Chapter 19
Before they knew it, Thanksgiving was here. It was a rough holiday for Ben, as his father was still in the hospital. He had gotten worse yet again, and both he and his mother were deeply worried. Ben took to spending lots of time at the hospital with his mom, comforting her as she cried. His dad had made it very clear that he did not want to be on life support, but his condition continued to worsen and the doctors wanted to proceed with aggressive treatment. Ben and Felicity spent the holiday with Elena, Tracy, Sean and Meghan at the loft. It was good to be with their friends, and they enjoyed reminiscing about all their college memories. But Ben did not stay long, as he needed to get back to the hospital.
As they sat waiting to talk to his mom, who was in at his father's bedside, Felicity gently rubbed Ben's thigh, reassuring him without words that she was there for him. Ben sighed and looked at the floor.
"I don't know what to do, I mean he said he didn't want the life support, but if they don't put him on the vent, he may die. And..and mom, she can't handle that, we can't...I don't know what to do."
"I know, this is very hard. But remember what the doctors said, about his liver and how they think he might have a chance? That if they were able to stop the respiratory problems, they'd have more time to find a liver."
"Yeah, I know. I know. I just keep remembering what he said, that he didn't want this. But his liver, it's so bad, and we might have a chance if they can get the other problems resolved. I hate that he put me in this position, I can't stand that I have to make this decision."
"I know, Ben, but he obviously trusted that you would handle things right. He had that faith in you, and that's a good thing, right?"
Ben shook his head with disbelief, "I don't know, I think he did this on purpose. He knew I would not want to make these decisions, so maybe this is his way of telling me he wants to give up. That mom and I should just let him go. All that we've been through, maybe he knows it has been too much....I don't know." Ben's head sunk as all the stress started to overcome him yet again.
Felicity moved closer, rubbing her hand through his hair. "Ben, I think you should talk to your mom. See what she has to say. Maybe you can make the decision together. You don't have to do this all alone. Do you think you can do that?"
Ben looked up at her and she could tell he had tears forming in his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I can do that. I just hate to see her so upset. I could never take that, you know, before. When I was a kid."
Felicity just nodded and took his hand in hers. Ben looked at her intently before speaking again. "I'm sorry that we are doing this on Thanksgiving, this is not what I had planned at all."
"It's okay, really. Ben, I want to be here, to help you through this."
"I know, I just hate to worry you about these things." He sighed heavily, looking at her hand in his. "Why don't you go on back to the apartment and I will be there soon. We can have some of that dessert that Meghan gave us."
"Are you sure? You don't want me to stay?"
"No, no, go on ahead. I can do this."
Felicity could tell that Ben was putting up a bit of a wall, and decided to leave him to sort out his thoughts. She stood and gave him a kiss on the cheek before heading back to the apartment. Ben sat there awhile before getting up to head into his father's room.
A week later, things were getting a bit more hectic as the semester was drawing to a close. Ben could not believe that he had almost made it through his first semester of premed. With all that he had gone through with his dad, he was certain he was going to fail his classes. So he spent many a late night cramming for his finals. Meanwhile, his dad had made some improvement after Ben had decided to put him on the life support after all. His dad had been less than pleased, but he had explained to him that he and mom wanted another chance with him. This made him very happy and he started to improve almost immediately. Though Ben had said that partially just to appease his mom, and to encourage his dad's recovery, he was starting to believe it a bit himself. Maybe they could be a family again. But he still felt such a wall when it came to his dad, he just didn't know how to stop feeling so angry. Felicity tried to encourage him that he had been given another chance with his father, but he did not know how much he wanted to risk.
And he started to talk less and less to Felicity about it, so she began to worry again. He seemed to be so preoccupied with his work, and studying, that she tried to convince herself that it was nothing against her. But she still wondered and could not help but fear he would not ever share all of his worries with her. She wanted so much to be a bigger part of his family, but he kept trying to distance her from it all. She figured he was trying to protect her from worry, as he had told her before, but she could not shake this bad feeling that she had. She spent a lot of time with his mom, whenever she could in fact, and they became fast friends. She loved learning about him as a child, but the more she learned, the more she grew to understand the man she loved had it far worse than she had ever imagined. And why would he not tell her about these things? Felicity continued to work hard on her art projects with Professor Cavallo. She tried to keep late night contact with him to a minimum, after that one uncomfortable moment in the studio. But he kept saying things to her, seemingly sweet comments, but ones that still made her uneasy.
"That's a really good piece, I love the colors you chose," remarked Cavallo as he looked at her work one afternoon in the studio.
