Upstairs is finally silent, nothing can be heard except for the low voices coming from the TV down here in Elliot's living room.
I'v gotten myself situated on the couch and now I need some rest.
For awhile I think I've known that something was wrong, but I, like Liv and everyone else, didn't know exactly what was wrong. Now I do and I understand it.
I understand Elliot's need to escape the pain he feels.
But even though I understant it I can't and I won't condone it.
Now it is a matter of getting him help and praying he'll accept that help.
Perhaps the fact that Kathy came over today, with the kids no less, will cajole him in to either going to AA or getting in to Rehab. Personally I believe Rehab is what he needs because Elliot's gotta deal with more than home, he's gotta learn to deal with work better.
We deal with some pretty sick, twisted stuff in our job.
Hell, I see somebody. Not that anyone knows or ever will.
I know Liv feels like hell for not noticing it earlier, I can see it in her face... for the first time in awhile I can read her. My detectives look up to me like a father and I feel like they're my kids so it hurts worse when I know they're in trouble.
Elliot I can read pretty well, it's a guy thing I suppose. I know when he's angry or strung out because it shows in his expressions and his gestures.
So how could I have let it get this bad?
And Maureen's involved too.
She's the one who found him.
I feel like I want a drink myself... I feel like I want a drink all the time, even after so many years of sobriety.
With so many people involved now we're gonna have to try twice as hard to keep this under wraps.
That's another area of concern.
One PP can't know about this or Elliot's out of a job and I can't let that happen. He's part of the foursome of my best detectives in the unit. I'll do anything to protect my squad.
But I've come to realize that no matter how hard we try to help we can't help unless the person wants us to, unless they specifically ask us to help them.
It's not easy and it tears me up inside.
Right now, Elliot's quiet, but I don't know when he'll begin to have the nightmares that have been plaguing him for quite sometime and I don't know what tomorrow will bring.
However, I do know that whatever comes next is unknown...
I'm sorry, very sorry, I haven't updated in quite awhile but I've been really busy and other stuffs been going on. But tell me what you think of the latest... Sorry it's so short...
Later Dayz...