner. But I can't do everything and be everywhere. I just can't. These classes, they're tough and I can't not study. I'll never make it if I don't study, you know that. I am not smart like you."
"Ben, I am not- I'm not saying you shouldn't study, that's not it. I know your classes are very hard, and I am proud of you. But, but... I feel like we have to schedule our time together and that- that is just so weird. We used to..."
"We used to do a lot of things, Felicity. But life is not as simple as you'd like it to be, okay? I have a lot of things going on, your life is a lot easier than mine. All you do is draw and go to painting classes, while I...."
Felicity took a sharp intake of breath and stood up. "Well, I am sorry that my classes are not as challenging as yours, or take up as much time as yours do."
"Felicity, come on. That is not what I meant and you know it," Ben said quieter.
"Just never mind. I can tell that you don't understand what I am saying anyhow," Felicity said, moving toward the door.
"Where are you going? Of course I understand what you mean, don't you think I wish things were easier too? I do. But that is not life. I can't help how busy I am. It's just the way it is, why you can't see that?"
"I do, Ben. I know that you are busy. But I wish that part of what you were so busy doing was being with me," she whispered. "I am going to go for a walk. Go on to bed. Or you can eat the food, it is cold but I made it so you should eat some."
"Felicity..." he said as he moved towards her.
She moved further towards the door, "It's okay. I just need to get some air. Go ahead and eat. I will be back later."
Ben just nodded as she went out the door. "I love you, "he whispered as the door closed behind her.