"Oh thanks," Felicity said, blushing.
"You know that art show the week before Christmas, you should bring that one. I think it would really get a lot of bids."
"Really? I wasn't even thinking about that when I did it."
"Oh? I was sure you wanted to go to that art show, after how well you did at the last one."
"Yeah, I know, but I don't think selling one piece is that great. It was probably just a friend who bought it anyway."
"Not at that price," he remarked with a knowing smile. "Let's plan on going to the show together. You can wear a real nice dress, and we can really show you off."
Felicity blushed, looking at the floor. "I don't know, I am not really sure I will even be in town. And I don't have anything that fancy to wear...."
"Nonsense, I am sure you do. You are very beautiful and you always look great."
The compliment made her immediately bristle, as she noticed the way he looked at her as he said the words. She turned away, putting her paint brush down. "Uh, I really need to get going now. Ben is waiting for me...."
"Okay, but you really outta think about it. It would be great. You're doing a great job with this program, and the world should know that."
Felicity packed up her things and made a hasty retreat. "Yeah, yeah, I will." She did not notice the girl who had been staring at them from across the studio. Nor did she see how Cavallo smiled after her, long after the door was closed.
Ben was walking to work the next day when he ran into his friend Trevor. "Hey, man, where are you off to?"
"Oh hey, Trevor. I am going to work. What are you up to?" "Just going to the deli to meet my girlfriend. How are classes going for you?"
"Oh, they are ok I guess. I think I totally blew O-Chem though."
"Oh, why is that?"
"I missed last week's class, because I had to work longer on my paramedic shift. That Hodges guy is such a dick. When I got to class, he wouldn't open the door. Locked me out, can you believe that? So I missed the quiz and my grade just sank even lower than it was before."
"I'm sorry, man. I'm sure you will do great on the final though, you've been studying like a mad man. I see you at the library practically every day."
"Yeah, I gotta study or I am never going to make it."
Trevor just smiled at that, knowing his friend is very serious about his studying. "So, how's things with Felicity?"
Ben smiled at the mention of her name. "Things are good. We can't wait for winter break, we are going to Florida for a few days."
"Man, that sounds terrific. I bet you will have a great time."
"Yeah, I'm sure we will. Anything beats this place, working all the time. I need a break. And Felicity is just what I need," he said smiling.
Trevor hesitated before saying, "you and Felicity, you are good right? I mean, that is what you said? Even with how busy you are, with school and stuff?"
"Yeah, we're good." Ben could tell something was on his friend's mind. "Why are you acting so funny? What's up?"
"Well, you know my girlfriend, Heather, she goes to the art studio, and she saw Felicity there yesterday...."
"Oh yeah, that's cool. Maybe they can start hanging out. Is she an art major?"
"No, she is an art history major, but she loves to draw." He paused before continuing. "Anyway, she saw Felicity there and she was talking to her professor, you know that guy, Cavallo, or something?"
Ben stopped walking and said "Yeah, it's Cavallo. He's her honors seminar professor, what about him?"
"Well, she said they were talking, like real close, and she heard him say something about them going somewhere together and Felicity getting, you know, all dressed up for it, or something...."
"What?" Ben asked sharply.
"Yeah, that is what I said. I am sure it means nothing, but I thought you should know. You know, maybe you can ask her about it."
"Yeah, I .....I don't know, I am sure it is nothing. I mean, she's probably just working on something with him...." He stood there a moment, letting it sink in and became more uncomfortable by the minute. He did not really believe she could be doing anything with her professor, but why did he feel so unsure all of a sudden? "You know man, I am sure it is nothing. I gotta get to work now."
"Yeah, okay. I'm sorry if I upset you, I just...."
"No, it's okay. It's nothing, I am sure of that. Thanks, man. I will see you later." But after Trevor left, and he made his way to work, he could not help but worry about Felicity and her professor. What if she was getting tired of me working to many hours and studying all the time? What if the guy hit on her and she was just so happy for the attention that she responded? I have not been spending enough time with her. She's feeling lonely. And she's mad that I won't tell her about my dad, and how I feel about him. Maybe she is getting back at me. No, no, she wouldn't do this. Felicity would not do that to me. But maybe she just misses me so much she was glad to have someone interested in her. God, what have I done? His mind continued to work against him so that by the time he got to work, he was a complete wreck. He could not concentrate on his work at all. He found himself unable to even hear what his partner said, his mind was so wrapped up in this affair he was now afraid Felicity was having. He wanted to go home and talk to Felicity right away, but he had 6 more hours on his shift. He didn't know how he was going to make it through.
