Chapter 21

Ben rubbed Felicity's back gently as he looked at her sleeping so peacefully beside him. She had been through so much and he felt partially to blame. He made a silent vow to himself to make up for it somehow. In fact, he had an idea already. And he couldn't wait until winter break.

He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, waking her as he did so.

"Hey," she whispered softly.

"Hey," he replied, with a small giggle. "How did you sleep beautiful?" He kissed her on the nose.

She giggled in reply. "I slept great, thank you. I always sleep great with you here beside me."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that," Ben said, then grew quiet.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"No, not really. I mean, yes. I don't know. I just wanted to talk to you about something if I could."

"Of course. What is it?" Felicity replied, rubbing his shoulder in encouragement.

"Last night, what you told me about Cavallo, I'm really sorry that happened to you."

"I know, but it's not your fault."

"Yeah, I guess, but I can't help but feel it is somehow."

"Ben, that doesn't even make sense. It is not your fault."

"I just- I just feel like things are starting to fall apart somehow. Not entirely, I mean, we are great and all. But- but I came so close to screwing up big time tonight and I feel like that is a sign...."

"What do you mean you came close to screwing up? Did something happen at work?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, I was so tired and I was worried about you and that guy- and I don't know, I couldn't think straight," he said as he rubbed his head in frustration. "We picked up this guy who'd had a heart attack at his house and we were taking him in and I guess I put the EKG leads on backwards, you know what I mean?"

Felicity nodded yes, encouraging him to continue.

"So, I guess the wrong strip got sent back to the ER. I lucked out that a nurse caught the mistake and the doctor didn't see how I had screwed up. Or I'd be in major trouble."

"Ben, I'm sure these mistakes happen more than you think. It's good that the nurse could help you."

"Yeah, she was good about it. Told me I was obviously exhausted and needed to take a vacation," he laughed slightly.

"Yeah, she is right about that," Felicity said with a smile.

Ben smiled back. "Anyway, it just got me thinking, I mean I was so worried about you. And I've not been home enough, always studying and working, and all. I can't keep going at this pace or I am going to really mess up. I'm just so tired all the time." He paused, looking at her. "And-and I feel like I let you down, by not being here enough. That you wouldn't be going through this crap if I had been here..."

"Ben, you don't have any reason to feel guilty. I know how important your school work is to you, and becoming a doctor."

"Yeah, it is. But you're more important. You are," he said as he leaned in to rub her cheek gently. "I don't want to miss you so much anymore. I think I need to take things a bit slower. Maybe not take so many classes next semester. I mean, I don't care how long it takes me to graduate. I just want to be with you."

Felicity leaned in and kissed him on the lips softly. "I know, Ben. I want to be with you. It's been hard lately, but I know that you love me and it'll be worth it in the end."

Ben closed his eyes as Felicity caressed his face, then kissed her thumb as it rubbed across his lips. "I know, but I don't want to feel this way anymore. Like I am barely making it. I can't mess up anymore, this is important to me. I have to make things different somehow."

"Okay, I can tell you mean it. We will talk about this over break. We can figure out some sort of plan together. Okay?"

Ben smiled, always amazed at Felicity's faith in him and her ability to make him feel stronger almost instantly. "I love you, you know that?"

"Yes. I love you, too." She kissed him sweetly on the lips then, leaning her head onto his chest, hearing his heart beat beneath her.

Ben rubbed his hands up and down her back, then put his hand into her hair and caressed her head. Once again, she had managed to calm him with the simple fact of her love. And he was determined to return the favor for the rest of their lives. "You know, I feel so lucky sometimes. Just being with you. I don't- I don't know what I'd do without you," he whispered.

"Well, you will never have to find out," she looked up at him and smiled. Then their lips met in a heartfelt kiss that had no end in sight. Ben put his arms around her, pulling her as close as he could. He could never seem to have her close enough. Felicity felt her body start to respond to his gentle touch and she was once again overcome by the endless passion they shared. Ben took her face into his hands and looked at her with longing. "I love you so much," he whispered. Felicity only smiled and leaned in to kiss his shoulder. She felt him tingle beneath her touch and this encouraged her movements, as she trailed soft kisses down his body. Before either knew what was happening, their clothes were off and their bodies were bared to one another. Ben rose above her, looking into her eyes as their bodies became one. Felicity cried out with pleasure as she felt Ben go deeper, and then he began to move in a slow, tender fashion. Their movements became a bit faster, but the tenderness never stopped. Felicity felt an explosion building within her, and then it burst, just as Ben made his final thrust. They gasped in unison, as wave after wave of pleasure washed over them. They lay close together, still joined, letting their breathing calm. "I love you, Ben," Felicity whispered. Ben pulled her closer. No words were needed.

Felicity and Ben finished up their semester with a renewed strength and purpose. Ben was up late each night cramming for his finals, but he felt more in control then before. And he knew it was because of Felicity. Besides, she found many wonderful ways to encourage him to study and do well. They spent many a late night making love, falling asleep right away, completely exhausted.

Ben made no more mistakes on the job and he was finally able to forgive himself for the one that he had made. The nurse talked to him and said it was like a rite of passage into being a doctor, making mistakes. She said you have to learn that you are not infallible and from that realization, make sure you do everything you can to do your best. That's all you can do. Ben kept that in his mind as he took his finals, and he felt rather confident that he had made it through his first semester of pre-med with pretty good grades. He would wait to see when he got his final grades. Felicity, of course, just knew he got all A's. There was no doubt in her mind that her Ben could do anything he set his mind to. Ben just smiled shyly when he heard her say that.

Felicity decided to wait until their finals were over to deal with Cavallo. She didn't want what had happened to affect her grades and Ben agreed, saying he would beat the crap out of the guy if he gave her a failing grade. She decided to tell Dr. Pavone about it and see what she had to say. Dr. Pavone immediately called Cavallo and demanded a meeting with his supervisor. Felicity had to talk to Cavallo's supervisor about what had happened and make a statement. She was quite nervous, but Elena and Ben were with her when she did it. So she felt okay about it. But she knew she would have to see him one more time, at the final art show. She was very nervous about it, but she was determined not to let it affect her showing off her art. If only it had been that easy.

Ben accompanied her to the art show, but could not stay the entire time, as he had to work. He'd picked up another shift for extra money for their trip to Florida. Elena and Tracy came and she even managed to get Meghan to come, though Sean kept having to distract her with talk of new inventions or she might fall over from boredom (or so she told Felicity more than once). Felicity didn't care, she was just glad to have her friends with her. Her old mentor Prof Morton introduced her to some professors from another university in town and bragged about her. She was amazed that some of her artwork sold, but the one she was most proud of still hung on the wall. She couldn't shake this feeling. There was just something about this night that had her nervous.

It was soon enough that she knew the reason for her unease. Ben had just left her side and she was wandering around the hall looking for Elena, when she saw Cavallo talking to another professor in front of her painting. She tried to hurry away, but she knew he saw her. The way he looked at her made her stay glued to her spot, as if she could not move. He looked at her with veiled anger and disgust and she was horrified to discover he was talking about her work. "I don't know, this artist doesn't seem to have any structure, and things seem so derivative to me. Like there is no real passion behind it. I keep wondering, as I look at it, what she was really trying to say with this piece. It seems incomplete and empty. Don't you agree?" Felicity only half heard the responses, which ranged from "I don't know" to "Yes, I think so." She finally found the strength to move from her spot, walking quickly away, wiping half formed tears from her eyes. She could not believe it, how can he talk about me that way? He told me I was talented, that my work was beautiful. Was he only saying it because he wanted something from me? How can this be happening? I can't stay here anymore. I have to get out of here.

The thoughts kept racing through her and she felt more and more upset as she found her way to the door. Where did Ben go? He hadn't left for work yet. He only went to the bathroom. Why isn't he here? She walked over to the sidewalk, looking around her as people passed by. She could not remember the last time she felt this confused, this unsure of herself, as if she had no idea what to do. The only time she could think of is when she first moved to New York and her parents were so mad at her for coming. And she had been afraid that her decision to come here, to follow Ben, had all been a mistake. And she didn't know what to do. But now, as she stood here, shivering in the dark waiting, hoping for Ben to appear, she knew that this was the worst she had felt. All that she had gone through with Cavallo came crashing down on her. And the weight was just too much to bear.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" Ben asked as he approached her.