Before they knew it, Thanksgiving was here. It was a rough holiday for Ben, as his father was still in the hospital. He had gotten worse yet again, and both he and his mother were deeply worried. Ben took to spending lots of time at the hospital with his mom, comforting her as she cried. His dad had made it very clear that he did not want to be on life support, but his condition continued to worsen and the doctors wanted to proceed with aggressive treatment. Ben and Felicity spent the holiday with Elena, Tracy, Sean and Meghan at the loft. It was good to be with their friends, and they enjoyed reminiscing about all their college memories. But Ben did not stay long, as he needed to get back to the hospital.
As they sat waiting to talk to his mom, who was in at his father's bedside, Felicity gently rubbed Ben's thigh, reassuring him without words that she was there for him. Ben sighed and looked at the floor.
"I don't know what to do, I mean he said he didn't want the life support, but if they don't put him on the vent, he may die. And..and mom, she can't handle that, we can't...I don't know what to do."
"I know, this is very hard. But remember what the doctors said, about his liver and how they think he might have a chance? That if they were able to stop the respiratory problems, they'd have more time to find a liver."
"Yeah, I know. I know. I just keep remembering what he said, that he didn't want this. But his liver, it's so bad, and we might have a chance if they can get the other problems resolved. I hate that he put me in this position, I can't stand that I have to make this decision."
"I know, Ben, but he obviously trusted that you would handle things right. He had that faith in you, and that's a good thing, right?"
Ben shook his head with disbelief, "I don't know, I think he did this on purpose. He knew I would not want to make these decisions, so maybe this is his way of telling me he wants to give up. That mom and I should just let him go. All that we've been through, maybe he knows it has been too much....I don't know." Ben's head sunk as all the stress started to overcome him yet again.
Felicity moved closer, rubbing her hand through his hair. "Ben, I think you should talk to your mom. See what she has to say. Maybe you can make the decision together. You don't have to do this all alone. Do you think you can do that?"
Ben looked up at her and she could tell he had tears forming in his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I can do that. I just hate to see her so upset. I could never take that, you know, before. When I was a kid."
Felicity just nodded and took his hand in hers. Ben looked at her intently before speaking again. "I'm sorry that we are doing this on Thanksgiving, this is not what I had planned at all."
"It's okay, really. Ben, I want to be here, to help you through this."
"I know, I just hate to worry you about these things." He sighed heavily, looking at her hand in his. "Why don't you go on back to the apartment and I will be there soon. We can have some of that dessert that Meghan gave us."
"Are you sure? You don't want me to stay?"
"No, no, go on ahead. I can do this."
Felicity could tell that Ben was putting up a bit of a wall, and decided to leave him to sort out his thoughts. She stood and gave him a kiss on the cheek before heading back to the apartment. Ben sat there awhile before getting up to head into his father's room.
A week later, things were getting a bit more hectic as the semester was drawing to a close. Ben could not believe that he had almost made it through his first semester of premed. With all that he had gone through with his dad, he was certain he was going to fail his classes. So he spent many a late night cramming for his finals. Meanwhile, his dad had made some improvement after Ben had decided to put him on the life support after all. His dad had been less than pleased, but he had explained to him that he and mom wanted another chance with him. This made him very happy and he started to improve almost immediately. Though Ben had said that partially just to appease his mom, and to encourage his dad's recovery, he was starting to believe it a bit himself. Maybe they could be a family again. But he still felt such a wall when it came to his dad, he just didn't know how to stop feeling so angry. Felicity tried to encourage him that he had been given another chance with his father, but he did not know how much he wanted to risk.
And he started to talk less and less to Felicity about it, so she began to worry again. He seemed to be so preoccupied with his work, and studying, that she tried to convince herself that it was nothing against her. But she still wondered and could not help but fear he would not ever share all of his worries with her. She wanted so much to be a bigger part of his family, but he kept trying to distance her from it all. She figured he was trying to protect her from worry, as he had told her before, but she could not shake this bad feeling that she had. She spent a lot of time with his mom, whenever she could in fact, and they became fast friends. She loved learning about him as a child, but the more she learned, the more she grew to understand the man she loved had it far worse than she had ever imagined. And why would he not tell her about these things? Felicity continued to work hard on her art projects with Professor Cavallo. She tried to keep late night contact with him to a minimum, after that one uncomfortable moment in the studio. But he kept saying things to her, seemingly sweet comments, but ones that still made her uneasy.
"That's a really good piece, I love the colors you chose," remarked Cavallo as he looked at her work one afternoon in the studio.
"Oh thanks," Felicity said, blushing.
"You know that art show the week before Christmas, you should bring that one. I think it would really get a lot of bids."
"Really? I wasn't even thinking about that when I did it."
"Oh? I was sure you wanted to go to that art show, after how well you did at the last one."
"Yeah, I know, but I don't think selling one piece is that great. It was probably just a friend who bought it anyway."
"Not at that price," he remarked with a knowing smile. "Let's plan on going to the show together. You can wear a real nice dress, and we can really show you off."
Felicity blushed, looking at the floor. "I don't know, I am not really sure I will even be in town. And I don't have anything that fancy to wear...."
"Nonsense, I am sure you do. You are very beautiful and you always look great."
The compliment made her immediately bristle, as she noticed the way he looked at her as he said the words. She turned away, putting her paint brush down. "Uh, I really need to get going now. Ben is waiting for me...."
"Okay, but you really outta think about it. It would be great. You're doing a great job with this program, and the world should know that."
Felicity packed up her things and made a hasty retreat. "Yeah, yeah, I will." She did not notice the girl who had been staring at them from across the studio. Nor did she see how Cavallo smiled after her, long after the door was closed.
Ben was walking to work the next day when he ran into his friend Trevor. "Hey, man, where are you off to?"
"Oh hey, Trevor. I am going to work. What are you up to?" "Just going to the deli to meet my girlfriend. How are classes going for you?"
"Oh, they are ok I guess. I think I totally blew O-Chem though."
"Oh, why is that?"
"I missed last week's class, because I had to work longer on my paramedic shift. That Hodges guy is such a dick. When I got to class, he wouldn't open the door. Locked me out, can you believe that? So I missed the quiz and my grade just sank even lower than it was before."
"I'm sorry, man. I'm sure you will do great on the final though, you've been studying like a mad man. I see you at the library practically every day."
"Yeah, I gotta study or I am never going to make it."
Trevor just smiled at that, knowing his friend is very serious about his studying. "So, how's things with Felicity?"
Ben smiled at the mention of her name. "Things are good. We can't wait for winter break, we are going to Florida for a few days."
"Man, that sounds terrific. I bet you will have a great time."
"Yeah, I'm sure we will. Anything beats this place, working all the time. I need a break. And Felicity is just what I need," he said smiling.
Trevor hesitated before saying, "you and Felicity, you are good right? I mean, that is what you said? Even with how busy you are, with school and stuff?"
"Yeah, we're good." Ben could tell something was on his friend's mind. "Why are you acting so funny? What's up?"
"Well, you know my girlfriend, Heather, she goes to the art studio, and she saw Felicity there yesterday...."
"Oh yeah, that's cool. Maybe they can start hanging out. Is she an art major?"
"No, she is an art history major, but she loves to draw." He paused before continuing. "Anyway, she saw Felicity there and she was talking to her professor, you know that guy, Cavallo, or something?"
Ben stopped walking and said "Yeah, it's Cavallo. He's her honors seminar professor, what about him?"
"Well, she said they were talking, like real close, and she heard him say something about them going somewhere together and Felicity getting, you know, all dressed up for it, or something...."
"What?" Ben asked sharply.
"Yeah, that is what I said. I am sure it means nothing, but I thought you should know. You know, maybe you can ask her about it."
"Yeah, I .....I don't know, I am sure it is nothing. I mean, she's probably just working on something with him...." He stood there a moment, letting it sink in and became more uncomfortable by the minute. He did not really believe she could be doing anything with her professor, but why did he feel so unsure all of a sudden? "You know man, I am sure it is nothing. I gotta get to work now."
"Yeah, okay. I'm sorry if I upset you, I just...."
"No, it's okay. It's nothing, I am sure of that. Thanks, man. I will see you later." But after Trevor left, and he made his way to work, he could not help but worry about Felicity and her professor. What if she was getting tired of me working to many hours and studying all the time? What if the guy hit on her and she was just so happy for the attention that she responded? I have not been spending enough time with her. She's feeling lonely. And she's mad that I won't tell her about my dad, and how I feel about him. Maybe she is getting back at me. No, no, she wouldn't do this. Felicity would not do that to me. But maybe she just misses me so much she was glad to have someone interested in her. God, what have I done? His mind continued to work against him so that by the time he got to work, he was a complete wreck. He could not concentrate on his work at all. He found himself unable to even hear what his partner said, his mind was so wrapped up in this affair he was now afraid Felicity was having. He wanted to go home and talk to Felicity right away, but he had 6 more hours on his shift. He didn't know how he was going to make it through.