"Oh hey, "she replied, wiping her tears away. "I didn't know where you went so I came out here to wait for you."

"What's the matter?" he asked gently, reaching out to her. "Why are you crying? Did that dick do something to you?"

"No, he didn't do anything to me. He just- he was just there and I heard him talking and- and I can't even tell you what he- he said. I just couldn't move, he was trying to hurt me. And- and he never meant anything he said to me, about my work. He was just- just lying or whatever and I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, how could this happen. I am such an idiot," Felicity finished, her words coming out of her faster than she could think.

"What? You are not an idiot. Whatever he said just now, it was a lie. He is just mad that you turned him in. You didn't do anything wrong," Ben said as he wiped her tears away and then grasped her hands in his own. "Hey, listen to me. You are amazing. Your work, it is absolutely the best in there. I mean it."

"Ben, you're just saying that because you're my boyfriend...."

"No, I am not. You're the best. There is no one in that whole place that can compare to you. And I'm sorry for whatever that dick said, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is what you and I think, and we both know you are a wonderful artist. Don't we?" He gave her an encouraging look.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Felicity...."

Felicity bit back a smile and could only reply "Okay, yes, I am pretty good."

"Good, that is much better. I don't like to see you like this. You have no reason to feel bad, this is your night. And all of our friends are here to support you."

"I know, I guess it just all hit me, right now."

"Yeah, I know," he said as he caressed her cheek. And she knew he did understand, it was in his eyes as he looked at her. How did she ever make it through without him. "Now, what do you say we ditch this place and go back home?"

"Ben, you have to be to work in an hour."

"So? That doesn't mean we can't go home and have a drink to celebrate your success tonight."

"Okay, but only one drink. You have to work remember."

"I remember," he replied, draping his arm over her shoulder as they headed towards home. Felicity felt better as she walked along side Ben. But she knew that what had happened tonight, what she heard Cavallo say, would be ringing through her mind for some time to come. Something about it rang true, as much as she tried to push it away. And she didn't know yet how to react.

They got home and Ben opened the door for her. She loved the feeling of his hand on her back as he led her to the couch. "Wait here, I will be right back."

He came back quickly with a bottle of wine. "Ben, where did you get that?"

"I got it the other night, I wanted us to have something special to celebrate."

"Well, thank you. This is great."

"Good," he leaned in and kissed her on the lips softly. "Now, are you feeling a bit better?"

Felicity smiled. "Yes, I am. You always seem to work your magic on me."

Ben looked down shyly for a moment, then smiled as he looked up. "You know, I wasn't going to say anything just yet, but I think you need something to look forward to. Something to make you happy."

"What do you mean?"

"We're leaving for Florida tomorrow."

"What? I thought we left next week?"

"Yeah, well I changed our reservations."

"Ben, why? What are you up to?" she asked with increasing curiosity, a widening grin on her face.

"Well, if I told you that, then it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?"

Felicity laughed softly, "I don't know what you're up to, but I have a feeling it is good. Just from the look on your face."

"Yep, it's really good," Ben replied with the big grin on his face that always melted her heart, it was a smile all for her.

"Well, what should I bring? I mean, where exactly are we going?"

"It's no where that special really, but bring something nice to wear and a bikini or two."

She laughed yet again, shaking her head. "Ben, thank you. I can't tell you how much this means to me. Just you being here like this and planning things for me. I don't know what's going on with my head sometimes, but I always know that you and I, what we have, it's so amazing. I just- I just really love you."

"I love you, too." They kissed gently, enjoying the feel of their lips on one another. Ben pulled away, looking into her eyes. "Now, I have to go. But just remember, I will be back soon. And tomorrow, we head off."

"Yes, I can't wait to see what you are up to," she giggled softly. Ben only smiled at her in return, then kissed her on the nose. "You will love it."